A bit miffed with CM

[ForrinForrinerFromForrinLand]

Not sure if I was taking it personally but I'm a bit miffed with my CM. This is the third time I've been to pick up Dc and she sort of just pushed Dc out of the door, handed me the diary and bag and shut the door.

Now I get everyone has bad days etc. but I normally get a quick debrief on picking up. Dropping off was similar in that Dc was ushered in and the door shut. Didn't ask how Dc had been etc. I'm not sure if I've done anything wrong or if I should even raise it with her tomorrow. Tell me I'm being unreasonable.

Has she been your cm for long?

About 6 months or so.

If this is a sudden change from the normal drop-off/pick-up reception that you've come to expect from her, over the last six months, then I would simply ask her if everything is alright.

I wouldn't do it standing on the doorstep, though, as she pushed Dc out of the gap. Ask if you might have a quick word, go in, and then ask her about it.

You can make it something your concerned about (it is a cause for concern), say something like "I can't help but notice that you seem a bit strained. Can I help, is everything okay?" and (hopefully) her response will give you some idea of what's going on.

Has anything changed in terms of pick up or drop off times? Any new mindees? Anything going on in her family/home?

Seems odd if she wasn't like this previously but I'd be a bit too.
I would bring it up.

Does she have DC's. my youngest hates me being a CM and dislikes a couple of the mindees. So I'm always on tenter hooks when letting one particular mindee in, in the morning.

I'm frightened he's going to say something horrible to her. Which he'd obviously get pulled up on. But I'd prefer not to have the hassle so do the exchange quick.

I also have children ready and get them out swiftly, at the end of the day. I look after a 10 month old and he can't be left. (E.g. in highchair)

Do you arrive before your pick up time or on the dot - any chat should be done in paid for time IYSWIM?

When my DD first started with CM (at 10 months), I was invited in, told details about her day, etc. I generally spent a good 20 mins there. To be honest, I started wishing after a while, that I could put coat on DD and leave like other parents were doing. After a couple of months of this, CM started giving me less and less time and now I drop off, quick goodbye and leave. Pick up is shoes and coat on, diary and off we go unless there is smth specific to report. All parents get the same treatment - stay by the door, children brought out to us. It's great, as we get to go home and spend family time together. If there is smth specific to discuss, we still do that and if course every now and again we stay and chat.

I would see this as a positive - she feels your DC has settled in well and there's not much to chat about twice a day. What do you want from her in the morning? Unless smth was wrong overnight with your DC, nothing much to say, surely?

I really wouldn't worry. She probably just wants her evening back!

Well the first 4 months she worked from my house because she was still qualifying. Now that she has I take Dc to her, she only has one other mindee on a day that Dc isn't with her as well as her own kids.

I really can't think what it could be. Always arrive a few minutes early for drop off and pick up. She's always paid on time. I'm not too sure of anything at home that could be wrong. We're normally on good terms and invited her and her little ones to Dc's birthday a couple of months back. It's just been playing on my mind since it happened. And I'm minded to speak to her about it but didn't want to seem like I was making a mountain out if a molehill iykwim.

Do they have evening activities to go to?

Tbh I don't really want a 20 minute chat each and every pick up/drop off. But a smile and good morning, how are you? etc. isn't too much to ask?. Especially as Dc is there 2 days a week so it's usually been 4 days since the last session. I'd rather be told, look I have to rush put the tea on etc. than have Dc shoved out of the door with not so much as a goodbye.

So many cm on here say that parents want to come in and chat /kids don't like leaving etc

And advice from most on here is to have child ready and when mum comes bundle out the door

Otherwise finishing time is delayed by 5-10mins each time and tbh for the cm is tiring

If you want to chat arrive early but be warned may still have Other mindees to look after

If has own kids then will need to so their homework is older and bath/bed etc

Sure all is fine :)

No evening activities. I collect Dc late afternoon. Sorry I'm being a bit vague. She's a MNetter.

I think I'll mention it casually like a ADish suggested.

I wonder if your dc has started going through a more difficult stage/phase?

It does sound only a minor thing - is there anything in your contact book about his behaviour?

Is it the 3rd time in a row, or the 3rd time in x number of weeks?

She a MNer... blimey, well, I think it's highly likely you will know exactly how she feels... anytime now.

Well I'd expect her to discuss it with me if Dc was being difficult. Surely you sit a parent down and say x y z is happening? No it's the 3rd time since Dc started going to hers.

chipping I have NC several times since our fist meeting. And anyway there's nothing I have said here that is unfair. I haven't bitched or been unkind. I've simply voiced my concerns.

first meeting sorry.

I would think she was off to hairdresser, or waiting for a supermarket delivery, or maybe even on a promise, nudge nudge

You've not said anything behind her back/ on Facebook? or on Mumsnet

Could've been misconstrued and fed back to her. It can be v bitchy profession to be in.

pedlars

Op maybe search threads on here where parents come in and dally about

Sure a cm posted last week about always finishing late and being pissed off about it and all said have child ready

Do you know each other's names on mn?

I'm not active Facebook. So no to that one. And this is the only CM related thread that I have ever posted. Apart from asking about the legalities of employing someone in your own home, not a single post that could be misconstrued. And besides I have NC so many times, I doubt she would be able to know it was me iykwim. I think I just need to stop over thinking it. I'll raise it and see. It's probably nothing like others have said.

I do have the original name she used. It was fairly generic. But I don't think I'll search, I think that's a little too intrusive. Besides if I found out a post where she was unhappy about Dc or our current arrangement, I would be a little upset that she hadn't found it in herself to discuss it with me in person.

I'm wondering if she's trying to set the tone for quick handovers since she's moved from being effectively your nanny, in your home, to being a childminder who runs her own business and will presumably in time have more children to deal with and more parents dropping off and picking up.

Alternatively, are you sure you are always on time to pick up? 5 mins late or more is extremely irritating at the end of a working day. Early drop offs are equally annoying - it eats in to family time that the childminder is not being paid for. That's the main thing I can think of that would make me become more abrupt with a parent.

I always read these types of thread in trepidation that the CM in question might be me. It's not btw! :)

IF I were to be your CM however, I would be really cross and very disappointed in you that you chose to post on a forum you knew I used about your concerns prior to discussing them with me. I really don't think that's very fair.

Go and talk to her and ask her! There are a multitude of reasons that we can only guess at that might be causing this change in her behaviour.