Help, my new nanny is a bit shouty, and I'm worried, and would like advice on how to handle it

[PrincessPeaHead]

My lovely calm, quiet, loving nanny of 5 years left last week, and a new nanny started. She is NNEB, worked in a nursery (baby room) most recently, nannied for 2 children before that. She's now been with us for just over a week.

I'm a little worried about how she interacts with the children. She has been playing quite well with DD1 (9), and has been givena very hard time by DD2 (16 months) who screams at strangers generally and hasn't settled with her yet (screamed constantly yesteerday morning when I went to the supermarket apparently). DS1 (6) has been OK with her, DS2 (3) had his tonsils and adenoids out last Tues and was feeling rotten until this weekend.

She is a bit of a sargeant major - issues orders and won't brook any discussion at all, even when it would be (I think) completely reasonable to listen to what they are saying. eg she was asking them to go upstairs for a bath - we have two staircases to go up, and DS2 wanted to go up the other one to the one she was asking him to go up - and she was raising her voice and saying "DS2, I have asked you to go up to your bath and you need to go up these stairs NOW". I don't see why he couldn't have gone up the other ones if he wanted to. There are lots of other examples - I don't think I heard my last nanny raise her voice more than about 2ce (usually in situations where I would have strangled them hours previously!), whereas raising her voice appears to be this nannies MO.
My 9 year old has asked me why she shouts so much
My housekeeper has told me she is concerned.

What do I do?

thanks
she hasn't got any NNEB qualifications, started nannying straight out of school at 16. has done one 3 year job for 3 kids (shared care originally then sole charge when mum went back to work), then one sole care job in dubai for a year, then this temp one. Before that babysat etc through school. Refs are glowing. Agent says she comes across as much more mature for her age.
She has first aid certs but no qualifications as such.

Do you need someone with paper qualifications? If that isn't important to you, then that candidate is worth interviewing. The nanny has been in a job for 3 years... then did temping abroad (very brave of them, not something I would do) and more recently has been doing 24-hour proxy parent work. Agency is also telling you that while the nanny is young, they have an old head.

yup you are right

my prev nannies were all lovely aussies with lots of experience and no paper qualifications, it is the experience that counts I think

it is her age which scares me a bit, but I'll be able to tell whether that is an issue on interview (and a trial day... my god I'm never not doing a trial day again!)

any tips on what to look out for? I've never had a nanny disaster before, always found great nannies quickly and easily- my confidence is a bit shaken here!

My age rule is "not less than 21". My current nanny was 21 when she arrived. And her replacement, who arrives in 3 weeks, is also 21. Age is not always an accurate indicator of maturity.

Maybe you should do a day long trial/interview. And of course speak to the reference but you know that. It amazes me that people don't. My current nanny is headed off to a job in Istanbul, and they haven't even called me to see if the reference is really mine. Of course I write her a shining reference, but how do they know it's true?

Anyway, good luck. It will work out in the end, I'm sure.

What about the age thing scares you?

Your older children may take advantage, but the nanny clearly has experience so will soon put an end to that.

Car insurance may be an issue, but would you be supplying a car... nanny probably has their own, so insurance is their problem. They may also have been driving for several years, so have some experience of driving, including driving children around.

I'm sure the agency would have checked her references already before putting her CV forward. They are very strict about these things nowadays.

You're definitely doing the right thing PPH. I'm around a lot when my nanny is here. I now have office prems nearby because I found it really hard to cope with the shared care thing, esp when the nanny just assumed I could keep the dses amused while she cooked and I tried to work. And 16 month old and paddling pool. Inexcusable.

age... I guess it is the driving (she'll need to drive on motorway to school) - but if she has been driving for 4 years that is OK - and just maturity... I know what I was like at 21 and at 23 and I was a completely different person at 23. But that is me, and she has the experience.....

yes car insurance will cost a bomb (we provide a touran to lug the kids around in) but if that is the only issue then we'll just have to swallow it

Our old nanny was about 22 when she started with us, and really really brilliant, interview her before you dismiss her for her age

My first nanny was just 20 yo when she started with us, and stayed for over 6 years. She was the best nanny we have had, and the children still talk about how wonderful she was.

She was very mature for her age and had already had 3 years experience before we took her on.

I never had any qualms whatsoever with our first nanny, although I found her through the friend who she was nannying for, whose children were all off to school. So I had first hand references if you like

I think you should at least consider an interview - perhpas this time make it a half day one, where she can get to know the children and you can observe how she is with them.

I too found my confidence well and truely shaken with our nanny that didn't work out. But upwards and onwards as they say

she'll be 22 in Octo which sounds better!

I'll definitely see her, she sounds good - and she's done a few weeks temp work for the agency owner who says she can personally recommend her

When I interviewed our current nanny I was struck by her level headed attitude and maturity. I was shocked when I found out she was born in 1984! I'm so glad I didn't get hung up on her age - she's very sensible and has an intuition with the dses. Incidentally my nightmare nanny was 27.

Reading this thread is like something out of upstairs/downstairs.
How many of you have actually lived in council estates?
Do you know anyone who has nannies, cleaners, gardeners, housekeepers.
God grief, live in the real world, most people in this country could never have any of that we the WOMEN do all this work.
And if we don't some other POOR b*tds do the work for a pittance and shouldn't they be gratefull.
AB

Gosh Ripeberry - do you really think £350 a week net is a pittance?

I think how PPH chooses to spend her money is entirely up to her!

whats your point Ripeberry? Because everyone can;t have a housekeeper, nanny big house etc that no-one should? No doubt, come the revolution, that PPH will be first against the wall but in the meantime, she sounds like a nice person who is significantly better off than the average joe in the street.

Why would you assume that no-one on this thread hasn't lived in a council house?

What are "POOR b*tds"?

no-one has lived in a council house.

£350 per week net with housing and living expenses paid for is significantly more than I have to live on.

ripeberry, i've posted here and i'm on the dole and rent allowance

just because i'm screwed money wiise doesn't mean i begrudge PPH her money and the choice to spend it how she wishes.

god knows if i had the money i'd be asking her advice on nanny's in a heartbeat.... if you have the money why not use it!

and 350 a week is good money for what sounds like an easy enough job tbh

I think PPH nanny is live out but £350 is a good salary outside London. I earned £300 live in with all expenses, car etc but some nannies in London are on £500 plus live-out. I would love a nanny even though I don't work just so I can get some other things done. I have a cleaner one morning a week and we are not rich by any means. How people choose to live and spend their money is their business.

ripeberry aren't you thinking of becoming a childminder ?

KC its live out I'm afraid . But car is thrown in

It is appalling, isn't it, Ripeberry, that I should actually be providing employment to three people at considerably above minimum wage. I dont know how I sleep at night.
Shoot me now, I say.

(oh, and I am a woman. just in case that makes you feel better about me. Or not - your post is a bit confusing on that point)

God I LOVED being a nanny and I would have loved to work for PPH and get a nice big salary like that

some people do enjoy looking after children you know, it isn't a shitty job

especially MY children who are particularly lovely and interesting, obviously

and we have the full works of salinger scattered about the house so you'd fit right in ha ha