A concerned parent has just come to our door...

[thesoo]

..to tell us that his wife has concerns about the way our childminder is caring for our son.
We have been using this childminder for about 9 months and she takes ds and dd to a childminding group. The husband of (presumably) another childminder came to our door an hour ago, spoke to my husband, and said that his wife wanted us to know that this childminder regularly leaves ds outside in all weathers, sometimes crying for all or part of this time, and has no way of knowing he is safe beacuse he cant be seen from inside. As if this is not distressing enough, she has also been seen shouting at him while he is outside in the buggy, wagging her finger and saying ' it is your fault, if you were not crying you could come in to play'. My son is 18 months old ffs. In tears as I write this.
I would never of suspected this of the cm as she seems quite caring and gentle. She has told me that she does sometimes let him sleep in the buggy if he is not in the mood to play, but would never have suspected this.
I am not sure what to do next. Obviously will speak to the cm and tell her what I have been told, but I can imagine that she will deny it. This husband said his wife did not want to identify herself. I feel that I need some other corroboration. The husband also said that other childminders in the group were a bit scared to approach her as she can be quite touchy.
I was not around when this guy came to the door so not sure what to do. Should I try to contact one of the other minders for their opinion? Don't want to arouse suspicions if it is not true or an exaggeration?
Kids are due to go to the cm tomorrow, don't want to send them, thats for sure, just not sure what to do next...help

and again wannabe's right is saying any allecation against a child minder would worry a parent even if it was proved to be totally wrong

any parent leaving their kids with a childminder needs to be totally sure they can trust them and any whiff of an allegation would make them doubt that trust, even if the whiff was wrong

its too emotional a subject just to let your head rule your heart

Agree with you SSD your chikldren are the most important thing in the world. Also if the poor childminder is innocent she will still get work there is a post on the other thread where the childminder got accused and all her mindees stuck up for her. You have got 100% trust who is looking after your DC not 99%. There is good and bad in all jobs just because I am a nanny I do not think everyone I meet who is a nanny is brilliant. Some childminders do it as a career and some do it for extra money.

thesoo any update?

What a horrid situation to be in where you don't know who or what to trust.

Personally I would never have confronted her until I had either spied myself or asked someone else to spy. Now it is her word against someone elses.

I used to go to a playgroup where certain parents and childminders ignored their children and were completely absorbed in chatting.

Where I am there are cm cliques, the cms either belong in group X, Y or Z. If your child is with a childminder in group X and you wish to change cm, no one else in group X will take your child on because they don't want to upset their friend. This has been texted so I have seen it with my own eyes. But a cm in group Y will happily take your child

Just as people parent differently, cms also look after children differently. What may be acceptable to one may be totally unacceptable to another. Maybe the cm who was confronted by your own cm is very shy and doesn't like confrontation. After all it wasn't her who saw the incident, she is merely caught in the middle.

We have found out today that the parents have made an official complaint, and that it will take around 28 days to resolve. Not sure if we will be involved at all. It is a bizarre and uncomfortable experience at the school gates. A few people seem to have heard, and I am bit concerned about chinese whispers, and that people will have picked it up wrongly, thinking that we were the parents who complained. I know that is not the point, but as I said, it is a little place that we live in. Our cm is obviously around too. We spoke today, and it looked like it was taking its toll. I do feel for her.
I still find it hard to believe that the allegations are true. I have always considered myself a good judge of character, but then, as dh remarked, it is often the people you suspect the least.
A big part of me still trusts her, believes her, and wants to keep the kids there, but, as many people have pointed out, if I am not 100% sure, I cannot take the risk. Maybe Ofsted would not allow her to look after them during an investigation anyway. Does anyone know how likely this is?

Unless they suspend her she should and can carry on as usual.

Depends on the category of the complaint. See CIE Handbook in particular the file titled: Receiving and categorising concerns about compliance.doc

Depending on the category, the childminder may be immediately suspended whilst it is investigated.

I can't say for sure but I DOUBT she'll be suspended as I wasn't and I was accused of VERY serious/illegal things (I'm a CM). I was told on the 2nd (malicious) complaint that I was category (?) which was 1 step away from being suspended. What your CM is accused of is a lot less serious and therefore I'd be surprised if she was suspended.

I do feel for you OP. I was very lucky that ALL my families backed me up 100% and some used the words 'we won't let you quit' (I just couldn't handle the level of accusations and really wanted to quit but these lovely parents helped pick me up!). Thing is, they absolutely knew without a doubt that I would never have done these things (in fact the 2nd complaint they just laughed at the level of illegal activities I was accused of!) but if you have any doubt in your mind then you have to follow that as children are too important to risk!

I know just how disgusting and horrible people can be with malicious complaints and if this is what has happened to the OP's childminder then I really really feel for her as this was one of the worst times of my life (I think for me the worst part was not actually knowing who was doing this to me!) but it's made me a stronger person! I'm torn because if the CM isn't guilty then her reputation will very likely be ruined by gossip and you can't recover from stuff like that (they'll always be people who'll think she's guilty even if she isn't) but as a mother, unless I knew without a doubt (i.e. my families children talk happily about me in their homes, run to me with big hugs, don't want to go home at pickup etc. so they knew they were fine), I'd have to do what I think is right for my children. And I'm a person who believes a lot in gut feeling!

Do let us know what the outcome is won't you.

thebody, your intemperate responses are doing your argument no favours. I think this thread has been very balanced and OP seems to have a good head on her shoulders and will no doubt reach the right decision. Nobody has been witchhunting the CM, everyone accepts the allegations may be groundless.

But it is ridiculous to suggest that parents need proof that would stand the test of a court of law before going with their gut instinct. Yes I work in the public sector, and I have many times seen the impact of malicious allegations on blameless individuals. The trouble is that childminders work without many of the inbuilt checks and potential exposure points that others take for granted (having colleagues witnessing what you do, having 'clients' that can say how they feel about their treatment, audit, risk management systems). So we make use of other kinds of evidence - like allegations from other parents. I absolutely do ask people who see my dd out and about with her CM whether she looks happy with her, whether they look like they are enjoying each other. Otherwise there is no way I can have any clue what is going on when I'm not there.

You dismiss the value of 'gut instinct' if it might mean the end of this contract, but seem happy to accept the OP's positive experience and feelings towards this CM.

There are many jobs where personal reputation is all. Childminding is definitely one of them.

What a good post hester, you put that really well. Just reread it all again and there was lots of people with different opinions.

To start a new thread to drum up more support was over the top. I just think any other job you would take the risk but not when it is your child that could be in danger. I can see it from both sides, but as a mother my child would be out of there.

Gut instinct counts for a lot when you are a parent, be it when a child is ill or trusting who you chose to care for them.

As a parent, i'd rather move my child from a childcare situation if I had any doubts at all and honestly wouldnt give a monkeys about the loss of income it would cause. CM's are self employed so should know that their income can vary at any time.

Ofsted reports are not really worth anything, their visit is known about in advance and its based on purely one day or less in the life of a minder. As with any inspection, people will do everything they can on that day to ensure the highest mark.

I think this is one of the huge advantages of a nursery where there are always other adults present.

My sons have Just turned 2 & t makes me feel sick to hear that. the best way would have been to follow her & see if its true or maybe even use a friend/family member she didn't know to check up on her. They could have followed her to the playgroup & if it were true revealed themselves & brought your son back home at least you know he would have been safe I hope you got on okay with it & got to the bottom of it.

How terrible OP. :(

I used to nanny/childmind/work in a nursery and before I had DS it never occurred to me the absolute trust the parents had to have had in me. Amazing really!

I'll admit I did things I wouldn't have done with the parents around (just laziness-type things) but never EVER would I have treated "my" children like that, of course. That's terrible!

It's so sad for the CM if it's not true but...why would the other parents lie? What a horrible situation, best of luck.

'to start a new thread to drum up support was over the top' I suppost this was meant for me, i was actually wanting to get the views of other cms and child carers not parents an of course its not about drumming up support here its about discussion, its possible to disagree without becoming personal, grow up.

awful situation for the parent, cm and of course their is a child at the centre of all this.

as a parent I would have acted exactly as the op has, as I am now tired of saying, she had no choice.

as a cm I can understand the horror and devestation i would feel in this position as it must be dreadful as child abuse is the vilist crime there is.

i can understand both sides as a mum and as a cm and expressed them both.

its not one side verses the other.

though I am shocked at the no smoke without fire brigade, but still thats how some people are..

thebody you have told me to grow up and dont get personal, but what have you done all through the thread? All I said was what can ofsted prove? I reported a lot more clear cut case than this and nothing was done. The Op should have checked up on the CM before she done anything. Of course the CM wont leave the child outside again now because she knows people are watching if ofsed came round she would put a show on.

Nobody knows if it is true or not you say you would do the same as the OP so why would you take your child out if it has not been proven that the childminder is guilty?

I thought it was a very even thread not everyone was screaming the childminder was guilty.

I for one was very opened minded about the whole thing which most people were.