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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

It's the nanny's word vs my daughter's... WWYD?

115 replies

VentiPeppermintMochaWithWhip · 26/04/2011 21:09

Kids and I were upstairs getting ready for bed tonight and I got hairbrush and blow dryer out to do her hair when DD asked where I found my brush. I said it was in my bag, why? She said our nanny was looking for it to dry her hair today after her shower...
WTF?!?!
Now usually, DD is a super rubbish liar... She'll start smiling and then giggling as soon as I get serious, but she held face and I made her swear that she wasn't lying. She was able to answer my questions (yes, nanny used my ensuite. no, daddy wasn't home. yes, she was sure) So with that said, several issues come to mind...
-Do I believe DD and ask nanny if she took a shower?
-If so, who was looking after the kids whilst she was in the shower? They are 5 and 6, but still...
-Why did she shower here and not at home?
-Why didn't she tell me when I got home? What was the reason for the dishonesty?
OMG!!

What do I do now?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

eurycantha · 26/04/2011 21:23

I m a nanny and I have to say that if Id heard your DD I would have believed her ,it seems to me that she is just telling you the plain truth,I take it that your nanny is not live in?She had no reason to ues your bathroom,if she has a water problem at home she should have asked you if she could use your ensuite.I would mention to your nanny that you believed she had used your shower [Were there any signs that she had?] and why had she ? and that you prefer that she didnt ,I f by chance she looks stunned say sorry ,your mistake if she is fibbing you have got your message across.I would not say that your DD had told you just in case it caused an atmosphere between nanny and DD. I was just thinking you should be glad Your DD said Daddy wasnt home!!

RancerDoo · 26/04/2011 21:25

I'd believe DD too.
It's not the worst thing in the world although it does suggest a lack of boundaries. You should just ask the nanny straight out - aside from anything else it gives you a chance to make clear where your boundaries lie.

annh · 26/04/2011 22:00

It's not yet the nanny's word versus your daughter's though, is it? You haven't asked the nanny and she may admit to using your bathroom if you ask her. If she doesn't, then you have an issue with whom to believe. If she does admit to having used the shower, you have a different issue with her overstepping boundaries and have to decide what to do. For what it's worth, I do believe your daughter although it seems pretty gross that nanny would have wanted to use your hairbrush!

harrietthespook · 26/04/2011 23:07

Do come back and report OP.

Yes - any evidence of a shower that you saw?

Assuming she did take one - you're saying there is a family bathroom she COULD have used but instead went into your bedroom and used your ensuite. Freaky for sure.

Does your DH work from home? How long has she been working for you? Has he noticed anything a bit...weird?!

ChocolateCoveredChitChat · 26/04/2011 23:08

And which towel did she use???!!!!

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 26/04/2011 23:09

You have to ask her. Does sound very odd.

smupcakes · 27/04/2011 03:36

I am a nanny so here is my perspective.

I often shower at my charges house if need be. Sometimes we have been swimming, sometimes I have flour in my hair or on a few occasions have been vomited on. I don't really see how it can be an issue who is in charge of your children if she had of showered - they are 5 and 6, what do you do when you're home alone with them?

My charges' Mum has no problem with me showering at their place - just as I would have no problem with her showering at my place. I guess we are more relaxed. She always tells me to use her ensuite which has a lockable door (though more often than not I use the family bathroom as I am not particularly concerned anyway!)...

I use a clean towel from the cupboard and throw it in the machine with everything else when I am done.

nannyl · 27/04/2011 08:38

I am (was) also a nanny.

although not normally, i too have had a shower at most of the places i have worked.

Most of the houses i have worked in have had a swimming pool.... so therefore after swimming me and the children all want a shower at the same time. (just to add children older and perfectly capable of showering themselevss too)
I have never used the parents en suite though after swimming, but have used the guest en suite.

When proxy parenting my ex ex charges i always stayed in my bosses room and used their en suite, but i cant imagine anyone wold have issues with that (as thats where my bosses wanted me to stay etc, and know one can do a week without a bath / shower!)

In the summer when weraing crocs id always wash my feet in the bath with the children (they got filthy!) (only washed feet, didnt get in and bath with them or anything).

When having my bathroom 'done' I asked my bosses who were more than happy to let me have a bath shower there, while the work took place. (when they hd their kitchen done and had a few days without a washing machine i took their washing back to my house... swings and roundabouts and all that)

Id NEVER even think to take my own towel, and would just use a clean one out of the airing cupboard, and add it to the wash basket to wash later.

I see no reason to disbelieve your daughter, and there may be a normal explanation. Yes a bit odd but hardly gross misconduct either. (though i dont think she needs to use your bathroom, unless perhaps you only have a bath in childrens bathroom, and the shower is in the en suite?)

I think you should ask her about it,... if she has a rational explanation... umm she was opening some custard which squirted all over her hair? then ask she doesnt use YOUR en suite, if its more like her shower is broken, make it quite clear that you expect at the very least to be asked if its ok.
Also say if she ever needs to wash herself (say child vomits all over her) can she please use the family bathroom rather than yours!
That is not an unreasonable request IMO

MilkNoSugarPlease · 27/04/2011 09:59

I'm a nanny and (on more then one occasion) have used the shower at work...more often then not it's because I've been sicked over (Last family I worked for, the baby had reflux and was OFTEN sick on me, I had a change of clothes but sometimes it was down my neck and in my hair...on those times, i had a shower). Non of my bosses have ever had a problem with it, I've always used the family bathroom as it's nearer to the kids except in my current job where I use the en suite as its the only one that has a shower.

-Do I believe DD and ask nanny if she took a shower? Yes, but ask her then listen to her explanation

-If so, who was looking after the kids whilst she was in the shower? They are 5 and 6, but still... It could have been for no more then 5 minutes alltogether whilst she hopped in, what do you do when you have a shower?

-Why did she shower here and not at home? A TON of reasons!

-Why didn't she tell me when I got home? What was the reason for the dishonesty? In all honesty maybe it didn't cross her mind to mention it, then remembered when she was outside and didn't want to come back and tell you so left it.

Listen to your nanny before jumping in, maybe she got food in her hair, maybe she's going out after work and was covered in stuff, maybe her shower is broken, maybe she can't afford to pay her water bill...

Grabaspoon · 27/04/2011 10:15

Agree that a nanny may sometimes have good reason to use the shower; been swimming, covered in something - full body painting/flour play, maybe they'd had a water fight in the garden, lots of sweaty sports games etc.

Did your DD say whether she had, had a shower also?

If I shower whilst at work I eitherdo it when the child is having a nap, is engrossed in a dvd or if they are playing in the bedroom next to the shower room.

Speak to the nanny but I wouldn't have an issue with it :)

Derbys · 27/04/2011 10:41

I work as a nanny and very often have a shower at work, it is usually when I have to start work early as I go to the gym before work so have a shower at work once all the children have had breakfast and are dressed. My boss knows that I have a shower and is fine about it. My charges are 2, 4 and 9 years old and are fine for the couple of minutes and can always knock on the door I they need me.

harrietthespook · 27/04/2011 11:47

This is all about the context. The nanny is live-out (so not like HER shower was broken) so I can see why OP would ahve been taken by surprise.

I'm genuinely fascinated by this query (harriet clearly needs to get out more.)

Maybe because the OP mentioned her DH early on it got me thinking subconsciously there was something weird about it. But I do think if she choose to use the ensuite IF another family bathroom was available and working is weird on anyone's book's, sorry.

But again, multitudinous IFS. OP, time to come back now.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 11:55

I don't have a nanny or anything, so it's not a world I am part of but I don't understand the problem.

Ok, choosing to use your ensuite if there is a shower in a family bathroom is an odd choice and looking for your hairbrush is a bit yuck, many people don't like sharing hairbrushes, but I am finding myself thinking 'it's only a shower' maybe she'd got dirty, perhaps it was a really hot day and she was sweaty. Perhaps it was a hot day and she was going out straight from work and wanted to freshen up.' It, to me, seems like nothing at all. She had a shower I leave my kids to occupy themselves while I have a shower. If someone was looking after them, I wouldn't be bothered if they had a quick shower, or were otherwise occupied for a few minutes. Like I would be if the children were with me.

And the being dishonest about it is difficult for me to understand. It was a shower [baffled] it's not like you asked her about it and she lied. she probably had a shower for whatever reason and thought nothing of it.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 27/04/2011 11:58

Oh, and it's not the nanny's word v your daughter - because you haven't talked to the nanny about it. she's not given you her word or confirmed or denied anything. It's just - is my daughter right about this do you think.

CinnabarRed · 27/04/2011 12:01

I do have a nanny, and wouldn't be bothered by this in the slightest. My DCs are 3.5 years and 12 months, and I just take DC2 into the bathroom with me when I shower (DC1 stays downstairs watching CBeebies). It doesn't take more than 5 minutes to wash.

The only thing that would have raised my eyebrows is that your nanny didn't mention it to you. At the least I would have expected some reference in the nanny diary to getting very messy/sweaty doing something with your children.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 12:02

I agree with everyone saying it's not unusual for a nanny to have a shower at work and it's hardly your DD's word against hers when you haven't even asked her about it. I'd consider it such a non issue I wouldn't have thought to say anything to you either if I was her.

I agree it's a bit grim she was looking for your hairbrush - but sometimes needs must I guess and hopefully she would have taken any hair out and given it a wash afterwards.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 12:04

What if she'd unexpectedly got her period - would you like her to put that in the diary too? Would you expect her to tell you?

Lancelottie · 27/04/2011 12:05

Could be the nanny was looking for her OWN hairbrush and your DD has it a bit muddled?

CinnabarRed · 27/04/2011 12:10

Fair point ChippingIn. I wouldn't demand that an unexpected period should be recorded in the nanny diary or for her to tell me the precise details. (Although how often do periods come early and in such quantities that a shower is required? Genuine question, mine have never done that!)

I suppose I would expect a quick "I got a bit messy/sweaty playing with the DCs today so I had a quick shower - hope that was OK?" - and of course it would be absolutely fine. Ditto if she's going straight out after work.

Ebb · 27/04/2011 12:12

I personally wouldn't have showered in my boss's en-suite ( if there was another shower available ) and if I had taken a shower I probably would have mentioned it in passing out of politeness.

crumpet · 27/04/2011 12:13

It may not be unusual for a live out nanny to have a shower at work, but as an employer I would find it very unusual for it not to have been discussed as a likely event early on! And even more strange for it not to have been mentioned.

The examples of a sicky baby don't apply to a 5 and 6 yo.

I have employed several nannies and none have showered at my house unless staying over. It is bizarre behaviour (unless cleared as a possible activity beforehand)

crumpet · 27/04/2011 12:15

And I would have been furious if there was a choice of bathrooms and the nanny had elected to use my en suite without permission.

harrietthespook · 27/04/2011 12:29

Shower if you're mucky but also DOING YOUR HAIR. It definitely couldn't wait to be done at home, a full on blow dry? Maybe I'm biased though because it takes me about 45 min.

nannyl · 27/04/2011 12:38

Ebb.... the 5 year old i looked after projectile vomited all over me!
He was lieing on top (his) bunk bed, (had gone to rest as "tired") called me, i went in and it was like a shower of sick all over me! lovely!!!!

Just cause they are 5 doesnt mean they wont be sick on you, though im sure if that was the reason nanny would have mentioned it!

Just to add, there have been times when i have taken my GHDs to work and straightened my hair there. Clearly never allowed 3 year old to touch very hot GHD's, but have done it while he happily played in the same room.
Doesnt take long, bosses had no issues, and normally did it after swimming. (Oh and took my own hair brush etc too, didnt use my bosses!)

nannyl · 27/04/2011 12:42

and as a rule, unless i need something particular (rare) i always stay out of bosses bedroom / bathroom, and keep the children out too.

(the cleaner used to take all random stuff into their bedroom for them to sort, and many many times, she took my stuff up to my bosses bedroom too, as she thought it was theirs!.... if my stuff disappeared and cleaner had been, i always found it in their bedroom!)

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