What shocked you during your birth? (full hand examinations)

[rochester]

My first baby is due in four months and I would love some honest feedback from ladies who have been there and done that.
After watching 'One Born Every Minuite' last night I saw a midwife putting her whole hand into a woman who was as a result in great pain. I have only just come to terms with pushing a baby out, pushing a hand in is a totaly different matter!
I was shocked not only that this actualy happens but also by my own nievety that I had no idea that this happens!
Thank God I saw this program because nobody has ever told me I would be faced with this. It has left me wondering what else is there I should Know.
I have since found some feeds on Mumsnet about putting no/limited examinations as part of my Birth plan.
Is there anything you have since learnt that you wish you had put in your birth plan?

I know what you mean gelletti but for me knowledge realy is power. It is far better hearing it from real women rather than reading the endless tosh written in the pregnancy and birth books.

How much blood there is after....had a bath but had to get out and refill it after 5 mins DH went and got someone to ask if something was wrong...of course they told me it was perfectly normal.

Tearing at the front instead of the perenium...I mean that isn't even where the pressure is...I still don't understand

• I was expecting DD to be all blue and slimy. But she was put straight onto me and seemed to already be pink and not at all slimy.

• how red and shiny DD's lips were when I held her first time.

• that DD would immediately latch on and start sucking like mad! I was expecting it to feel really wierd the first time I fed her. Or alternatively I expected a kind of warm breastfeeding glow to envelop the pair of us. Actually I didn't feel anything particularly strongly apart from amusement!

• that once I'd got DD out, I then had to carry on looking after her - nappies, breastfeeding; birth was only the start.

• That they actually leave you on your own with a baby on your first night in the post natal ward. I spent about 30 mins wondering whether I was allowed to just hold her in bed with me or whether I had to leave her in her cot. I didn't fully appreciate at that stage that this, and everything else to do with DD, was my decision now!

• how easy breastfeeding would be. Having had loads of friends who struggled at various points, was expecting the worst. But DD just seemed to come out knowing what to do and the whole thing was a dream.

Lovely to hear a posative breast feeding story bumpsadaisy
What position were you in stuffedmk when you tore at the front ? Not that it can be avoided I am sure, if it's going to happen it's going to happen. Dare I ask how you are now?

For me the biggest shock was the pain I felt in my upper legs. I had prepared myself for a lot of pain in my back but I had none, it was all in my legs.

ooo that sounds like fun mideco had your legs been a problem during pregnancy?

Me too with the pain down my thighs. It is coming from your pelvis opening but some folk feel it down their legs.

I am still surprised every day that my (largely uncooperative in other ways) body managed to grow and deliver a real life baby!

That DH would be so utterly amazingly supportive, given that he is a right hypocondriac normally if anyone is not feeling their best and is definitely not known for his sympathetic side. Somehow he seemed to realise that this was the real deal, and I very much doubt I could have done it without him.

That I would hate the initial skin to skin so much... I specifically requested it, but DS was dumped on my (very sore) tummy and I couldn't move about properly due to epidural, so was just really uncomfortable for the whole time. Looking back, I'm not sure why I didn't ask someone to help me get more comfortable

That the sweep/insertion of induction pessary/subsequent examinations didn't hurt, uncomfortable at worst.

That despite normally being a very private person, I didn't care who saw what once it all got going

Rest assured examinations don't actually 'hurt'...they are uncomfortable, and you might start a painful contraction whilst the MW is checking you, so senses are heightened.

I've had three natural births and I am a big wuss...!!! Hate hospitals and any intervention. Was even terrified of the thought of gas and air - however, all smooth in the end.

As its your first pregnancy you will possibly be in first stage labour for a little while, so ensure you get to relax...but also keep mobile, as gravity definitely helps!

Once established I found using proper breathing techniques- taking good strong breaths - was invaluable! Breathing so I was pushing away the contraction....

All I will say is make sure you rest as musch as possible during the 'run up' to labour...and best of luck!

Thankyou dolceebanana and your right I am sure a lot of it is down to luck.
LifeOfKate it's funny you should mention that initial skin to skin contact as I have been thinking about that today. I realy don't fancie the idea of being instantly faced with the slippery little package especialy NOT skin to skin. I think the initial welcome will be DH's job. especialy if I am going to need stitches. The idea of having my new baby slipping all over my chest and trying to feed as I am delivering the afterbirth or getting stitched up worries me slightly.

although i was happy to greet DS initially I did not want to hold him while I will waiting for the placenta, too tired & uncomfortable. but as i had put skin to skin in birth plan midwife told DH to take off his shirt to hold him skin to skin!!!

Its amazing but I always thought I'd want my lo brought to me all clean and smelling of sweet talc after birth...but emotions are so high; you are so relieved and without the pain of the contractions that you probably won't mind if you are both covered in poo as you cuddle the baby!!! And this is a real Hyacinth Bucket saying this!!!

That you might not feel a rush of love or in fact much at all for your children when they are born. I felt curious, traumatised and mildly protective of them but there was no feeling of love. For me it took 'real time' to arrive - I fell in love with them over the course of a few weeks. Slow burn love that now burns brighter than the sun.

Blood. Torrents of it post-birth. I'd heard about lochia but I was amazed at the levels. It was as if someone had killed a horse in my bed. Disposable knickers are the answer; that and industrial sized maternity pads.

Examinations hurt. I felt like I'd sealed up so it was really painful. An SHO with a rubber glove and speculum telling me to 'relax my legs' made bugger all difference. I breathed through it and mentally cursed her.

Caesareans can be brutal and very painful and that paracetamol won't touch the sides. If someone offers your morphine when it hurts, take it.

Your stomach will feel empty. And if you've had a caesarean you'll have a very strange sensation of your uterus sloshing around inside you.

The most shocking and painful thing was having a man shove his hand and arm up my fanjo and into my uterus post-birth to retrieve the placenta after he pulled the umbillical cord off. I had asked in my birth plan for the umbillical cord not to be cut until it stopped pulsating and for a natural not managed delivery of the placenta. He cut the cord immediately the baby came out - he held my baby up for me to see and whilst I was looking (to check all fingers and toes there etc!) he snipped the cord with the scissors he already had hidden in his hand! He then ignored my reminder that I didn't want a managed delivery of the placenta (didn't even speak to me, just left the midwives to tell me that I had to follow hospital procedure!) whilst he tugged on the umbillical cord and pulled it off. Up went his hand and arm into me and he started sweeping round the uterus - didn't get the placenta out in one piece so had to keep going back in again and again. I had no epidural so you should have seen the look of shock on the midwife's face! All this taught me that you should be very blunt and direct in your birth plan about what you do and don't want and you should brief your husband/partner/birth partner to take control of the situation and tell the staff in no uncertain terms that they cannot do certain things without justification and agreement first! Don't rely on the staff to read your carefully crafted birth plan and stick to it - mine was totally ignored, even down to having them shouting out requests to bring in students to watch when I was in transition despite my birth plan stating that I didn't want students in the room! I spent the late stages of labour trying to control the situation and being stressed by what they were doing against my wishes because they 'needed a bed' as my husband told me afterwards! You need to be firm to stop them trying to speed things up - sometimes when hospitals are busy I think they do things for their own convenience not for your benefit.

Rochester you mention skin to skin, I had skin to skin with dd2. I asked that she be wiped a bit before being handed to me, I don't cope very well with ickyness, yes I know it's birth I need to get over it but anyway, The midwife wiped her over and plonked her on my chest and it was fine. Dd2 then lay there and screamed her little heart out while I delivered the placenta and while they stitched me up. Dh had gone off at the stitching point to make phone calls to people. She didn't slip about and it's one of my favourite memories of her birth is her lying there looking up at me.

mears so glad you posted to clarify about using 2 fingers to do internals.

When I watched 'One born every minute', I actually told my DH that Fabio had just set himself up for the prize as most useless birth partner. Joy asked him repeatedly if the MW had inserted her whole hand and all he replied was 'Mmm'. Joy assumed he meant 'yes', but I suspect he wasn't really watching that closely (would you?) and didn't actually know the answer.

dd1 - that i would shake for 2 hours after the cs, and that it would take 2 days for the shock to wear off enough to give her a name.

ds1 - that it really is possible for the obstetrician to insert both hands and attempt internal rotation. and that if that happens, you may need to stay in the hospital for a week whilst they repair your undercarriage.

dd2 - that if they take your very poorly baby away after the birth and tell you nothing for four hours, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is dead. it just means that they haven't told you anything.

(all 3 still here to tell the tale, i should add...)

Most shocking thing during birth was definitely the sensation of pooing while ds was moving down. Did not expect that at all and it was a horrible and mortifying experience for me. I don't know who says that you don't care what happens during transition/birth... but I was in the pool and the midwife kept swiping the little net around... I was just beyond embarrassed! Now I'm just praying the same thing doesn't happen with dc2, who is due in 3 weeks!

The sensation of the placenta just plopping out was quite strange, as well as all the shaking afterward. I remember just seriously wanting a shower after the whole ordeal.

Really looking forward to a homebirth for this baby though!

Linnet the fact you class those first moments with your baby as the most special has realy made me re-think the whole thing, thankyou for helping me see the other side of the coin.
Sounds like you had a real ordeal MGmidget!Better start getting my DH well versed in when he needs to step in and say no!
Best of luck with your homebirth bringonthetrumperts Pooing in the comfort of your own home is a much nicer thought
Are you all back to working order again madwomanintheattic and how long did it take?

OMG MGmidget! I hope you did a formal compaint for all that!

Rochester - I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to give a false impression that skin to skin is not very nice, I am sure it would have been fine in different circumstances, it just surprised me as I thought I would love it and I feel like I messed up my first cuddles with DS by feeling so bloody unconfortable that that was all I could think of. He wasn't put on top of me all gooey btw, he had to be resuscitated so it was a while before I got to hold him and I had already delivered the placenta and got stitched up by that point.
FWIW, we had skin to skin later that day in attempts to establish breastfeeding (successful!) which I loved as I was comfortable again and which I feel cemented the bond I was already developing with him

Yes yes yes to the person who said the most shocking thing was that they leave you alone with the baby!

I remember peering at DS through his fishbowl and wondering what the hell to do if he woke up. In fairness I was pretty immobile having had a spinal but even if I had been able to move, I'd still have been asking the MW if it was OK to pick him up!

This thread is a classic, rochester, and although it'll take you a week to read it all it's totally worth it.

It's the thread I came across on Google which introduced me to Mumsnet and opened my eyes about the whole childbirth thing in general!

oh yes, i'm fine. by 11 weeks ds1 had double pneumonia lol, so i had other things to worry about they let me out of hospital after 7 days i think. with a toddler and a newborn there was no time to consider what a wreck my nether regions were in!
dd2 is still slightly broken, but on the whole i've come to terms with not being, actually, that great at the whole childbirth thing

OhFk that thread is fantastic, haven't laughed like that for ages, I'll be watching that one and can hopefully add some of my own come July.