No visitors until 2 weeks after the birth

[nappyaddict]

When people say this do they mean no one at all? When DS was born I couldn't imagine keeping my parents and sister away for 2 whole weeks!!

"I think it is all too controlling. "

from one who expresses firm opinions as to what all other new parents should do

Everyone is entitled to do it their own way-obviously it is better to stick to what makes you happy. Banning visitors would have made me very unhappy and luckily I have never come across people who didn't want to show off the new member of the family.

"Perhaps I am just lucky but parents and PILs were very helpful and got on with cooking etc. "

Piscesmoon, you're really lucky. The visitors I had expected tea and cake at every turn. Made by me and DH of course even though we were new and very exhausted parents.

Don't assume everyone is in the same fortunate position as you. Many many people are thoughtless and impose themselves on others. It's a great idea to protect oneself from that scenario.

I found it much easier to cope with visitors after dc2, when I sussed out that if you STAY IN BED with your baby when they arrive, then things are much easier.

And don't put any chairs in the bedroom.

If anyone unwelome sits on the bed you just need to shriek, pull a pained face and say 'oooh, my stitches!' or 'mind me farmer giles'! .... they soon make their excuses and go.....

I ought to have added that we had in excess of 50 visitors in the first week.

On the second day we had our first visitor at 10am (he was on the way home from work and it was convenient for him) and I rememebr we had no milk and I had to go out and buy some.

Then a third visitor at 11am who stayed until 3pm.

My mother arrived with my sister at 1pm (both of whom are completely useless blathering idiots).

That night my inlaws arrived with 8 friends at 8pm.

They can all bugger off this time.

Told you I was hormonal and shouty.

I take back all I said if you are talking about 50 visitors!! By all means keep them out.

My general view (even though I have not had my first yet but am due in 4 weeks) is that if you have to tell visitors where things are so they can make their own cup of tea, then they are not close enough friends to have over within 2 weeks after the birth.

Personally, I can't think of anything worse than the whole world seeing me in a cantankerous mood. I imagine I will be a complete social recluse.

When I had my dss a few years ago we had so masny visitors at all different times that dh and I didnt get to eat properly,, ridiculous, So when I had my dd 9 years ago I told everyone I wanted no visitors, except my mum and mum in law for 2 weeks. It was lovely and it gave us all time to get to know our dd and REST.
All of my friends bar one thought that was fine, one didnt speak to me for a while but thats fine, if you act like that then you aint a friend in the first place.
imo great idea..

When i had my first, a dd, i had every person imaginable coming round wanting to see the baby. Even people i had never heard of that were relations or friends of step mil and fil. It wasn't an easy time for me, i had never been around babies before, had no idea what i was doing and struggling with the shell shock of the night time feeds. I just wanted everyone to go away.

With ds, it was the complete opposite. The novalty had well and truely worn off and i didn't have many visitors at all. Most of the ones who came round when dd was born to see her with presents just sent a card this time around and i felt completly underwhelmed tbh. I came home on a Saturday after being in hospital for two days, mil came over along with my mum and sister. Then i think i had 3 visitors after that in total Typical though because ds was an easy birth, an easy newborn and i was more relaxed and actually wanted people to come round, just for the company really.

I have come to the conclusion that people are just wierd when it comes to babies. Why is my first baby more a fasination than my second? They are both human beings fgs and should warrant the same amount of interest. It seems there is no happy medium when it comes to newborns and visitors.

standanddeliver that is fantastic idea! I think I'll do that.

I think I will also remove all chairs & beanbags from the entire first floor of the house, and chain all the dining room chairs to the dining room table. My lot are so inconsiderate I can just picture them now, trailing up the stairs 8 at a time with a dining chair each, camera in hand and chatting away to each other about when the landing was last dusted...

piscesmoon I hope this doesn't sound dramatic, but your earlier comments indicate to me a fortunate person who has good support from friends & family. By that measure, it must be hard to understand people wanting a ban on visitors, but remember that we're not all that lucky. For some of us, a visit from even close family can represent trauma at such a vulnerable time. You said earlier that people would be unhappy if no-one ended up paying any attention to the baby - you actually described my vision of post-natal heaven, there!

I think it is very selfish and shows remarkably little empathy to be annoyed by people who want to spend time together as a new family, bfing etc and don't want to be inundated by germy visitors.

Each to their own of course, but a nice compromise (I think anyway) is what DP and I did. We asked that we have no visitors for first 48 hours after we came home, so that DP and I could bond with new baby ( and DP and I spent 2 days in bed with DD, bliss!). Close relatives very welcome to hospital to meet new arrival.
Then, once visitors did arrive in first 2 weeks, I basically stayed in my nightie & dressing gown, to remind people that I had just undergone the hardest thing in my life - in my case, major abdominal surgery.
I also admit to not offering people a cuppa, unless they had traveled a long way - that way, they are not encouraged to stay. Worked for us (apart from one 'friend' who got a bit peeved and is no longer a friend - over a cup of tea, honestly!) and we had no problems - good friends/close relatives made their own cuppa.

I havent had a chance to read all the posts but it has made me think about asking for no visitors for a day or two this time. my family dont live here but dh's do and last time, i was overwhelmed by a traumatic brth that ended in em cs, with dd in scbu for a week and they came that night. i was out of it and didnt want to see people until i had got my head around things, but i dont think dh understood, he just said they were excited to come. I dont blame him but i will be more firm this time....

Hi Olivo maybe you will any lessen any stress and anxiety by not reading the entire thread.

I am flabbergasted at some of the sweeping comments made in this post. There are some real pregnancy /parenting police posts on this thread.

That there are expectations on new parents to entertain blows my mind.

If new parents want to get home and take the phone off the hook, recover from labour, rest and get to know their baby as an immediate family unit then why not? Surely true family and friends would understand.

If others want to throw a party and have the neighbourhood over and host them, then so be it.

Surely nonjudgemental support is what new parents need and they and their baby take priority.

As one posted said, each to their own/

If swine flu develops I wonder it people will consider limiting visits....

I will change my mind on my posts-I must be lucky. I couldn't stand hoards of visitors-it all seems very strange, I would only visit someone who was very close to me with a new baby. I didn't envisage upwards of 50 people!!

Can i just add, that i would have had no problem b'feeding in front of visitors, if I could do it, but for about 6 weeks after coming home with dd1, each feed was a nightmare, of trying to latch her on, her screaming, me crying, me expressing, etc etc, it was bad enough when it was dh and I, the thought of having to do all that with visitors around, fills me dread!

It is different strokes for different folks, in the same way that i can understand why some people enjoy the big wedding but it wasn't for me.

I hope that if my dd's have kids, i will do what makes them happy, whether that is visiting the day after or the month after.

Personally I can see why someone would do this.
I wouldn't dreanm of just "popping by" someone's house straight after they had given birth and staying for several hours, expecting the knackered and hormonal new mum to make me drinks and offer me refreshments.
I told my oh not to let anyone come after the birth of my second child, as with my first I was left with a house full of visitors (mostly unannounced)a crying baby who was unable to latch on properly, postnalal depression, severly sore,and basically just wanting to sit and nurse my baby and relax! Instead the house was so crowded people were even standing in the hallway.
Much better having them visit when you are feeling better.
Btw I am generally a person who loves visitors

Hazyjane, its easy to do the right thing, do what my MIL did. She outright asked me to ring her once we were ready for visitors and said that she would not ring us until we rang her because it was bound to be a bad time. Ironically she was one of the few people I did want to come round and when she did she brought cake, made tea and arrived with a big bag of nappies and wipes for bubs and presents for dd ( a miniature doll that she could pretend to b/feed while i was b/feeding dd2 complete with car seat). She stayed for about an hour having had one cuddle with bubs read stories to dd and emptied the dishwasher.

Just wish the others had had some of her consideration.

Sorry, she's not for sale...

Mogwai-I know where you are coming from. With first child my mil and fil asked if they could visit us the day we came out of hospital, they had already visited the hospital as well!
I only agreed as they assured my oh on the phone that they were going to sil for tea afterwards. Anyway several, very tiring hours later, I asked mil what time they had arranged to visit sil and she replied"Oh we have cancelled that now, we are staying here with you!"

So my knackered oh had to actually cook a full meal for them.
Hence the ban on visitors the second time round, they were however free to come to the hospital and visit.

thebody i take it you and DH have no siblings living nearby?

We had a home birth and no visitors on the first day as dh was tidying away the pool. She came a week early so it was good that we didn't have lots of people ready to pop straight over.

We told family and friends, and said we'd like a bit of time to get to know our baby so could they leave it a few days? Everyone was fine with this - dh's family all at the other end of the country anyway, my dad an hour's drive away but he didn't want to rush things. The best visitor was the one who came to the door on day 2 with a pot of casserole, said "I'll come back for the pot when you're ready, now go back to your little girl". She has 3 kids and is the wife of dd's godfather, the kind of person who says "call me at any time if there's anything you need" and actually means it.

I'd mainly agree with the poster above who said why the rush to see a newborn? They're much more fun a few days/weeks later when they're awake a little bit, and the parents will be much better equipped to cope with visitors.

jump jockey - your visitor with the casserole sounds like an absolute dream come true, so lovely and kind!

I think a home birth with clearing away pool could be quite a good visitor deterrant (sp) - 'ooh yes do come over and help us clean up the debris', would be sure to put off most fairweather visitors for at least a few days!!

My ILs are of the tactless and clueless variety. They turned up the day after I got out of hospital after a c section and were shirty because I hadnt prepared them a nice lunch . Didnt like them much anyway but I still get cross thinking about this. Even more shocking was that MIL herself had had a c section but in those days you stayed in hospital for 2 weeks to recover. She gave me 2 days then expected business as usual. Grrr she is a weirdo. So no YANBU in not wanting visitors - it can permanently damage your relationship with them.

with DS1, we had a two week babymoon - it was wonderful! just me, partner and baby together upstairs, unless DH popped out to buy flowers, croissants or chocolates

we had told family and friends in advance and they were all just fine..

second time round felt very different, and we welcomed visitors from afew hours after birth.

you know, different things work at different times and we can welcome all of it!

Vive la difference xxx

I'm lucky enough to have very good parents, PILs and friends who were all more or les welcome when DD was born. However, DC2 is due in October and I am planning for it all to be much more low key. With DD, my mum came into the labour ward just after delivery and took DD from DH before I'd had much of a cuddle and then walked around patting her while drinking some of MY tea and eating a piece of MY toast.

Mum will be looking after DD this time so I'm planning that she will just have to wait until we get home.

On the other hand, my best friend is a paediatrician and now has had her own DD and changed jobs so won't be able to come round and reassure me/ give helpful feeding tips etc as she did last time.