Is SAHM better than childcare? Does no one worry?

[Zon]

In my home country the key discussion topic when mums talk about childcare is the impact of it. What will it do to your child (emotionally, developmentally etc.) if you are a working parent and your child sees you much less? Many parent find that at least one of the parents should be there for more than half of the week. Somehow it doesn't seem such an issue here. Is this true or have I just missed it? Do you worry about the impact of childcare on your baby/child?

mums worry whatever they do sahm, working mum, bottle v breast.. blah blah blah

if anyone saw the series, 'call the midwife' on Sunday night be thankful we have the use of contrception, health care and decent minimum wages.

this argument is the idle musing of the middle classes, if you have to and or want to work then do! if not then dont, who bloody cares. kids thrive in any caring environment be it with mum, nan, cm or nursery.. its a yawn

If several hundred-post threads a month on MN, with posters from the separate camps fuming and frothing at the mouth and calling each other all the names under the sun isn't enough for you to regard something as an issue, OP....

This topic is simply being debated to death.

If you want some actual evidence, you might want to turn to a recent UNICEF survey of child happiness and adjustment in different European countries; it was on here in the autumn, I'm sure someone can find the link.

Basically, the survey found that the two countries that stood out for their
high level of child wellbeing were Sweden and Spain: one country that has a very high level of children in childcare and one where children tend to be looked after by relatives. (The UK which has a far lower level of working mums than Sweden has done relatively badly in child wellbeing surveys for quite a long time.) So it would seem that there is more than one way to bring up a happy child.

Thanks for this- I'm doing a research project on this at the moment.

I have found so far that children, in their first 2-3 years need to attach to one adult (usually the mother) in order to a)trust people b)a feeling of self importance/ their needs c) positive relationships with others, if this is taken away for whatever reason the child can show signs of a)delinquency b) behavioral problems and c) affectionate psychopathy they need to be with their mother/father or be able to make a noise to make her come to them.
BUT this is research from 'Bowlby' and possibly an out-dated model, it is no news to most, if not all mums that the first 3 years are incredibly important to the minds and emotional lives of children throughout their lives.

You need some better research that summation is not correct. And certainly use of psychopathy in that context as inferred cause and effect is wide of mark

Bowlby is v old data and not contemporaneous

myTHINyear Wed 18-Jan-12 16:54:11
Thanks for this- I'm doing a research project on this at the moment.

"I have found so far that children, in their first 2-3 years need to attach to one adult (usually the mother) in order to a)trust people b)a feeling of self importance/ their needs c) positive relationships with others, if this is taken away for whatever reason the child can show signs of a)delinquency b) behavioral problems and c) affectionate psychopathy they need to be with their mother/father or be able to make a noise to make her come to them."

To find out whether observed problems are linked to out-of-the-home childcare or to poor quality out-of-the-home childcare, you might want to look at more recent data, and particularly data from countries with a high standard of childcare as this is a good way of testing your hypothesis.

My personal feeling, having lived through the change in Sweden from almost universal SAHM care to very high levels of organised childcare, is that there don't really seem to be more psychopaths (or even badly behaved children) around these days. Also that children who have gone into childcare as babies/toddlers still seem to have very clear attachments to their parents. After all, even a child in fulltime nursery is still spending a significant amount of time with its parents.

I cannot understand how a few hrs at nursery/childminder etc would affect the attachment of a child to his main carer (mother, father whatever).
Usually children who come from a normal, secure home aren't affected by a few hrs in childcare.

In days gone by when women were working in the mill, on the farm or handing child over to the Nanny to go upstairs to the nursery, there were always other childcare providers around - family, friends, staff etc, etc. In fact I'm pretty sure that it would have been the norm in caveman days for there to be an extended group of adults around all providing childcare.

I can't really see the difference nowadays, except maybe it's the fact that there's a financial transaction involved that makes people uncomfortable? Would people feel differently if a blood relative was caring for the child? DS goes to a CM, he loves going there, he sees his friends and does different things and gets to socialise. I go to work, yes to earn money but also to carry on with a career that I spent years training for and I still enjoy.

In days gone by when women were working in the mill, on the farm or handing child over to the Nanny to go upstairs to the nursery, there were always other childcare providers around - family, friends, staff etc, etc. In fact I'm pretty sure that it would have been the norm in caveman days for there to be an extended group of adults around all providing childcare.

I can't really see the difference nowadays, except maybe it's the fact that there's a financial transaction involved that makes people uncomfortable? Would people feel differently if a blood relative was caring for the child? DS goes to a CM, he loves going there, he sees his friends and does different things and gets to socialise. I go to work, yes to earn money but also to carry on with a career that I spent years training for and I still enjoy.

Ds went to nursery 3 days a week from the age of 11 months. I only felt angsty about it when other people told me I should - tbh, ds enjoyed it and doesn't appear to be a psychopath.

As he's an only child, I like the fact that he's been surrounded by other children all his life.

I don't worry about it at all.

Worrying is a waste of time. Live your life, make your decisions and be OK that you made the best ones you could at the time.

Who has time for constant ball-aching over every bloody thing to to with being a parent?

Not me, anyway.

IMHO it doesn't matter who gives the childcare but it's the quality of the care that is key.

Children NEED to learn how to socialise, share etc before school to make it easier. Now a sahm could do this by attending play groups, friends with kids and siblings. A nursery/ cm would also give this.

I would feel uncomfortable not seeing my child for more than 2 hours a day but I have the luxury of part time/ choice.

Financial pressure means not all have that choice

Ah you see I am coming from this from a different angle....I have been a sahm for 9 years now to 2 boys aged 8 and 3. I was just back in work when I got pg with ds2 (didnt think we could have any more dc so lovely surprise)

I worry that I do not do enough with ds2...we bake, read stories, do puzzles etc etc but we also watch a lot of cbeebies!!!! Tbh I think he would get far more stimulation at pre school/nursery than here with me.

I am trying to get him to go to pre school 2 x mornings per week atm but it is proving difficult to say the least (he got so hysterical last time he vomited )

I also want to go back to work p/t soon.

I am happy with my choices (esp as ds1 has sen) BUT if we could have afforded it (we have been a one income family for 8 years now) I would have tried ds2 at pre school/nursery when he was younger.

I really feel for those of you who want to be at home with your dc but cant

MyTHINyear: What exactly do you mean by 'research project'? It makes a huge difference whether its just reading some textbooks so you can write an essay for college/university or whether you are in fact carrying out a large-scale, systematic longitudinal study of the issue. It makes a huge difference, especially when throwing words like 'psychopathy' around.

My guess is the former. If I'm wrong, then I'm sure I'm not the only one that would live to hear about your research design.

Even if you are writing an essay for university, OP, you need to pull your thinking together. A good way of losing marks (at least in my classes!) is to set out with a preconceived idea and go looking for evidence that fits it.

A much better way is to set out to test a hypothesis, by accumulating a series of studies from different settings.

SetFiretotheRain - my DH's income alone does not cover our bills, so what sacrifices would you suggest that we make in order for our DC to avoid the necessity of childcare? We lead a very ordinary life, no luxury cars/holidays etc.

You imply that anyone could afford to avoid childcare - I disagree.

Ahh the sacrifices argument - that's the one where we could all afford to send our children to private school if we only cut out that bottle of wine :o

I'm a single parent SetFire. Either I am on income support, or my DS goes to childcare. I bet you don't have a very high opinion of single mothers who choose not to work so that they can be SAHMs either

It's the other way round. Stay at home parents are worse for children. Also women who are more intelligent have careers and also tend to be better at child psychology and dealing with children so make better mothers. They tend to be the working mothers. Working mothers produce the best children.

Oh Xeniaaaaa you know what is going to happen now ...

Iwould also be interested to see what kind of 'research project' this is. Because it sounds like more like Mrs Wibble writing something for her Shitsville Distance Learning College Child Development Course.

Xenia that was very naughty

of course parents worry but there is no way anyone can see the difference between different types of childcare on the same child unless you can make a clone which you can't so erm... choose whichever you are most comfortable with in the circumstances you have.