No visitors until 2 weeks after the birth

[nappyaddict]

When people say this do they mean no one at all? When DS was born I couldn't imagine keeping my parents and sister away for 2 whole weeks!!

"I think it is much better for a baby to be born into a joyful, sociable household where family and friends are made to feel welcome, rather than one that is strictly controlled, people are a nuisance and everything has to be just so.
You don't have to wait on people-point them in the direction of the kitchen and tell them where to find everything!"

Another nasty comment - just because you want to be able to concentrate on bf, wander round with your boobs out and sleep when you need to doesn't mean that you are 'strictly controlled etc..'.
Also constantly telling people where things are is hardwork - and having someone else try to cook in your kitchen even more so.

I wouldn't mind when my own family turned up, they would be fabulous (unfortunately on the other side of the world anyway).

I would endure see the inlaws because they will want too, but not on the same day like last time.

Sometimes it's nice to keep a few visits until after dh goes back to work after 2 weeks at home, to spread out having people around.

We set up a one-week ban so we could get used to being a family. In the end we invited our parents and immediate family to come sooner, I think my parents came after three days and DP's on days four and five. Those first few days were really precious, I certainly don't regret it. My mum still refers to having been prevented from seeing DD, though, which is pretty annoying.

By SILtoGiddyGirl on Mon 27-Apr-09 16:19:03

"Whenever anyone imposes a 2 week ban on visitors, I always think they must either:

Hate their own family or their inlaws (maybe both)

or

Must have had a really ugly baby. "

By "ugly" I suppose you mean unhealthy?

I'm another one who wished they had been left alone for a few weeks, apart from immediate family of course.

WE were inundated by visitors who, though lovely, hung around for hours, sometimes well into the evening, and did bugger all. I remember actually bursting into tears in front of them once becasue I was so tired. Baby was sleeping and I just sat there thinking - I could have a kip now if you would bugger off!

I am sure bfing might have been better too. I was very slef-consicious and ds couldn't latch, yet all these near-strangers sat around staring at me. It was horrible.

i would definitely recommend no visitors while you are in hospital - you are usually there for a good reason - if you have a great birth you will be home in a day anyway

i think relatives/friends imagine scenes from 'Friends' where new mother is bathed in a pink glow of lovliness - the reality is usually very far from this!

in some ways i think gf is right - although perhaps a bit blunt. i think first mums sometimes feel they have to do certain things and present a perfect scene to the world and of course all family and friends are very excited. in fact, a few days to recover, establish feeding would be very sensible - and is done by other cultures for quite long times

I always had visitors after giving birth and I loved it (not stay over night guests though). No one ever told me that I should have washed the breakfast dishes before they came in or that my house looked like a mess (which it definitely did).

I do not think visitors come to check the cleaning standards but to congratulate the new parents and meet the new baby.

I loved having my friends to visit. My MIL though, was a bloody nightmare and I will be putting up some barriers this time. SO hopefully no PND this time either because there won't be someone else there competing with me for my baby
At the end of the day the new mother is the most important person in all of this (given what she has just been through) and I think that its not unreasonable to expect others to respect her need for privacy and to bond with her baby. Obviously if the visitors are nice, reasonable people then she won't need to keep them away will she...but if they are the kind of people who are inconsiderate then a "no-visitor" ban is the easiest thing she can do to get through a very vulnerable time.

I think it is completely normal to want to have peace and quiet to bond together as a family rather than being forced to offer cups of tea, chat, etc. (I'm not really including close relatives in this, providing that they are the helpful type!)
I actually think it is really rude and considerate to just turn up announced to the house of someone with a newborn, particularly after difficult delivery, trying to BF for the first time,etc

I think it's very telling how many of us have mentioned breastfeeding and how hard it is to get it established when you have visitors and you're embarrassed to get topless in front of them (not surprising) or so many people want to hold your baby. It wouldn't surprise me if this plays a big part in the fact that most women start off breastfeeding but a lot switch to formula in the first few weeks.

I also agree with the poster who said that in our mothers' day women would stay in hospital for at least a week. So when they came home they had had a chance to recover a little, get feeding established and were over the Day 3 babyblues. They forget that we are discharged the next day nowadays.

I did not mention BF in my post because I did not think it was relevant in the sense that I have always BF my babies wether there were vistors arround or not. I imagine that if it had made me uncomfortable, I would have left the room to do it.
I do understand the need for a family to be together after a new baby, but the "two week ban" of all visitors seems a bit much to me.

I had an emergency cs with ds2 and had to have a blood transfusion etc. All very traumatic. Dh was called into the hospital in case I didn't make it.

When I got home a week later, we told all our friends that I was recovering and wasn't up to visitors yet. Family was fine and in fact my mum stayed for a few days to help out.

I needed that time to recover and would have hated to have to 'entertain'.

To exclude family in a 2 week ban on visitors is a bit mean.

"To exclude family in a 2 week ban on visitors is a bit mean. "

Depends on the family. Some are hard work.

(I did not exclude mine, but was grateful, and not a little surprised, at the consideration they showed us.)

I did leave the room. It meant that I spent a lot of the visiting time upstairs in the bedroom with DD1. And the visitors therefore saw neither of us. Worse was when DH wasn't around and they were sat down in the lounge on their own. It hardly made me feel comfortable about the fact that she was having mammoth feeds.

It's two weeks, not two years. Two short weeks that could mean some brilliant peace and bonding opportunities for the new little family.

They may of course change their mind once the baby has arrived.

It's all up the OP. YANBU.

With DD1 I had an incredibly difficult birth, and was in extreme pain and absolutely exhausted. I still had visitors, and really wish I hadn't.

A friend came to visit with her DC when DD was 6 days old, and phoned me later that afternoon to announce her DS & DD had chickenpox. When I read that 25% of new babies who contract chickenpox die, you can understand how devastated and worried I was. My GP & midwife took the exposure very seriously, and I ended up having to have blood tests to see if I had sufficient antibodies to protect DD and a very anxious few weeks after that.

My GP was very forthright, and said in her opinion, newborns shouldn't have visitors for the 1st 4 weeks because their immune systems aren't mature enough. That's what I did with DS (save for our parents), and I am so glad I did. Nobody minded, apart from possibly my SILs.

I think a complete ban is unreasonable, but there does need to be restrictions imposed (such as no overnight stays and an agreed duration of visit (maybe not formally communicated but 'encouraged' by your DH etc) as the 1st couple of weeks are important in recovery but also with BFg, and with paternity leave now 2 weeks then you should be able to make the most of the time as a new family together.

With DS1 we did not restrict visitors but I wish I had have (or set some kind of time limit etc). I had awful problems BFg, was exhausted after a long labour and my MIL came to stay overnight for 2 nights to 'bond' with the baby when DS was only 2 days old as she lives 200miles away . I really struggled with that TBH, as I had told my parents (who also live far away) that they couldn;t stay overnight until 2 weeks were over, which they happily agreed to and made alternative arrangements of where to stay. My MIL didn't really help out much, we had to cook 'proper' sit down meals for lunch and dinner and in the middle of the night when DS was obviously not settling was up and wandering around the house watching us rather than just letting us get on with it. My Dad also stayed for half the day watching me struggle Bfg rather than discreetly removing himself to another room, which I was also uncomfortable with.

This time around while DH is on paternity leave I am going to restrict visitors (not prevent them seeing the baby) but make sure that my DH encourages them out of the door when we need a break and we will not cook them any meals. I'm also going to supply names and prices of local B&B's so we don't have any overnight stays. When DH goes back to work I will probably then be grateful for the help and company and my Mum will hopefully stay for a week or so to help look after the toddler too.

this will go against the grain for most people, but WHY would people like ex-colleagues, 3rd cousins who you never see etc WANT to see a baby that they will have no interest in as it grows up??

i do find it most strange that there is almost a histeria to see a newborn.

can totally understand grandparents, siblings etc - but the others ???

'What nonsense. Read the thread again Pisces. '

I have read the whole thread and I still think that a baby is a joyous event to be celebrated. Perhaps I am just lucky but parents and PILs were very helpful and got on with cooking etc. No one was making judgements about messy houses and people only came if they were close friends or just popped by with a gift. I wouldn't want to cut myself off in order to 'bond' with the baby.

Yep! You're lucky.

Just don't knock those of us who didn't have the same experience.

helpYOUiWILL - agree, what is this obsession with seeing squishy unresponsive newborns ASAP, no matter the inconvenience to their parents?

My 3 month old will give our guests gummy smiles and coos of delight - much nicer!

By piscesmoon on Wed 29-Apr-09 06:28:57 I think it is much better for a baby to be born into a joyful, sociable household where family and friends are made to feel welcome, rather than one that is strictly controlled, people are a nuisance and everything has to be just so.
You don't have to wait on people-point them in the direction of the kitchen and tell them where to find everything

pisces - you are clearly in a very lucky position, however your post comes across as being sweepingly judgemental of others who choose to do things differently. It implies that people who don't want visitors aren't joyful and sociable, or that the reason for them wanting to limit visitors is because they are massively house-proud.

I second sachertorte. I'm afraid you are talking nonsense.

I think it is all too controlling.

Why?

What's controlling about wanting to sleep, recover, establish bf and protect your baby from unnecessary exposure to illness?