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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny eating all our food including specialist food for my diet - what do I do?

61 replies

Gustawind · 21/08/2016 10:19

Hello, I recently employed a live in nanny who's eating us out of house and home! We keep coming home and finding packs of apples or nuts just bought have disappeared etc, even my secret stash of dark chocolate went one night. She's on a health kick so is making juices and salads all the time. I have health conditions that are greatly improved and treated with diet, so I have always bought special foods including organic and health foods when i can. I said that i would provide food at the beginning, but we keep coming home and finding all the organic fruit and veg eaten as well as speciality foods. I cant afford to provide organic and health foods for everyone including my partner who doesn't contribute financially (perhaps a separate thread for that one). AIBU to suggest that I buy her own separate non organic basics and then she buy her own speciality foods if she's going to use them everyday? I cant afford to be on a special diet myself and pay for everyone else's. Or is it normal to suck it up and buy more of everything I usually have when employing a live in? Won't be able to do that for so long.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PuppyMonkey · 21/08/2016 11:31

OP, you can't put "whole other thread" - put it in this one.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 21/08/2016 11:32

Mushing up fruit and guzzling chocolate is hardly a 'health kick'

Is this person suited to care for kids?

Amazing! 😂 because obviously avid fruit and chocolate eaters can't be trusted with kids! 😂😂

NameChange30 · 21/08/2016 11:32

LOL

wobblywonderwoman · 21/08/2016 11:33

This is why I couldn't live with a nanny

5moreminutes · 21/08/2016 11:36

Have you talked to her about it?

A live in nanny lives as a member of the household, so unless you have been clear and specific about special separate arrangements she isn't behaving strangely at all helping herself to apples and nuts! Is it obvious that the chocolate and special food is your personal stash or is it just in a cupboard like family communal food?

I would not expect a nanny to know that the organic food is for you only, especially apples which are normally communal - that is a very unusual arrangement which an outsider would be surprised by unless they knew your reasons (it's pretty hard for only one family member to eat organically unless you cook entirely separately).

Talk to her, and give her her own cupboard and fridge shelf and stock them. If you said you'd provide food as part of her compensation you can't only buy basics though, you'd have to change the compensation package and pay more or buy everything.

sophiestew · 21/08/2016 11:49

One of my best friends is a live in nanny and she has various horror stories of having employers like OP.

It really isn't OK to buy basics like fruit and veg and say nanny can't eat them when her remuneration includes all food.

Nor is it OK to say "we have the lovely organic stuff, and here's some Tesco basics for you"

Rugbycomet · 21/08/2016 11:49

TBH I find it odd that OP eats organic food etc and yet doesn't appear to give her child/ren the same.

WaitrosePigeon · 21/08/2016 11:51

Didn't we have this exact same thread a few months ago?

Donthate · 21/08/2016 11:54

Pulls up a chair.

5moreminutes · 21/08/2016 11:54

Rugby me too... there are all sorts of ... erm ... "alternative" health gurus on the internet and selling self help books who convince people with chronic health conditions can be treated with an organic diet (with 957 special foods and tweeks so that you have to buy their book or whatever to follow their plan) ... and people do buy into that when they aren't getting much joy from conventional medicine...

Crasterwaves · 21/08/2016 12:00

We've had a similar issues in the past with all the children's lunch box kids juices being drunk and a special (large) pot of 'luxury jam' being eaten single handed in a week. Also had a huge fruit juice carton of freshly squeezed drunk in one day and someone who demanded daily soft fruit be purchased for her which I found quite amusing!

My approach is that any food issues that arise are my fault as I haven't been clear enough at the start. We eat exactly what they eat and I wouldn't be happy to buy lesser food for them.

Now when I have a new starter I say please don't drink any of the kids' lunchbox juice cartons and I've learned by my mistakes and I don't buy stuff I can't cope with people eating fast! For the jam eating situation I switched down to a nice own brand and we all ate that.

bananafish · 21/08/2016 13:10

I don't think it's unreasonable - there are things that I buy for myself that I don't expect the children or my DH to eat.

It doesn't have to be difficult. Just explain what's available and be very clear about it. So there would be certain items (probably easiest to separate them out by label or shelves) that are not for consumption. But everything else is fine to eat and you are more than happy for her to help herself as and when she wishes.

We had one nanny (not live in) who would also eat us out of house and home. Entire packs of biscuits and tubs of icecream in one go. Receipts for her lunch at expensive restaurants. A pack of chicken breasts would last 1 meal and we only had one child at the time, 10 months old, and not particularly interested in food yet .

We sacked her pdq because she was an evil cow (found out she hit my baby), but that behaviour should have been a big red flag for us. We know better now.

JenLindley · 21/08/2016 15:14

Just a thought, I wonder if it isn't just the nanny eating your "special food". Perhaps she is serving it up to the DCs as well as herself as she thinks it for everyone (well why wouldnt apples be for everyone!!) and the DCs are not telling her it's only for mum as they are enjoying getting the stuff they're not normally allowed. 6 apples in a day is easy enough for 1 adult and a couple of kids to eat (not sure how many DCs are involved.)

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2016 15:18

Yes I'm assuming the specialty food is gluten free or whatever and I think assuming there is an alternative also on the cupboard you leave it alone
it does also sound like she eats a lot

TheEagle · 21/08/2016 15:23

whatthe, I often subsist on bananas and chocolate in a day, I never knew my DC were in jeopardy because of it

OP, talk to the nanny. Why isn't your DP doing the childcare if he isn't contributing?

Ebb · 21/08/2016 16:06

Just because the OP has a live in nanny, it doesn't mean she has to put up with her eating to excess. Some people are just greedy. When I lived in, I was always told to 'help myself' but I didn't demolish everything in sight. If I wanted 'luxuries' I generally bought them myself.

OP I agree with previous posters. Say things on top shelf are for your specific needs and the rest is for everyone. Maybe ask her to pop a few bits she'd like on the shopping list but say you're only shopping once a week and the food has to last.

currentlyunavailable · 21/08/2016 16:18

I remember a nanny who was told buy the family that the fruit juice in the fridge and fruits were out of bound. She could drink "squash" if she was thirsty.

Sadly, I believe that the OP could be genuine.

ElphabaTheGreen · 21/08/2016 16:28

Organic as a medical need

This, basically.

You know organic produce is NO DIFFERENT nutritionally to non-organic, therefore will make no difference to any medical condition? And I say this as someone who tends to buy organic.

If she's eating stuff like gluten free products and you've got diagnosed Coeliacs then, yes. It's an issue that she needs to be made aware of. But if you've diagnosed yourself with a bunch of 'illnesses' and the nanny's eating your snake oil, then I think a grip needs to be obtained.

ElphabaTheGreen · 21/08/2016 16:30

Sorry, the original face was left off the bolded quote up there.

5moreminutes · 21/08/2016 16:31

Stealth organic fruit and veg aren't any more gluten free than non organic though...

"I said that i would provide food at the beginning, but we keep coming home and finding all the organic fruit and veg eaten as well as speciality foods. I cant afford to provide organic and health foods for everyone"

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2016 16:38

No which is why I think the fruit and veg should be for everyone but the 'speciality' stuff should be just for her

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2016 16:39

Ops not actually said what it is, I guessed at gluten free to illustrate the point I was making

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/08/2016 16:42

I had this with our last au pair. I just sucked it up and bought more of everything, also adjusted some of the things I bought (like a PP stopped buying the really expensive honey and lemon curd and so on). She would eat ALL the cherry tomatoes in one day no matter how many I bought! So I bought ones we could afford a lot of.

LockedOutOfMN · 21/08/2016 16:53

If you said that you would provide food, then she is free to eat as she pleases and unless you think she is feeding her friends with your food as well you cannot stop her from eating.

You could explain to her about your health condition and ask her not to eat the foods you need for your diet (perhaps keep them in a certain cupboard so it's clearer) but then make sure you are the only one who eats them as I think it would be a horrible situation if she felt there were foods that the family was eating but banned for her (e.g. if your children or husband start eating "your" special diet foods too).

Make sure you have plenty of inexpensive but filling and healthy foods; if she is making lots of juices and salads, buy plenty of ingredients for those, looking out for what's on special offer.

ethelb · 21/08/2016 17:22

OP isn't coming back is she?

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