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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Suprised at CM's request. What to say?

109 replies

Notinahundredyears · 28/06/2012 16:35

Hi All, DD2 is 2y9m and is at CM's school hours twice a week. Today her CM's told me that she would like to go to her son's school sports day and would I mind to pick DD2 up from his school? Or otherwise, she can bring her back to my house slightly later. Not a huge deal, only to my question if DD2 will have a chance of any quiet time that day as she also takes her to a music class in the morning, there was a firm 'No, she won't'. I am slightly annoyed tbh. This means that by 3.30pm I'll have a tired, grumpy, angry and very difficult to deal with little girl as this is what happens if she gets no sleep/rest during the day, so I'll have a hellish afternoon. CM knows that I take her rest seriously & I ask every time if she had any rest. Is CM right to do so? I just thought that CM should act in the child's best interests but wonder what you guys have to say... AIBU?

OP posts:

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BackforGood · 01/07/2012 18:04

The CM in question is supplying a service though - she is providing a balanced, home life for a child, whilst the Mum is not able to. Many of us have said that they would consider it a very nice thing for a toddler to do on a Summer's afternoon. Things like this are exactly why so many people choose CMs over a Nursery, which can't do the 'going out and about' in quite the same way.

MyBestfriendsWedding · 01/07/2012 18:33

A CM setting is a home environment. OP you chose a CM knowing she had a child/children which may come with a school run each day and the CM having the odd time where she has to deal with her own child. A sports day really isnt the end of the world, we're talking a couple of hrs in an afternoon, once a year. A nearly 3 yr old will sleep if they are tired or the CM may be able to give her some rest or a cat nap beforehand. Yes, parents pay for a service but we're not a nursery, we offer what a family environment involves. There have been a couple of occasions when I've attended a mindee's school assembly or stayed at a party as their parent couldn't take them. There needs to be some flexibility and a parent should consider before using a CM with young children if they mind the odd time where a CM may need to meet the needs of their own child. If it doesn't sit well with you then a nursery is an alternative. But you realise that sleep may not happen at all in a nursery environment.

Rachog · 01/07/2012 18:39

Yabu, it is one day and she had the decency to ask.

cece · 01/07/2012 18:45

Children with older siblings do this sort of thing. MY DC3 - who is the same age as your DC doesn't really get a quiet time. He naps in car/buggy if he needs it otherwise he comes along and joins in the fun.

So I think yabu. The cm has given you some good options. I think your DD will enjopy it, I know DS2 did last week. He had a ball and then napped in the car on the way home. No problem.

Northernlurker · 01/07/2012 18:53

I agree the OP needs a nanny. I expect she'll be looking for one soon too as if I were her childminder I would definately be giving notice asap.

MyBestfriendsWedding · 01/07/2012 19:13

It's such a shame that the CM may feel uneasy about the sports day now. I have great parents that chose a CM entirely for the home environment. It's great to be able to have freedom with the children but ensuring the LO's do have routine but allowing some flexibility for days out and random park visits if it's a glorious afternoon. I get no complaints about the odd broken sleep as I do my job as I see fit. I am proud of the fact that CM's can offer this. As some posters have mentioned, when you get to DC 2/3 and so on you have to become less precious about things.

mrsthomsontobe · 02/07/2012 00:05

well i took 2 mindees 32 months and 26 months and my 8 month old to my dd sports day 2 weeks ago. the 32month old doesnt sleep anyway so we usually just read we stories do jigsaws we half hr of tv while i clear up from lunch. the 26month does usually have a sleep after lunch. i put him dwn in pram after his lunch he fell asleep before we left so he was sleeping at least 30/40 mins b4 we left house we then walked round to school, the 26month old stayed asleep for the 1st we while then woke up and was happy to sit and watch all the school children. the 32 month old enjoyed it she ran up and dwn with her we friend from toddler group who was there the 26month old came out the pram and was happy to sit on grass. it was a really great, friendly atmosphere all children enjoyed it . i hadnt informed parents before hand that we were going to go to sports day. i told them at pick up time and all parents were fine with it. i would just class it as an other outing (i have consent to take on outing without notice) as every outing is a learning experience so they did learn about having run while doing sports from watching the other children, they seen the children encouraging each other all this is a learning experience.

corblimeymadam · 02/07/2012 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tanith · 03/07/2012 08:14

HappyMummyofOne often pops into childminder threads to assure one and all that she would never use a childminder, so she doesn't understand, or appreciate, how childminders work.

I've taken my minded children to sports days before, both for my own kids and for minded kids. We make flags to wave and they love cheering on the child in question.
The child in question has always been proud of their mini fan club cheering them on.
Sleeps have been in the car on the way back, in the pushchair, or on an area of the picnic rug. They get the chance to run in the siblings race and to feel part of a school and community they may soon belong to.

thebody · 03/07/2012 09:17

I am surprised,amazed and disgusted that this cm puts a once a year event like watching her kids sports day above the needs of your dds nap time.

What a total bitch.

HSMM · 03/07/2012 11:13

thebody -

BonnieBumble · 03/07/2012 11:17

Remind me again why I don't want to be a childminder.

Blu · 03/07/2012 11:23

yabu.

The principle of CM is that a child is looked after in a family home, in a family setting. By it's nature a family setting means that sometimes there will be different events. It's a one-off, any child who is part of the family and has older siblings will be working around different events like this.

A sports day is a legitimate event for a CM to take a child to, I think.

If you want / need a bespoke unbreakable timetable you need a nursery or a nanny.

It maybe that at almost 3 your dd will start to cope better without her nap?

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/07/2012 14:02

As others have said yabu - it's a fun day out and a one off - I understand that your dd needs a sleep at 2/9 - most of my charges have slept 2hrs in pm even at 4yrs old - but thus means that they need to fit in with other siblings and would happily sleep in car or buggy - essential for days out.

Sometimes they would get less sleep and be grumpy but it's for one day and important to your cm

And most parents try and attend sports day but if they can't then nice to have someone there cheering them - Maybe you need to book a day off when your child has sports day

I still don't understand why dd can't sleep in a buggy there?

catchafallingstar · 03/07/2012 16:46

Having a childminder means your child does family type activities - like going to a sports day. She is perfectly entitiled to go to her sons sports day and take your child too.
I suspect that you're more annoyed about your child ruining your plans....but then again you could just let your childminder take your PFB to the sports day like any sane parent would!

Tanith · 03/07/2012 21:58

Thebody, you do realise I had a mouthful of coffee when I read that

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 04/07/2012 15:17

as its an odd day I wouldnt worry about it, last summer my childminder asked me the morning I dropped off if could collect at lunchtime as it was her sons sports day that day or she would have to take him with her and him nap in pushchair and it might be noisy (he was 10mths) I said do that then to short notice for me to get back to her for 1pm.

Whole point of childminder is that everything is within reason and flexible just like you would be at home sometimes naps have to happen in buggy/car its part of life

sorry to say if you want fixed rest times nurserys are a better option.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/07/2012 15:35

nothing like giving you notice eastmids

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 04/07/2012 20:23

I know we had only been with her little while as after 3wks she went on hols (we knew this) and this was her 2nd day back working (our 1st day as was a tues) so a little cheeky but as someone once said dont ask dont get (or as she found out she didnt get- not coz I was being a cow just short notice).

we have a new childminder now due to old one having new baby and R gets to go out and about loads more and sometimes miss' his nap or its shortened but thats life and would rather he had the experiences he has - he can catch up on sleep on nursery days and at weekends with us if need be but never been a problem.

Tanith · 05/07/2012 01:51

Sometimes short notice is unavoidable. My DS once told us that he was playing in a concert the next day! He said he'd been keeping it as a surprise. It was that, all right!!

I asked the parents very nicely and made it crystal clear that they would be doing me a huge favour and luckily they were able to collect a bit earlier. If they hadn't be able, I wouldn't have gone.

Sunnydelight · 05/07/2012 07:46

YABU and a bit nasty tbh " I don't imagine I'll be able to go and see my child's sports day when I'm at work". Pay for a nanny if you want to be able to call all the shots.

eastnorth · 05/07/2012 08:57

As a one of this is fine, not all babies can sleep in buggies. So I can sort of see the ops point.

Thing is with childMinders they say what they are doing you don't really have much say if you can afford a nanny it's so much more flexible and geared towards your child.

If someone on my firm wanted to watch a sports day I would have to take a days holiday.

The body I didn't think the bitch comment was necessary.

Limelight · 05/07/2012 09:08

Sorry but I think YABU.

If my DD was at home with me and I needed to go to DS's sports day, then she'd come with me and miss a sleep. I fully expect that the same thing might happen when she's with her CM. If you want childcare that's always structured in a certain way, then you need a nursery or a nanny.

My CM is flexible in terms of hours etc and so I think it's reasonable that I show that flexibility in return. And she's given you options. She could have taken the day off in which case you would have needed to find childcare that day.

thebody · 05/07/2012 14:21

East u did get that I was joking right???? Seriously the op thinks her child's daily nap time is sooooo crucial that it's more important than a once a year sports day??? Seriously???

FunnysInLaJardin · 05/07/2012 14:24

ah, sorry to say but PFB. A missed nap isn't the end of the world you know

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