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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Do you have dinner at your nanny job or do you go home to eat?

53 replies

FoodieDoodie · 14/04/2014 22:03

Just wondering as it was never stipulated in the contract.

Nanny has been with us for a while and is absolutely wonderful and is live-out. Lunch is stipulated in the contract but have told nanny she's free to 'help herself' if hungry at other times.

Dinner was never 'included' and the kids eat at 5pm anyway, but it has sort of crept up that she eats with the kids, and now expects to have dinner although she finishes at 6.30pm.

It adds majorly to the household weekly shopping as I find myself having to buy extra to make sure there's enough for my DH and me at dinner time later.

If you're a nanny, do you have dinner at work and not cook at home?

Before anyone has a go, I don't mind her having something to eat, but do mind that it is expected. Also I don't think it's unreasonable to expect nanny to go home to have dinner if finishing at 6.30pm.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
(Previous nanny had always gone home to have dinner, so am asking as wondering if I'm fussing over nothing)

Thanks in advance.

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nbee84 · 14/04/2014 22:09

I finish at 6.30 and eat dinner at home. I have a snack about 4.30 while I'm preparing the kids dinner to tide me over as it's nearly 7 when I get home so dinner is 7.30 - would be a long time from lunch at 1 until dinner time otherwise.

I would only eat dinner at work if I was working late. So, no I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to say something to her.

grabaspoon · 14/04/2014 22:12

In my new job I will work 8-6 3 days and 1 long 13 hour day I will only eat at work on the long day as I will still get home in time to eat dinner on the other days.

Skygirls · 14/04/2014 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bettercallsaul1 · 14/04/2014 22:37

Don't know much about nannies but if your one really is wonderful in every other way, wouldn't it be better just to absorb this extra cost? I think if this habit has become established, then it might be awkward - and seem a bit mean - to stop it at this point.

You don't say when your nanny starts work in the morning but if she works, say, a nine-hour day, then she may well need to eat before leaving at six thirty and travelling home, especially if lunch is just a snack. How long is her journey home? If it's half an hour, then she won't get in the door before seven and then she has to start cooking! I know a lot of people have to do this but looking after children all day is exhausting and it may well make all the difference to your nanny to be able to eat before she leaves.

I am just reacting as a non-nanny and non-nanny -user because I think sometimes it's useful to get an outside perspective. My view would be - if she's otherwise great and doing an excellent job, bite the bullet and feed her!

sleeplessinderbyshire · 14/04/2014 23:01

our nanny often eats with the kids. They often have pasta and pesto or bolognese or shepherds pie or similar for tea so it hardly adds any cost and it's lovely that the three of them sit down together and eat at the table in a civilised way so I've got no problem at all with absorbing the (very minimal) additonal cost

Zhx3 · 14/04/2014 23:07

Our nanny has dinner stipulated in her contract, and she knows that she can help herself to food. Often she doesn't eat with the children as she has a family to feed at home, but if I am cooking something extra nice, she will sometimes have a small portion.

It's true that sometimes I get home and there isn't enough for dh and I but there's always something in the freezer, or leftovers. I do wonder sometimes though how they manage to get through quite so many sausages .

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 14/04/2014 23:11

Im a nanny, I work 7-6.30 and dont usually eat with the children as I prefer to come home and eat with dp but if dp is going to be out then I will have dinner with the children.

It might be worth thinking about how long your nannys commute is, I finish at 6.30 and travel 30mins home depending on traffic/if bosses get home on time so usually get home between 7 - 7.15 by the time ive cooked its 8pm and im too tired to eat (thankfully dp has dinner on the table when I get in). Perhaps your nanny doesnt like eating that late.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 14/04/2014 23:12

I do have that breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks are provided written in my contract.

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 14/04/2014 23:48

Thanks for all the replies...she starts at 9.00.
She lives 10 mins away, so not a long commute, she's home by 6.45.

As I mentioned, she is free to help herself to food in the fridge, so she won't go hungry, but dinner was never included in her contract.

Anyway, it's good to get a perspective from your responses.

Will sleep on it.

Thanks all.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/04/2014 00:11

I have in contract I can eat all 3 meals and snacks if I want to - as years ago a friends boss begrudged we having some toast for breakie and she started at 7am and a good 30min drive

No one wants to eat breakfast at 6am !!!!

If I babysit / work late I eat at work tho about 730/8 / eating at 5pm is too early for me

Otherwise I eat at home

If she is good at everything else then personally I wouldn't say anything - it has been going on for too long

Tbh how much extra does a helping of spag Bol / sausage casserole / chicken pie etc cost

It's good for all to sit down and eat the same

Tho in your nannies case it wouldn't hurt for her to eat at home as finishes at a decent hour

Blondes picks splinters from her butt for sitting firmly on the fence :)

PowerPantsRule · 15/04/2014 01:05

I don't think I would begrudge the cost but I do think it's a little strange that she stays later just to have her dinner with you - wouldn't she rather get home, chill out and have dinner relaxed on her own? I don't get it!

Bettercallsaul1 · 15/04/2014 01:25

I don't think she is staying longer in order to eat. Her normal leaving time is 6.30 and she is eating with the children at 5.00, so basically she is incorporating her evening meal into her working day. Not unreasonable as she is cooking for the children at that time, and just sitting down with them.

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 15/04/2014 05:35

Bettercall it never used to be like this. It has crept up into what is happening now, hence my post.

Previously, she was always going out with friends and never ate dinner, but as I said, it has sort of crept up.

I never used to have to buy extra groceries to factor her in but am finding myself having to now.
She is saving quite a bit from not having to buy her own food, but that was not budgeted for originally and adds to the cost of having her.

Look, if that's what she wants now, why not talk to me about it?

I just asked in the op what other nannies do, that's all.
If it is unreasonable of me to expect her to have dinner at home, then fair enough.

That's why I posted so I can just see what the norm is.

OP posts:

Yerazig · 15/04/2014 07:12

I finish at the same time as her. Whilst the little one I look after has dinner at 5 I may have some fruit with him a slice of toast etc but I think it's quite normal that most nannys that finish around that time would just wait to get home and have dinner.

NomDeClavier · 15/04/2014 08:07

For me it depended on the job and the age of the children. I eat a split dinner with my own as otherwise DS won't eat nicely.

Just talk to her about it.

MissMooMoo · 15/04/2014 09:11

I eat lunch at work and that's it but I am free to eat all 3 meals there if I want to.
I live a 20 min walk from work so am usually home just before 7, cook something really easy and eat by 730. I prefer to eat with my dp and would be starving if I ate at 5pm!

CaulkheadUpNorth · 15/04/2014 09:16

IME it's quite common for nannies to eat dinner with the children - showing how to use cutlery, trying things you don't like much etc. maybe this depends on the age of the children.

I spent five years nannying and probably ate with the children about three times a week.

Wearegoingtobedlehem · 15/04/2014 09:26

I'm not a nanny and don't have a nanny, but I think it's lovely that she sits down to eat with the children- hopefully instilling all the right behaviours around food. I think in your situation I would try and accept it if financially possible.

Artandco · 15/04/2014 09:34

I think as a general ' rule' if nannies finish before 7pm most live out nannies go home to eat. Many have family etc and want to eat with own children/ husbands etc.. If working late in the evening then they eat with the children or help themsleves later in evening.

Same with breakfast. IMO most who start after 8am eat at home, any time before eat at work.

Odd random days extra they eat breakfast/ dinner as fancy it early/ later.

Have you considered your children having later dinner time and you eating with them? 6.30pm isn't very late and many nanny employers I know ask if nanny can make a family meal in the evening and so they can eat/ talk/ spend time with little ones in eve. Nanny can give children later nap/ snack in afternoon if small to keep them happy for a later bedtime/ dinner. That way nanny wouldn't be there for dinner, you would get dinner prepped, and time with children all in one.

NannyLouise29 · 15/04/2014 09:44

I work until 7.30-8pm most nights. Despite much preferring to go home and have dinner with ASAP I always eat something with the children. Normally a tiny portion of what they're having.

I am welcome to eat a full meal, and generally choose not to, however part of my job is to model correct behaviours to them, and the more they see adults eat correctly the more they pick up.

I think it would be an awkward convo to have.
"Nanny, please stop eating dinner here and go home!" Lol.
Artandco had a good suggestion though. Maybe change the routine a bit and see what happens.

NannyLouise29 · 15/04/2014 09:44

DP not ASAP!

ConfusedPixie · 15/04/2014 10:40

I have a snack, but not a dinner. I have a different diet though so that is a large factor in it. I don't know if I would eat with the kids if I ate the same food as them.

NannyK7H · 15/04/2014 16:06

When I have been a live out nanny, I have eaten a small portion of what the children are having for dinner just so they have a grown up eating with them/showing correct etiquette etc and company at the table with them. Occasionally bosses have come home and asked if I want to have dinner with them (just adults) if they are having a takeaway or something, but otherwise I would go home.

eurycantha · 15/04/2014 16:47

I start work at 7 and finish 7- 7.30pm I eat breakfast at work when I've taken the children to school then lunch,I do not eat tea/ dinner with the children although I will sometimes have toast or fruit etc...to keep going until 8 when I get home.I will sit down to eat with them if I am babysitting that evening.when I finished at 6.30 I always ate at home.When it is a holiday and the children are home I would eat with them at lunchtime.On a school night I may sit and chat with them about their school day not eating just with a cup of coffee.i agree with Nbee that you could have a chat about this if your nanny never used to eat dinner at your house then why start now.she has time to get home,different if she was finishing at 7.30.Waves to Blondes.

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 15/04/2014 17:46

Thanks all for your replies.
artandco lovely thought, but no we can't change routine as the DCs are zonked by 7pm and usually asleep by 720 at the latest.
My DH isn't home til after 8-8.30 so family meal would consist of me and very tired DCs, who are usually already in pjs by 6.30.

I'll talk to her about it and see what we can sort out.

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:

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