Leaving a young baby for 10+ hours a day

[kcj748]

I am about to have my first baby in November and plan to return to work full time four or five months later. I am incredibly nervous about leaving my baby at this age for such a long amount of time. I don't have the option of working part time so this will be five days a week for at least ten hours a day. My husband works even longer hours. A family member could possibly help out one day a week but we would mostly have to do childcare. My salary will only just cover a full time nanny but I love my job and really wouldn't want to have to let it go. Ideally we would be leaving our baby with a childminder but I have no idea at what age this is realistic and am terribly nervous about leaving my baby at someone else's house and with someone won't be able to give him exclusive attention.

Is it completely insane to think any of this will be possible? Does anyone have any advice about childminders/nurseries and other possible options?

It doesn't matter thermos, can't you see that? It's the lifelong security that my job offers that's so valuable, not what my role is.

Also, mind your own fucking business

i couldn't leave my baby in childcare, so i decided to sell my house and move to rented instead. best thing i ever did. even though we were totally broke it was definately the right decision. not all decisions have to be financial you know

Chestnutx3, I agree with you, actually.

I haven't read Oliver James.

Tell me, what is your gut instinct when you see/smell/hold your little baby? Mine is to stay with him/her and not leave her/him. I am wondering why some people's instincts seem to be to leave their baby? Your baby may be well cared for by another person, but that baby knows he/she is not with his/her mother and that causes the baby stress.

Gosh you really are evangelical then. Is there any age at which you think it's okay to go back to work?

I have stopped working but I really wish I hadn't. It's bloody hard to get back into it and I've only been out for 7 months. I suspect you might have a nasty shock when it comes to finding employment and I hope you're prepared to go back at a much lower salary and probably a lower grade than you were at when you left

But thermos that was my earlier point. Some people can't take those options.. it's the only way they can stay in a hard fought for career is to work full time.

BTW because of my long hours I'm actually pretty much full time on three days a week. To be full time I'd only have to work one extra day a month.

Jareth, so you have sacrificed your baby's needs in favour of your own. And if your job is flexible surely you could go back part time after a year?

Oh I give up, its like talking to a (particularly offensive) brick wall.

With ons exception- justify your horrible comment about mothers with pnd.

I did go back part time after a year!

You're clearly a blinkered, close minded individual who is incapable of seeing anybody else's POV.

Yes, I think it's ok to go back to work once kids are full time at school.

Yes, it will be hard to get back into my profession. But not impossible, and yes I may, initially have to go in at a lower level than when I left, but I see that as a price worth paying for my kids.

I did work for 10 years before DC so have plenty of contacts who would probably give me a job. And I have the advantage from an employer's pov of having had kids already so I'm not going to need maternity leave etc.

My instinct was to give him to someone else who knew what they were doing frankly. I'm shit with babies but great with children. Given that children are children for a lot longer than they are babies, I think that's the best way round really. I always worry about people who are too enamoured with babies and how they cope when they start answering back ...

Instinct

I do have instinct - to pay the bills and keep a roof over my DC's head.

"Tell me, what is your gut instinct when you see/smell/hold your little baby?"

Ok- gonna be blunt. I found my baby very very hard for the first 9 months (i think harder than most- not because of him, but because of me). Some days I did actually want to get my keys and wallet and just go to the Maldives for 2 weeks on my own. I was sick of the routine- feed, change, try to entertain, fail, grizzle, cry, nap, day after day. I was sick of never being on my own. I was sick of never being able to be spontaneous. I was sick of being with someone all day with whom I could not negotiate/reason. The days were just so long.

My DS is lovely- I adore him, and now he's a bit older, it's a lot better, but I could not be with him 24/7. Maybe that makes me a bad mother- certainly I'm not nominating myself for any awards- but sticking it out FT wasn't going to make me any better at it. Once I got some PT childcare, everyone was a LOT happier.

Thermos, if I took 7 years out of my career I would just not get back in. The industry changes too fast, the technology changes too much. I would lose my final salary pension (particularly important to me as I don't want to be a financial burden to my children in my old age) and as it's all I've done since I left university 20 years ago, I would have to start something new at entry level, probably on half the salary I'm on now.

I don't think we are alone in that feeling

I have read John Bowlby on attachment theory amongst other things but not Oliver James.

thermos, i had to leave my baby for the 1st 14 weeks of his life, is he now going to turn into an emotional loner?
remove your head from your bottom!!

Thermos, why do you think it's your place to advise others on this matter?

I don't give a rats arse how you raise your children. What gives you the right to come on here with your pompous propoganda?

(I'll think about adressing your posts to me when you have addressed mine to you)

What Christine, TheBride and Headfairy said. Small babies bore the pants off me. I couldn't wait to get back to work and hand over to a loving, caring nanny. I had a job which involved a lot of travel when they were tiny - they don't remember now that I wasn't there. But by putting in the graft when they were tiny, my career took off, we now have a much better standard of living than we would have done had I taken 5-7 years off, and I can spend more time with them now. I think older children probably need their parents more than tiny babies.

I can see your head wobbling with self-righteousness as you post, Thermos!

waves to MrsSF

She can't justify her comments re PND because she clearly hasn't been through it to come out with such trash.

My PND and PTSD manifested in such a way that my world had to be super organised, perfection was the only way for my DD. If it wasn't perfect I tore myself apart and my DH-I still have days it's hits me like a brick. When I returned to work it broke my heart, but I had to go because I couldn't afford to pay bak my maternity pay. I work part time with all but one day at home - I finally admitted today i enjoyed my day in the office. Everyone is different but if you have never been there then shut the f up thermos.

You make me sick with your nasty, sad, twisted tone and comments. You have turn this genuine post into a war all about you- which is what I imagine was your aim. I pity your children because I may work, and had PND but I am no where near as bitter and twisted as you.

Amanda, why did you have to leave your baby for the first 14 weeks of his life? What did you have to do instead of look after him? I am genuinely interested?

I cannot believe how people seem to be almost boasting about for how long and how early they left their baby.

It's actually a bit sick.

Srix pats Essexmum on the back.

There there. Ignore the Thermos. She speaks much and says little.

Who is boasting?