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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Do you have dinner at your nanny job or do you go home to eat?

53 replies

FoodieDoodie · 14/04/2014 22:03

Just wondering as it was never stipulated in the contract.

Nanny has been with us for a while and is absolutely wonderful and is live-out. Lunch is stipulated in the contract but have told nanny she's free to 'help herself' if hungry at other times.

Dinner was never 'included' and the kids eat at 5pm anyway, but it has sort of crept up that she eats with the kids, and now expects to have dinner although she finishes at 6.30pm.

It adds majorly to the household weekly shopping as I find myself having to buy extra to make sure there's enough for my DH and me at dinner time later.

If you're a nanny, do you have dinner at work and not cook at home?

Before anyone has a go, I don't mind her having something to eat, but do mind that it is expected. Also I don't think it's unreasonable to expect nanny to go home to have dinner if finishing at 6.30pm.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
(Previous nanny had always gone home to have dinner, so am asking as wondering if I'm fussing over nothing)

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

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PowerPantsRule · 15/04/2014 21:35

Sorry I misread! I thought she was staying on for dinner with you and your DH!

Our nanny works 7-7, she generally has a snack around mid afternoon to keep her going but does not eat tea with the children. She has always been told to just help herself to food and drinks.

hotcrosshunny · 15/04/2014 21:42

Our nanny doesn't eat dinner with the DC. Never crossed my mind tbh. She finishes at 6 and is home by 6.30 ish.

It never crossed my mind!

PowerPantsRule · 15/04/2014 22:54

Nor mine hotcross, probably as mine are young and tea often consists of kids food

Karoleann · 15/04/2014 23:37

I only provide dinner if one of our nannies was babysitting. Although one of them always had something little at the children's dinner time (usually hummus and carrot sticks, or a sandwich).

It is a difficult one though as my children wouldn't last til 6.30pm to eat. I can imagine (now having an au pair) that it is costing a lot more during the week. Could you factor it into a sort of pay rise instead for this year?

CanadianFilly · 16/04/2014 01:58

If it's a hot meal that she's having with your kids rather than something simple you could mention that its inconveniencing you when there's not enough left for yourself & DH. So you tell her she's welcome to help herself to toast, snacks etc. but there needs to be a hot meal left for the parents. It's not unreasonable to say this. It's not just a grocery bill but extra time for you to prepare more food.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/04/2014 05:59

Canadian Filly - Nannies don't usually cook for parents so regardless of what they cook for children's meals the parents generally wouldn't eat it as wouldn't be any left iyswim

Not sure I would be happy with have a Payrise or stop eating tea with kids

The average meals are bulked out with carbs ie potato on shepherds pie - pasta on spag Bol - rice chilli - is the grocery bill really that much more feeding the nanny a portion extra a day?

or is she secretly stealing food and Hoover bags like what happened to another poster a few years ago

Friedbrain · 16/04/2014 06:25

I leave my house at 6am for a 7.30 Start
I finish at 6.30 and get home at 8pm

I often haven't got time to sit and eat with the children at breakfast and tea as I have 4, sometimes 5 at tea..
But I do often sit and eat with the toddler at lunch time.
I sometimes eat abit at each meal while preparing for example.

I presume most nannies' food is included in the budget and parent's would be happy for nanny to eat

I would love to sit and eat with the children!

GoodnessIsThatTheTime · 16/04/2014 06:32

From a completely outside perspective I'd assume a nanny finishing at 6.30 would be having a meal with the children simply as in my (non nannying) experience I have always eaten with the children. I think it's nice for them to have an adult with them. Also, unless I'm going out for dinner is want to eat by 7. Getting home then and starting a meal would be far too late.

So is completely assume it! Obviously not all do from this thread, but that's surprised me.

CanadianFilly · 16/04/2014 08:45

"It adds majorly to the household weekly shopping as I find myself having to buy extra to make sure there's enough for my DH and me at dinner time later. "

Blondes I was responding to this part of the original post. Not sure if nanny is cooking or simply heating up something parents made but it sounds like everyone is eating the same for dinner.

CanadianFilly · 16/04/2014 08:50

I'm not sure what's the norm for nannies in terms of a evening meal but now that I have an Au a Pair I can relate to how much another adult meal adds to the overall grocery bill.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/04/2014 10:12

Possibly the single nannies eat with kids where as those of us with partners want to eat with them an talk about our day etc

I will always sit with the children at meal times unless they have a friend over as again nice to talk to them about their day and think its nice for them

I would be horrified if I thought my boss begrudged me a meal when working 11-12hrs a day - and saying I was exspenive to feed etc - but as I said I have in my contract 3 meals snacks and drinks in my contract. Rare I eat tea at work but have been times I have if going out Striaght from work

FreeButtonBee · 16/04/2014 15:20

I have breakfast/lunch and snacks included. Dinner if babysitting.

Happy for nanny to have a snack at DTs dinner time but we tend to have nicer stuff for dinner than lunch (more meat, 2/3 veg or nice cheese, rather than the lunchtime soup/sandwich normal) so actually another adult for dinner 4 days a week does have an impact on shopping bills.

I certainly noticed feeding my Dbro when he came to stay with us last summer and he was out all day!

I would have a chat along the lines of making sure there was enough in the fridge for you and your DH to eat. I would be pretty annoyed to have to wait for something to defrost every night because all the fresh food was eaten.

I often put up a list of what meals DH and I are having in a week so my nanny can see what we are planning to use. EG meal using chorizo on Tuesday so obvious that they shouldn't use it all on Monday. Might be an option?

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 16/04/2014 16:53

Blondes I don't begrudge her having a meal.

The point was she Never used to have dinner at all, but then started to, without discussing etc. I didn't say anything because I do not mind her eating at all but I do find it a bit off if I'm doing eg roast chicken and she takes a portion, the kids have theirs, I put out a plate for my DH for when he gets home, and I have to find leftovers or make a sandwich for myself, as there's not enough for all of us.

Not only that- we've had her come sometimes on a Saturday when we ask her to start at 10am-3pm. The last time, she arrived and went straight into the fridge to make herself a bacon sandwich for breakfast. She didn't ask and personally, I feel that's overstepping the boundaries. She is still my employee and it's not her house.

I am in no way mean to her, in fact she gets paid very well with bonuses every year and we have been very accommodating to her as far as leave etc and she is treated almost like one of the family.

She has sometimes come away on holiday with us, where all her expenses are paid plus full salary, days off when abroad, her own hotel room and she does not look after the kids for more than 4-5 hours per agreed working days.

I just feel taken for granted, as I feel we are very generous.

I also re-iterate that I feel it's not unreasonable to think that she could go home to have dinner. I do not like the 'entitled' attitude to expect dinner to be provided when this wasn't agreed.

There are lots of differing opinions on here but there is no doubt that it adds a lot to the cost of the shopping. I like my DCs to eat freshly prepared food, and it is not cheap!

She gets to have breakfast, lunch and snacks and is generally free to help herself if hungry, so I'm NOT begrudging her eating.

As I said up thread, thank you all for your opinions, I will have a talk with her.

OP posts:

JokersGiggle · 16/04/2014 17:10

I usually eat dinner with the children as they are fussy eaters and can mess around and i've found that if I eat too they'll eat and behave much better, we make it into a sophisticated dinner party each night! I started after the children asked me why I didn't have dinner with them, didn't I like them? But that's with the parents permission.
Maybe see how the children feel about it?

JokersGiggle · 16/04/2014 18:42

Also depends on how much you pay her, if she feels her pay is low she might feel that she's allowed to have some "perks"

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 16/04/2014 18:49

JokersGiggle if you read my last post, it mentions that she is well paid....so no, her pay is not low.

OP posts:

atthestrokeoftwelve · 16/04/2014 18:56

I think it's good for the children to have an adult sitting eating their evening meal with an adult. It teaches them how to behave and enjoy dinner. If you can't be there to eat with them then it's good the nanny can give them company.
Also does your nanny cook your evening meal too?
You umentioned a roast chicken and not much being left when you and OH get in-I think it's a bit much to expect her to have a meal waiting for you- don't you cook your own dinner?

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 16/04/2014 19:09

Atthestrokeoftwelve please read my post....it says "if I'm doing a chicken" meaning when I cook the chicken.....so yes I do cook my own dinner.

She cooks for the DCs. I cook dinner if I'm home from work.

Anyway, I have got my answers and will now ask for this thread to be deleted.
Thank you

OP posts:

CanadianFilly · 16/04/2014 19:38

FoodieDoodie, no need to delete the thread it could be helpful to others in the future.

GoodnessIsThatTheTime · 16/04/2014 20:06

So how is she eating "your" food if you cook after she's eaten with the children?

I think it's good for the children they have someone to eat with then!

Original poster

FoodieDoodie · 16/04/2014 20:39

Sorry, I didn't make that clear....
If I am home, I cook dinner for the family
She cooks if I am not home

Oh never mind......I really don't want to go any further with this....really.

I just asked whether nannies generally go home to eat or not if they finish at a reasonable time. That's all!

I'm not going to be replying to any more posts

OP posts:

Bettercallsaul1 · 16/04/2014 21:42

Sorry if you have ended up feeling a bit beleaguered, OP. Your later posts have shown there's more to this than just an extra portion of food - you are feeling a bit taken advantage of generally, which is not nice. I certainly don't think your nanny should have been helping herself to bacon sandwiches on a Saturday morning without even a token request to check that this was ok! That is just bad manners. You sound like a very generous employer now we have heard more details.

Hope you get it sorted out!

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/04/2014 23:33

Then you need to tackle this and say that you have noticed she always eats with dc now and sometimes there is not enough left for you/dh or that you have noticed shopping bill is a lot higher

It's a lot harder tackIng something that has now been goin on for a while but you are going to have to say something as it is annoying you

And no need to delete it as replies may not be what you expected

But yes seems the average nanny doesn't eat evening meal at work so by all means say something to nanny

Cindy34 · 16/04/2014 23:53

I'm not an average nanny as I do eat evening meal with the children in my care, always have done. That is discussed though prior to taking the job and my finish time can often be a lot later.

As with many things in the employer nanny relationship, nip things in the bud early on, as soon as you see there being a change. Talk to your nanny, go back to your initial agreement.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/04/2014 07:53

The average nanny who finishs work at 6.30pm - doesn't eat a proper tea with the children they look after - is that better

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