Leaving a young baby for 10+ hours a day

[kcj748]

I am about to have my first baby in November and plan to return to work full time four or five months later. I am incredibly nervous about leaving my baby at this age for such a long amount of time. I don't have the option of working part time so this will be five days a week for at least ten hours a day. My husband works even longer hours. A family member could possibly help out one day a week but we would mostly have to do childcare. My salary will only just cover a full time nanny but I love my job and really wouldn't want to have to let it go. Ideally we would be leaving our baby with a childminder but I have no idea at what age this is realistic and am terribly nervous about leaving my baby at someone else's house and with someone won't be able to give him exclusive attention.

Is it completely insane to think any of this will be possible? Does anyone have any advice about childminders/nurseries and other possible options?

I went to uni and trained for 6 years to qualify in my chosen profession. I worked for 10 years in said profession before giving up work when I had my first DC. Now my youngest is at full time school I'm going to go back to work, probably 4 days a week, but my youngest is 5 years old, not 5 months old. I've no doubt it'll be tough getting back into my profession after having been out of it for a number of years. But I'm sure I'll make it.

I respect those of you with full on careers who went back to work but made changes to your work life to accommodate the needs of the new member of your family.

I am not going to waste my time replying to the rest of your comments, but I do feel sorry for the children with mothers who clearly cannot stand somebody voicing an opinion that does not condone the choice she has made and resorts to bitchy comments instead of offering a reasoned, informed rationale for her decision.

thermosflask you cannot deny that you have been highly critical of a wide range of people on here and I'm really surprised that you are acting as though you have been attacked. I appreciate your opinion absolutely and I'm sure many mothers would agree with you. However, sarcastically referring to people as 'mothers' in inverted commas and telling us all how emotionally disturbed our children will be when they are adults (among many other rather unkind comments) really isn't far and I'm not surprised that people have reacted. You would have been much better to express your opinion in a measured and balanced way rather than telling us all that you 'feel sorry for our children' without knowing any of us at all or our situations.

But you're not listening to anybody else's views, your just forcing yours down everybody's throat.

Quite, KC

Xpost op :)

...and well said

I think Thermos must be the bizarre love child of Oliver James and Mr Biddulph

yes maybe she was brought up by these "men" who seem to want us all to stay at home

CHestnut why do you think that the rest of SAHMs are claiming benefits?

I was SAHM and my case was like yours, 20 plus bloody years of 70-80 hrs a week by the time i had children i had investments and rental income so not benefits and not 'kept woman' either. Most of my friends were in similar boat. With motherhood starting later in life it is common to be financially stable.

I am listening to other people's views, I just totally disagree with them. I actually feel nobody wants to listen to my view because it goes against the choices they have made, irrespective of whether it is factually correct that a young baby needs his/her mother during it's first year.

I'm not bothered about people who feel the need to attack me. I'm strong enough to handle a bit of flak from a handful of strangers.

Fine. Disagree! Don't judge people for making different decisions to you though!

and, as I have said several times now.. What about the Father???

I don't think the rest of mums are claiming benefit (where the hell did I say that) I was responding to Lynette's response to my post that she decided to live in a smaller house than go back to work and I'm saying that is not a choice that everybody makes. Its great that mothers at home are financially stable and not reliant on benefit. Its great that more women have more choice about how to live their lives and how to look after their children.

Go to work, stay at home, I don't care really unless my taxes go and pay for your choice.

Thermos. Here's a valid reason for working and maintaining my career... if my dh should walk out on us or God forbid, die, then I have the means to support my family without needing any handouts. It would be tough but my earning capacity (without having taken years out of my career) is high enough to ensure my children stay in the house they grew up in, and close to their friends they love, and I'm able to put food on the table without anyone needing to help me.

If I can achieve that while still giving my children the love and attention they need then I think I'll have done very well.

It's 'factually correct' that a child needs a loving person to take care of them. This need not need the mother.

I'm not a kept woman either. During my ten years working I also made investments which provide me with a good income so I'm not dependant on DH and nor do I claim benefits. And I will be going back to work shortly.

I not'm against working mums per se. Just mums who go back to work full time and leave their tiny 12 or 15 week old babies in childcare, however brilliant.

Woo-hoo thermos! Do you think it's okay for single mothers to stay at home and bring their children up on benefits? Just wondering :)

Whilst I don't agree with Thermos, in that, I'm absolutely sure the OP won't love her job more than her baby, I DO personally think 50 hours a week is too long for a 4 month old baby to be in childcare.

I wouldn't attack the OP for considering doing it, but I wouldn't do it unless I was absolutely desperate. And loving my job and not wanting to let it go wouldn't come into that category for ME PERSONALLY. Now I'm not saying it would have to be MY job that had to give, but something would have to give - be it my job, DH's, our lifestlye, our house, something else before I put a four month old baby into childcare for 50 hours as week.

Perhaps that's what Thermos was rather clumsily trying to say?

Sorry, this need not be the Mother. Of course, in an ideal world, yes. Mum OR Dad could stay at home while the other works.

Ideal world does not exist for many people. We probably could have survived without my wage coming in, but i wasn't going to give up my amazing job (which will most likely be a job for life) any more that DP would have been willing to.

I HATE your assumption (which is wrong) that my son will somehow grow up 'damaged' because I went back to work rather than stay at home.

"I'm not a kept woman either. During my ten years working I also made investments which provide me with a good income so I'm not dependant on DH and nor do I claim benefits. And I will be going back to work shortly."

Well fucking bully for you.

I must have missed a trick there then, I should have stayed at home, used my spare money to make investments, make a profit and stay at home for 5 years.

Oh... wait.

Thermos a number of SAHMs on this thread have said that they disagree with your views and in particular the unkind way you've put them across.

FWIW I went back to work 2 days a week when my children were well over one and my husband and I were able to manage our hours so that the kids were in childcare for minimal hours. That was the right choice for me and my family but I respect that other women have different needs and they have every right to make up their own mind. I don't feel the need to insult them or imply they don't love their children.

Whatever - I feel people should probably take this bunfight to another thread since it's not helping the OP and you've made your point very clearly, as have a number of other people.

Oh and "four or five months later" equals at least 17 weeks, not 12-15 weeks.

and another just because.

...and thermos will you answer the posts a few up about your comment relating to post natal depression? Very very offensive.

Headfairy, yes, but do you need to go back to work full time when your baby is 5 months to keep your hand in? I doubt it.

I will have to undertake refresher courses etc when I go back to work, but that's fine. My children are worth making sacrifices for.

Jareth, what job do you do?

No but when will you get your thick skull around the fact that some people have to go back to work.

Again with your shitty implications.. "my children are worth making sacrifices for".. off you fuck with that stupid comment. How dare you imply that working mothers aren't making sacrifices.

Why does it matter what job I do?