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Original poster

spent the afternoon at soft play ...love to hear your views, cms and parents

124 replies

thebody · 29/03/2011 21:05

with my 4 mindees, aged 4,3,2,1.. (have ofsted variation).. sat beside me(and my 1 year old in the ball pit) were 2 mums with their dcs... aged about 4... they were normal boisterous boys spending half of their time kicking seven bells out of each other and the other half being the best of friends.. totally normal boys imo..

the mums, on the other hand, though obviously middle class intelligent women, nearly drove me mad..

they helecoptered their kids every move with, 'oh josh good jumping' or 'well done dan that was a really brilliant throw' and I dont mean just once but every bloody throw and jump!!!

they agonised when Josh wouldnt eat his lunch, instead of saying, 'sit down now eat up do as your told and behave yourself ' it was 'please josh behave yourself or mummy will be upset' for the love of god!!!

josh had a massive tantrum.. i ached to interfere when mum said to him that 'she understood he was angry but his behaviour was upsetting her and everyone else... she got that part right...!!!

they looked astonished when my 3 year old asked,'why do i have to sit down and eat lunch' and I replied,'because I say so'...... end of..

are we a generation of explainers to our children..???

i am more than happy to explain the seasons changing, why the sun is hot, why we need to feed the birds etc but when all is said and done..

if its a question of behaviour its because I say so.......

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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BradfordMum · 29/03/2011 21:14

Here here!!
(vigorous hand clapping from me!)

Sally

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2011 21:15

different people do different things different ways
Was it doing any harm?

Original poster
thebody · 29/03/2011 21:16

thank god for that.. thought just me and turning into my gran.. lol.. her favourite phrase was,' you can cry from now until tomorrow morning but you wont get your own way' and she bloody meant it... but i knew where i stood..

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 29/03/2011 21:18

AMEN! say it again! Grin

oooh stealth, its truly annoying listening to one of those parents though

Original poster
thebody · 29/03/2011 21:20

yes stealth

because the kids ran riot, didnt do anything the mums said and were a bloody nucience...they had no respect for mums words and there was no discipline..

as a mum of 3 teen boys let me tell you that if you dont have a grip on discipline and respect when they are 3 then you wont when they are 15 and considerably bigger and stronger than you are..thats scary for you and the wider community...

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 29/03/2011 21:21

and actually yes, i think its doing little 'josh' some harm because he's going to expect to have everything explained to him and will probably be quite upset when he realises that not everybody finds him absolutely and wonderfully amazing

RitaMorgan · 29/03/2011 21:21

They sound irritating, but honestly I think "because I say so" is a bit rubbish. Rules and boundaries are fine, but no reason why you can't explain yourself.

Hardandsleazy · 29/03/2011 21:22

What stealth says.

Also your post does come across as a bit judgmental and if that creeps into your dealings with parents that would may put them off on basis that if you are paying a cm you do want them to respond to some requests on how to deal with dc even I it seems unreasonable not get judged. You are entitled to your views but I think there is an issue of boundaries when you care for others kids.

pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 29/03/2011 21:22

I dont bargain with my kids or plead with them to do anything or ask them lol

They are told what to do and if they dont do it there are consequences! lol Quite simply i am the adult, the mother and the childminder and you have no choice! lol

MrsRhettButler · 29/03/2011 21:23

kids know why they have to sit down to eat, no way am i explaining that to my 5 yo each and every time. she knows.

so if she keeps asking about something she already knows and has known for years then she will get (if shes lucky) 'because i said so'

Hardandsleazy · 29/03/2011 21:24

That said we have all come across a Josh( woman on my train every night take note- those people moving carriage prob don't enjoy your dd expressing themselves that vocally all the way home)

Hullygully · 29/03/2011 21:24

I would have smacked them good and hard the little blighters. Spare the rod.

MrsDaffodill · 29/03/2011 21:26

HHHhhhmmm..... I think "Because I say so" is a bit off. "Because it is lunch time" would work though.

ohnoshedittant · 29/03/2011 21:26

Helicoptering and the tantrum bit aside....

I have to disagree that 'becuase I said so' is a good answer to a question like 'why do I have to eat my lunch?'.

Firstly I don't see why a question about the everyday routine/instructions is any less valid than a question about the seasons, the sun or the birds.

Secondly, why not just say..'because it's lunch time' or 'because we're all sitting down to have lunch now before we go' or 'we need to eat lunch now because we have to go and pick up Fred from pre-school in 10mins' or whatever the reason was that he/she had to sit down and eat their lunch.

I don't think a child asking 'why?' is a question of behaviour. If he'd said 'no' and chucked his lunch at you then fair enough, but 'why?' is a fair question surely?

If it's a 'why' I know they know they answer to e.g. 'why do I have to put my coat on' then a 'why do you think?' is sufficient.

GelflinGirl · 29/03/2011 21:27

Love this and i for one completely aggree with you OP!!!

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2011 21:30

"because the kids ran riot, didnt do anything the mums said"
fair enough, you didn;t mention they were being a nuisance in the OP, you simply said they were being normal boys.
And I sometimes tell my PFB that I'm impressed by how high he jumped, or something like that - just part of interacting with them IMO.

Original poster
thebody · 29/03/2011 21:32

i care about the children i mind far too much to compromise on discipline.. i treat them all as i treated my own.. hugs and love included...

go to the schools and see who has been excluded... 50 50... divide between parents who quite frankly dont give a dam and the other half are far too soft.. children meet discipline and dont like it.. rude and aggressive when challenged...parents are scared of telling their little darlings.. NO

my mindees will not fall into this catagory, and thankfully all my parents far too sensible for that....

judgemental.. you bet your ass.. parenting is far too important to be lazy and 'well we are all different arnt we'.......

OP posts:
ohnoshedittant · 29/03/2011 21:33

I don't think the running riot and answering a 'why' question are connected tbh. I think there are probably other issues with discipline. You can have rules and boundaries and still answer a question!

ohnoshedittant · 29/03/2011 21:35

thebody what you say is all true and I totally agree....but it's nothing to do with explaining 'why' they have to do something!

thinkingaboutschools · 29/03/2011 21:38

I'm sorry, but I do think it is important to explain to children why you want them to do things.

As a parent I would be very unhappy with someone telling my child "because I said so" as an answer to why they needed to eat.

lockets · 29/03/2011 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thebody · 29/03/2011 21:40

i refuse to explain to 4 mindees a day why they have to sit down to eat lunch.. they allready know and dont need to ask.. if they did then its, because I SAY SO

secondly imo tantrums are not acceptable behaviour, ever, mine never do this more than twice in the setting because they

a. get removed from the playroom

b are ignored

c never ever get what they wanted in the first place...

it works honestly really....

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 29/03/2011 21:41

you would expect someone to explain again why they need to eat?

paulapantsdown · 29/03/2011 21:41

I tell my kids that they do not live under a demoracy in our house, but a benign and loving dictatorship Smile

MrsRhettButler · 29/03/2011 21:42

thebody if i ever need a cm will you please be mine? Grin