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Original poster

Suprised at CM's request. What to say?

109 replies

Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 16:35

Hi All, DD2 is 2y9m and is at CM's school hours twice a week. Today her CM's told me that she would like to go to her son's school sports day and would I mind to pick DD2 up from his school? Or otherwise, she can bring her back to my house slightly later. Not a huge deal, only to my question if DD2 will have a chance of any quiet time that day as she also takes her to a music class in the morning, there was a firm 'No, she won't'. I am slightly annoyed tbh. This means that by 3.30pm I'll have a tired, grumpy, angry and very difficult to deal with little girl as this is what happens if she gets no sleep/rest during the day, so I'll have a hellish afternoon. CM knows that I take her rest seriously & I ask every time if she had any rest. Is CM right to do so? I just thought that CM should act in the child's best interests but wonder what you guys have to say... AIBU?

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Original poster
Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 16:38

Oh, forgot to add we're talking about next week here.

OP posts:
BenedictsCumberbitch · 28/06/2012 16:40

It's a one off. You could say no hut I suspect it'll make your relationship a little testy to say the least. Surely one missed nap isn't going to hurt? A bit of give and take is all that's needed here. At least the cm asked, I don't see the big deal tbh.

JellyMould · 28/06/2012 16:43

Could she take her in a pushchair and she might have a rest in there?

mercibucket · 28/06/2012 16:44

ooooh an easy one
yabu

TheSkiingGardener · 28/06/2012 16:44

If you use a CM you have to expect her to balance all of the children's needs, not just your DDs. In this case it's a one off day and I think very reasonable.

rufusnine · 28/06/2012 16:44

I think you are being unreasonable - Sports day is once a year and she wants to watch her son and be there to show support! Once your child is at school will you not want to go and watch her?!! She is giving you a couple of reasonable options - if you are so bothered about it, another is for you to take time off work so that this mum can go to see her son's sports day!

CourtneyA · 28/06/2012 16:45

I dont see the what is issue is - shes given you 2 options for collection of the child. Also is there any reason why you child can not sleep in pushchair at sports day?

belindarose · 28/06/2012 16:45

Does your CM ever put herself out for you? Mine does, all the time, so this would be nothing! If she does, then I think you should agree. Your DD might not it. Mine would.

Pancakeflipper · 28/06/2012 16:45

It's a one off. Most kids fall asleep in the buggy like Jellymould says.

And isn't your CM brill in taking your DD to a music class?

Original poster
Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 16:45

Thanks Benedicts. I've already said to her that I'll probably pick up DD2 before the sports day starts although that won't be great for me... I also have plans for the avo so having her up the wall and unmanageable will ruin them. Just wanted your views on the situation, can a CM take children to whatever event/place they need to go even if it clashes with their routines?

OP posts:
becstarsky · 28/06/2012 16:46

Sorry but I think CM is totally reasonable. Your DDs routine can be interrupted for one day, her DSs sports day might be a big deal for him. I had to miss my DSs sports day because of work last year and he was really upset. He's not a diva, it's just that sport is his big thing - he wanted me to watch him win, rather than be always watching him struggle with his reading. I've turned down a contract rather than miss it this year.

Yama · 28/06/2012 16:46

I'd be annoyed if my child didn't get the chance to nap. Can the music class be cancelled?

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 28/06/2012 16:46

Think your being a bit unreasonable to be honest especially if cm is usually good about nap times. Think it sounds a nice treat for your dd as well.

NatashaBee · 28/06/2012 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper · 28/06/2012 16:49

You have a choice - either your DD doesn't go to the CM that day if it such hassle for you or she does. And she will probably have a good time - there's usually lots of tots playing together whilst waiting for the next races.

If your CM was changing things about every other day then there would cause for concern but it's her kid's sports day. It's a fun thing.

Original poster
Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 16:49

oh didn't see all the other replies... Thanks all.
No, it's a car journey, buggy would be great, but not possible.
Music class is smth she does on that day for all the kids, I was offered no option, she just had to go full stop. Not that I mind, luckily I can afford this one. The event is quite long! I just don't quite imagine that I can go and see my children do a sports day while I am at work... Different for CMs, I guess.

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/06/2012 16:49

If you are that concerned, cancel the music class?

Mama1980 · 28/06/2012 16:50

Sorry but I agree the childminder is being reasonable, this is a one off and she has told you about it. Yes she can disrupt a childs routine every now and then if she has to I think it is unreasonable to expect otherwise.

NoComet · 28/06/2012 16:50

DD2 never had a nap from being tiny, big sister needed picking up from nursery at nap time.

I can't see one day being worth making CM unhappy.

Pancakeflipper · 28/06/2012 16:51

Is that your issue with this OP? That you think you won't get to future sports days so the CM shouldn't either ?

Born2BRiiiled · 28/06/2012 16:52

It'll be fun for her. My CM used to do loads of stuff like this. It's like being with an older sibling. You sound a wee bit precious about it.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/06/2012 16:54

No, not different for CM, if it's possible you take a days annual leave and go and watch.

Admittedly not always possible, I missed ds2 this year but a lot of working mums do.

You are running the risk of sounding a bit unreasonable towards your cm now tbh. Maybe the reason she decided to be a cm was so she could be available for sports day etc.

It's only one day.

A good cm that you trust with your Dc is hard to find, it's only 1 day just accept and move on, don't try and make your cm feel guilty about wanti g to watch her Dc.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 28/06/2012 16:54

I'd be happy for ds to be taken out and have a bit of fun, it's not like she's going to get her nails done or shopping.

If you don't like this type of thing though a nursery might be a better option, though ds will barely sleep in his as he has too much fun. I often get him back tired, but if he's had a nice day im ok with that.

rufusnine · 28/06/2012 16:59

At my school many parents at least make an effort for one of them to come to sports days etc - not just childminders!! You just have to choose your priorities when your child is at school and sports days, christmas plays and concerts are important events to children.

3duracellbunnies · 28/06/2012 17:00

It's fine to have a routine for your pfb, but second or third children just have to fit in. Why would I miss dd1's sports day because ds likes a sleep? He just has to muck in and get on with it as it is part of being a family. He would fall asleep there is a pushchair if he was tired as he has learnt to be flexible and sleep as and when he needs to. When you choose a childminder over a nursery you are choosing family life tailored around the needs of your child and the other children they look after.

If you want a regime then go to a nursery. They do similar things in the same place every day and nap time is sacred (except if you are dd1 who showed a complete disdain for anything sleep related :) ).

YABU