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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Yup, Boff's got through another nanny ...

138 replies

BoffinMum · 19/05/2011 21:46

Sooooo, my latest nanny's just told me she's resigning because she doesn't enjoy looking after my eldest DC (aged 13). And she wants to go back to Turkey to be with her mum (nanny is 32).

Hand me the chocolate.

I think I am facing career death, because I can't imagine going through childcare trauma for 9 months again like last time. So I am thinking about sitting on the sofa all day watching Jeremy Kyle instead. I only make £25 a week going to work at the moment anyway. Why bother?

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plupervert · 19/05/2011 23:23

Was she worried about having the 13yo (and 10yo) around during the summer holidays/half term?

Turning that around, are you going to have time off then, which would allow you to cover? June is just around the corner, so can academic holidays give you the necessary breathing space, or are you booked for conferences or things like that?

frakyouveryverymuch · 20/05/2011 04:39

Oh no :( and I can't even volunteer to come help you this time.

Local babysitting person sounds promising though. Keeping fingers very tightly crossed for you.

BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 11:47

Plup, I am going to have to work a fair bit - I only get six weeks' leave like everyone else, officially speaking anyway. I have a very jobsworthy boss and she has me running around on trivial admin tasks quite a lot, and has made it clear she intends to continue doing so as much as possible in July/August until I go on study leave (meh).

I have however booked a week's leave for the end of July and might be able to manage without a nanny for August if I take the kids in with me for meetings and make them sit quietly in my office as necessary. (Of course it wouldn't occur to my childless boss that childcarers might even like to take some holiday themselves in August, of course, and that 52 week cover simply can't happen in the real world).

WRT my nanny, I think she doesn't know how to handle 13-year-olds and can't be bothered to find out. I offered to pay for training but she prefers to take it all personally and wallow in her inability to do it. FWIW DS1 isn't that bad and other adults don't have a major problem with him, you would probably all love him to bits, he's just not a cute toddler. DS1 has quite long school hols being at a state boarding school (although he's a day pupil) so she was probably dreading July. Last year she organised very little for him, and seemed to expect him to be on a toddler timetable the whole time, and as a consequence he was quite bored and mildly stroppy after the first week.

Frak, if you will insist on having your own babies then of course this will happen. How very dare you? Wink How is the little bundle doing, by the way?

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plupervert · 20/05/2011 12:00

I know times have changed, but I did do some babysitting at that age, so maybe DS1 would like to earn some extra money, or one of his friends would like to? Students (someone else's, not your own, so no conflict of interest)...? Could you do some farming out to relatives? Or do a swap with a family of DS's friend, meaning you get theirs while you are "off"?

Of course, these are all slim straws, when someone who committed to do this professionally is bailing out, but it's madness that this is going on, with the economy in the shape it is in!

Despite all the above suggestions, if you do have to give up, please don't be defensive about it. You are a human being, and more than your work, interesting as it is.

BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 12:03

I am weary.

Weary of cobbling together worrying childcare arrangements (24 years of it now).

Weary of my job seeming so fruitless.

Weary of my standard of living declining while I work harder and harder.

And weary of being sympathetic towards childcarers who pick us up and drop us when they feel like it. I know it's a business arrangement but it goes beyond that in many ways in the way that it impacts on me.

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BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 12:05

We're a bloody nice family, and she just bought me a mug at Easter saying 'Top Boss'. WTF was that all about????

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plupervert · 20/05/2011 12:08

"top bullshit", more like it. That's just hypocritical.

Are you feeling better these days, by the way? How are your (physical, not emotional) nerves? Smile

umf · 20/05/2011 12:21

Boffin, sympathy. I'm at much earlier stage of career (just finished phd) with 2 children, and feeling like it's just not worth pursuing it. Have seen several excellent women academics drop out because of childcare difficulties. Gloom.

Btw, I'm in same city as you. Is it really going to be like at school gates in September? Please no.

Strix · 20/05/2011 12:22

What about a male au pair (who might be more able to relate to teenage boy) and a nursery. Nursery for bulk of care for 2 year old and au pair for any wrap around needed to cover your long work day.

Libra · 20/05/2011 13:04

Older au pair worked for us when we had similar age range.
DS1 liked her because she helped him with his German homework. (Which she continues to do even though she is now back in Germany. She spent an hour with himon Skype on Tuesday night preparing him for his Higher exam).

Libra · 20/05/2011 13:05

Oh yes - and the mums at the school gate are like that because they are frightened of you.

That's what I tell myself anyway.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 20/05/2011 13:49

Sorry to hear that boffinmum seems like you have had a bad run of it - not fair at all.

Just to cover the summer could you consider an au-pair or if you want a nanny maybe a teacher or school nurse who works term time only looking for some extra money for summer would be interested - or even a univseriy student studying childcare related degree would be interested some break up in the next few weeks and dont go back til end sept.

That would then give you time to really consider your options and if you decided to carry on working then time to find a great nanny - your son really shouldnt be an issue at 13yrs to any nanny I am sure he does his own thing most of the time anyway and in school holiday shouldnt need a huge amount of "actual childcare" more directing to appropriate acitivities and ferrying to them (rather than directing himself to the ps3 or tv!!).

Where abouts in the country are you?

RitaMorgan · 20/05/2011 13:58

Sounds like she stayed in the job a while (over a year?) - I expect it's hard to find someone who likes toddlers and teenagers.

If you're going through a lot of nannies maybe it's worth considering that the 13 year old isn't quite so lovely when you're not there? Lots of children can be awful in school/childcare without their parents realising.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/05/2011 16:47

oh boffy :( :( :( :(

just read this, why didnt you say anything to me

i can totally understand why you dont want to search again after all the hassle you had last time :(

but you love your job/career and you wouldnt be happy being a sahm

so childcare options - do you get an au pair (possibly male if mr boffy didnt object Grin ) and nursery for youngest

or a nanny who is there for your 13, but tbh he doesnt need/want a 'nanny to babysit him' and although doesnt ignore him, but leaves him to his own devices

((HUGE HUGS)) to you and i dont care if it isnt mn like!!!!

BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 16:47

I am not saying DS1 is an angel, but he's a fairly normal 13 year old with slightly better then average manners and reasonably domesticated as well. He gets asked back to other people's houses, exchange partners and so on, so I am not putting rose tinted glasses on here.

The reasons the nannies left were very different.

First one strung us along all summer by pretending she wanted to work here in order to negotiate a higher salary from another family (I think), and then failed to turn up at the last moment, leaving us in the lurch completely, moments before my return from maternity leave, and consequently she was blacklisted by Tinies.

Second one (recent graduate from Famous Training College) was incredibly immature and more or less pulled out by the college after various things happened, including several tantrums by her, minor neglect of kids and two AWOL incidents, as well as crashing the car. Wierd year group, Frak has some hair raising tales to tell about other girls from that batch as well. Wink (Any more gossip, Frak?)

Third one (also from Famous Training College) stayed one hour and then decided she was too tired to work, having done 10 days' work over Christmas. Just disappeared off claiming her mother had had a heart attack (which later proved to be more or less untrue). We were then offered her by Eden so it seems while she was still contracted to work for us she had left and registered with them at the same time without telling them what was going on. All very odd.

Two very experienced temps fine, reassured us we were normal and not sociopathic and the type of people to scare nannies off.

Subsequently latest nanny, who is older but who has worked in nurseries for most of her career before starting work for me. Some personal issues which are impacting on her work.

So it's not us, honest.

I have had au pairs before, by the way, but we worked out only 10% of ours have really been OK and I am not sure I can handle the disasters any more, plus there's a toddler involved now (hence the nannies).

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BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 16:48

Blondes you have your own stuff going on at the moment so I would not have dreamed of adding to your woes.

Did you get my email about the parenting btw?

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BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 16:53

umf, I am not sure if everyone feels like I do about school gates, but all I know is that every time we encounter a new school I try to get to know people and be friendly and approachable and it pretty much comes to nothing, apart from DS1's secondary school where it is bilingual and there are lots and lots of dual career couples like us, and where we have made a lot of friends quite fast.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 20/05/2011 16:54

'slaps boffy'

i/you/no one can change my stuff/woes :( so please do burden yourself on me

if nothing else good to give me something else to think about Grin

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/05/2011 16:55

and yes i did get the parenting email - think i sent that you last year lol

Strix · 20/05/2011 17:00

Boff,
I use an au pair / childminder combination now and I have 5 month old baby. Was a tad nervous about dropping him with "au pair" (who is really somewhere between nanny and au pair) but it is working out nicely. I recommend it.

BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 17:21

To be fair Blondes half the ones you send me I can't open Wink

Strix where did you find you au pair?

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BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 17:22

Can't we just set up a MN commune and all float about randomly looking after each other, instead of all this stress??

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Strix · 20/05/2011 17:23

I think it was au pair world. Though, might have been greataupair.com

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/05/2011 17:23

lol, they may be slightly rude and maybe your lappy/phone etc cant open the porn fun :)

BoffinMum · 20/05/2011 17:56

I am thinking .......... as I am going to be on study leave all autumn, so working ten minutes up the road at times of my convenience, maybe I could even think about braving it and getting an au pair and saving myself a fortune over the autumn ... what does everyone think? If I put MiniBoff into nursery school for a couple of mornings right by where I'll be working, if there's a space, that would stretch the time further as well, and he might like that, as he would be 2 years 5 months, so ready for a bit of socialisation. [Hmm]

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