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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

A bit miffed with CM

63 replies

ForrinForrinerFromForrinLand · 16/10/2013 22:25

Not sure if I was taking it personally but I'm a bit miffed with my CM. This is the third time I've been to pick up Dc and she sort of just pushed Dc out of the door, handed me the diary and bag and shut the door.

Now I get everyone has bad days etc. but I normally get a quick debrief on picking up. Dropping off was similar in that Dc was ushered in and the door shut. Didn't ask how Dc had been etc. I'm not sure if I've done anything wrong or if I should even raise it with her tomorrow. Tell me I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:

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ConfusedPixie · 17/10/2013 07:57

Just to warn you, if she's active she's likely to know exactly who you are, I remember the previous thread you are talking about quite clearly and there haven't been many of that kind!

I'd be concerned that she was shoving out of the door without so much as a smile or hello, there is a difference between "Hi, hope you're well, little Timmy had fun today! Bye!" and just pushing the child out of the door.

HSMMaCM · 17/10/2013 08:12

I do quick drop offs and pick ups, because it tends to be better for all the children concerned. I do smile though and chat if people want to. I openly invite parents to come in after work if they have specific concerns.

Does she have other children eating breakfast or tea who she needs to get back to?

As long as you don't drop off early, or pick up late, just ask her. It could be like me that making it quick stops disruption for all the children.

(I don't think OP is talking about me ...)

Maryann1975 · 17/10/2013 10:10

I find, whenever a parent comes in to the house and need my attention one of the children get really silly. They seem to think it becomes a free for all. My mindee (age 3.5) starts jumping on the furniture, emptying toy boxes, changing channels on the tv, scribbling on other children's pictures etc. This is fairly recent and i am trying to figure out how to get mum not to come into the house and stay in the hall, get the children ready quickly and out of the door. I open the door and she kind of side steps past me and ends up in the living room before I know what's happened.

It's not that I don't want to chat, but the child is generally well behaved for me, her behaviour changes completely when mum walks in and I can do without it, especially when it is so daily avoided. Is not that I don't want to chat, it's just impracticable to do so. I hope I'm polite about it though.

YoureBeingADick · 17/10/2013 10:25

I agree maryann. When my dcs were at CMer oldest would start to play up if i stayed to chat with CMer and it was easier just for her to have him ready to go when i arrived sk no chance for him getting bored standing with his stuff on while i chatted.

Original poster

ForrinForrinerFromForrinLand · 17/10/2013 10:36

Field The reason I posted was to gauge weather on not I was being unreasonable. I wanted to know how other CM operated. It certainly never was an issue with my previous CM.

And it seems that that is the norm for a lot of Cm to have the mindee ready to go at pick up time. As I said there's nothing I have posted on MN which would warrant her being upset with me. I haven't ever posted about her, ever. I am only ever a few minutes early at most and most of that time is taken taking Dc out of the car etc. I guess there's no point second guessing the situation.

OP posts:

TwoStepsBeyond · 17/10/2013 10:46

I've been reading CM threads too and agree that if she is MNer she will also have seen advice to have DCs ready by the door at pick up time to avoid dragging it out. It's better for the child to have a quick turnaround, no time for tears or dramatics and it means the CM can get back to the other DCs/preparing dinner/tidying up the carnage of the day!

NickNacks · 17/10/2013 12:43

Plus you have a diary - why do you need a verbal handover too? Such a waste of the cms time writing it if you just want to talk about it instead.

busyDays · 17/10/2013 13:30

One thing that has changed is the weather. I often get parents standing on the door step with the door wide open wanting to have a chat. I don't think they realise quite what a fortune it costs me to heat the house and how freezing it is to stand there with only a thin top on and an icy blast blowing in. If they come right into the hall and close the door behind them I will happily chat but otherwise I do try to have a quick handover.

looneytune · 17/10/2013 13:36

When I was childminding I often spent 20 mins chatting at the end of the day with one family but made it a quicker handover when my ds2 was starting to act up as he was doing it to get his mummy time. But I found it hard to have shoes on ready, just wasn't for me so we'd always have a bit of stuff to do at pickup time (which could be hectic with several being picked up at the same time). I always had a smile though and would so a very quick 'good weekend?' type thing.

One thing though, you say you're a few mins early for drop off and pickup. Pickup fine but I HATED people being early for drop off, even a few mins massively impacted things sometimes as I'd be sorting my own out. I know it sounds silly to some but honestly, it can make all the difference. Having said that, I always remained friendly.

I will say that although you've NC'd, if your CM is on here then she'll likely to have an idea who you are now. I once posted about 5 years ago about having a stressful time at toddler group and next thing I know someone I met at that session said she think she'd met me. I didn't feel I'd given anything away and thought nah, not THAT little group in a village by me when there are groups all over the country. Turned out it WAS that person. So you'd be surprised what people can pick up in a message on here!

If it was me I'd go with the 'is everything ok' in a friendly way approach and see what she says.

lovelynannytobe · 17/10/2013 13:53

Being early even just slightly without warning would drive me up the wall. I really don't mind if they ask me if they can drop off early because they want to catch an earlier train or something.
I had a parent who should have been dropping off at 7 am and she kept turning up as early as 6.45am. I did not want to hear the door bell before the contracted time. My own children were still in bed that time and her being 15 minutes early was messing up my whole morning routine. I gave notice after a couple of weeks as I asked her a number of times if she needed to change the contracted time and she kept saying no 7 am is fine. It just wasn't working for me and wasn't worth all the stress in the morning.
I like short hand overs at the end of the day too. They children do play up when their parents are here and if I am spending time chatting to them I am not looking after all the other children in my care. Also if I have 6 children here (which I do every day) and I spend 10 minutes chatting with each parent that's an hour each day I am not looking after the other children while they are running riots in my living room. Of course if there was something I needed to say like X bumped her head etc I would do it. Otherwise everything is in the daily diary ... what we did, what they are, how many nappies I changed etc ... so I do not want to repeat myself again.
If parents need to chat they know they can ring me later or arrange to come later once everybody's gone and my children are in bed. I can then give them my full undivided attention.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your childminder. She's probably just tired and wants to get on with whatever it is she's planned to do after you collect your child.

woahthere · 17/10/2013 13:55

Havent read all other messages sorry. My thoughts are...

Is she trying to make a point? Have you been arriving on the dot and then lingering for a long time, or worse still arriving a bit late...cos that's enough to send me mad! I have one that has an annoying habit of arriving a little bit early and about 10 minutes late...quite often, and then despite the fact that I have filled in the diary in detailed fashion then always wants me to tell her the things I have already written down, even though she asks me if I've done the diary she still wants to know from me...this then makes it even later that she goes! I would never be abrupt like that though!

woahthere · 17/10/2013 13:57

oh and also, long hand overs can quite often make the child act up, perhaps she had noticed this and so was trying to avoid that stress? Or perhaps she had something happening in the other room with another child that she needed to quickly get to.

ReetPetit · 17/10/2013 20:43

wow, sorry but can't believe you have posted this knowing she uses MN your details are quite specific and if she wasn't annoyed at you before she probably will be now... if I were you I would ask for this to be deleted in the hope she hasn't been online for a while.

to be perfectly blunt - early drop off is a nightmare for us childminders. I can't stand it. I have two children to get ready for school and the last thing I want is to be expected to start work even 5 minutes early..

if you want a detailed handover, I would ditch the diary - why should she spend her time writing a diary only to them have to repeat it all at pick up?

I ALWAYS have children ready at the door. I absolutely do not want parents trudging through my home with their outdoor shoes on, sitting down in my living room etc etc. This may be my work place but it is also mine and my son's home. It may be you have overstepped the mark one to many times and she is not confident enough to tell you to your face so is just doing it in a more 'subtle' way.

You wouldn't walk into a school classroom and expect a detailed handover. Why is it okay to expect the same from a cm just because she works from home?

minderjinx · 17/10/2013 21:10

Parents arriving early is an issue for me. I get up ridiculously early and do various cleaning and tidying jobs and safety checks (in my pjs) then the last twenty minutes or half an hour is for me to get a shower, dress and make myself presentable. If folk arrive ten minutes early I don't get to do my hair properly or put on a bit of makeup and it makes me feel scruffy all day. If you arrived at school or nursery ten minutes early they just wouldn't open the door, but we have to be sensitive to the fact that early visitors may be disturbing the neighbours or even blocking their drives, so I answer the door and try not to mind - but it is inconsiderate.

Bproud · 17/10/2013 21:16

Are you late picking up, or do your DC play up when it is time to leave? I had some mindees from one family that strung out leaving for up to 20 minutes, refusing to put on shoes, messing around while the parent looked on in a bemused manner. I eventually had to resort to having them completely ready and standing in the hall when the parent arrived to pick up.
maybe you should have a set day per week for catch up time with the CM.

Ragusa · 17/10/2013 22:39

Have you been inside her house, much or ever?? It's just that you said that she worked out of your home for 4 months and you've only been using her for six i total.

TBH I would find that sort of approach a bit rude. She may well have good reasons for keeping handover brief, but to advance an alternative POV to many of the posters on here, why hasn't she directly raised any problems with you. ? Shutting the door on someone is just rude!

anewyear · 18/10/2013 15:28

We dont know if the Op is sometimes late/ always late, she hasnt answered that question..

I have one parent who is late at least once a week, last week he was late by nearly 25 minutes, no txt, nothing!! because he popped into Morrisons, which I know for a fact is NOT on his way back.
That particular evening I was going out, only to a friends house, but yes I literally pushed his child out the door, I followed and got into my car and left.
So apologies if some think that rude, But in my opinion so is being late!!!!

Ragusa · 18/10/2013 17:01

Totally different issue if parent is often late or early, I agree, shoving in/out of door in that contextis different.

SPBisResisting · 18/10/2013 17:07

I don't think the OP wants a long chat, just eye contact and a greeting

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/10/2013 19:12

Why not just ask her?

If you aren't gettin a hello /smile then weird

But not weird not going in iyswim

Forresitters · 18/10/2013 21:40

OP also mentions that she arrives a few minutes before pick up time if I'm correct?
My policy is arriving 10 mins before pick up time to allow for handover. I also write a diary but I find parents still insist on asking where we've been and what we've done even though I do tell them it's all written in the diary. I also wouldn't be best pleased if parents arrive on the dot or just 2 mins spare of collection time and then want to have a 10-15min chat in my own spare time.
It sounds to me like she's trying to give you a hint to come a bit earlier or maybe she has something on in the evenings now and needs to rush. It's that whole balance of being a business and having a business relationship - there are some things that a childminder still needs to keep personal and maybe she feels she cannot disclose it with you.

Original poster

ForrinForrinerFromForrinLand · 18/10/2013 21:42

I just thought I'd clear a few things up.

Dc doesn't play up on collection.

Ragusa I've been using this CM for about 6 months in total. About 4 months from my home. I'm glad someone agrees with me that the approach was a little rude.

Yes I have been in her hallway only. Up until this incident, it was fairly normal for me to step inside the hallway and grab Dc's bits and have a quick chat with the door closed behind me. I have never traipsed through anyone's house with my outdoor geer, always take shoes off if invited in etc.

I have been late once when stuck and I txt to let her know.

And let me reiterate, I am early as in 3-4 minutes maximum. Not 15-20 mins as some have suggested. And these few minutes are mostly taken up getting Dc out of the car etc.

I've accepted that that's how some CM work. So be it, I've kept the chatting to a simple hi and I've left it at that. And I couldn't care less if this thread outs me, as I've said there's nothing I have said here that isn't what it is iykwim.

OP posts:

Forresitters · 18/10/2013 22:12

OP I wasn't trying to have a go at you so my apologies if that's how it came across but I was simply trying to put myself in your CM's shoes and give an example of why she may handover in that way. Although I have not and would not shut the door in any parent's face/push the child out the door as that is very unprofessional and you shouldn't have to experience that from anyone.
I hope you do get to speak with her and sort out whatever it is that may be going on.
Perhaps you could just ask her if everything is ok with drop off and pick up times and see what she says from there?
If there is something bothering her she should be upfront with you but in all honesty you'd be surprised at how hard some CM's find approaching parents about any issues despite how small they may be.

Ragusa · 18/10/2013 22:17

Ok then I think you are justified to feel put out - I don't understand the hard time you are getting on here . Time for a chat with her I think.

And if it's not working out don't feel obliged to stay with her. You shpuldn't be made to feel uncomfy by the person who cares for your DC. Gotta be an open and and communicative relationship IME.

Ragusa · 18/10/2013 22:21

TBH I would be concerned that she has somwthing in there she doesn't want you to see: mounds of mess, a new partner, TVs blaring in every room, I dunno...... something! But then I have got a suspicious mind.

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