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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

A concerned parent has just come to our door...

114 replies

thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:02

..to tell us that his wife has concerns about the way our childminder is caring for our son.
We have been using this childminder for about 9 months and she takes ds and dd to a childminding group. The husband of (presumably) another childminder came to our door an hour ago, spoke to my husband, and said that his wife wanted us to know that this childminder regularly leaves ds outside in all weathers, sometimes crying for all or part of this time, and has no way of knowing he is safe beacuse he cant be seen from inside. As if this is not distressing enough, she has also been seen shouting at him while he is outside in the buggy, wagging her finger and saying ' it is your fault, if you were not crying you could come in to play'. My son is 18 months old ffs. In tears as I write this.
I would never of suspected this of the cm as she seems quite caring and gentle. She has told me that she does sometimes let him sleep in the buggy if he is not in the mood to play, but would never have suspected this.
I am not sure what to do next. Obviously will speak to the cm and tell her what I have been told, but I can imagine that she will deny it. This husband said his wife did not want to identify herself. I feel that I need some other corroboration. The husband also said that other childminders in the group were a bit scared to approach her as she can be quite touchy.
I was not around when this guy came to the door so not sure what to do. Should I try to contact one of the other minders for their opinion? Don't want to arouse suspicions if it is not true or an exaggeration?
Kids are due to go to the cm tomorrow, don't want to send them, thats for sure, just not sure what to do next...help

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

valiumredhead · 30/10/2011 16:09

Oh dear, what an awful situation I have no idea what to suggest, I wouldn't want to send them either but I would want to give the CM a chance to explain her side of the story.

Frostyfoxy · 30/10/2011 16:13

That is awful! If it is true of course, could it be a disgruntled parent of some sorts trying to make trouble for the CM? Can you or someone you know and trust walk by/go to the cm group to see for yourself? Do you know of any other mothers there that you can talk to, to get someone elses opinion?

CiderwithBuda · 30/10/2011 16:15

God how horrible for you. If you can contact some of the other child minders I would do. And I wouldn't send yours tomorrow.

I had a similar situation when living overseas. DS was about 7 months and I had a babysitter twice a week so I could have a few hours to myself etc. Also had a cleaner who was there one of the days babysitter was. Cleaner didn't speak English but got another woman she worked for to call me and tell me that the sitter wasn't interacting with DS but just dumping him in his pram and pushing him up and down. She also felt she just generally wasn't nice to him. I cried too. And then I sacked her.

Original poster

thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:23

it did cross our mind that it could be someone with a grudge, have heard childminders sometimes get a bit off with one another, but the fact that this dad seemed really nervous and said he and his wife had been deliberating about whether to come round or not. He also said that it had uspet his wife to see it and that she had tried to comfort our son a couple of times because she had felt so bad.
Will get round to cm tonight to find out what she has to say. Also trying to get a number for another childminder so that I can ask her. Am raging.

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 30/10/2011 16:24

Who runs the childminding group? Is it at a Children's Centre or similar?

I would take tomorrow off, keep the children at home, speak to your childminder, speaker to whoever runs the group/other childminders and get to the bottom of this as quickly as possible.

RitaMorgan · 30/10/2011 16:25

How did this other childminder know where you live?

stuffthenonsense · 30/10/2011 16:31

hmmm, as rita says, how do they know where you live? could it even be YOUR childminders ex trying to cause trouble for her? if you are othrwise happy with this childminder i would tread carefully, perhaps claim sickness whilst you investigate what is going on...i do hope you get it sorted, it is so important that you are confident in your carer.

Original poster

thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:31

good question ritamorgan. DH did not recognise the husband, but they have a dc of about the same age so it could well be a nursery parent or someone I see at toddler group. We haven't lived here for very long though, so they would have to have asked someone where we live. That is a wee bit odd. DH has now told me that although the guy's wife did not want to say who she was, he left his address and said we were welcome to go round. Think I might do that too to get the story again.

OP posts:

WitchesBrewIsMyFriend · 30/10/2011 16:35

go round to the other parents house and speak directly to the Mother. Then try to get corroborating evidence fromother people at the group. Then confront your CM.

I wouldnt be sending my DC to CM tomorrow either.

RattusRattus · 30/10/2011 16:46

How awful for you. Tread carefully though because these people could have some kind of agenda / vendetta against your CM so it could be total BS designed to cause trouble for her.

I would keep the kids off, go to the house of the concerned parent, try and talk to other people as well and then tackle childminder.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 30/10/2011 16:54

I would be inclined to belive them.
If they were being malicious I think a note under the door would be more likely.

Why would they risk coming to your house?

I know that people can be horrible. I used to be involved in a playgroup and quite a few CM went there. One CM had a habit of writing letters to ofsted if she felt she had been crossed by another CM. She also wrote letters to SS if a parent pissed her off.

She was a serial offender and everyone knew she did it. BUt AFAIK she only EVER did it anon.

Its a horrible situation for you to be in. Thing is you have to take it seriously. Up to you how you deal with it. The CM is unlikely to admit it but she might be able to explain why someone might have said this.

Can you get advice from the local CM coordinator?

Original poster

thesoo · 30/10/2011 16:56

dh has gone round to the childminder to ask her side of the story, if she denies it which I am sure she will, he will go back to the concerned parent and ask her again, and also if she can annonymously provide names of any of the other people who go to the group. We decided to go to her first as it is a little village and she obviously knows and is friendly with some of the other child minders so we would not want anyone tipping her off or phoning her up, we wanted to speak to her first also before rumours get around, just in case the parent is not being truthful...
feel sick

OP posts:

Maryz · 30/10/2011 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 30/10/2011 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaternityNursesaregreat · 30/10/2011 17:05

It could well be someone with a grudge, or actually be true.
As you have their address I would definately be going around to see the couple together. Just get the wife's version of events.

Also, if you know the schedule that your CM has with the children, particularly what day/time they go to the childminding group with the CM,
keep your children home and return to CM on the day they go to the group.

I would go to the group session myself, without telling your CM and observe outside for the session. That way, whether she does or doesn't, at the appropriate time you can go in and speak with other carers there, or after the session has finished if nothing untoward appears to have occured.

Be cautious about accusations if you have been told by only one person, BUT obviously take measures to ensure the well-being of your children.

Wishing you the very best. Keep us updated.

MaternityNursesaregreat · 30/10/2011 17:09

Sorry, x-post with your husband going to see CM

lesstalkmoreaction · 30/10/2011 17:11

The childminder has a duty to report her concerns to ofsted who will then investigate, I would speak to her directly and encourage her to report it in the morning.I would also put in writing what your concerns are and speak to your childminder, she then has to reply in writing to you and the report has to be logged.
Do it all properly just in case their is an investigation and you wish to pull your child out of the care of this woman, as you would then be able to do so without notice.

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 18:44

Why did they not make an anonymous report to ofsted if they were so concerned?

anewyear · 30/10/2011 19:15

Rattusrattus has a point,
but I would also like to point out its not just CM who can have grudges against other CM, for whatever reason..
unfortunatley there are some parents who dont want to pay their childminding fees, for reasons of their own, either to cause the CM a whole lot of trouble, or I guess they just dont understand the implications it can cause?

I take it you have a contract with her, NCMA or MM? If so ring the legal line up to get more advice, thats what they are there for.
And OFSTED for that matter, ring for advice, do it anonymously if you wish for the time being, if you can gather any evidence then go back and tell them what evidence youve have, they will take it from there.

nbee84 · 30/10/2011 19:15

I'm wondering if the group maybe not exclusively cm'ers if it's at a surestart centre. Could be a parent/carers group so the other lady may not be a cm'er - hence not reporting directly to Ofsted.

hayleysd · 30/10/2011 19:23

The ncma line is not for parents, sure start centres do run childminder only sessions so it could have been there. I would still be concerned as to how they know where you live.

I have been on the receiving end of two malicious complaints made about me by non cm's so someone clearly has a grudge. It will be awful for the cm if she has done nothing wrong.

bump6 · 30/10/2011 19:31

Hi, just wondered how old your children are, wondered if they/one of them is of an age where you could ask what happens at the group. Also find it worrying that you say ds been left out in all weather...surely one of the childminders would have done something about this before at the group!!
Hope you get it all sorted quickly. Its a nightmare for you.

anewyear · 30/10/2011 19:36

hayley - if the parent has an NCMA contract with the CM, why can they can they not ring them up for advice?

exoticfruits · 30/10/2011 19:36

Is he happy to go? Is he all smiles when he sees her? I would be inclined to believe him-someone with a grudge probably wouldn't be so diffident about telling you.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 30/10/2011 19:42

HUGS - it is horrible to hear something like this, really horrible.

I think I would see if I could speak to someone else who attends the group.

The CM is going to say she doesn't do this whether she does or not isn't she...

I'd rather see what I could find out first.

However, DH has gone already so too late for that.

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