No visitors until 2 weeks after the birth

[nappyaddict]

When people say this do they mean no one at all? When DS was born I couldn't imagine keeping my parents and sister away for 2 whole weeks!!

I only ever heard of this two week rule thing when I came on MN. Each to their own and all that but doesn't it come over as a bit unfriendly?

We had parents round (fortunately all siblings were far away - most in other countries so it was a while before they could get to us and we weren't overwhelmed). Friends came when they were invited and it actually took less than 2 weeks for us to want to see people. Everyone came bearing food, did dishes, etc so we were lucky.

When people talk about NO visitors I think about when DS (possibly, a long time in the future) has children and how gutted I'd be if I had to wait 2 weeks to see my grandchild.

However when people talk about visitors who expect to be waited on, tidied up after, make comments about the state of the house/ parents I can totally understand this rule.

Depends on your circumstances

I think it is terribly sad. I always hope that when they deign to let people see them and the baby, they don't want to bother!

In our case, we're saying visitors in hopsital - I am planning to stay in for a few days at the midwife led unit then a bit of breathing space for the 3 of us at home to get babymooning.

This way our nearest and dearest can meet the baby when he is all new when we're in hopsital, have their cuddles and pics with him, then tootle off on their merry way, b4 leaving us to it for a week or so.

It is different for us in that our close family live a couple of hours drive away, so visits will be longer and will probably involve a sleepover in our tiny house.

Everyone warns me that days 3-4 can be bad with sore boobs, baby blues etc. No way I want to be contending with visitors on top of this. If that sounds selfish, then so be it.

2 weeks!!!! My sister is insistant she wants to be at the hospital when I am in labour!!! even if she cant be in the room!!

if i have another dc i will only let gps visit until we have all settled down.
when dd was born, my mom visited in hospital which was fine but as soon as we got home my aunt and uncle turned up, first time they had been in our house in 5 years, and stayed nearly 2 hours, dp was fetching drinks etc and i had to go upstairs to bf. every day more and more people visited, cousins, aunts, uncles, work colleagues, ex work colleagues, we had visitors every day for about 4 weeks and weekends people were turning up all day long. dp spent the whole time making tea and no time with dd and his paternity leave was wasted. no-one offered any help except my mom. i had to keep going upstairs to bf as i was self conscious and needed to pretty much be topless to do it. half these people have never seen us since and dd is nearly 2.
next time i will tell everyone NO and put a note on the door saying mother and baby resting, please do not knock.

I can't imagine barring visitors for a week, let lone two weeks. When I had DD - which was emergency c sectin after 50 hours of failed induction - I couldn't wait to show her off t our family and friends. My parents and sister came to the hospital the first day (DD born at 8:45pm night before), MIL the next day and then home - with my sister and parents visiting too. On way home we even stopped off at DH's work to show her off there.

Despite having had major surgery I just felt on top of the world and so keen to get out and about showing DD off.

I felt I had already done my bonding before DD even arrived, so didn't feel I needed that time.

I'd have gone stir crazy stuck home for a fortnight without visitiors coming in.

see i was the opposite hula, i would have loved to take dd out for a walk but with a constant stream of visitors we got no rest and no walks.

I don´t appreciate being labelled the billy no-mates control freak for wanting to spend time in peace with my newborn. I think it´s about choosing to prioritize getting to know your own baby before introducing it to the world. After hosting the world following DD1s birth I knew shutting out the world was right for ME when DD2 was born.

And re those who would not be interested to see the baby if they had to wait, well, it´s good to know who your friends really are isn´t it! Do I care if they´ve lost interest? Er, no!

My visitors were fab. My mum was often there (as DH had to go into work a few days) and would send me off to bed to sleep whilst she watched over DD, and looked after our visitors for a bit. None of them expected to be looked after, all helped themselves and me to drinks and snacks as required and all were happy for me to go off and have a nap where reqiored. My mum (or whoever was there as my support) would bring DD into me for feeding or I wold feed despte having guests.

heverhoney1 - does your sister know that the labour could go on for a long time? I was admitted at 5am, well dilated and progressing OK. DH mentally rubbed his hands together thinking that by lunchtime it would all be over and done with and he could have a slap up meal to celebrate. DD1 was born at 7.30pm. He was starving. It would have been very boring for anyone else who wasn't even there to have the job of looking after me.

Oh I know I feel I am the only one prepared for the long haul though!!! I have a hand held computer game thing and some light reading (and mn via my phone) to keep me occupied. DP however keeps refusing my suggestion that he stocks up on magazines or a game for my computer thingie. Sis is insistant that I need to tall her as soon as I go into labour - at which point she figues on having a 31 min trip to the hospital!!! despite me telling her there will really be no rush! (Having said this my sis cannot have her own children and I think this may have something to do with wanting to be there so badly)

My advice - pack lots of snacks for your DH, but do not let him have cheese and onion crisps. My sense of smell was so heightened during labour, I cannot describe how bad they were!

It's classic passive agressive isn't it? What right minded person would deny the new baby's grandparents a quick visit soon after the birth? I totally understand the not being up to having visitors to stay but not being up to having vistors for a quick cuppa and a coo over the baby is all about control.

Mil, Fil (and dog-in-law) all visited the hospital whilst I was in (very long) labour with ds1. I was very glad to see them all, and had a nice walk into a little courtyard to see the dog (and to try to speed up labour - didn't work). Mil and Fil (though not dog) came back about 3 hours after I gave birth - and I loved seeing them and their happiness at meeting their grandchild.

We were in hospital for a week (ds1 was jaundiced) and my sister and bil came to visit - she was only in the country by chance as she was supposed to be in the Far East for music study.

Second and third time round I was at home, and loved having visitors - though I was lucky and all our friends and family were sensitive, helpful and knew where the kettle was. I wouldn't have wanted to do it any other way.

But it is a matter of choice - in those days after the birth what matters most is what's best for you, your dp/dh and any other children - and if you want a period of time just as a family, then that's absolutely right for you - frankly, you should be a princess whose every whim is indulged!!

Swedes, is the passive aggressive thing aimed at me? Absolute PAP! Read some of the posts here!

BTW, just FYI in my siutuation it did mean having people to stay.

don't get it myself, after dd1 i was itching to get out of hospital to show her off to the world. DD2 was an accidental home birth and i had visitors (her godfather) when she wasn't quiet an hour old he was very pleased to be the 4th person to hold her and his wife was very jealous and came over straight after. It was just perfect and i couldn't imagine anything better. I was sat in our living room about 2 hours later and one of the neighbours popped in - not knowing i'd just had the baby and again was very pleased to be able to cuddle her. Had friends visit all afternoon and the next day. DD1 was desperate to show off her new baby sister to the world. only negative was that one friend came round with her 2 boys who turned all of dd1's toys out the box and left without tidying up, but that aside i loved having all those visitors cooing over me and my baby plus we got meals brought for us and DH (who was in far more shock than me) got drinks bought to him and he got to bond too. If we'd had no visitors he'd have been stuck making me drinks and looking after dd1 and not able to spend lots of time with dd2.

Sachertorte - No not aimed at anyone in particular.

Whenever anyone imposes a 2 week ban on visitors, I always think they must either:

Hate their own family or their inlaws (maybe both)

or

Must have had a really ugly baby.

I had a difficult birth (bit like yours crackfox) and we had lots of visitors everyday from a few hours after DD was born.

I really wish I'd imposed a visitor ban (except for our parents and even then not every day). I was exhausted, sick of being asked how many stitches I'd had, trying to master BF infront of all and sundry etc. It was all too much along with the shock of having a newborn!

If I ever get brave enough to have another DC then I will definately be limiting visits for the first couple of weeks. I like the sound of the babymoon/DH bringing chocolate in bed!

My in-laws were waiting for me in the corridor as I got wheeled to the ward from the recovery room (after a c-section). I don't see why I should be the only one to suffer.

Oh my God, would hate to see anyone on way to recovery room. And that´s after relatively good births.

Incidentally, it´s not that I imposed a clear time limit on visitors, more that didn´t make people welcome till I was ready. It´s not about hating my family (though they descended fast for DD1, first baby in the family for decades I think), nobody was interested in DD2 enough to want to travel over to see her as a newborn.

sachertorte So how long did you wait before having visitors?

I quite like the idea of seein no one for 2 weeks. First time round I was totally exhausted by people and had 3/4 lots of people coming every day for over 2 wks.

i think as I have Dd to worry about it, it would be nice to just settle in as a family and get her used to the new baby and just concentrate on the baby and ourselves.

I say I quite like the idea but just don't see it happening. You never get that time back and I think people can wait as they've got forever to see the baby and the rest of it's life hopefully. 2 wks is a bit long but I'm definately saying no visitors until I am really up for it and then it will be my mum and in laws and closet friends.

After dd1 and dd2 some of my relatives arived unannounced at the hospital whilst I was on the delivery suite - before I had even had a shower and the midwives let them in. In spite of the signs saying no visitors etc. I was then sent to the ward afterwards because of complications and really needed to sleep. They came back and spent ages talking loudly and I was just trying to bond with my babies and rest. I can remember my sister ( no kids ) saying the day after dd2 was born about me putting the kettle on and commenting "you've only had a baby" Clueless! and quite honesly inconsiderate.

With no3 we informed everyone that there were to be no visitors at the hospital at all in advance of my going in. Then when we sent out the message that ds was born we added on the bottom that we would be open to visitors in 3/4 days and please could people ring 1st.

I know it made a big difference the 3rd time round having peace and rest and not having to "entertain" IYKWIM?. I will be doing the same this time round.

Hi Nappy, can´t remember exactly, 2 weeks with exception of one uninvited friend and best friend about one week post birth (she had been out of country or would have been welcome earlier.) I invited my mother to stay 2 weeks after birth (she had to fly and couldn´t just pop over..) I never made any official announcement that people weren´t welcome, just engineered it as such. I certainly didn´t intend to run around after my whole family again as I did with DD1.