nanny driving issue

[silverfrog]

we have had our live-in nanny with us for 6 weeks or so now.

she is doing reasonably well at adjusting and coping (dd1 is ASD, this is nanny's first SN placement).

BUT

a large part of her job is driving - school runs (dds go to 2 different schools, always will. dd1's school run is 15 miles each way, part motorway, part urban, part tiny country lanes). nanny has never driven in this country before, but does hold full EU licence, and has doen for a few years. drives happily and confidently in her home country (apparently)

we have, all along, been upfront about the drive - highlighted that it wasn't for the fainthearted, that she would need to be comfortable driving as, due to timing differences etc, a large part of her job is driving.

we explicitly asked her if she thought she would be ok doing this. she said she would, but would appreciate some refresher lessons - we took this to mean gettingused ot driving on the left, familiarisation wit route kind of stuff. we agreed this, and have, imo, been generous in paying for these lessons.

she has, so far, had 10 hours of lessons - mostly in a dual control car ( - starting to look more like actual learnng to drive than refresher lessons) but has now moved on to using my car for lessons.

lessons have been taken in her normal working hours, thus inconveniencing me even more - I have had to drive an absolute tank of a car (Mercedes Viano) down narrow country lanes to fetch dd1 at times. I don't really mind, but it's not the greatest thing to have to do, especially in the wet.

so anyway. nanny had what was supposed ot be her last lesson yesterday.

today, she has made no mention of driving at all. not a query as to how we might handle the change over, not a peep at all.

so I took dd1 to school. came back, nanny wanted to take dd2 swimming, and expected her usual lift there and back.

then I had to set off to get dd1 form school (Friday + half day at her SN school). I get back to the house at 2.30pm, having had about 30 mins to myself all day, snatched in between school runs and taxi runs.

I ask nanny why she didn't drive at all today, not even to go into town swimming with dd2 (about 3 mile round trip ), and she says "because I felt a bit scared to do it, but I will be ok form Monday"

now I am deeply that she will be ok on Monday - what's going to change between now and then? (no more lessons booked)

I am away next week form Tuesday to friday, so it looks as though dd1 will not be going to school (how am I supposed ot be comfortable with her driving the girls around if, after 10 hours of refresher lessons she is too worried to even drive the car into town and park in the nice, generously sized spaces at theleisure centre?)

I'm screwed, really, aren't I?

We're heading into winter, its already dark by the time I collect dd1 after school - there's no way I'm going to trust her easily on the school run.

so, it's look for a new nanny, or shell out for even more lessons (which I am *seriously about - we agreed to a couple of lessons, and have already more than covered that, imo)

wwyd?

Thanks everyone.

We have spoken to her instructor (last week) - he was confident that she would be ok after this weeks' lessons.

Frakkers - that's how we feel. Absolutely fair enough to want some refreshed lessons. But, like you, it would take me an hour maximum to get my head around the changes. Nanny is Polish, and has driven recently in her country (spent a month there before starting with us, and was driving daily) so it is not a case of having passed her test years ago (she is 26) and never having driven since. The learning to drive again comment was simulations because I cannot imagine what on earth she is doing in so many lessons - she can drive, ok Carr is a bit bigger than she is used to (very user friendly with sensors and rear camera etc) so take it easy for a bit, maybe some road signs are new so brush up on highway code, and learn the route to school (again, satnav is her friend, if she wants it)

The bit that worries me is that she had the chance yesterday to drive, both on the trickier school run and a simple hop into town, and she didn't want to because she was worried. Cautious doesn't even come close to describing that, really, does it? If she couldnt do it yesterday, what will change by Monday?

And yes, the children angle is what worries me the most. Dd2 is going through a why phase, and questions must be answered now. Dd1 is either ok in the car (95% of the time) or not. Not is not good - shrieking, sobbing, and a recent and charming habit of waiting until you are about to pull out of a junction and then shouting just as you begin to move. Very distracting at times, even for me, and I've had years of driving her about.

Looks like we'll be back to nanny hunting, really, doesn't it?

Grr, phone autocorrections - most of it makes sense though!

Would she feel happier on Monday if she drives with you in the car to deal with the children, or is that likely to make her feel pressured?

I know nothing about driving standards in Poland but depending where in Poland I'd have thought they'd need to be fairly confident in driving in pretty crap conditions so the test would be a fairly high standard? It might just be she's not a massively confident driver anyway, which isn't an issue normally but clearly is for you.

Could go either way, re Monday, I suppose. She had that opportunity yesterday, but it was like it hadn't even occurred to her that I might expect that.

If she drives with me on Monday, then that leaves no time before I go away (away from tues next week) for her to drive them on her own before I go.

Having talked it through last night dh & I wondered whether she doesn't want to drive with us as would feel pressured, but really, given the situation, that is just something she'll have to suck up, tbh. I am a confident and competent drive, but I still feel pressured if I drive eg my uncle about (he taught me to drive), but that's just life isn't it? A silly awkward situation to be got through, and not something that happens everyday. And that's how I would see the nanny situation. There is no way, after admitting she didn't drive yesterday because she was too worried to, that I am just going.g to wave her off cheerfully with both girls in the car.

I know nothing about driving standards in Poland either, but our insurers were happy that she would be able to drive straight away over here, with no restrictions (from some eu countries an extra test is required within a year, presumably due to driving test standards being not so rigorous).

Confidence is the key, and is what we always stated would be paramount. We specifically quizzed her on this, as it is such a large part of the job (dd2 only at pre school atm, so half days, therefore a lot of split journeys in the daytime etc - drop off dd1, home for an hour, drop off dd2, home for an hour, leave to collect dd1 and then fetch dd2 as part of round trip, etc). And she has not given us any reason to think her confidence is ok.

seems to me that she doesnt want to drive - you have given her plenty of chances eve a few miles down the road to the pool

regardless of plans this weekend, she needs to cancel them and do some trial runs to school - either on her own or ideally with you or dh in car to judge her driving

i spend 3hrs a day in the car doing school runs as have 2 at different schools at about 8 miles apart and go along thin country lanes and when it freezes/snows its a nightmare (tho often get snowed in so no school lol)

i also pick up mb every day from station and always drive her back, so she needs to get over this fear (if thats the right word) of her driving and you in the car

tbh if she has had 10hrs of lessons she should be confident and if she isnt then you seriously need to think about finding a new nanny

Ah, blondes, I was hoping you'd see this. The lanes o am talking about are over your way, so you are in a good position to judge this one.

Agree that she doesn't seem to want to drive, but she shouldn't have takent the job, really should she/ however good she is at th rest of it, with no driving then it doesn't help me much (am supposed to be back to studying. Have postponed starting while she sorts herself out, but tbh, why employ a nanny to spend 3 hours plus a day being the taxi driver
myself?!)

Oh, the worried to drive if dh or me in the car is conjecture on our part - we just can't really fathom why she would not have done so yesterday.

I could have understood her not doing morning school run with dd1, as wanted to get measure of driving a child around with battering and so on with dd2 on a shorter run.

But to not drive at all? On 4 separate occasions? Looks like she's trying to avoid it.

Err, that should be nattering

However infuriating dd2's "whyyyyyy" phase is, I have yet to resort to violence

have only just read this (was pissed out last night ) :)

didnt know you were near me :) but yes the lanes i drive arent nice, but if i didnt use them then would add an extra 10mins each way each journey and i refuse to do that

tho have friends who come over and REFUSE to drive down my 1 mile country lane and go the long way

no she shouldnt have accepted the job, and tbh if she has been with you for 6weeks and not driving, then she prob isnt up to it (sorry)

agree there is no point in employing her and driving yourself, so you need to go in the car with her and see if she is competent and if not then find a new nanny who is capable, and thats why you employed her

no point in hiring a dog and barking yourself rofl

trust me my 2yrs nattering when im driving wants me to want to do some battering lol

esp when repeats same 3 words or keeps saying blondes, blondes,blondes and i say yes yes yes

We're just over the border in "surrey, but dd1s school is in Kent. Agree the lanes aren't that nice, but that is where the school is, so no choice

I have shown her the longer way, which is ok but through villages, but the last 2 miles are thin and blind corners etc whichever way you go (talking about lanes around the back of Otford, eg around St Michael (i think) school, in case you know it)

Quite, re dog/barking.

Oh well, will see if she is about this weekend and whether we can get her in the car. Otherwise its back to the drawing board...

Completely agree re: initiating toddler speak in cars. And despite dd1 being 6, that's the level she is at too, due to SN. So that adds an extra (distracting) element to the journey too...

Here, bloody phone. That's *infuriating toddler speak!

indeed i do know st m (tis about 15mins drive from me, though nice roads lol)

but yes that road rowdow lane (think its called) is a bugger, esp in the rain/frost etc and a lot of the roads are very narrow

you DEF need a competent driver

Yes that's the one. I go that way, but have already shown nanny the longer way round. but either way, the last 1.5-2 miles is like rowdow, theres no avoiding it.

unless she drove through all the little villages like eynesford/shoreham/farningham etc but that would take ages and not far on kids to be in car longer than needed

it really sounds that she isnt competent at all :(

i would call her today and suss her out and say if she doesnt spend some times driving today (and possibly you go in car with her to see what she is like) then you will have to reconsider the position

are you happy going away and leaving her alone for a few days next week if she cant/wont drive?

How would you feel about saying to her if she doesn't come and drive the journey with you will be giving her notice? The risk is she does the drive and then isn't great when she has to do it herself.

Has she ever driven your car solo? On the route she needs to take?

I feel she really needs to do that tomorrow.....

Well, we spoke to her this morning and good her we thought she should be putting in some extra time thisweekend to show she was serious about driving. She went out (to be fair she was on her way out as we caught her to speak to), and has yet to return.. we will see what tomorrow brings.

She seemed surprised that we would ask this, BTW.

No, she has never driven our car solo. At all. Dh did drive with her a couple.of weeks ago, and said she was competent, if a little slow. But her unwillingness to step up is concerning us hugely.

What do you need for your concerns to go away?

silverfrog prob wants her to get happily into car - like i do

its light at 7.30ish am, so if need be, she wakes up early tomorrow and goes on some practice runs with you/dh

then on her own (and sat nav)

I would let her go, I'm afraid. She hasn't been honest with you, and she isn't a confident driver (which sounds like it is a major skill you need in your nanny).

Yes, what we want from this is for the nanny to not shy away from driving, and expect me to give her lifts everywhere! It's not.such a huge ask.

Blondes: that is the alternative route I have shown her. It does add 10+ minutes, but I would rather she is comfortable. The problem is she still has to turn down opposite the garage in farningham, so lanes cannot be avoided altogether!

Anyway, we have not seen her since we spoke yesterday to say that: if she was worried about driving, even into town, then that makes us worried about her level of competence. and that we expected her to do some practice in her own time (ie this weekend) to show she is willing to try.

so it looks like she is making he decision for us, tbh. if she cannot be bothered to do some extra practice in her own time, after we have paid for multiple lessons in our time, that says a lot about her attitude to the job, doesn't it?

sounds to me that she isnt bothered :( or she would be out practicing

so, what happenes now - do you chat tonight and give her notice?

Why oh why are you giving her lifts. Why setting the expectation DD won't be at school. Foot down right now. You are the employer here. You are behaving like a doormat. She will walk all over you if you behave like this. There's a TV programme like this...can't remember the name..where the au pair lies in bed all day and the mother runs around after her.

The only thing you must do is ensure she is safe to drive your children, so you are going to have to go on the runs this week with her driving until you are confident you can let her go on her own. And if she can't do it by the end of the week it's goodbye.

Stop faffing! You pay the money, you set the rules. You are NOT her driver!