spent the afternoon at soft play ...love to hear your views, cms and parents

[thebody]

with my 4 mindees, aged 4,3,2,1.. (have ofsted variation).. sat beside me(and my 1 year old in the ball pit) were 2 mums with their dcs... aged about 4... they were normal boisterous boys spending half of their time kicking seven bells out of each other and the other half being the best of friends.. totally normal boys imo..

the mums, on the other hand, though obviously middle class intelligent women, nearly drove me mad..

they helecoptered their kids every move with, 'oh josh good jumping' or 'well done dan that was a really brilliant throw' and I dont mean just once but every bloody throw and jump!!!

they agonised when Josh wouldnt eat his lunch, instead of saying, 'sit down now eat up do as your told and behave yourself ' it was 'please josh behave yourself or mummy will be upset' for the love of god!!!

josh had a massive tantrum.. i ached to interfere when mum said to him that 'she understood he was angry but his behaviour was upsetting her and everyone else... she got that part right...!!!

they looked astonished when my 3 year old asked,'why do i have to sit down and eat lunch' and I replied,'because I say so'...... end of..

are we a generation of explainers to our children..???

i am more than happy to explain the seasons changing, why the sun is hot, why we need to feed the birds etc but when all is said and done..

if its a question of behaviour its because I say so.......

Yes I too noticed the sweeping generalisations about children who are excluded - I was talking to someone in charge of dealing with these things today and it seems it's rarely simple.
Well, unless you live in the 1950s of course

Yes he has mental health problems & I agree he had to be excluded but it was unfortunate that after years of asking for help for him to manage the school day he only got it after the exclusion. A bit like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. Sorry for thread hijack!

I explain and then I do it.
e.g. "It's lunch time, come and sit down please".
If he doesn't then I'll tell him why he needs to sit down and yes I'll tell him when he doesn't do as I ask it makes me sad (he's 2, he understands sad). Then I pick him up and plop him in the high chair, protesting or not.

End result is the same, but I think I've treated him reasonably.

In the book "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" it repeatedly says we should say what we see, say how we feel and explain our expectations.

e.g. asking a child to tidy their toys away. Surely it's better to explain that you see a big mess in the lounge, that you're worried some will get lost or broken and that you expect them to look after their toys or put one away before getting another out. Isn't that better than just saying "because I said so".

Or putting a coat on. It's cold outside, your coat will keep you warm, I worry you will get cold if you go outside in a t.shirt, do you want to put it on yourself or shall I help you? If they don't do it, you do it for them, but they know why you're doing it.

Maybe I'm just horribly middle class?! I treat my 12 year old the same.

Sorry Thorny :(
Do you hvae plans in place to get him into another school?

I wouldn't be 'appalled'

but if I heard someone say 'because I said so' to a 3 year old asking a question, particularly if it was someone I knew to be a nanny or childminder I would inwardly 'tut' (I'm very English!) and think badly of them. Certainly wouldn't want them looking after my children.

Just my opinion of course...

mamatomany.. just an observation on parenting... feel have some experience as have 4 dcs, 3 teens and one 11 dd and minded for 3 years.. 4 children daily.. just my opinion..

kids often behave better for other people - they save the worst up for mums. why bother having a tantrum with the childminder? much more effective to wait til you get mum and then throw a right strop

it's also funny how we always see the mistakes other people make and never our own

You've seen a snap shot of their parenting, there are days I have steam coming out of my ears and others when I am Mary Poppins herself often the DC's have nothing to do with my mood either way.
Parents don't get ofsted or anyone else giving them a pat on the back to say how brilliant they are, I'm sure plenty wouldn't be rated outstanding but give the poor women a break eh, they are doing their best which is more than many can be arsed to do.

Thanks Stealth, he is in a new school now which is much more inclusive & they have specialist workers etc that help him.... fingers crossed he can hang on in there until he finishes school in May. Think he will fit in easier at college, I live in hope :)

we still don't know if they were being 'normal boys' or 'a nuisance'

Unless the OP thinks boys are a nuisance

Oh that's good, glad he is now getting the help he needed - as you say, stable door...

lockets... i never ever snap.. how dare you...

stealth.. old fashioned doesnt mean wrong.. does it???? not sure where you are coming from here,, is it old fashioned to expect a child to do sit down for lunch... sorry for this but you were rude first.. are you the parent whose child runs riot in the restaurant as you' explain to him why he has to sit down for the 34th time to eat'

bonkers.. of course i tel the children why they must do something.. just not every bloody time... sometimes its just a given.. you have explained now do it please..

ohnoshediddent..you obviously arnt a cm ... if you were you would understand that if the same 3 year old asked you every day why she had to sit down to eat her meal and it had been explained to her many times why then its quite appropriate not to explain again but to say, just do it...

hope i am not smug... hell of course I am.. my mindees love coming despite my firece regime.. ha ha they know where they stand.. tomorrow we will be looking for bears in the woods.. hopefully in the rain....all will have fun and no tears or tantrums, sharing and caring..maybe a picnic so no sitting down required....

nite nite...

thebody, you are ignoring most of my posts

What is wrong with saying "good jumping"?

Were they 'normal boys' or a 'bloody nuisance'?

are you the parent whose child runs riot in the restaurant as you' explain to him why he has to sit down for the 34th time to eat'

No.
Next question.

god one last post.. have 3 boys stealth and yes of course boys are a bloody nusience.. wonderful though and need FIRM PARENTING.... btw mine are all at uni doing well so thats good aye.. not traumatised by my firm strict parenting style... lol..

erk

car crash

just sayin'

Were the boys in the soft play normal boys (as in your OP) or a bloody nuisance (as in a few posts further on)?

I really can't make that any clearer

was that to me lockets? Blimey you refresh/read/type fast - even those 3 words!