have you forgotten the pain?

[skerriesmum]

Can hardly believe my ds is 2 today! Snuggling him this morning I thought back to the first time I ever held him and how wonderful that was, but also how most of that was just the pure relief that the birth was over! I do want more children sometime but I will never be one of those women who say "sure it hurts but you forget once you want another". I will never forget! What do you all think? (BTW birth fairly routine, needed ventouse but not overly long.)

I've said this before about evolution, but evolution has NOT favoured childbirth in humans. Early woman had a flat, open, huge plate of a pelvis, and early baby (!) had a teeny, tiny head to accomodate the relatively teeny, tiny brain. I've seen them both, in museums. And very eye opening they are too. However early humans walked only semi upright and were quite stupid. Since then evolution has made us walk upright, which means our pelvises had to become much narrower, and we've got brainier, so our heads are much larger. You don't have to be Einstein to realise that this is not going to help women give birth easily. The trade off is that we have become the dominant species on earth, but at the cost of a great deal of pain and damage and a relatively high natural rate of maternal and infant mortality (if left untreated). However, those big brains have also developed ways of saving lives via surgical intervention etc. My cs meant that instead of both my son and I dying in a welter of blood as would have happened not so very long ago (complete placenta praevia) we are both alive and well. Yes, I fully support the right of women to have a natural birth if it is what they want, but for some of us it is neither possible or, indeed, desirable. This does not make us bad, unnatural mothers. In fact, I'd go head to head with Pamela Anderson in a parenting contest any day of the week.

You're better looking too.

and your boobies are nicer

My dh thinks so ! But I very much doubt the world's calendar manufacturers would agree... unless it's a cellulite & stretch mark special!

And can I say that I agree with whoever said that the sleep deprivation afterwards was a never to be forgotten agony. It very nearly put us off having another baby. Yes, I would rather die than be without my ds but I can still vividly remember the torment of no sleep.

I was honestly peeing every 45 minutes throughout every night of my third trimester, so having 2 hours at a stretch was MARVELLOUS.

ARGH can't believe I'm doing this all again...

Thanks aloha for articulating the evolution thing. I'd been struggling to respond to karaj without sounding like an anti NCT-ite. I'm not because I have had no first hand experience of them -but as posted earlierI was perturbed by my SIL's evangelical anti induction/intervention stance. Could have been her interpretation of their information/teaching though.

As far as childbirth goes I'd just be happy if women got real choice - at present I don't think they do. I am not anti- NCT or anti-obstetrician. I ended up with an emergency caesarean section (well semi-emergency) due to failed induction etc etc etc.
However, I had booked a homebirth but with great difficulty. It seems that if you want a section and want interference you'll be allowed it (and sometimes women need this). However, the same is not true for those women trying to book a homebirth. My GP nearly had a fit when I told him - just went on and on about my age (36 at the time) and that it was my first etc.
Would like to see more than lip service paid to choice.

Yes, that home birth thing is a PITA. It seems to be one of the things that aren't problematic round here, thank heavens - my midwife laughed like a drain when I said DP and his mum were kicking up rough on account of the fact I was 40, and referred me to a neighbour who'd just had her first at home aged 43.

Amanda: I was looking at some figures recently and homebirths are REALLY expensive for the NHS compared to hospital births, because the midwives need to put in for overtime. And as many first-time homebirths will end up in hospital, the hospitals themselves want to put people off this option for purely financial and staffing reasons.

I'm not sure that I really agree that everyone should have the option for a homebirth on the NHS, when we have such a midwife shortage at the moment.

Just to clarify I was being sarcastic. I was quite happy not to endure another 48 hr labour, to some people the idea of an "elective section" is the work of the devil and not some thing a real mum would consider. I am not one of them!

A natural delivery with no pain relief doesn't give you a medal despite what they say at classes .

I have to say that once I had him in my arms it still didn't all seem worth it. People kept saying oh well its all over now and look at what you've got. I was so traumatised, I think thats when the postnatal depression started to set in.

True - there is a shortage of midwives BUT as a previous midwife I can tell you right now that I NEVER got paid any overtime for a homebirth. The NHS at the time just couldn't afford it. I got a flat rate for being on-call and that was that - any overtime had to be taken back as "time owing" - a fat chance we had of that .

I still think women should have choice though - Your body, your baby, your choice. Also homebirths have a much better record of not ending in a caesarean section (v. expensive) and not being interfered with (expensive in terms of drugs, extra monitoring etc). I am surprised that homebirth is seen as a more expensive option. The family are supplying the water, heating, food etc - all the NHS provides is the midwife and the homebirth pack.

Where did you get your figures regarding the various costs? I'd like to read further.

And - lets not forget (really on soapbox now that the NHS is the same system that tells women on the one hand that they cannot have a homebirth due to increased costs AND then has a caesarean section rate of around 25% (nothing more expensive than that).
I have no problems with women having caesareans if they want them but I'd like to see proper funding and increased midwifery numbers so that those who want a homebirth have an equal choice. (Takes deep breath and climbs down off soapbox)

Mandy

Surprised how this thread keeps cropping up... I agree Skribble that I was in shock for a long time, while I was still in hospital I met my yoga teacher (also a training midwife but she doesn't work in delivery); she looked at my chart and said how well I'd done but I still burst into tears trying to talk about it.

Amanda: the figures were ones I - ahem - was perusing on someone's desk that I shouldn't have been. It was purely in terms of staffing costs.

An area near to me has recently closed down (until further notice) two maternity wards due to staffing problems and is in a midwife crisis. I suspect that the community midwives will be taken 'off the streets' in the near future.

. As usual it's women who suffer the consequences.