Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

Why are you not sobbing over poor babybee not seeing dad, floggingmolly? sheesh, honestly the attitude that mum is all important and dad, well, nah, he doesn't figure is pervasive

There is an issue around why presenteesim* at work in the UK is so common, but that's not for this thread

*I think that's a word [ponders]

"I for example am going to the gym tonight before collecting DS1 from Karate. I won't get home until 7.30 and won't really see ds2. This happens twice a week."

Do you think I would think there is anything remotely unusual about a mother going to the gym a couple of times a week?

I agree with you, it's about balance. And a baby in childcare 60 hours a week is in a situation that is already very much balanced against the baby spending time with her parents.

So in a situation that extreme, restoring balance has to involve putting time with the baby at the top of the list of priorities.

I'm accepting the explanation of "me time" given by the mother, because that's all I can do. But absolutely there might be reasons why a day away from the baby was necessary. I would feel sad for the baby though, if that were the case (without judging the parent).

"I reassert though that the baby is absolutely not missing its mum, or even knows who or what a mum is at that stage in its life. As long as it is cared for it doesn't give a damn who by."

Sorry, but I reject that assertion. It doesn't tally with my experience at all.

I also think the idea that things you don't remember have no effect on you is extremely dubious.

Although I agree with making time for children as they get older and not prioritising the baby stage above all else.

I am a nanny and my boss has to pay me regardless of whether I actually work or not. therefore she sometimes uses her annual leave as time to herself; doing coursework, paperwork, running errands or actual time to herself. otherwise she spends time with her child. i know my charge would prefer playdates and groups with me instead of amusing themself while mummy is busy

If perfect weekend drip-feed dad is so brilliant why isn't he doing weeks and career bitch mum doing weekends then?

I don't get why you would think that was dubious AThing? If I don't remember it, how can it affect me?

I was with a CM before I went to school. I know who she is because she is also a family member, but I certainly don't remember being with her. I know my mum loves me but I dont remember being with her IYSWIM.

but but but again :

why are you not wailing and gnashing teeth over men working long hours, poshbird1?

also not keen at ALL on conflating fulltime work with selfishness

"I don't get why you would think that was dubious AThing? If I don't remember it, how can it affect me?"

I'm a little confused TBH. I'm struggling to imagine that you don't know about widely accepted beliefs about early childhood development and the effect it has on children's ability to form relationships and learn effectively throughout their lives.

I presume you reject conventional thinking about the importance of early childhood experience to long-term outcomes. I would be interested to hear why. Certainly I think a lot of that thinking is unnecessarily deterministic.

Why are you not sobbing over poor baby bee not seeing Dad, Floggingmolly
That's equally sad, but according to the op, it's the Mum who has the day off and is still choosing to spend it elsewhere, that's why I was so specific

"There is the rare woman who wants to work full-time and doesn't need to (like Nicola Horlick for instance) but I would say that type is pretty unusual."

Really? I'm one of them. I don't feel like an endangered species.

Hi there OP. Glad to hear you are enjoying you new career as a childminder. I haven't read through all your replies as there are so many. Firstly, I advise you to change your contract with all families stating full fee for their child's absence (holidays/sickness etc) - as time goes on you will be out of pocket else.
Also, I have had a similar family to the one you speak of. Had the baby full-time from 4mths old. Even on birthdays; mums days off; snow too bad to get into work but they can drive a mile to get to me!!!!! Like you say, I feel sad for the child.

Wow some of the posts on here have been positively vicious, and remind me of why I don't spend much time on MN any more. The CM is providing 60 hours a week of childcare, so unless this mother works right next door to the CM, she works a 60+ hour week. And some posters on here have the nerve to begrudge her a day off? FFS.

I worked FT until DS1 was 5 and until DS2 was 2.5. Now I work 3 days a week (DS1's at school, DS2's with the CM for 4 (not 3!) days (so shoot me, I get to spend one day a week going to the gym, doing all the washing, cooking, food shopping, household admin, ironing...how lucky I am!)). I worked my arse off for years and years, working 50-60 hour weeks with 15 hours of commuting time on top of that. My plan was to work FT while my children were young, get up the career ladder so that I could then be in a position to work PT as they got older because IMO my 6 month old DS1 really didn't give a shit whether it was me or his nursery key worker that changed his nappy, but my now 5 yo DS1 really does give a shit that it's me that picks him up from school.

Maybe this mother is doing the same thing? Or maybe not. Either way, it's nobody else's bloody business.

"The CM is providing 60 hours a week of childcare, so unless this mother works right next door to the CM, she works a 60+ hour week."

No, if she works right next door she does 60 hours max.

If she works further away she does less than that.

Not that it matters, clearly she and the baby both have a very long week.

I thought OP was going to be saying the family was going abroad for weeks on hol without baby. 1 day, Pah, tis nothing.

I'm off on Monday and baby is going to nursery. Because clearly I don't love her and am a bad mother.

Or I need sleep and time alone with my husband, it's paid for and I don't want to disrupt her routine.

No one knows what's going on in this woman's life, she could have all sorts to deal with.

Maybe she needs her hair done/wants a bikini wax/has a ton of stuff to do?

I am a single mother who has worked full time pretty much since DS was 7 months old. You don't get time to do anything for yourself. Go to the gym, go clothes shopping, get your hair cut. All those things that you can't legitimately take time off work to do or do in the evening if you're solely responsible for childcare. So I have taken time off work AND kept DS in childcare. What a horrible mother I am

At the age of 5, my DS is doing far better than whatever you're supposed to be able to do at his age when it comes to social and emotional skills incidentally. So he doesn't appear to be fucked up by my being a full time working single parent at all. And, let's face it, if you stay at home and claim income support, you're even more vilified.

I don't know if I'm missing something, but I can't see how the OP is being judgey? She can feel sad for the baby whilst also being understanding towards the mother. As humans we are able to feel two emotions at the same time.

The OP certainly IS being judgy, "sad for the baby" etc.

Dozer you can be sad for the baby and understanding to the mother.

I'm sad for the kids I look after sometimes, when neither their mum or dad can make it to a play/assembley for example. I also fully understand and support why they choose to work. I can feel two emotions at the same time.

What's the etc.? What else has she said other than she feels sad for the baby?

I am an ex childminder and this makes me quite cross. So what? the mum wants a day to herself, big deal. And what about the dad?

Gosh I have 2 little ones in nursery 3 days a week 8.30-4.30pm and I occassionally have a day off with my DH when he's on school hols (he is a teacher), maybe 2 or 3 times a year and it is lovely!! Otherwise either I am at work or looking after 2 DCs. I need a day off to myself occassionally. I feel like I do see my DC's enough during the week, as I get about 4hours a day on working days and 2 whole days with them and also the weekend.

DH works full time, but we still send the DCs to nursery for the 3 days a week when he is on school hols. He has a stressful job. And it's not even that he just sits on his bum. He gets lots of jobs done, like clean the house from top to bottom, DIY jobs etc that is impossible to do with two little ones around. So does that make him a bad father? He is at home most days by 6pm, so he is there for dinner, bed and bath time everyday.

OP, YANBU to feel sad for the baby. 60 hours is a long time at nursery (mine go for 24 hours a week and that feels about right for us). But if you are providing good care for the baby and it sounds like you are, then things will be OK, no reason for the baby to suffer really.
Although at 6 months both my babies were like leetches to me, wouldn't even go to anyone else, especially my DD. But babies are different.

My op was never about whether the mum should take the day of or not, it was asking other childminders what their experience was off this.

There seems to be a lot of people with guilt about how they manage their own childcare on this thread! Why else would you all be so defensive and hurt if you really felt you were doing nothing wrong

I am very very fond of mindee, she is no bother at all and I love looking after her, I was just surprised that her mum did not choose to keep her at home when she has a day off and was asking if other childminders had experience of this.

I wonder if when she has her two weeks leave in the summer if she will still send her dd, not in a judgemental way but just being curious. I will be asking her about this soon though when I give her my summer leave dates.

As for the poster who commented about me being on mumsnet while working-mindee does actually have naps!! I also sometimes potter about online while she is sat with me, I look for ideas on what to do with her, send her mum pics of her, check on-line banking etc

Also if mindees mum did keep her at home I would have a very rare day with my own dd just the two of us.

I work 5 days a week to be able to afford treats for us all and I love what I do but I won't lie, a day just dd and I would be bliss.

Personally hair appointments etc seem to be a thing of the past but everyone is different.

I don't think the op is being judgemental, she only posted on here with her opinion she did not say the mother should be with baby on her day of I think she was a bit shocked that someone who left her baby for
that amount of time would choose to do it when she didn't need to.