What's the best way to ask AP not to use my iPad?

[CobOnTheCorn]

So, AP has been with us for 6 months. I think she is very good. There are some minor Tensions but I'm taking into consideration that I am easily annoyed!

Anyway yesterday I was out all morning, she knew I would be, and when I got back there were four emails sent to her from my iPad. They had photo attachments. I am positive it was her because they were sent when I was doing the school run and there photos I had shown her and she liked.

Now, I don't like people using my stuff without asking. It feels especially sneaky as it was only 10 or so minutes after I left the house - as if she was waiting for me to leave. Why didn't she just ask me to send them to her?

Do I casually say "I see you've sent some emails from my iPad, please can you check with me next time".

Or hide it when I'm out - not my preferred option as it doesn't address the issue but at least I don't have to have a difficult conversation!

Or take a firmer line?

What else has she been sneaking about doing?

Maybe I'm just not cut out to share a house with someone...

Change your PIN number so age can't unlock it.

*she, not age?!

Tell her that you should she need to use your iPad then she needs to ask you first. That way it is not saying that you know she has used it but is stating that she is not free to use it whenever she wishes.

Put pin lock on if you are going to leave it laying around. Easy for you to enter the code in should a child wish to use it.

The family i nanny for and i have had a very open relationship from day 1. Maybe have a catch up chat to see how shes getting on and bring up anything your not entirely happy with. I would change the pin on your iPad or move it somewhere she can't get too. Its very cheeky omf her to use your things without asking. I think you should mention it. Maybe say for privacy reasons you don't want her using it.

The family i nanny for and i have had a very open relationship from day 1. Maybe have a catch up chat to see how shes getting on and bring up anything your not entirely happy with. I would change the pin on your iPad or move it somewhere she can't get too. Its very cheeky omf her to use your things without asking. I think you should mention it. Maybe say for privacy reasons you don't want her using it.

Thanks, I shall set a PIN.

I'd still like to say something so will sleep on it.

Yes, I do consider it private but I don't want her to think I had anything specific I was hiding from her.

We have lots of those chats - always instigated by me. I've started to just mention thing as I see them now

Why on earth do you mind?

Some people seem to be very protective of 'their' electronic devices (phone, laptop, iPad etc). Others just see them as things - in the same way as the kettle and microwave as the poster above says.

I usually offer my laptop to our regular babysitter, although she has usually brought her own. My DH and Dad also regularly use my laptop and I don't really care who else does. It could be that she just doesn't see it in the same way. Does she have a computer/ipad of her own? If not then I would understand her desire to send emails etc.

But even if you did have something to hide, that's perfectly fine. You're entitled to a private life! Who knows, you and DH might have recorded your bedtime antics on there for posterity

But also I wouldn't like someone sending emails or facebook from my iPad because the point of an iPad is it's always logged into yours, no point if you have to keep logging in and out all the time.

Although I agree with a PP that it is important to give her some kind of access to her emails, especially if she's living in a strange country far from home. You could even set her up with her own "user" on a family computer or laptop.

She should definitely have asked, but maybe didn't feel comfortable to? If she knows you're easily annoyed maybe she thought you'd get angry?

Say 'AP, can you not use my Ipad, cheers.'

Don't beat around the bush.

Have just re-read the OP. It would probably be worth clarifying the situation with the photos as well. Is she allowed to take her own photos, is it OK if she takes copies of your photos, if so, how would you like her to do that, and would you like her to ask first? It's understandable (IMO) if she wants photos of the children or of local attractions to remember her time with you, and because hopefully she's quite attached to the children! But it would be a bit odd if she was downloading photos of your husband playing football, for example.

I would imagine that this situation is the former, but it would be worth going through rules - I wouldn't want someone browsing through my private photos and downloading all the ones they liked, but if a relative or someone else close to my DC said (when I was showing them) "Oh, that's a lovely photo. I'd love to have a copy of that." then I'd be happy to email it to them or whatever. I'd just like to be asked first? Pictures in the public domain e.g. facebook or whatever, again, different, but yeah. I would find it a bit weird to see that someone had emailed themselves photos from my iPad without asking first.

Perhaps you could set up a folder on the computer with the name "Family Photos" which she is allowed to download as much as she wants, for example.

Thank for so many replies.

She has her own laptop and iPhone, this isn't about her needing to stay in touch with loved ones.

The photos were ones I had taken (of landscapes, not of DP!) that I had shown her and she really liked. She sent the emails from my account to her own.

I find the question "why do you mind" interesting. I'm not sure how to answer but to me it is private and I wouldn't take her iPhone and start using it without asking. I think the time she used it feels weird, not long aftervI'd left but I could be reading too much into that.

It is very obvious that it is mine and not a family resource although I think it's interesting to understand that others share gadgets as they would the kettle so maybe that is how she sees it.

HappyMamaBear I'm going to try really hard to use your suggestion.

I'd like to be asked first. BertieBotts that's exactly how I feel. Why didn't she just say can you send me thos photos of x?

Also it isn't that she is using my stuff through lack of her own. She often takes her own photos with her iPhone.

Oh, I had assumed they were of the children TBH! But yes landscapes is perfectly innocent

I think then perhaps just put a pin onto it and/or say "If you want to use my ipad please could you ask first."

I would never go into anyone else's email, any more than I would open someone else's post. I'm actually quite shocked that she did that. If it was me,I'd probably chicken out of actually saying anything and just put a pin on it.

That's how I feel procrastinating. Pin is on now, I feel like I have to say something but I feel awkward.

I don't know why - I should be able to assert myself in my house with my own things.

I haven't got an iPad but dh has- he uses it for work.

We both work with children & there are all sorts of data protection issues. An iPad is as private as a phone.

It's not on.

I would be really hacked off if someone had been into my email account. When we first got our iPad, it was one of the things that bothered me, that my emails were always available for others in the family to look at. But, I don't have secrets from my husband and there is nothing in my emails that I wouldn't want him to see, I don't think he would look either. But, your ap isn't family or your spouse so it is a completely different. She shouldn't be looking at your emails and then resending them to herself. She should have asked you to send them to her. I think it looks sneaky that she waited for you to go out and then went straight on the iPad, she knew she shouldn't be doing it, but did it anyway.

I think she should have asked first, my 'gadgets' are private and I wouldn't expect anyone to start using them without asking, but;

a) I wouldn't worry about the time that she used it. If she's emailed herself from your account she wasn't exactly covering her tracks/hiding the fact that she'd used it. She's either really, really stupid, or just thought it wouldn't be a problem. I assume the latter?

b) Don't say this 'If you want to use my ipad please could you ask first."' unless the answer is going to be 'yes' most of the time. If you don't want her to use it (which is what it sounds like) make that clear.

I really don't see the problem - why on earth can't she use it?