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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

My relationship with my au pair is breaking down

53 replies

mosaica · 26/02/2014 23:42

My au pair is great - very experienced in child care, very loving towards my children and she's made our lives a lot easier since she arrived. Last month she told me that when her year with us was up, she'd like to move out bit still work for is as a nanny (she's qualified in her country to work as one). In the nicest possible way, I explained that for me it would mean a lot of money and I would not really gain anything from it. I acknowledged it was normal for her to want her own space, but we wouldn't want to go down that route.

Since then, I get the impression she has stopped to like us. She's still lovely with the kids, but she chats very little with us. She also posts Whatsapp statuses which hint at things bring rubbish at work and her needing a change. Today I saw one of her Fb posts and it was awful, basically saying we were being mean as we would only give her 8 days holiday for Easter, etc. She also said she loved our children and thats why it was difficult to take the decision to leave.

We pay her generously and always try and let her finish early, etc. I am not sure what to do : I know she is good with the kids, but knowing she thinks so little of us is difficult. I am not sure an open conversation will help as she it can only make things more awkward. Any advice?

OP posts:
CanadianFilly · 24/03/2014 10:22

It sounds like the problem is that since she is a qualified nanny she'd be happier as a nanny than an Au Pair. That doesn't excuse the Facebook posts or not responding to your calls but I think you have to accept this situation isn't going to work out for much longer. She's not happy with the job so she's going to be looking for something else and could possibly leave you stuck on short notice for childcare. If you can't or don't want to offer her better terms I would start looking for someone else if I were you.

FrozenCherries · 25/03/2014 23:19

I agree with Mimi.
I'd also say that using FB or WA to broadcast passive aggressively indicates that SHE has a serious problem with you as employers. I've experienced trying to 'mane it with' in such a situation. IME, it never works out. Let her go. Best for her - and for you.
Her animosity towards you may well fester and she may leave you as a family. Better to be open and look for someone else. I know it's hard as she gets on well with the children but you'll find someone else who will do too - your children have thankfully had a good relationship with her.

willtheyeverusethepotty · 31/03/2014 19:15

HI OP.

You need to fire this person; I would never allow someone who is that unhappy with the job to continue looking after my kids…especially while I'm not around.

But then I do not befriend my nanny or maid on Facebook either. I find it inappropriate.

Just find someone else, but according to my experience, a nanny is cheaper than an au pair….as nannies don't charge per hour and au pairs do..

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