Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

I deal in commercial property management. It would not enter my mind to judge those folk who invest in property and ask me to manage it. Why would it enter a CM's mind to judge me for asking her to look after my DC?

I don't think she would judge you for employing her, I would imagine she would be grateful for that. But she wouldn't be human if she didn't form opinions about you. As your CM she is much more involved in your life than a property manager is, because she knows you and your children well and sees you every day. It's her job to know about the children and to educate and care for them so obviously she is going to have to reconcile the way you bring up your children with her own ideas. How she can do that without judging I really don't know. She's hardly just going to accept everything you say without any opinion - she's going to listen to what you say, then match it to what she feels she can do, and find a compromise - all of that involves judgement every single day.

and doing it for money
cm self employed,not an altruistic act
so let's be clear, cm minds for money.keep inane opinion to self
whilst working parents do a paid job to pay cm fees

Dear susiemumof - can you please remind us why you actually asked this question?

Why do you want to know from other CMs if this is normal?

As far as I can see there are 2 angles here:

a) you are worried that the child you care for is spending too much time in child care

or

b) you are worried that even if your mindees parents have holiday they still want to send their chidlren to you.

If it is a) - I think you either need to speak to the parents or if you want to use MN as a sounding board - be bit clearer about your concerns

If it is b) - you need to set out to your mindees parents clearly exactly when you want your holidays. Most parents would be happy to know all this stuff in advance so they can plan accordingly.

Following on from above - there is a load of speculation on this thread about why a single mum should want a day off and assumption that if the dad picks up and drops off on Fri/ Mon he must have had baby over weekend.

there are millions of reasons why mum would want day off rangin from lazy tosser to worthy person looking after agin parent with alzheimers.

similarly for dad pick up/ drop off e.g dad is loving daddy and looks after child over weekend/ dad is control freak who makes mum work all week and then denies her contact at weekend. Who knows?

Agnesf - I had to wonder a bit about a dad having the baby the entire weekend, when the mum apparently never sees him/her! Sounds really unlikely. That would mean the mum literally never spent a full day with the baby. Would someone really do that?

agnes or C) she was surprised at the mum's decision and was just curious to know whether it is unusual or whether it's common practice.

You are right HCCB. That is another valid angle on and maybe everyone is reading more into this than face value.

If the OP was just surprised and curious, then why would she feel 'sad for the baby' and assume 'mum would want to be with baby'

Nope, she was just being judgemental about mums choices. Very unprofessional.

I expect she feels sad for the baby because the baby doesn't really know its mum if she has that much. I just think she can't understand like a lot of people on here why she would leave all her all day when she didn't need to but there are also lots on the thread that do so op I think you have got your answer it is normal.

So the OP wasn't just surprised and curious then.

Like I said, judgemental and unprofessional.

Or d) the op offers an inadequate standard of care so is concerned that the child is left with her.

Really unless d) as specified above applied (which I seriously doubt the op thinks) it's nobody's business other than the mum's. Poor treatment of the child would be the only reason for a third party to have any interest in this and conversely if no poor treatment of the child = no issue.

WOW amazed at all the judgemental comments from about childminders, the same people who don't expect childminders to judge them

Please not this is the childminding section! I was only asking for advice from childminders about their experience if this!

Funnys, if you're paying your childminder £1200 pcm you're probably working the 60 hr week the op descibes, maybe thats why you're so wound up that the hired help would dare to have an opinion of you that wasn't as complimentary as you would expect

I find is quite niave you think paying someone automatically stops them having an opinion of you, no matter how professional they are

WOW.amazed you're amazed
stop bitching about mums
and no this isn't a cozy wee gossip with other cm.its notable other cm have reprimanded you for your comments

you need to sort your bad attitutude

spot on suzie

those who pay childminders feel they can mud sling all the way, but the merest hint their childminder might not view them with the total adoration they feel they deserve(as they pay them money...) is met with their disgust and disapproval

wake up and smell the coffee girls

on ease up on the hyperbole
Susie got a pasting for bring bitchy and judgey - and yes other cm have pulled her up on her bad attitude.not just mums

and aye,don't bite the hand that feeds.working mums pay your wages

Actually I am in the fortunate position that I don't really need to work, I do it to provide extra treats for my dc and because I love working with children. I am certainly not biting the hand that feeds me!

oh really?
youre just bitching then?feeling sad about a poor abandoned baby
gosh it's such a burden for you to bear

Sorry I missed the disclaimer at the top that was only asking childminders if they judged. I thought you were asking if it was normal which would require parents to answer

But as I said, unless there's a concern about quality of care for the child, it's a total non-issue.

WOW amazed at all the judgemental comments from about childminders, the same people who don't expect childminders to judge them

..and take how you feel right now. Angry? Judged? Upset?

We are people you don't even know. We are judging you for being judgemental. For commenting on the 'poor sad baby'. For commenting on your 'surprise that mum didn't want to be with her baby'

Now imagine how your client would feel if she knew the CM she chose, the CM she thought was a decent person, the CM she gives her darling daughter to, was judging her in the same way.

Can you not see the irony? Can you not see how wrong this is?

those who pay childminders feel they can mud sling all the way, but the merest hint their childminder might not view them with the total adoration they feel they deserve(as they pay them money...) is met with their disgust and disapproval

I don't pay a CM. My 'mudslinging' as you put it is aimed directly towards CM that judge their clients. Just as it is aimed at every woman that judges other parents for their personal choices.

Unless it involves neglect, danger, abuse - why judge?

I wonder how many hours OP would be able to mind a child for without it being something she judges? 20 hours a week? 40? Clearly not 60. SO, OP, why do you agree to do it if it causes you so much sorrow? As a child minder surely you can set your own limits and only take kids who are limited to a certain amount of hours?

dueling, she's not doing it to get out the house, she's doing it for the money, so having a child for 60 hrs is better than having one for 20 hrs (duh)

and where does she say it causes her so much sorrow?

she feels sad for the 6m baby that her mum who barely sees her doesnt want to spend a day off with her and she was asking other childminders if this was usual

the amount of flak she's had from all the mums who work and think this is normal is very telling

To answer the question that was asked, yes I do find that parents often have a day off but still bring their children to me. Similarly if they get off early, they usually but not always collect at the usual time. FWIW that's fine by me.

I don't think most CMs are unduly judgemental about other parents choices or lifestyles. All the CMs I know ARE working mothers, and many will have previously had other careers, so will be well aware of the pressures that brings. Of course the whole purpose of the service we provide is to support other parents.

But of course it is perfectly natural and reasonable that parents and CMs weigh each other up and make judgements. I would not enter into a hopefully long and important relationship with a child whose parents I knew I could not like and respect. I would hope that parents would take the same view. All these comments about the "hired help" taking the money and forfeiting any right to an opinion are inflammatory rubbish. I have to wonder what sort of parents would entrust their child to someone they valued so little.