Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

Elizabeth - wonderful post.

I think you said perfectly what every working parent would love to hear from their childminder. Non-judgemental and caring.

Sorry if I have seemed a little strident on this thread, it really hit a nerve with me, having done exactly what is being criticised by the OP. I never thought to feel sad for my DC, which implies a form of neglect on the mothers part. Susie, I'm absolutely sure you didn't mean that at all,you do sound like a nice mum and CM.
As I've learnt, to my horror at times, on MN one bad word choice can open a can of worms. In this case the word 'sad' was a red flag.

Yes monkey I understand and my youngest is 10 so different.

I couldn't have childminded when mine were little, for one thing the paperwork is endless and for another if u want a good profitable business( not a dirty word) then u need at least 3 mindees full time IMO.

However there are a lot of cms on the child care thread who do have younger children and are fantastic.

To be a successful childminder imo,and it is very different to a nursery as its just you, u need to be warm, friendly, professional and flexible and defiantly tactful and lastly not care a rats ass about the family after the door closes. ( in a nice way iucwim).

it sounds very difficult to achieve, IMO it'ld easier to be a nursery nurse because when you step into your work place you can put on your nursery nurse "hat" and leave your mum hat at home, in your home, trying to raise your own young children your way at the same time, much much harder!

I do care work and find hospital work much much easier than home care, once someone's own home is in the mix, the dynamics are harder.

It doesn't sound like the OP is there yet or indeed even sees that she has some way to go! She might get there, but I think there are a lot who never do!

I am just going to pop on here with 2 comments:

Firstly, just because baby's dad picks up on Friday evening and drops off Monday morning doesn't necessarily mean he has her all weekend. He might have her Friday evening and the Sunday afternoon and overnight. We have no way of knowing.

Also - and ?I doubt the OP will report back with this - but I wonder if baby will be with CM for a full 12 hour day on the day off - or if mum will drop off late/pick up early?

Just nosey questions, though. None of my business really.

Yes monkey agree with you on all your points.

I've just had to look after two of mine for the week, including bank holiday, while both parents were away working.

I don't suppose they wanted to, either.

cm is business
it's not altruistic as fees are charged
and its not home from home.it's paid childcare delivered in someone else home

if you don't think it's a business transaction you're being bit naive
I like nursery staff,but it's functional business relationship

I specifically didn't chose cm as I didn't want my dc fitting into someone else home,their dc,school run etc. and cm I encountered were all doing it to make extra money working at home. it was what they did to be able to be home with their own kids and get fees watching others

from antenatal a few precious moments mamas went into cm,specifically for this reasons.no prior interest in cm, no prior experience or interest in childcare.had pursued other careers. anecdotally,those I met had quite strident disapproval of working mums...but were prepared to take their money though

i worked full time, stretched 20 sodding days leave over 12 weeks or whatever of school holiday.

after a few years, got a job where i had flex time- so an extra 13 days leave. i kept one day back for illness etc but where i had to take it or lose it, i took it and told no one.

my cm at the child saw me on one of these days having my hair cut. she told every one in the play ground about how i had used a days leave and not spent it with my kids.

it was the nail in the coffin!

that was v unreasonable of cm
not her business

"I specifically didn't chose cm as I didn't want my dc fitting into someone else home,their dc,school run etc."

I chose CM because I did want my DC fitting in with another home, another family.

The CM who minds my children was a nanny before she had her own children and started her own business. She's such a pro.

The first CM the girls went to was the opposite - loads of MNers would not leave their kids with her, she did loads of things people disapprove of - too much TV, constantly giving them sweets, juice in a bottle.

But she loved them (still does, they still visit her) and they her, and that mattered to me more than anything.

I doubt CM2 would ever judge me for working. CM1 might well wonder what possesses me to leave two kids she loves spending all day with.

But I don't give a shite what they think about my childcare arrangements as long as they are good to my children and keep them safe and happy when they have them.

Now this is a sad tale........
J, 29months arrived at 6.45.
Dad left.
7pm - granny arrived. Id not been advised but knew her as she picked up occasionally.
I noticed she looked very glamorous and told her she looked nice.
She thanked me and said it had been a lovely wedding. ..........
Of J's mummy and daddy.

Mindies parents had not only gone and got married, but were on the way to the airport for a 2 week honeymoon in Mexico!!!

J had no idea.
He stayed with granny and had a horrendous 2 weeks. As did I.

I still send my little one if not at work as old childminder charged as do nursery which is fair enough if had a week off and nothing major planned he went and we caught up on cleaning, shopping etc but then had him off for couple days and had family days out.

Our new childminder who he does 2 days a week with charges 50% when she is on hols and same with us so we have a week off in july for a family wedding/holiday and will be back for 2 days nursery which he will go to so we can do the mass of washing/catch up after hol then the fri which is a cm day we have him off with us and will have a fun day out.

Parents are all different I felt massively guilty first time I was off and still sent him to childminders and ask a friend who had 2 and she laughed and said she always sends her if off however some other friends are shocked I send mine as they would never send theirs when they are off

and,so what?
maybe honeymoon was no children resort paid by family,pals etc
sandals wedding and honeymoon Inc Mexico are child free

sm, come on

you think pissing off for 2 weeks and not even telling your 2 and 1/2 yr old isn't shite?

even you aren't that hard

I is well ard

Scottishmummy......J didn't even know about the wedding.
Odd. Very odd.

save it as an anecdote to be recycled on future working mums threads
proof they are all heartless
as in what kind of mammy does that, few faces

well at just 2yrs old he wont even know or understand what a wedding is really, maybe they wanted a child free wedding and to relax for the day?

as for the honeymoon, they left him with his grandma, he may well ahve been told he was going to stay with grandma and at that age may have forgotten?

people leave their children with cms and in nurseries or with friends and relatives for all sorts of reasons, its not for anyone to judge, so what if the mum was using her day off to something fun for herself (and wehave no idea waht she was going to do with her day) the child was left in the care of someone responsible not on its own in a cot in an empty house all day, that i would be judgey about!

i am assuming that all these people who are so judgey of the mum never leave their children ever.

seems a little sad that they didnt want J at their wedding - but maybe was a small do and they just wanted to have a special day for them-at 2 he wont rem the day

and sure he was told he was staying at grannys for 2 weeks -again i dont see the problem-a honeymoon is meant to be a special time for adults not kids

prob was their last big expense and again i dont see the problem in parents having adult holidays for them - the average child has a great time at grannys/friends/with me when i look after children when parents wants 'me' time

just as long as they then have a family holiday as well

I could stay at home with my children all the time. Trouble is, we'd soon lose the house as I would not be able to pay the mortgage or provide food. Far better that I go off to work.

So glad I don't use a CM though. Fancy breaking confidentiality in such a way by posting quite specific details on the Internet. If you want to be treated as professionals then you need to act professionally.

Can not believe I am getting drawn back into this again!!

Llare- can you please tell me how unearth your post fits in with my original post? What has me asking childminders for there own experiences got to do with you paying your mortgage!

Oakmaiden- believe it or not I actually speak to mindees parents and have friendly chats with them during drop off/ pick up time. We don't have one of these slide drawers you see in banks to push her under! Mum gives her a kiss goodbye on a Friday telling her she will see her Monday and dad fills me in Monday morning on how her routine has been over the weekend.

I will now wait on someone coming along and telling me that the parents are actually cheeky pranksters who just pretend she spends weekends with dad [bangs head on keyboard]

Like I have said before my op was not nasty about the mum in the slightest, I have been a working mum and I have used childcare. I was wanting feedback from childminders about something I had no experience off and was surprised about.

Because you are paid to provide a service, and with that there is an implication that you don't discuss situations like the one you described on a public forum. A shocking breach of trust, I think, and one which would question my faith and trust in you to care for my children.

Where paying for my mortgage comes into it is the judgmental posts in this thread, not necessarily from you, that judge parents for leaving their children to go to work.

your op and tone is judgmental
hence,strong response youve received
now given you also work a 60hour week,like the my you describe. and your children are with the mindees 60 hr week..then I'd expect you to have some empathy

and yes as you can see plenty mums leave kid at cm and pursue an activity in their own

The child was 2! I'm sure he didn't give a flying doughnut about going to the wedding. He probably had a lovley time at Grannys. The parents didn't leave him home alone and bugger off. Seesh.

The prinipcle that if you are a mother (or a father) and have spare time eg weekend or day off you must spend it with a child which is under 3 is just wrong. There are lots of things that need to be done in life including just sorting out the house. In most cases if a parent isn't working but their spouse, granny or child minder have the child they tend to be doing things like washing or buying food or tidying up. Secondly even if they are not if they can afford it why should they not have some time off even if just to sleep? Parenthood is not martrydom and most parents although they may want the odd day off in general do want to spend most of the rest of their time with their under 3s even if both parents work full time.

We left a 1 and 3 year old when we went on a week's holiday - I was 5 months pregnant. I did when we got back feel it was a bit long. I missed them. They were with their nanny who came every day and also their grand mother and aunt stayed too. We didn't do it again although it was a very restful week. It just felt a bit too long to be away from such little children. I certainly feel they suffered. I just missed them. However I wouldn't criticise anyone who did and the 1 year old was nearly 2 and had stopped breastfeeding - she stopped about one year of age so there were no breastfeeding issues.