Nanny eating all our food including specialist food for my diet - what do I do?

[Gustawind]

Hello, I recently employed a live in nanny who's eating us out of house and home! We keep coming home and finding packs of apples or nuts just bought have disappeared etc, even my secret stash of dark chocolate went one night. She's on a health kick so is making juices and salads all the time. I have health conditions that are greatly improved and treated with diet, so I have always bought special foods including organic and health foods when i can. I said that i would provide food at the beginning, but we keep coming home and finding all the organic fruit and veg eaten as well as speciality foods. I cant afford to provide organic and health foods for everyone including my partner who doesn't contribute financially (perhaps a separate thread for that one). AIBU to suggest that I buy her own separate non organic basics and then she buy her own speciality foods if she's going to use them everyday? I cant afford to be on a special diet myself and pay for everyone else's. Or is it normal to suck it up and buy more of everything I usually have when employing a live in? Won't be able to do that for so long.

Hmm... i think it's a bit odd to buy organic for yourself and not for anyone else in the family, but that's not the issue you asked about.

You need to be very clear. You can be quite pleasant and matter of fact; "please help yourself to anything on these two shelves in the fridge. Don't take anything from the to shelf because i need it for lunch boxes / my special diet."

If you want a distinct upstairs downstairs, you aren't allowed to eat my high quality foods, vibe, sure, go ahead.
Maybe you can't afford a live in nanny.

A live in nanny should eat what the family eats if you have agreed to provide her food.
If you cannot afford organic for all then dont buy it, this is not the 1800s and the maid should not be offered the left overs

Also tell your cocklodger to pay his way then maybe the poor nanny could eat as well as the rest of you.

If you have a partner who isn't contributing financially why aren't they providing childcare? Unless they are ill of course?

Harsh replies. Scoffing a whole pack of apples (6?) is not really on is it?

Red and green sticker the items she can and cannot have?!

Why does your partner not contribute?

have you talked to her?
that should be the starting point.
talk to her and tell her that she's taking too much food and that certain foods are out of bounds because you need them because of your health condition.

Agree with pitchfork, have you actually had a conversation with her about what she can and can't eat.

If someone said to me they were providing my food and there was food in the fridge is eat it, how is she to know what your "special" food is?

Mention to her that you have special dietary requirements and that food on a certain shelf/ cupboard is yours specifically. Then make sure you have sufficient "normal" food in the house.

And remember you're feeding another adult. If she's a live in nanny, she'll be home most of the day so will be having 3 square meals plus snacks/ drinks etc, that's quite a bit of food.

I know this isn't what you asked, but your partner doesn't contribute financially?! Does he live with you? Does he work? Is he the father of your child?

Ok I think you need a food hierarchy

It's fine to have food you say is out of bounds if it's medical reasons you need it for

So talk to the nanny and explain - top shelf is yours, rest of the fridge is for her and the rest of the family

Oh and the farm foods stuff in the freezer is for the cocklodger if you insist on feeding him

Wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start!

If you haven't made it clear to her that certain foods are yours only, how is she to know? I don't know what you mean by 'speciality foods' but if that's what's in the fridge, that's what she's going to eat.

But you can't suggest she buys her own food - you're providing board and lodgings as part of the job - that means food.

I can see this is potentially a real issue when you have someone living in and have stipulated that you will provide food. One persons reasonable daily intake of food against another will vary wildly.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to be horrified that your Nanny is blending all sorts of expensive stuff into juices. I've gone these juice diets myself and man it can get expensive as you are blitzing up large quantities of food that you would never manage to 'eat'.

You've got to sit down and just talk to her (I notice no one ever wants to do that on these threads). You don't have to be nasty, you can just say that when you offered food as part of the wage you had a certain idea in your head of perhaps breakfast/lunch/dinner and two snacks. What has ended up happening is that the weekly shop is gone in two days and part of that food is bought particularly for your health condition. Then apologise for not being clear and work to resolve the issue.

Perhaps she can instead have an agreed weekly food budget or perhaps you can keep one cupboard that is just for your specialist foods. I know in her position I would be initially embarrassed but then keen to make sure everyone was happy.

What diet insists that someone eats organic foods whilst the rest of the family have to make do with the rest of the regular foods with pesticides etc on it .
The problem here is not your Nanny its your husband that's not contributing.

Labelled shelves.
Top shelf- Gustawind's stuff. Hands off!
Middle two shelves - Family and nanny. Tuck in!
Bottom shelf (empty) - For partner. Go and buy your own stuff Cocklodger!

Agree that juicing can get very expensive since you use such large quantities of fruit and veg that you would never normally eat. Is that the main thing that she's using? If so I would ask her to contribute, or say you'll provide fruit/ veg for juicing on her work days only.

Why is your partner not contributing anything?

Anyone else remembering the thread with the really expensive pink salt crackers?

Anyway, why is your partner not contributing?

I agree about having the labelled shelves

Yes I remember that one, NN!

You have to be crystal clear about what is acceptable, OP. Seething resentment is not a good start to the relationship. A labelled shelf is good. Tell her that the fruit for the rest of the family (including her) is for everyone and has to last the whole week.

You are not the first person to post on here about the shocking amounts of food their new nanny or AP is getting through but the only way to deal with it is to have a very frank conversation.

Organic as a medical need

Dump the bloke, that's all I can add to this.

Is there a possibility of having a small fridge separately to put your organic/special dietary food in? Then just tell her that the small fridge is off limits as it contains your food for your medical condition.

I dont think I could buy organic for myself and not for the rest of the family. Why does your dp not contribute? Does he live with you? Surely if he is not working he could be looking after the dc so you wouldnt need a nanny?

Wasnt there a thread a while back about a nanny eating her employers £8 crackers?

Mushing up fruit and guzzling chocolate is hardly a 'health kick'.

Is this person suited to care for kids?

You can be quite pleasant and matter of fact; "please help yourself to anything on these two shelves in the fridge. Don't take anything from the to shelf because i need it for lunch boxes / my special diet."

This. No need for awkwardness. "I have X condition, and need to make sure I have plenty of Y and Z to eat. The things on the top shelf / right-most cupboards are for me only; help yourself to anything else."