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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

spent the afternoon at soft play ...love to hear your views, cms and parents

124 replies

thebody · 29/03/2011 21:05

with my 4 mindees, aged 4,3,2,1.. (have ofsted variation).. sat beside me(and my 1 year old in the ball pit) were 2 mums with their dcs... aged about 4... they were normal boisterous boys spending half of their time kicking seven bells out of each other and the other half being the best of friends.. totally normal boys imo..

the mums, on the other hand, though obviously middle class intelligent women, nearly drove me mad..

they helecoptered their kids every move with, 'oh josh good jumping' or 'well done dan that was a really brilliant throw' and I dont mean just once but every bloody throw and jump!!!

they agonised when Josh wouldnt eat his lunch, instead of saying, 'sit down now eat up do as your told and behave yourself ' it was 'please josh behave yourself or mummy will be upset' for the love of god!!!

josh had a massive tantrum.. i ached to interfere when mum said to him that 'she understood he was angry but his behaviour was upsetting her and everyone else... she got that part right...!!!

they looked astonished when my 3 year old asked,'why do i have to sit down and eat lunch' and I replied,'because I say so'...... end of..

are we a generation of explainers to our children..???

i am more than happy to explain the seasons changing, why the sun is hot, why we need to feed the birds etc but when all is said and done..

if its a question of behaviour its because I say so.......

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pesha · 29/03/2011 22:43

Stealth - there will always be someone at soft play judging you, whatever you do, its just part of life!

Thebody - you seem to be changing your story somewhat, you are now saying you do explain behaviour but just not everytime. In your op you say 'if its a question of behaviour its because I say so.......'

And you do sound very smug. There is not a one size fits all approach to childcare. There just isn't. My own 3 dc have taugt me that nevermind my mindees. And actually I think stating you have well behaved mindees so must know how to parent succesfully is ridiculous, children will behave completely differently in a childcare setting to how they behave at home.

StealthPolarBear · 29/03/2011 22:44

Oh I know that :) Just if they're going to judge me can it be for better reasons than "ooh she;s a bit keen"

Thanks for providing a CM voice of reason BTW

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 22:45

oh dear .. as i said the parents were the most nuisance... child who tantrumed also a nuisance but didnt blame him...all children behave as parent expects or rears.. yes its just imo... as i said in my post loves

'nice attitude for a cm???' lol that was about my own beloved boys.. for gods sake love havnt you got an atom of a sense of humour...

OP posts:

coppertop · 29/03/2011 22:47

I'm loving the way the behaviour of the children is all down to the childminder. Nothing to do with the parents of course. :o

"Because I say so" just sounds rude and lazy. IMHO.

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 22:50

pesha.. sorry but did actually say that i explained lots to the children.. just not the same request every day at nauseum.. read the posts please.. havnt changed at all..

i dont think my original post sounded smug at all.. but actually i do pride myself on having a happy sucessful setting with fantastic kids..

also my own 4 dcs are grat as well(despite 3 being boys) so yes if thats smug then i am smug..

cming for me is a career.. whats yours?? do you pride yourself on doing a good job?? thats what I do.. is that wrong???

OP posts:

lockets · 29/03/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 22:52

ohj dear again coppertop.. as said before have great parents.. but actually have 2 minmdees .. 10 hours a day 5 days a week.. so actually on a par with parents so my imput is important... or wouldnt you agree..

OP posts:

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 22:53

where i come from love isnt partonising actually.. love... duck.. pet.. dear..

OP posts:

lockets · 29/03/2011 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coppertop · 29/03/2011 22:56

No I don't agree that being a CM is on a par with being the parents.

Delusions of grandeur.

ohnoshedittant · 29/03/2011 23:04

thebody No I'm not a childminder, I'm a nanny actually.

I look after a 3 year old (and he's two, soon to be three siblings). I work a full week of 11 hour days.

I understand what it is like for a child to ask the same question again and again. I just disagree with you!

Someone disagreeing with you doesn't mean they don't understand!

I answer his 'why' several times and then he gets a 'why do you think?'. He answer (usually correctly because I've told him 10 times previous) and we move on.

It is not necessary to say 'because I said so'.

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 23:04

interesting reaction..

fifty fifty split really with those who think firm fair loving parenting is the sensible approach and those who prefer the 'lets explain the far end of a fart approach over and over again'

far too late now for me.. got to get play room ready for mothers day arts and crafts fun in the morning, decorated mugs with minature trees growing out of them... pipe cleaners, cotton wool and of course the dreaded glitter.. with pictures of the children inside images of the sun(like teletubbies)

thats as long as the children arnt too traumatised by my' because i say so to turn up of course!!!!

OP posts:

Pesha · 29/03/2011 23:07

You said -

'i am more than happy to explain the seasons changing, why the sun is hot, why we need to feed the birds etc but when all is said and done..

if its a question of behaviour its because I say so.......'

I can't see how that can be taken in any way other than you don't explain why they have to behave, you just answer 'because I say so'.

And its your attitude throughout that your way of parenting/minding is the right and only way to do things and your judgement of people doing things differently that comes across as smug.

I am guilty of having been ever so slightly smug when I just had dd, an almost perfectly behaved toddler who never had a tantrum, if I'd gone straight to ds2 I might still be a little smug as he is also very well behaved, he does have the odd tantrum and went through a short hitting phase but very easily managed. But I had ds1 in between who turned everything I thought I knew about parenting on its head and I had to completely rethink everything. I have also had an 8yo mindee who needed a particular approach and frequent reminding of expected behaviour, lots of praise and 'helicoptering'.

My career is cming too but I am constantly looking for ways to improve my care, wondering how I could have approached a situation or done things better; assessing and evaluating myself, my techniques and approach and my mindees. I don't think I am by any means perfect or as good as I can be and I hope I never do. And while my 'house rules' are the same for all as is my overall approach I realise my children are all individuals and need to be cared for as such.

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 23:07

oh god will you all go to bed as well.. coppertop.. delusions of granduer.. soooo lol.. got 4 of my own so dont covert any one elses...

just that spending 50 hours a week with 2 children kind of makes you quite significant in the childs life....parents think so anyway...

OP posts:

ohnoshedittant · 29/03/2011 23:10

Why do I have to go to bed?

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 23:12

seriously last post.. pesh agree with your last paragraph.. nothing in my posts would suggest otherwise.. of course children are individuals but all need to stick to the same basic house rules, no favourites, no exceptions,..

we all evaluate but some things are set in stone, behaviour,attitude to tantrums, sharing etc... imo kids like to know where they stand...

OP posts:

coppertop · 29/03/2011 23:12

I keep re-reading the thread title because I'm sure it says "love to hear your views, cms and parents" - yet your posts would suggest otherwise.

And why the need to try to play parenting top trumps? Do you really think you are the only person on the planet to have had 4 children?

Pesha · 29/03/2011 23:12

'but actually have 2 minmdees .. 10 hours a day 5 days a week.. so actually on a par with parents so my imput is important... or wouldnt you agree..'

I wouldn't agree at all, not remotely on a par with the parents. Significant in the child's life - yes absolutely and obviously you'll have a big impact on them but 'on a par'? Not at all.

TheSecondComing · 29/03/2011 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

thebody · 29/03/2011 23:13

ohnoshediddant.. go to bed because i say so!!!! its tuesday and late.. damn i explained myself!!!!!

OP posts:

lockets · 29/03/2011 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pesha · 29/03/2011 23:18

Yes there are certain aspects of behaviour that are set in stone but how you teach that to children is not.

HSMM · 30/03/2011 07:36

I am a CM and I think I am somewhere in between camps here!

When we go to soft play, I spend 1:1 time with each child, doing all the 'good jumping', 'weeeeeeeee', 'well done' stuff, but at the same time, watching the other children play independently, taking turns, etc.

On the other hand, they all know that they sit still at the table, eat what they're given, say please and thank you, because these are well known, non negotiable 'house rules'.

Reality · 30/03/2011 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mazfah · 30/03/2011 08:43

OP, I've read this thread with interest.

I'd like to ask a genuine question please. With regard to your one year old mindee does the 'because I said so' approach work? I have a strong willed 19 month old DS and am currently in more of the 'explain, distract, praise, interact' camp, but does your stricter style work with your mindee? What methods do you employ to encourage positive behaviour with your youngest?

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