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Original poster

Suprised at CM's request. What to say?

109 replies

Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 16:35

Hi All, DD2 is 2y9m and is at CM's school hours twice a week. Today her CM's told me that she would like to go to her son's school sports day and would I mind to pick DD2 up from his school? Or otherwise, she can bring her back to my house slightly later. Not a huge deal, only to my question if DD2 will have a chance of any quiet time that day as she also takes her to a music class in the morning, there was a firm 'No, she won't'. I am slightly annoyed tbh. This means that by 3.30pm I'll have a tired, grumpy, angry and very difficult to deal with little girl as this is what happens if she gets no sleep/rest during the day, so I'll have a hellish afternoon. CM knows that I take her rest seriously & I ask every time if she had any rest. Is CM right to do so? I just thought that CM should act in the child's best interests but wonder what you guys have to say... AIBU?

OP posts:
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SauvignonBlanche · 28/06/2012 17:01

Yabu

PuppyMonkey · 28/06/2012 17:05

I think you should shoot her, the cheek of it. GrinWink

Original poster
Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 17:07

Thanks all! my only point was that I then can't have an afternoon I wanted as DD2 will be throwing tantrums (guaranteed, happened many times). Guess will just have to reschedule the day for that occasion. Thanks for all your opinions.))

OP posts:
HSMM · 28/06/2012 17:11

I have taken children to sports day, but I have still given them the chance to rest in a tent or pushchair . They usually have a fantastic time.

didldidi · 28/06/2012 17:11

I work part time and swapped my day off next week so I can attend my son's school sports afternoon. Seeing as he really struggles academically but really shines in sports it's the one time I get to see my son do something he excels in!

PuppyMonkey · 28/06/2012 17:11

Early night for her after and then crack the wine open, you'll be fine.Smile

GnocchiNineDoors · 28/06/2012 17:14

At 2.9 i dont think its the end of the world for your dd to miss one nap.

would she nap in a buggy?

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 28/06/2012 19:09

I know you said it's a car journey, but can't the childminder take a buggy with her, put dd in the shade, away from the action (but obviously in view) and let her sleep there?

OhTinky · 28/06/2012 19:50

Why are you so surprised at your childminder's very reasonable request? Do you never deviate from your routine ever?! It's one day/afternoon that's a bit different, your child might surprise you and be perfectly calm and happy with no nap!

Tigresswoods · 28/06/2012 19:52

My DS 2.4 went to his CM's daughter's sports day last week. He loved it, ran on the toddler race, cheered on the girl who he obviously knows well.

He is in the process of dropping his nap do I don't have the same concern as you but I do think YABU.

nokidshere · 28/06/2012 20:00

I took my minded 2 year old to sports day this year to see my son. he loved it and got into the swing of things by running up and down the track with the older children cheering him on. He got to see his mummy (she is a teaacher there) and his sister and all the other children we mind from that school.

I always tell parents that I am going to sports day and plays and anything else that is going on in school and that I am happy to take their child with me or they can have a day off. No-one yet has refused and I have been minding for 13 years.

Not only that but since he is going to be going to the same school in a couple of years, he gets to see other toddlers that he will be going with and becomes very comfortable with the school itself.

so Yes - you are being unreasonable :)

blueglue · 28/06/2012 20:05

Yabu
Remember this thread when you try to juggle your commitments to attend you child's sports day in years to come.

SundaeGirl · 28/06/2012 20:06

YABU. And PFB and likely to get ditched by CM as soon as a more flexible understanding experienced parent comes along.

I'd be charm personified about this, if I were you. A good CM is hard to find, difficult pervious parents are not. Are you planning more DC? How do you expect that to work if you a so riigid and unable to cope with such a small (but fun) diversion from routine?!

My best friend is a child minder, can you tell?

BackforGood · 28/06/2012 20:08

Excellent post by 3duracellbunnies

Believe me, your child will not implode if she doesn't nap in the usual place at her usual time one day. She's 2y9m you've said! Some children are dropping their naps by that time. If she is one that really needs the sleep, then she can nap in a pushchair while she's there (not sure why you say she can't , because she's been driven there ? Confused - the buggy will fit in the boot won't it ?) or she might have a nap in the car then, that always sends most LOs off.

I'm amazed you are surprised at the request. I chose my CM over Nursery provision, exactly for the reason that they would be getting "family" type experience rather than the more "institutionalised" provision they would get at a Nursery, confined to the one place all day long. My ds used to go all sorts of places with the CM - including school assembly most weeks - he loved it, as was very familiar with the concept of 'school' when the time came.

GnocchiNineDoors · 28/06/2012 20:09

Op, there may come a time when your dc have a sports day and you are unable to attend. Ill bet anything that the CM would go to make sure someone was there to cheer them on.

YABU.

bouncysmiley · 28/06/2012 20:09

YABU, sorry! Non-CM's have the option to take the day off to see their kids sports days. At least she's not cancelled looking after your DD to go, she has given you a choice, and plenty of notice. If you are unhappy you could always take leave yourself to make sure your DD gets her nap.

minderjinx · 28/06/2012 21:20

Have I misunderstood? Having your own child with you will ruin your afternoon?

Original poster
Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 21:38

No, minderjinx. It's just that I will have to deal with a very tired, screamy child after such a busy day (it happened before, she is very hyper at times and having rest is crucial to her, even thou she doesn't settle easily), and my only option will be to come home and have a quiet rest of the day (no park for DD1, no other activities) as taking her somewhere after that will be mad. Anyway, I think I agree with the point that the childminded DC have a more family involved life style over all which is great, and you have to make allowances. DD2 is often taken to important assemblies where my C's children take part and I never object. It's just this sports day will be a tough one for her, I'll probably take her home early as I said before. Thanks again for all posts, especially the balanced tolerant ones.;)

OP posts:
lechatnoir · 28/06/2012 22:50

One of the benefits (or not depending on your viewpoint!) of your child being with a CM is they get to enjoy this sort of activity even though you're at work. If you want her to start changing her days around to fit in with your daughters rigid routine to the detriment of her other minded or own children then I would have thought a nanny would be the better option.

minderjinx · 29/06/2012 06:43

Sorry, I still don't understand, if you take DD2 home for a nap at the time when she would normally have had one (i.e presumably finished by about 3 if she does school hours with the CM), she won't then have had an exceptionally busy day, so how would that would make her a nightmare for the whole of the rest of the day and stop you doing anything else with DD1 later in the afternoon. I'm guessing DD1 must be at school anyway? Could you not go to the park or whatever after school?

I think you have two reasonable options - keep DD2 home for the early afternoon and let her sleep, do something nice a bit later, or let DD2 enjoy the sports day (where she may or may not sleep) and possibly have her grumpy later, but maybe not.

AmberLeaf · 29/06/2012 07:21

As she is nearly 3 you should be making moves to phase out naps anyway.

ElephantsCanRemember · 29/06/2012 07:32

Op YABU I know it is a pain when your DC needs the nap but the odd occasion isn't worth stressing about.

Out of interest Amberleaf why should the naps be phased out just because the DD is 3? Only asking because my DD (now 7) was a religious napper. After playgroup, every day, 1230-3. I have an older DC so there was the odd time when her routine had to change, and yes it was a pain and yes she was grumpy and miserable but I had to deal with it. Once DD started school she adapted to every day but it didn't occur to me to stop her napping before I had to. Even now she needs her 12hours sleep if only her 2yr old brother would take a leaf out of her book, he is a 8 hour a night sleeper with no naps

poachedeggs · 29/06/2012 07:38

My DC go to a lovely CM who they adore. They do all the school stuff with her plus she organises cool one off things like visiting the police station and parties on special occasions. She's trusted by us to look after our DC and that includes making her own decisions about planning naps and meals etc. Unless my children were regularly exhausted or starving I have no concerns about the odd busy day. It happens when they're with me. Life happens, the world can't revolve around a toddler 7 days a week.

Pooka · 29/06/2012 07:44

My dd was still napping at 4 years! Ds1 a different child. Stopped at 20 months. Grr.

RosemaryandThyme · 29/06/2012 07:47

Maybe now is a good time to ease her out of the day-time nap ?

Lives of others are becoming affected and disrupted by the desperate need to get this child off to sleep, she is well old enough to get through 8 hours without a sleep, with a good night routine - and alternative ways of handeling tantrums - you'll be fine.