Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

236 replies

WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:17

We have a lovely Australian au pair who is 19. She's been with us since Christmas and Is a lovely girl.

Last night I got a call in the middle of the night because she was in hospital. It turns it she took ecstacy while drinking and she had a fit. Shes still in hospital but is going to be fine.

What should I do? Would others keep her employed to care for their kids? She is a good au pair and the kids are close to her. She and I get on very well. But on the other hand she took drugs last night when she was due to come back to our home and to look after the kids at 3pm today.

She has apologised profusely.

WWYD?

OP posts:
zabuzabu · 03/07/2016 05:14

She's actually committed a crime. She's done something illegal and foolish. Of course I would sack her.

BlossomHillOne · 03/07/2016 05:21

Ecstasy, cannabis, excessive alcohol - she would have to go no matter how lovely she is.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2016 07:01

I don't believe that 99% of the 'give her another chance' brigade would actually give her another chance if she was their Au Pair.

I absolutely would.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2016 07:03

Why don't you just google the after effects and see if you would be ok with that?

I have.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2016 07:07

I teach children all day in water, what if one of them drown because I was hungover or on a come down? Grow up FFS.

FFS, there is a huge difference between an au pair and someone responsible for children in water.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2016 07:07

Bonkers.

If you are going to sack someone for taking one pill you need to sack them if they ever drink too much.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2016 07:10

Of course, the au pair wasn't actually in charge of anyone whilst coming down on account of her being in hospital. No one but her has been at risk.

Personally I would assume she's learned a valuable lesson.

JennyOnAPlate · 03/07/2016 07:22

I agree with soupdragon for what it's worth.

I would give her a second chance as well as a stern talking to. I don't think she would be stupid enough to do it again.

Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 03/07/2016 07:33

Just caught up with the replies & slept on the question.

Several posters assumed the au pair chose to tell me that drugs were the cause of the fit. Not so. When I got to the hospital her two friends were there and off their faces, and had dilated pupils and gurning. I guessed it may be drugs given she collapsed at a club and I asked the doctor who suggested I ask her friends. They told me as they were panicking and also it was bloody obvious.

I am going to ask her to leave. Her judgement was so bad that I can't trust her. She went out the night before sole care, she got very drunk, she took drugs 15 hours before sole care. If it's really her first time then it was a massive risk as she didn't know how long the come down would last, if it's not the first time and she knew she'd be OK then she lied to me.

She is quite a party girl, often out to 6am. The more I think about that the more I suspect this wasn't her first time.

OP posts:
insancerre · 03/07/2016 07:42

I'm a manager in a nursery and every month I have to do supertvisions with my staff and ask them !it's of questions, one being have they taken any illegal substances
So far, everyone has said no. But if they did say yes, then it woyuld be gross misconduct and dismissal
If the au pair had been arrested and charged by the police for illegal possession of drugs she would be looking at an entry on the dBS which she has to declare to her employer
Most people would insist on a clean DBS if they were employing someone to care for their children

Op, think long and hard about this. Personally, I would be looking for a new au pair.

Dozer · 03/07/2016 08:22

You sound very reasonable OP, hope handling it all isn't too bad.

OTheHugeManatee · 03/07/2016 08:56

Sad but I think you're making the right decision OP Sad

LouBlue1507 · 03/07/2016 08:58

WhatTheDickensian I'm glad you've seen sense OP, you're doing the right thing! I'm sorry you've lost someone your children love, but it's for their own safety and your peace of mind!
Good luck with your next au pair (if you get another) Flowers

2nds · 03/07/2016 09:02

Can someone explain to Soupdragon that au pairs sometimes do take kids swimming.

LouBlue1507 · 03/07/2016 09:04

SoupDragon Must be high herself or just plain bonkers!

Lweji · 03/07/2016 09:12

If you are going to sack someone for taking one pill you need to sack them if they ever drink too much

Well, yes, it's a common occurrence if it's found that it affected work.

36mum · 03/07/2016 09:20

19 seems very young to be caring for someone else's children. Partying until 6am proves she is not exactly mature for her age, she's a teenager doing what teenagers do.

When in doubt chuck it out! I couldn't leave my children to be cared for by someone else if I wasn't 100% confident they were in responsible safe hands.

What is your husbands opinion?

GeorgeTheThird · 03/07/2016 09:20

It's definitely the first time she's got caught

I don't think you can believe she hasn't done it before. I agree, lovely as she may be, I think she has to go.

Itsaplayonwords · 03/07/2016 09:21

I think you've made the right decision. Presumably she wasn't able to look after your children at 3pm the next day due to being hospitalised, due to taking drugs, so therefore her drug use has affected her ability to work. It is a sad situation but maybe you're doing her a big favour in the long run. Perhaps for future au pairs you could/should have a stipulation in the contract so they know what you deem to be acceptable behaviour around drug and alcohol use.

SoniaShoe · 03/07/2016 09:22

I was very much on the side of giving her a second chance but now you say she stays out until 6am I'd be more suspicious that this is a more regular occurance, and I think youRe doing the right thing.

Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 03/07/2016 09:29

I should say that she only stays out to 6am on weekends and usually she doesn't work weekends. Yesterday was very unusual because I had a special occasion to go to.

I am working up the courage to tell her today. The problem is that I can't give her much notice at all because I can't hire a replacement while she is living in the au pair bedroom, however making her homeless within days of a hospital stay is too cruel, especially when her family are the other side of the world.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 03/07/2016 09:32

36 - my husband thinks I should let her go but he is based abroad at the moment and therefore he barely knows her. He just wants me to do whatever I feel is best. We hired an au pair to give me support while he lives away & mainly he feels guilty he cannot give me that support right now.

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 03/07/2016 09:49

I think it's the right decision Op . I hope this is a massive lesson to her for her own safety.

I hate drugs and the damage they do to families .

LyndaNotLinda · 03/07/2016 09:50

If the trust is gone, it's gone. But a party animal (and someone who stays out until 6am is just that) probably isn't in the right headspace to be an AP.

Can you cope on your own for a few weeks and take unpaid leave from work if you need to cover her hours? I assume it would take you a couple of weeks to find someone else.

I'd forgotten but I remember years ago that my colleague came home unexpectedly from a night away to find their AP had paid someone else to babysit while she went out clubbing! Her replacement was a devout Christian

balence49 · 03/07/2016 09:52

Is keep her. I worked in a nursery for a few years around my late teens early twenties and took plenty of drugs. Went raving most weekends. I was still with it and capable at work, never caused any problems. It doesn't make her a terrible person.
Now years later I do have a occasional babysitter who's 20 and I'm pretty sure she enjoys nights out like I had. I have no worries about her care of my children and I have spoken to her about staying safe whilst she's out.
I'd give her the hard word that any suspicions when the children are about them she will be on her way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread