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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

spent the afternoon at soft play ...love to hear your views, cms and parents

124 replies

thebody · 29/03/2011 21:05

with my 4 mindees, aged 4,3,2,1.. (have ofsted variation).. sat beside me(and my 1 year old in the ball pit) were 2 mums with their dcs... aged about 4... they were normal boisterous boys spending half of their time kicking seven bells out of each other and the other half being the best of friends.. totally normal boys imo..

the mums, on the other hand, though obviously middle class intelligent women, nearly drove me mad..

they helecoptered their kids every move with, 'oh josh good jumping' or 'well done dan that was a really brilliant throw' and I dont mean just once but every bloody throw and jump!!!

they agonised when Josh wouldnt eat his lunch, instead of saying, 'sit down now eat up do as your told and behave yourself ' it was 'please josh behave yourself or mummy will be upset' for the love of god!!!

josh had a massive tantrum.. i ached to interfere when mum said to him that 'she understood he was angry but his behaviour was upsetting her and everyone else... she got that part right...!!!

they looked astonished when my 3 year old asked,'why do i have to sit down and eat lunch' and I replied,'because I say so'...... end of..

are we a generation of explainers to our children..???

i am more than happy to explain the seasons changing, why the sun is hot, why we need to feed the birds etc but when all is said and done..

if its a question of behaviour its because I say so.......

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2011 08:52

I still don't understand what is wrong with "good jumping"

no doubt the OP will come back and say she didn't say that!

I also wonder how the parents were being a nuisance - as now it has changed from the boys being a nuisance to the mothers.

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2011 08:52

"fifty fifty split really with those who think firm fair loving parenting is the sensible approach and those who prefer the 'lets explain the far end of a fart approach over and over again' "

or those of us who are somewhere in between. Happy to interact with our children and explain our parenting decisions.

Not everything is black and white, love.

StarExpat · 30/03/2011 09:11

I've read most of this but not the whole thing. I have to say that I know for a fact that my DS is angelic with his cm and not necessarily so angelic with me. My cm is great with discipline and she is fabulous, but he is definitely much better behaved with anyone else. Children just push their boundaries more with their parents IMO/IME.

Also, I don't use "because I say/said so" but I would answer to "why do I have to eat my lunch" something like "because it's lunch time. Your body needs food". Short, firm, to the point and no pleading or long winded explaining necessary :) (he's 2).

There are times when they have to do something just because I said so, but if I can give a quick, logical answer then I do think that is better. I don't think "because mummy will be upset if you don't" is ever a great answer to something like why a dc should eat their lunch, though.

We need to equip them with good discipline and an understanding of why rules are in place so that they learn to make the independent choice to follow rules/laws and be kind to others...etc.

RosieGirl · 30/03/2011 09:18

I think I understand what the OP was about. As another CM who juggles lots of children, I really struggle sometimes when parents turn up and spend 15 minutes "negotiating" with children to go home. I really need to get on deal with other kids etc etc and more and more these days some parents will not just say "we are going home, shoes and coats on NOW". (before anyone jumps on me to say I could get them ready, the majority of my parents rarely come on time usually arriving during a 15 minute window which makes it impossible for me to get kids ready sat in coats and shoes for all that time). Most of my children are part-timers so I still have others here so can't do tidy up time, end of session. Mum or dad will stand saying things like "if we go now, you can have a treat when we get home" or "I really need to go now we have to get tea" or "please put your shoes on as mummy needs to go now" and a variety of other tactics. When it goes on too long and I need to be going out to collect children from nursery/school or put dinner on the table for the ones staying, I usually end up picking up the child, sitting them on my knee, putting their shoes and coats on and saying firmly "Its home time, mummy needs to go now". One day it was going on and on and on, the little girl wouldn't come out from under the table and I was getting increasingly frustrated as we were starting to miss my daughters ballet class, I ended up pulling her out (tickling, trying to make it fun) but she screamed and kicked, (which she NEVER does to me when mum isn't around) when I handed her to mum, she said "aahhhh didn't you want to come out from under the table" . There is a time for explanations and a time for doing as you are told, no explanations needed.

bonkers20 · 30/03/2011 09:45

RosieGirl I am sorry you have ended up with such a bum set of parents!
You say the majority of your parents rarely come on time. That must be really difficult and frustrating. They're taking the p&^. I hope you charge them!
And they sound terrible at getting out of the door! I'd have to set down some ground rules. Collect on time and leave within 10 minutes please.

StarExpat you make a very good point. My DS does everything he's told at nursery. I think that's really common. It is not uncommon for me to collect him after having a great day at nursery and for the moaning to start within 5 mins...before we've even got in the car.

TheSecondComing · 30/03/2011 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosieGirl · 30/03/2011 11:45

As I said, parents are irregular on collection and the times I try to put on shoes and coats they wander back into the playroom which has just been re-carpeted. I live in a 16th century cottage, no hallways, to wait in, no door to playroom, all open plan.

All my parents are lovely and I do operate flexibly which is my fault, but I do wish parents would then be willing to ....... take charge, take over and deal with them. I have never hung around in someone else's house when my own children have refused to leave after playdates, otherwise they would rule me.

menee · 30/03/2011 13:36

Wow. Speaking as a mum and a minder here. Firstly I dont think poster was demeaning parents who praised their children or meant to put the point across that she never explains anything. The way I read it was that the two particular parents on the park were pandering to the boys. As when asked to eat nicely they played up and were naughty and even mum said they were upsetting her. Spoiling the fun. As a childminder I can overly praise sometimes to show the child im pleased or proud of them or to show they have done well or good. But when constantly asked the same question over again eg. Why - because its lunch time and we sit nicely to eat. Why - because we cant run round with food in our mouths incase we have am accident. Why - because I would like you to. Why - because I said so . Lol. Praise is always good and best tool we have. But when a child is misbehaving I do agree that I would not pander to them. Strict talking to and sit with me lol not that thats a bad thing x

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2011 14:00

"the mums, on the other hand, though obviously middle class intelligent women, nearly drove me mad..

they helecoptered their kids every move with, 'oh josh good jumping' or 'well done dan that was a really brilliant throw' "

Doesn't make it sound like a good thing - they "drove her mad" and "were a nuisance" (first the kids, then the mums)

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2011 14:02

and she "ached to interfere" - which implies a certain level of smuggery IMO.

StealthPolarBear · 30/03/2011 14:03

but she has repeatedly avoided my question about what is wrong with "good jumping", and will no doubt come back and say she didn't ever say there was anything wrong with it. Well she did. So ner

Not sure I'd want anyone so joyless looking after my DCs - part of the reason I had children was to enjoy their little achievements

Hullygully · 30/03/2011 14:05

"Good posting," Stealth.

menee · 30/03/2011 14:41

Yes and as I explained I think praise is the best thing we have. There is nothing wrong is praising a good throw etc. Is no one allowed to comment on here or would you prefer me leave you children to it. ;-)

menee · 30/03/2011 14:44

The above comment was actually made in jest lol. Just in case its taken wrongly x

thinkingaboutschools · 30/03/2011 16:27

I agree with you stealth

minderjinx · 30/03/2011 18:48

I have only skimmed through this, so may well have missed the crucial point, but I have to agree that some parents can be pretty irritating, not when they praise their children genuinely, but when they are clearly playing to the crowd in praising their children excessively, repeatedly and loudly! I recently had the misfortune to be at the local soft play with one such mummy who would exclaim every thirty seconds at how clever her girl was - along the lines of "Ooh that was wonderful darling. Ooh come here and show Mummy again". (Must admit Mummies who call themselves "Mummy" once their offspring have left babyhood far behind and could easily handle the odd pronoun are a pet hate!) Anyway, as soon as the mum's mate turned up the child was left to her marvelousness while mum and mate turned their attention to gossip and coffee.

ohnoshedittant · 30/03/2011 19:26

menee try 'why do you think?' instead of 'because I said so'. It's very effective, much nicer and can often lead into a nice conversation.

menee · 30/03/2011 20:17

Sorry i didnt mean to give the impression i actually said i"because i said so" , i was giving an example of how it could easily just be said in the "moment" if you get me. If constantly questioned and i have repeated answers i usually end with "i have explained why and would like us all now to eat lunch" :)

I dont actualy use "why do you think" i never have xx

menee · 30/03/2011 20:19

sorry i meant never used "because i said so" lol - long long day lol x

ellmum · 30/03/2011 21:09

One thing that interests me is how much attention the OP must have been paying to these terrible 'middle class intelligent women'. It may be that all the helicoptering and praising I do excitement of the good jumping gets to me when I take DD to soft play, and I am oblivious to other parents and what they're up to. But really, a 4 yr old, a 3 year old, a 2 year old and, if I've got this right, 2 1 year olds and the OP still had the time to worry about what someone else was doing? I know she's been bigging up her parenting skills, but she actually must have super observational powers .

StarExpat · 30/03/2011 21:18

To go along with my post about dc behaving better for cms, this is also true for me as a teacher. My students are far more well behaved for me than they are for their parents. Before I had DS I thought this was because I just knew more about children and discipline

Nowi realise that dc are just usually like this. Even the sweetest most well behaved dc are even just a little more willing to push or try to push boundaries with their own parents.

StarExpat · 30/03/2011 21:19

Now I
Ugh

lollipopmother · 04/04/2011 02:04

Rosie - I feel your pain with parents that can't seem to get their act together when picking up. As much as I love their kids, after working from 8-5 without an obvious break I would like them to pick up and leave, not faff about pleading with a 1 year old to 'come to mummy now' or 'get your shoes darling' - LO has never once done any of the above so perhaps they could teach that on their OWN time, not on mine!! It really shouldn't take 20mins to vacate my house, very irritating after a long day!!

lollipopmother · 04/04/2011 02:09

As for the constant questions regarding why OP thinks parents shouldn't praise their children - that is not what was said, OP states that every throw and every jump was amazing. Sorry but that is not sincere praise, nor is it necessary. I often praise my DD and my mindees but I praise for things that warrent it, not just every thing that they do, the point of praising is to highlight something that is good or been done well, praising for every tiny thing would surely reduce the significance of it after a while?

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