Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

Faye I had to earn money, for me childminding is a bloody good business and I have earned a lot of money. I didn't do it to fit around my kids I needed a viable business to support 4 children, 2 older ones thru uni and 2 younger.

Why is that difficult to understand??

So I had 4 under 4 ( last child was a sibling) and I can say its been great but bloody hard work as are most careers are.

However as with all working mums I have had to balance the needs of my own family and they have often come last again I a
NOT MOANING. I would expect for my child cater to put my child first as I am paying good money for that.

But now after 4 years full time I am shutting my setting as I need to prioritise my own kids.

The premise of the op was do we think it's dad to lea e child with cm on a day off? My answer no and it's parents business.

I was merely pointing out that cms are also working mums and if u cm
like me full time and max numbers your kids arnt top priority in a working day.

And that's fair enough.

I just resent the attitude that some cms work for pin money to stay at home with their own kids and faff around all day at sports day.

The paperwork and ofsted requirements alone negate anyone just playing at it, maybe a few years ago but not now.

Bad taste?

I think it's unprofessional to be in a situation where you are doing a job with your own child present to be honest. We are human, even more so we are animals, procedures will go out the window in an emergency and even in those everyday small occurrences where little Mary Mindee clobbers your PFB Paul. It is instinctual to put your own family members first ahead of those with whom you have forged a relationship purely on monetary grounds.

I think childminding is a noble profession WHERE it is undertaken PROFESSIONALLY and for me, undertaking the role for the purpose of being able to stay in your own home and mind your own children of the same age as other children is not okay unless you have a very true, high-minded vocation towards the job as well (as, say, many fostercarers do). I think really your own children should be going to childcare if you are working 60 hours a week to enable the childcarer to fulfil their professional role these days.

Really, the best people to CM these days are those whose children are much older and out at school or college or women without families of their own. The idea of trying to raise your own young child at home while caring for others in the way required by the EYFS etc seems to leave everyone in a bad situation. It's not as it was 50 years ago where a woman could take in a child for some extra pennies but just raise them as she would her own, all this professionalisation and proceduralisation (whether you agree with it or not) means it's no longer really the relaxed affair where it is appropriate and feasible to try to mind some kids while raising your own. I think it's disastrous to be honest.

Nope couldn't agree less with that post MAD.

Wow. This thread has gone from judgemental to plain old bonkers. MAD, you are talking a lot of nonsense.

don't agree with MAD either. That's just silly

What MAD is saying is part of why I wouldn't use a childminder over a nursery setting to be honest.

but my CM has one son who is 11 and at school. DS1 and her other mindee has her full attention. You can choose a suitable family environment

So MAD and fueling, do you not think staff at nurseries have their own children there? Do teachers never send their children to the school they are educating?

Sorry, meant MAD and dueling

"So MAD and fueling, do you not think staff at nurseries have their own children there? Do teachers never send their children to the school they are educating?"

I KNOW some of them do. My point is that in a nursery setting there is more than one person looking after the children and that is why I prefer it. I don't know how it works but perhaps someone who works in a nursery can tell me? Would a nursery worker be the key worker for their own child or would someone else be given that responsibility?

In the nursery I use there is one nursery worker who works in the baby room but who has an older child in the nursery below.

The nursery where I qualified had this situation. The underpaid staff treated all children equal, however the nursery proprietor favoured family members. Each to their own way of dealing with this situation I guess. I know the proprietor was wrong with her views!

When I worked in a nursery you were not allowed your own child in the same room as you. I worked in the baby room but if I decided to return after mat leave I would have been moved to the toddler room so dd could start in the baby room.

My friend was a sure start assistant and her baby was allowed in the same room as her so every setting must make their own rules.

I don't feel I favour my dd on a day to day basis while childminding. They all get treated the same if they are hitting etc

Not sure if I could have coped with being in a nursery setting though and having another nursery nurse punishing dd if she done something, more if she started crying after being put in timeout or something. That would be really difficult for me

My mother is a teacher and taught me in my first year of formal education e.g. Reception aged. She said she had this lovely romantic notion of us being together but that it was very detrimental to our relationship. I have memories of this raging sense of injustice and jealousy about certain things.. in the school nativity I was gutted she made me a sheep and felt that the fact another child was Mary meant she loved them more than me! Nuts, but how a child's mind works..

She said my behaviour really changed towards her at home, I was all about Dad, I wanted a break from her outside of the class and I often called her "Teacher" instead of Mum. She advises all school teachers to make sure they won't teach their children even if this means sending them to a different school and she chose not to teach any of my siblings based on this experience.

I can only imagine it's worse with the under-5's.

my father was taught by his mother in primary school, their relationship was damaged beyond repair he always resented it and hated primary school because of it, was given the choice of boarding school for secondary and jumped at it!

There's no way I'd ever teach my children, far too awkward. However, childminding is nothing like teaching so I'm not sure how it's relevant here.

it swings to both sides probably, and I'ld guess most people would claim to be neutral when probably the reality is that a smaller amt are

my home village everyone used the same CM for after school, she had a son in the primary school, he was her little prince, he was allowed to choose one mindee a day who was allowed to play on his expensive computer games etc. As a result a lot of kids resented him, que CM barging into school with bullying accusations because he wasn't much liked, que CM compensating by crowning him king of the kids during afterschool time, que more resentment of the horrible boy who was like a rohl dahl characature of a spoilt obnoxious child

On the other hand, the CM I used had older children, the bigger bedroom was used for naps, they had small rooms and NO space for them as all the living area was set up for toddlers and babies, the home was done up almost like a nursery not a home and certainly not the home of older children

It was asked as a question Cailin.. "so teachers can't teach their kids etc?"

I don't see that it's at all irrelevant, though. Basically CMing is now a professional role and a person doing this job should be able to put their professionalism ahead of their personal responsibilities in most everyday situations. I think that's probably a tall order when taking care of children while trying to raise your own in the early years where they will fight/are very dependent etc, so I would suggest that anyone professionally committed to the role as it stands these days needs to seek alternative childcare for their own children and treat it as it is - a job - and realise they are as much a working mother (or father) as any of their clients.

It's not a job to do just because you fancy being around your kids all day and think this is the way to achieve that and get paid for it. Not as it stands at the moment with the paperwork etc involved.

I think this thread is just getting more and more bizarre. MAD, are you a childminder? Have you ever used a childminder?

Favouritism - that's what we're talking about after all - can happen in all settings, regardless of whether family members are present or not. It is utterly ridiculous to imply that, just because a childminder has their own child present, they will favour their family over the minded children. That's where professionalism comes in. Please don't judge others by your own poor standards!

I work with my DH. We are a family offering childcare. My DD, aged 2, and my DS, aged 12, are part of that package, as are the grandparents, who are called Granny and Grandad by all the children when they're here - yes, they're CRB checked, they worked with children, too.

The minded children are part of our family. We're graded Outstanding; the parents who use us appreciate the way our business is set up, particularly single parents, those with only one child, and those without grandparents.

Unprofessional? You don't know what you're talking about!

Tanith your set up sounds lovely. DS2's CM's dad lives with her and all the children know him as grandad and he takes his wooden leg off upon request It is lovely for DS2 as he only has one grandad who is too frail to visit.

it lacks boundaries and is unprofessional that children. call you gran/grandad
when you aren't the GP
you're the paid carer
you need to be realistic and not pretend it's home from home or jolly day at the grand parents.

quite simply it's a day at the paid child minder.
it's a business transaction,not touch feely call me gran,call him grandad

it's v inappropriate of you

"It is utterly ridiculous to imply that, just because a childminder has their own child present, they will favour their family over the minded children. "

Really? "Utterly ridiculous". And there is a small difference between "favouritism" in a work place in general and suggesting a parent might.. just might favour their own child over one that they take into their home to earn money.

Anyway, the central point is being missed. My point is that it is not a very good idea to go into childminding so that you can spend more time with your own child and get paid for it. I acknowledged that some people have a vocation for it as a profession above and beyond this reason.

Also, like it or lump it, a lot of people choose not to use childminders for this very common-sense reason.

Inappropriate for you Scottishmummy, but that's why you're using a nursery and not a childminder, surely?

It's not inappropriate for us or for the parents who use our services - or are you judging their parenting choices? As you said yourself, it's up to them.

It's my business model and it works very well for me. I see no need to change it. Parents are happy; kids are happy; OFSTED are happy - who's complaining? Some argumentative people on an anonymous site.

Of course people choose not to use childminders, but I don't see that as a bad thing. To be frank, I probably wouldn't want to work with those people anyway. Childcare settings are many and varied, especially childminder settings, and it's entirely down to parental choice what will work for them and their families. This is something I tell every parent that comes to see us.

no.they as paid carer are using inappropriate terms
terms that are familial in definition and common usage.
its wholly inappropriate
and alluding to a non existent relationship,they arent the GP - they are paid carers

yes I use nursery but I sure as hell dont want staff being called over familiar names like gran/ grandad

you lack boundaries

Jardin, thank you for your comments: the wooden leg sounds brilliant
We can't show anything nearly so entertaining, but Granny does a great line in stories - they adore her visits!