Suprised at CM's request. What to say?

[Notinahundredyears]

Hi All, DD2 is 2y9m and is at CM's school hours twice a week. Today her CM's told me that she would like to go to her son's school sports day and would I mind to pick DD2 up from his school? Or otherwise, she can bring her back to my house slightly later. Not a huge deal, only to my question if DD2 will have a chance of any quiet time that day as she also takes her to a music class in the morning, there was a firm 'No, she won't'. I am slightly annoyed tbh. This means that by 3.30pm I'll have a tired, grumpy, angry and very difficult to deal with little girl as this is what happens if she gets no sleep/rest during the day, so I'll have a hellish afternoon. CM knows that I take her rest seriously & I ask every time if she had any rest. Is CM right to do so? I just thought that CM should act in the child's best interests but wonder what you guys have to say... AIBU?

3bunnies is right. Sometimes children have to fit in with the other things that are going on.

Pooka I feel your pain

Why are people so obsessed with stopping naps? If the child needs it, then they need it. Yes there might be occasions when it isn't possible but what is the point of stopping naps just because?

I have 3 DC and each of them have needed, and still need different amounts of sleep. I try to make sure they all get what they need but on the odd occasion, it isn't possible and I deal with the grumpiness.

Seems more about 'you' !!!!!

If the child needs it - children are trained into sleeping patterns, a regular 2.5 year old doesn't need a sleep everyday - Mum needs child to sleep so as to handle child being difficult.

I disagree about naps.

OP I can see your point of view and the Cms too.

Er, 'need' is a bit strong when this is a one-off.

I'm amazed at the uptightness of this. Going on outings often results in grumpy, tired small children on the way home: zoo, matinee, friend's house, sports day, whatever. It's just part of being a small child but the events themselves are worth the hassle.

This will probably be a great event for the DD, just not a great one for the OP. Would she complain about the zoo? no, although the results would be the same. Whatever the motivation (envy, wanting to throw her weight around as employer, routine freak, who knows) it's not about the DD.

Bollocks.

Dd would nap for an hour and a half in the afternoon. Get up. Do stuff. And still be ready for bed at 7pm. And then sleep until 6am.

No naps meant for some reason she found it harder to settle st night.

Ds1 slept 8- 6.30 ish. He just needs less sleep, just like I need more sleep than dh.

Ds2 will still sometimes have a nap. He's nearly 3. But if he has a long nap doesn't settle as well at night.

Different kids, different needs.

But in our case if something was going on in the afternoon the children wouldn't nap and in case of op, I'd have said no problem to the childminder.

All you people who's children must have a nap, how do you handle a day trip to the beach/ zoo?

Elephants I didn't phase out naps 'just because' I did it because they slept better and by a reasonable time without a daytime nap once they got to the age of about 2.

Hard work at first, I found keeping them awake between 5-7pm was key, start bedtime routine about 6:30 then sleep by 7ish.

I cannot imagine letting a child of nearly 3 sleep so as to avoid tantrums!

My first two settled into a no nap routine fairly easily, my 3rd did it himself when he was about 14months old! But he went on to be diagnosed with autism and tends not to need much sleep anyway.

It seems that it's not what's 'best for the child' you're actually interested in, but what's best for you "This means that by 3.30pm I'll have a tired, grumpy, angry and very difficult to deal with little girl as this is what happens if she gets no sleep/rest during the day, so I'll have a hellish afternoon."

YABU. And precious. It's a day out of her life. Chill.

She could fall asleep in the car, she could be put in the buggy after the car journey.

So the only plans that are being ruined are a trip to the park with DD1??

YABU.

YABU

Apart from anything else your DD will have a fab time at sports day- doing something special with her "CM auntie" is great.

I think she is being totally reasonable and that she should sometimes put the needs of her own children first. It will quite often be the case Im sure that she will put your childs needs before her own.

If it's a car journey then surely she will sleep in the car, a d can be transferred into a buggy?

I'm also surprised that you think your CM is unreasonable in her request. YABU and I agree with cock a doodle doo.

Hi, I am a childminder with 10 years experience. I have been lurking on these boards for a while and now after reading more and more of these threads I feel I just have to comment!!

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Totally and utterly.

Parents are becoming more and more outragous in their requests of childminders I have found recently and I think that is what is putting more and more of us off the profession.

Your childminder has given you two options. Your daughter is nearly 3 and actually shouldn't really need a sleep, at least not every day. A school sports day is a lovely experience for a child and it sounds like your childminder is doing a good job.

If it doesn't suit you, maybe you could take a day off work?!

yes, part of home based childcare is engaging with the wider community and I would put sports day firmly in that bracket

I cannot understand why you'd use a childminder and then be so unreasonable about her taking your DD out and about. If you want fixed naps get a nanny. really. YABVU

OK, so I have a religious napper (nearly 3). 2 hours. Always. And almost always in a cot. So I totally get what you're saying about grumpy child later on in the day.

But...It's a one off. If your DD is super tired she may well nap in the car on the way back home from the event. I don't really understand why a buggy isn't an option either tbh (surely it can go in the car and if really necessary she could nap at the sports event). And as a PP says, yes, she might be grumpy later on, but I would imagine that there are days when she is a bit grumpy anyway (unless she is a totally abnormal toddler) and that's just one of those things that is a part of toddler life. Like learning how to deal with different situations. Or she might totally surprise you and be absolutely fine. Either way, I am sure she'll have fun at the sports day and surely that should be your priority. Let her have quiet time after you pick her up. It's a lovely, different, experience for her to have.

When you have more than one DC you have to work your way around this kind of thing all the time. Tomorrow I'm off to a fun event with MY friends. DS is nearly always in bed in the afternoon. But because I want to have fun with my mates, tomorrow we will all have to cope. Somehow. We're taking a buggy - maybe he'll sleep in that. Or on the sofa at my friend's house. Or maybe he won't sleep at all. Maybe he'll have a hissy fit. Or maybe he'll be the life and soul of the party all afternoon. Time will tell. Poor DD on the other hand will just slot in. I'm not worried about her at all!!!

YA definitely BU. Sorry.

I am a CM and it was my DS and DD's sports day yesterday. My DH booked the day off work so that he could go and watch. Loads of my parents encouraged me to take my minded children so that I didn't miss out, so I did...and it was a complete nightmare!!!!

I had a 4 year old, a 2 and a half year old and a 1 year old. 1 yr old was fine in the buggy, 4 year old joined in and the 2 year old was grumpy and completely unco-operative because he was tired and needed a nap. To top it off my DD (5) threw a tantrum because she's a Daddy's girl.

Ordinarily I would agree with every one else and to miss an odd nap is not really a problem and childminder's are very good a coping with and calming little's one who are out of their routine as it's part of our job - Although I don't think I'll be going along next year!!!

Your DD will have fun, but YANBU to ask if there will be space for her to rest if she wants to, in a pushchair, on a blanket on the grass, or wherever.

Or maybe she could sleep through lunch and take a picnic to the sports day.

Amber I never made my DD nap to avoid temper tantrums! She would sleep 2.5-3 hours in the day then 12 hours at night. She is now 7 and still can't cope with "late" nights. She just needed more sleep, still does. My 2 DSs are different though and need less sleep. So I just try to do my best, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Re the day trips, of course we still did them, we just accepted that she would be be overtired and grumpy.

YABU If you want someone who will rigidly follow a routine then you need a nanny not a CM. CMs have to balance the needs of all children in their care (including their own) so sometimes routines need to change.
Missing a nap for one afternoon will not harm your DD and she'll have a lovely time at the sports day. My 2yo DDs CM often has day trips out in the school holidays when she has older children all day. Yes it means DDs routines are interrupted and she comes back grumpy but so what, sometimes you have to deal with grumpy children, it's part of parenting.

Elephants oh no I didn't mean you regarding avoiding tantrums!

It was something the OP mentioned.

I dont think YABU, perhaps you need to look at other childcare settings more suitable to your childs needs.

I'd never use a CM for various reasons but this is one of them, when being paid to supply a service then they need to do that not put the client out by doing what they should do in personal time.

Happymummy - surely the care and wellbeing and nurture of your child is the foremost consideration - not the "supply of a service" and "the putting out of a client" Very clinical !