Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

I'm still really glad my children are looked after in a comfortable, relaxed home environment by a husband and wife crack-CM team.

I couldn't give a shite if they post anonymously about me on the Internet and think it no more or less likely than one of several nursery workers would, except they have the advantage (or disadvantage, if you consider it preferable that the people who mind your children barely know you) of having more material to bitch about.

I MN when I look after the DDs, so I don't consider that to be a problem either.

Very interesting points. Susiemumof I can totally see where you're coming from and at the same time I understand those mums who have responded with some hostility. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting a little time to themself even at the detriment of not spending time with their kids. I disagree though with those parents who pass their children on to CMs to the point that the kids end up being brought up by them, as in the film The Help, or who genuinely have no interest in the child's life. If that was true in this instance, then I agree it is a shame for the mindee. But if the parents just want a little time to themselves, I can't see any problem with that. Tricky one.

no more or less likely

Actually highly unlikely during the working day.

...and I think its a great advantage that DD's Nursery Workers didn't know anything about me. It wasn't about me - it was ALL about DD.

What, you dont give your DD's your undivided attention when they are in your care....how selfish.

I think a few people missed the OP's later post when she said the baby goes for the entire weekend to her dad's. So the mother has the entire weekend off, presumably most weekends.

Anyway, I'm sorry I've upset people. I think my views on this are totally coloured by my own upbringing, which was shite. I hate to think of children being in my situation, it really upsets me and brings out the bitch in me.

Ahhh, so it's the time of day of online bitching that bothers you, not the fact of it.

Fair enough.

Yes, I'm very selfish.

But even I would balk at taking an entire day of "me time" away from a baby who saw so little of me.

I can't credit that the baby spends every weekend with her Dad though, that makes me think that the whole situation must be a joke.

Absolutely - OP should be working, not MNing

I also think a 6 mth baby doesn't have the ability to differentiate between morning / evening / 1 hour / 10 hours. Sometimes when she wakes up it's the human she spends all day with. Sometimes its the human she spends all night with. The baby has no idea, and doesn't care.

But in any case.

Nah, I don't think its a joke. I think that the OP is a shite fake CM that has posted a judgemental OP on purpose to get the WOHMs/SAHMs/CM users/Nursery users frothing and sniping at each other.

...and it worked.

It's probably all bollocks.

I dont understand why people think only childminders may have this attitude but not nursery staff. Someone on the thread has already said their nursery judged them for doing this

who was that then?

(scrolls back manically on iPhone)

That was duffybeatmetoit who said that the nursery staff member made a judgey comment

I think it's because if you send your child to one childminder who is their sole carer and who has this attitude it's very different to sending them to a nursery where there are several carers and not every one will be judging you. I know that many of the workers in the nursery I use have children who are in childcare and so they understand what it's like to be a working out of the home mother rather than to be a mother who has chosen to childmind as a way to stay at home with her children but is still sniffy about the parents of the children she minds.

Oh right. So a kind avoid ALL childminders based on the opinions of one kind of thing?

Ahh sorry Aberdeen, I hadn't seen that (or rather I saw that, but didn't note it because it didn't register that the comment had been made directly to her, by her DC's NN, rather that it was a general comment made by a general NN).

Also, what Duelling said.

(Scrolling on the iPhone's a bitch isn't it drives me insane)

well i hope all these posters who dont like the mum having a day off work never leave their children with relatives or friends or childminder so they can go and do something fun or have some time to themselves? i left mine with a friend to go and visit my sister. and will leave them with my dad tonight so dp and i can go out, we are all entitled to some time off, maybe the next time she has a day off she will keep the baby with her but this time she has decided she wants a day to herself, so bloody what!

lteve.

I actually think the whole thread is a bit of a red herring. It's not a judge about a single day off, it's a judge about leaving a 6mo baby for 60 hours a week, but dressed up as being about a different issue.

(can I also just say that I am not, and haven't passed any judgement on it).

When I was on maternity leave I left my 6mo with my parents for 12 hours so I could go to a wedding that DH was best man at and I doubt many people judged me for it (and couldn't care less if they did). So I really don't think it's about having 'time off' a 6mo baby.

I've got no support network around me - the bit of family I've got live 5 hours away, DH is a workaholic. I'd have no qualms about the CM having her for a day if I had a day off - there's loads of stuff I haven't done in the past 7 months: dentist, smear, hairdressers, gym. I'd hate to think my CM judged me, I think I've "proved myself" for the past 7 months since I've only spent 2 hours away from her, and if I want to go to the dentist and DD is better off with a CM who is happy to have her then everyone's happy.

My CM also does the half-price discount thing btw.

It's not that easy for those of us with no family around (or a family who are nervous being left alone with DC) of which I have both types!

Is this the appropriate thread for me to confess I left my 13mth old DS for nearly three weeks so that I could meet a mate for a holiday in Fiji, stop in on another mate in Sydney, and have some fizz with a mate in Joburg on the way home? Three weeks of pedicures, massages, sunbeds, sushi, shabu shabu and champagne.

HTH.

Am sure it will come back to haunt me when child turns into psychotic loony on account of being abandoned. Still waiting for that to happen, though, and he's 9 now.

" It's not a judge about a single day off, it's a judge about leaving a 6mo baby for 60 hours a week, but dressed up as being about a different issue."

In my case it's a judge about the whole package of a full day off for "me time" when you barely see you baby.

I have no issues (as a FT WOHM who was back at work long before DD1 was 6 months old) with parents working.

But I think if a baby is spending a lot of time in childcare, that the parents should prioritise time with the baby when they have time off.

I'm amazed that's a controversial opinion.

There's a lot of stuff mentioned on this thread as being important that I rarely if ever get to do, because I don't have family nearby and life is very busy with two working parents and small children, and something's got to give

To my mind the things that give are haircuts and a tidy house. Apparently for a lot of people the thing that gives is a baby's bond with its parents.

And yes, it does affect your bond with a baby if you barely see them during the week. I think you really have to be fooling yourself about the choices you are making if you think it has no impact on a baby whether they see their parents or not.

It's all a spectrum though isn't it, athinginyourlife? Lots would judge you for being back at work full time with a less than 6 month old. Lots probably judge me for not working at all right now. Not nice to judge anyone, is it?

It's about balance if that's possible and if not sanity of the mother comes a close second. I for example am going to the gym tonight before collecting DS1 from Karate. I won't get home until 7.30 and won't really see ds2. This happens twice a week, and I am a better mum for it.

But AThing, no-one, not even the OP knows that the mother was taking the day of for some 'me' time. For all we (and the OP) knows she was going to a bloody funeral in Edinburgh or having Chemo, or sandblasting her dining room or even intending to shag the Welsh Rugby team in tandem. All she said to the OP was she was having a day to herself. Maybe it was for me-time , who knows and who bloody cares?

I reassert though that the baby is absolutely not missing its mum, or even knows who or what a mum is at that stage in its life. As long as it is cared for it doesn't give a damn who by.

My view is that more time, more quality time, should be spent when the child is older, is able to form coherent memories, emotions etc.

My DD didn't go into Nursery until she was 2 1/2 - is now 7. Not only does she have no memory of her dad taking care of her at all, neither does she remember her Nursery Worker, or the names of any of the kids she was in Nursery with. We've got a picture of them all, and I'm the one who has to point them all out!

What's your earliest memory AThing? Mine is being bitten by Malcom Mustoe when I was 6. Before then, not a scooby.

I don't really give a fuck if people judge me for going back to work.

There is not even a tiny corner of my conscience that thinks I did the wrong thing.

"Not nice to judge anyone, is it?"

I don't really buy that, no.

Talking about the rights and wrongs of what is ultimately a hypothetical situation isn't really judging a person, it's just a discussion.

If the OP was the mother, asking whether people though it was a good idea to take time away from her baby under a set of circumstances she described more fully, then it would be about judging a person.

And still I think I might judge someone harshly for taking AL for a day of "me time" when they have every weekend free and a baby they barely see.

I don't really agree that people should be unquestioningly "supportive" of choices they think are poor choices made for shit reasons.

And I'm pretty sure everybody has a limit to their supportiveness.

At least I hope they do.

60 hours! I think that is sad for the baby, actually, would the mum ever actually see the child awake during the week?

Flabbergasted that a Mum who works 12 hour days 6 days a week is being judged harshly for having 1 day to herself! You must all be very lucky to not have to work stupid hours to feed your children!