Yup, Boff's got through another nanny ...

[BoffinMum]

Sooooo, my latest nanny's just told me she's resigning because she doesn't enjoy looking after my eldest DC (aged 13). And she wants to go back to Turkey to be with her mum (nanny is 32).

Hand me the chocolate.

I think I am facing career death, because I can't imagine going through childcare trauma for 9 months again like last time. So I am thinking about sitting on the sofa all day watching Jeremy Kyle instead. I only make £25 a week going to work at the moment anyway. Why bother?

She can't be my nanny because I know my nanny's not on the PC right now. Plus she wouldn't speak to me like that. She is very upfront and friendly.

Well, I'm not here to convince you but yes I'm. I have 9 years of experience with excellent references. :)

Ah, ok. I just couldn't think of any other reason to be so aggressive blunt rude ah feck it, can't find the word!

purple, what a good logic you have there. You must work for Scotland Yard. :)

I don't think I'm aggressive or rude. As I said before I just point out the nanny point of view that's all. I say whatever I think is right. And that shouldn't be understood in any other way. And if you are not open to critism maybe you shouldn't post? Simple.

Anyway, good night ladies. And good luck for finding another nanny boffinmum.

From a different nanny point of view, it's a job that doesn't suit everyone. Your opinion, Mtorun, is not necessarily the definitive one just because you're a qualified nanny. It's personal, and presented in a way that is easily interpreted as offensive.

No, I don't work for Scotland Yard. Strangely enough for a person interested in nanny and childcare threads, I work in that field. And yes, I'm relatively experienced - as I said above, it's not a career that suits everyone.

Can I add that I worked for two years as a nursery nurse myself as well ...

IME in most cases when nannies leave it is NOT personal, it can be genuine personal/family issues or more money/easier job, more challenging, less challenging, whatever. It is a caring proffession but it is still a job. The nanny can indeed like you very much but still has to take some decisions. In these kind of threads people are always looking for the bad guy, either the nanny is a heartless bitch or the parents are monsters. Maybe they are all nice but people -especially young people- move on.

The only thing i would say about your case boffin is that perhaps the ages of your dcs makes it a bit trickier to find the perfect nanny because some are good with babies/toddlers and others are good with older children. Thats why i think the combination childcare might be a good idea and a mature lady/mother herself might be more suitable.

If a family have been through a succession of nannies it does turn on a red light and most people would wonder why and a potential nanny would be more cautious and look into why this is the case.

Mtorun has jumped in before looking into it in this case. Boff has listed her valid reasons why each nanny has left and us regulars on here have followed each saga and know that Boff has just been unlucky.

When my ds was small I went through 3 cm's in under 2 years - each of them having a valid reason for stopping cming/being unable to provide care any longer.

Wise words.

Can your DH not do his bit?

There is also no evidence that the nanny is looking for work in the UK. Sounds to me that the nannies family situation in Turkey has got to a point where she feels she has to go back to Turkey.

Having different forms of childcare may well be a possible soluition, however it could get expensive and hard to manage. 13 year old may be wanting independence yet also want help at times, transporting around, someone to play computer games.

There is also no evidence that the nanny is looking for work in the UK. Sounds to me that the nannies family situation in Turkey has got to a point where she feels she has to go back to Turkey.

Having different forms of childcare may well be a possible soluition, however it could get expensive and hard to manage. 13 year old may be wanting independence yet also want help at times, transporting around, someone to play computer games.

Nick, by being on childcare.co.uk I assumed she was looking for work in the uk, and therefore not really seeking to relocate to Turkey. Although I'm not all that familiar with the site so perhaps I assumed wrongly.

I think Nick also mentioned that she hadn't actually logged in since January. I have a profile on there and have a job that I am not looking to leave. Some have theirs on there as they do ad hoc weekend work or babysitting. Mine is still on there as I haven't worked out how to delete it

Just reading all this (and ignoring Mtorun)...

My chum (lawyer) had male au pairs from when her son was about 5 or 6. The first one (from Latvia) stayed for 3 years (and still comes back visiting on hols to England now). Second one (also E European) stayed for nearly same length of time.

My chum says one of the things that was good for both her and her son about these guys was that were a little bit older (eg early 20s) and had done their military service. So the son was impressed by tales of flying in planes etc and they were good (enough) at getting up on time, tidying up etc as they already had some practice :)

Could you poss look at a male au pair/manny who might suit your DS and maybe afford to send younger DCs to nursery or somesuch as au pair would be cheaper. Au pair could do pick ups and drop offs.

This is just a thought, may be completely unviable for various reasons. As another poster said, also depends if MrBoffin will go for a young man in the house.

Strix - 19 May 22:22 where I wrote about how they were advertising for evening babysitting and "nanny hasn't logged in since January".

BoffinMum - cost wise having someone live-in I expect will be the lower cost option but finding someone happy to care for children in the large age range may be tricky. Your 13 year old probably doesn't need much care, just someone around to help him out on occasion with homework, computer game, or driving him to/from activities. Mind you, probably the same applies for your 10 year old. Maybe aupair + nursery is something to consider, least for school term time.

so what are you going to do boffy?

as you have a range of ages, i agree that maybe one type of childcare may not suit all your dc and a mixture of ap/cm/nursery is prob better than a nanny

and Mtorun there is nothing wrong with boffy or her dc/dh -she has just had a run of bad luck with nutty nannies from the place we dont name

I heard my name mentioned....

I can also recommend male AP's for many reasons. For example:-

1. They will play footie/trampoline with kids and get dirty quite happily
2. You can get graduates aged 23+ who genuinely want to play with kids and learn English, rather than school leavers who (often) just want to leave home.
3. It is easier for them to socialise and build up a network of friends
4. They are 'even-tempered' - I found girls emotions tended to swing up and down depending on whether they had/were getting on with their boyfriends
5. MY DS in particular doesn't push the boundaries with men the way he does occasionally with females
6. They are a damn sight cheaper than a nanny

Downsides

1. Have yet to find a male AP who can cook anything more complicated than an omelette
2. You have to wash your own smalls.

I get mine from aupair-world.net and insist on the following:-
a) Graduate
b) 23+
c) driving licence
d) must have lived away from home before
e) must have come from a family where mum works

Once they've filled those criteria then I skype them. I also have a bias in favour of/against certain countries though I have had success even when I've ignored that preference list (current AP is Greek, for example). IME good AP's last a year at a time and they do keep in touch (our first AP from 6 years ago was here recently). Finding them is a slog but once you are ruthless and cut out the ones that don't fit your criteria you can usually narrow it down to maybe 5-10 suitable candidates that you can then skype.

What is wrong with Greek males??

(Laquitar is married to one )

I just wanted to mention that not all nannies prefer younger kids. I would prefer a younger child and a pre-teen and I'm having a lot of difficulty in finding that kind of job! Littley's are very rewarding, but older kids are entertaining and have a mind of their own!

I agree that AP and nursery would be your way forward though, either male AP or outdoorsy/nerdy girl AP!

Just to say that daycare nursery is unlikely to be an option because I am long gone by the time nurseries open, and I get back about 90 minutes after most of them close (remember I commute 3 hours a day and the nurseries are in the opposite direction and open 8.30-5.30, so it would be 10.15 to 10.30 by the time I got into work and I would be having to leave at 3.45-3, so it's not an option - BoffinDad works in London at gets home at 8pm). Plus we have seen 50% of the nurseries around here close in the last few years, so it seems the likelihood of finding a place is about nil, tbh. So we have to see that as a last ditch option, and not necessarily possible.

Nursery school is a possibility, but that would probably be for two mornings a week until he is three, again because of lack of places. (Don't get me started about local authorities and their lack of forward planning for early years provision around here).

Ebaying my children or joining the sofa surfing classes is however still an option.

Sounds like a killer, Boff. Not sure I could continue to work for 12 hours a day for £25 a week.

Could you look at a change of direction work wise... something you could do from home perhaps like marking exam work related to your field of work?
Not ideal but may help you not get too bored sitting on that sofa.

Boff,
I was thinking:

AP does morning shift and drops DS at nursery.

AP does late afternoon / evening shift (including nursery pick up, prepare dinner, etc.)

If no nurseies in your area with places, what about a childminder?