Where is the respect for nannies?

[Caramellatteandchocolate]

I have been a nanny for 15 years. I have had mainly very sucesfully positions, but the odd one where families have been completely out of order and generally lacked respect.

Having read through a number of the the threads I have to ask where is the respect for nannies? We generally work much longer hours than the parents, we look after what should be the most precious thing in a parents life, but yet constantly have to put up with mothers being petty and unreasonable, is it a jealously thing or what?

Many mothers are quite rude to there nannies and very unreasonable, think that they can treat them like something the have trodden in and expect them to be slaves around the house!

Many families don't think twice to paying late, coming home late and not apologising or offering to pay the extra or offer the time off, yet if the roles were to be reversed the nanny would be given a stern talking to. If a nanny is unwell they are often made to feel guilty for the inconvienience is has caused, when we ar all human and occasionally can't work.

As a nanny we have no protection and is the only job where people get taken advantage of and treated with such little respect, it just wouldn't be allowed in other professions cause people would have grievances made against them.

Most of us do a fantastic job, please remember a happy nanny means happy children!

You sound lovely.

Many mothers are quite rude to there nannies and very unreasonable, think that they can treat them like something the have trodden in and expect them to be slaves around the house!

That is certainly not my experience. So maybe it's a gender thing? Or maybe I've just chosen well in terms of which families I work for.

I agree that there is a general lack of respect for nannies, but I think that the majority of the normal families with nannies have a huge deal of respect for us which is why they trust us with their children. It's more the general public who I find have a lack of respect, and then it's through ignorance and daily mail-ish opinions as opposed to genuinely looking down on us (only rich asshats and/or celebrities have nannies, nannies get paid shedloads to play all day, nannies are destroying our families, new breed of 'super nanny', usual child-worker bollocks too, etc etc etc)

op, I couldn;t agree with you more

I nannied years ago and found what you found to be absolutely correct

I am now a mum and I don't think it is all jealousy (although thats part of it)

I just think some people are colder/harder work/willing to take advantage more than others

and some people are usually quite nice for most of the time

one thing I do know is that people put on a front when they are at work, then drop the pretence when they walk through their front door and unfortunately you get to see their true selves

I usually found mothers thought I was beneath them for wanting to work in childcare, as it seemed to be the last thing they;d want to do

its a really hard job, especially if you live in (which I always did)

Whoops, posted too soon:
Just like there are bad nannies, there are bad families I was supposed to add!

I texted my employer to say that I was very ill with the flu - her response was 'well I can't not work so I will see you tomorrow'. It's the assumption that there was going to be no compromise that I didn't like. No attempt to find another arrangement or consider an alternative - it was a case of 'my needs are more important than yours'. The job didn't last.

Some of my employers have been lovely. Some resent going to work and leaving their dc with the nanny, moan about the cost of a nanny they seem to forget we all have a living to make.

What do you mean you have no protection ? Try being a psych nurse , then you will reallly understand what it is like to have no protection .

I think you live in a cave . Are you aware that the NHS is actually the worst organisation for bullying ?
I am sure also that your working environment is a lot better than a ward environment.
You sound a bit precious tbh.

I think nannyplum - with reference to bullying and the tone of your reply, you are a tad out of order

And a lot of the workforce are now made to feel like an inconvenience when they take time off .
You really aren't doing your 'profession' any favours.

As a nanny we have no protection and is the only job where people get taken advantage of and treated with such little respect, it just wouldn't be allowed in other professions cause people would have grievances made against them.

I'm going to have to take issue with that. There are many industries where abuses are more widespread and more serious, particularly those with gang labour (construction, agriculture etc.) And in any industry those who work for small employers are equally as exposed to abuse and often feel remote from support - and usually on minimum wage (or less) - retail and catering being two particular examples.

is the only job where people get taken advantage of and treated with such little respect, it just wouldn't be allowed in other professions cause people would have grievances made against them.

Really? That, with all due respect, is bollocks.

I think she is tring to say that you cannot really complain to anyone else about bullying etc like you could in a firm or a hospital etc.

I've been lucky with my families and, as yet, not had a problem. I have heard many other nannies talking about employers who come home late, pay late, shout/moan about a lost sock or other quite unimportant things.

There was a post on here only a couple of days ago ranting about how nannies are entitled, lazy, unqualified, overpaid etc etc so that attitude is definitely out there.

I don't think it's 'many mothers' though, I'd say 'some'.

With regards to this :

'As a nanny we have no protection and is the only job where people get taken advantage of and treated with such little respect, it just wouldn't be allowed in other professions cause people would have grievances made against them'.

I don't think it's the only job like this. I do think comparing it to, for example, the NHS isn't helpful though as it is much harder to gague how a big a problem this is within nannying for the exact reason that the OP makes i.e. there is no governing body/union/HR department to log such statistics. We're on our own a lot of the time and in a vulnerable position.

Nannyplum the quote marks around 'profession' are uncalled for and exactly the kind of disrespect the OP refers to.

I think the problem is that most people employing a nanny don't consider themselves as employers as such. They think they are hiring a cleaner or a gardener. Next job I do I will definitely be more clear about boundaries so that she sees that employing a nanny is a commitment, not just a quick deal.

MrAnchovy and Lisaro I due apologise as I do realise its not the only profession to have these problems, I'm afriad I phrased it wrong. Yes redglow that is the point I was trying to make.

I would just like to say this was very much a generalised observation, as most of my positions have been very sucesful and I only take on positions I feel happy and comfortable with,not just for me but for the respect of the family, however from experience and meeting people and reading threads it is a widespread problem within the profession.

Don't get me wrong I love my job and find it very rewarding. There are many lovely families out there. I find communication one of the most important things within my job.

Nannyplumismyname I'm sorry you feel so bitter.

Nannying has only very recently been viewed as a profession and still doesn't meet many of the markers to be considered as such. The training and entry requirements are nil, the standardisation of quality and conditions is also nil. Therein lies the problem.

There are good nannies and good families, bad nannies and bad families, families who treat their nanny like shit and nannies who accept that, nannies who walk roughshod over their employers and employers who take that.

For example cash in hand. So many nannies will do it that employers get away with offering it. A nanny who won't is told it's easy to find someone who will. Add to that the irresponsible nannies who either accept the deal or, worse, offer it and it's no wonder it's so widespread.

Nannies can do things to make it better - like joining a professional organisation - but far too few will.

I personally bend over backwards to keep my nanny happy. A nanny is the only way I can work. But at the end of the day I pay her wage, I earn more than she does and that - economically - puts me higher in the pecking order. Anyone who has a chip in their shoulder about that shouldn't be nannying.

I suspect some of the poor treatment of nannies stems from the poor treatment their employer gets from their employer. If you are nanny to an investment banker who works 80 hours a week and expected to be on a plane at 4 hours notice with no compromise - well that kind of pressure is going to feed down to you as a nanny. Not an excuse but it happens.

On the other hand I know a couple who have had the same nanny for years - in fact she has been nanny to the extended family to different children for decades.

Absolutely agree beta. I once tackled an ex employer (lovely woman but I worked all hours!) about unscheduled lateness and extra hours at short notice and she told me that was why she had a live in nanny and paid what she did (well, to be fair) because she couldn't walk out of a meeting to be home on time, she couldn't control flight schedules and she could be told at any point to come into the office or fly to another country. So that fed down and yes, I resented it and got fed up of changing my plans for the umpteenth time but I saw her point. I see it even more now DH is in a similar position (leaving for SA with 4 hours notice and missing the anomaly scan was a particular high point).

ohfraktiostree, you saying "I personally bend over backwards to keep my nanny happy. A nanny is the only way I can work. But at the end of the day I pay her wage, I earn more than she does and that - economically - puts me higher in the pecking order. Anyone who has a chip in their shoulder about that shouldn't be nannying."

I'd say you were wrong, your nanny looks after the most precious thing in the world to you, your children, I'd say that put her above you in the pecking order

you are viewing this as purely financial when it often isnt the case

Now there is an example of overinflated worth. I am my nanny's line manager, I pay her salary, if I have no job she has no job. Yes it is an enormous responsibility and a huge amount of trust goes into that but at the end of the day I have my job and she has hers. Hers depends on mine. I don't confuse the emotional side of the arrangement with business because it ends in tears more often than not.

Suggesting that the nanny who spends 25 hours a week with my DS for money trumps a parent is odd to say the least. I respect her as both a person and an employee but a key part of our relationship is based on those professional rules which says she turns up and does a good job and I pay her and treat her fairly. It is if course in my interest to do that because she is looking after my precious baby and holds a position of immense trust but if I had my own business I'd be depending on my employees for my livelihood so the same applies really.

Plus I cannot afford and do not want to be held hostage by a nanny who exploits the fact she is looking after my DS to get what she wants from me. That's a form of blackmail and there are nannies who do it.

I am a mum and a nanny employer, as are a lot of my friends from work and those I know socially.

I cannot recognise anything you are saying, OP.

I think our nanny is amazing, and I value her more than anything. I would never leave my DS with her if I didn't feel that way. I know that she knows this. I live in fear of her finding a different job, even though I know that we treat her very well, pay her generously, give extended paid holidays, provide a supportive and well equipped working environment etc. I bend over backwards so that she is happy as I couldn't do my job without her. And if I couldn't do my job, then she wouldn't have a job. I hope she is with us for several years to come.

She is our second nanny. Our first left after she decided not to return after maternity leave. On the other hand, she was not an amazing nanny, and although she cared for DS well overall, she took the mick.

Good nannies and bad nannies. Good families and bad families to work for.

Sick days is interesting. I did have to fire a nanny who called in sick frequently. She may well have been really sick but she was off more than my whole family put together and at the end of the day dh and I simply could not afford to either take more time off work or get a reputation for unreliability because of her absences. And she used to text in sick 20 mins before she was due in, despite me pleading with her to give me more notice, leaving me no time to get cover. I am sure she thinks I was callous and uncaring about her illness but I didn't know what else I could do.