have you forgotten the pain?

[skerriesmum]

Can hardly believe my ds is 2 today! Snuggling him this morning I thought back to the first time I ever held him and how wonderful that was, but also how most of that was just the pure relief that the birth was over! I do want more children sometime but I will never be one of those women who say "sure it hurts but you forget once you want another". I will never forget! What do you all think? (BTW birth fairly routine, needed ventouse but not overly long.)

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Prunegirl: didn't think you were being smug. Just wish I felt like you. Pass the pethidine...

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Morningpaper, your second labour will probably be easier, honestly it will.

Calcium, I know I always say this, but every single literary and oral culture perpetrated by women says that childbirth is excruciatingly painful. The Bible has God (is it God? Must be God, mustn't it) saying 'in pain and suffering shalt though bring forth children' to Eve as her punishment for 'betraying' Adam. First woman in this country to get pain relief in this country was Queen Victoria ('blessed, blessed chloroform' as she apparently referred to it) and she only got it by insisting that the (male) doctors deliver it, please, now. (That may be an urban myth, but she definitely was one of the first women to get it and she was damn pleased.)

We are not 'made to have babies'. Lots of women die in childbirth without intervention.

Oh and, er, yes I sort of remember the pain - I remember the fact that I was in a hell of a lot of pain, and actually I remember more of the physical pain of my second, much easier, labour because my back hurt so very much.

Thanks motherinferior! My mother's first labour was 24 hours and her second 90 minutes, so I'm hoping to follow her pattern...!

Have CATted you.

My bloody mother's labours were both like shelling peas. I was actually brought up to believe labour didn't hurt. (Whereas we were firmly told exactly what Father Christmas actually was. From the age of zero.)

I have had 3 children, dh forced me to hold the gas and air for no1, but the second 2 were so quick there was no time for any kind of analgesia, I remember the stitching up afterwards, but only when i'm being a wimp because ive got a cut in the garden, Each of my births have been different , but equally each are very special and not something i'd want to forget.

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Yes I'm having flashbacks - but quite frankly can't be arsed with 'seeing' about it - got too much other stuff to do. Despite the flashbacks still want another - because as far as I'm concerned it can't get much worse than that!

Gwencik I agree - I've spent many long years of my life in counselling but this isn't something I would consider it for (although I'm sure it's a godsend if you are badly suffering from post-traumatic shock).

I just imagine it would be:
ME: Well I spent 27 hours in excruiciating pain and then ripped my vagina in two with my big fat baby.
COUNSELLOR: I see, and how does that make you feel?
ME: WELL F*CKING TRAUMATISED BUT HOW ELSE WAS IT GOING TO GET OUT?

LOL Morning mine would be something similar to yours - although thankfully not 24hrs.

ME: Had the gel inserted at 3pm, was needing gas and air by 6pm, had pethidine at 10pm - lovely!, it wore off, had another pethidine - didn't work, asked for epidural, didn't work, had epidural topped up, didn't work, epidural topped up x at least 7 (DH says more but I was so delirous with pain I don't know for sure - and I know they gave me the maximum 'dosage' allowed) - didn't work. around 11am. 9 1/2cms, told they could deliver by ventouse and they'd take me to theatre in case it failed and I needed a CS (under GA as epidural wasn't working), examined, 10cms told to push for 1hr - what a bleeding joke! Pushed for 20 minutes and then gave up, taken to theatre, had local anasthetic, thankfully DID work for 'long' enough (just), baby pulled all the way out via ventouse, started sticthing me up - local anasthetic already worn off - denied more as I'd already been drugged up to my eye balls. Felt every blooming 'prick' as he stiched up my episiotomy AND a 4th degree tear.

COUNSELLOR - Anything else

ME - Yes the stupid consultant was too up his own arse to bother listening to me, DH, midwifes or read the very top of my notes where it clearly stated "Internals kept to 100% minimum due to vaginismus" - and proceeded to examine me, while telling me to stop screaming, without evening considering my 'problem'.

COUNCSEELOR - And how do you feel about that

ME: P*ssed off - but it happened and I can't go back and change it and it I ever have another baby I'll bloody kill them if that happens again

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Lol Gwenick at 'anything else?'

My labour sounds v. similar - I had 5 top-ups and the epi didn't work ("Oh it's just windows of pain" the midwife said - WTF does THAT mean? Isn't that like sawing someone's legs off and then saying "Oh well you can only feel ONE leg...")

They also sewed me up without a local - it wasn't AGONY but it felt a bit f*cking rude.

morningpaper read you councellor post made me lol I'm so glad that other people felt the same as me after my delivery, I used to go to bed for ever after it going over every detail and lie and cry about it - I felt so proud at what I had acheived but couldnt believe or come to terms and what my body and mind had went thru and you dont ever really get to come to terms with it as you are thrown into being a mother as soon as baby is delivered. but I must say that after it I felt that I belonged to a very special and select club - the mums club!!

well according to the midwife i never got to "established labour". ok if that was true then maybe im glad because i remember being in bloody agony, being given two paracetamol and sent to bed without being examined. and im not normally a wimp with pain. sadly i never did the birthing bit as i had a cs again. although ive got two kids this was my first labour and no, i havent forgotten it!

Happymummy - there reasoning (which looking back I DO sort of agree with) was that I'd been pumped with SO MANY 'pain relief' drugs in such as short space of time (official 'labour' was only 9hrs but DS2 was born at 12.08 (lunch time) and I was unable to cope with the contractions from 6pm the previous night...) that it would really be good for my body - I wouldn't have minded so much if there hadn't been so many stiches, and if I hadn't alrady had my legs up in stirrups for an incredbily stupid length of time (plus it was the same stupid consultant who didn't read my notes properly that was stitching me up..... - do you think I disliked my consultant )

Morning paper - I seem to recall my midwife saying the same thing - but it wasn't anyhow as I had a really bad back/side pain that continued throughout the whole last 9hrs of my labour (they kept asking if it was in the front as it was a VBAC and thought it could have been uterus ruptering) - how I didn't swear at that blasted women I don't know. I may not have felt at ALL in control but I blooming well knew where it hurt. Then of course inbetween contractions the stupid consultant was there every 1/2hr (well it felt like it - really must get my notes from the hospital to see how many times I 'was' examined) giving me an internal and telling me to stop screaming (I only screamed during the internals)!

nightowl - there was a piece on our local news the other night about a first time mum was overdue and went to the hospital complaining of 'pains'. They supposedly examined her then sent her home and told her to take a few paracetomal and go to bed. She went home (same town so not far) 10 minute later her waters went - she got onto the bed DP looked and the baby's head was showing! He had to call the ambulance after the baby was born as there was no time.

The hospital claimed that there's been 'no signs' of established labour or indeed of any dilation when she went in - but I can't believe that a FIRST time mum, could give birth THAT quickly and not even have been a tiny hint of being dilated!

gwenick I had all my contractions in my back passage all the way through my labour(18hrs) as the epidural would not block - my midwife tried to make me feel better by saying that I was LUCKY to feel this pain as this is the pain you get when you go to push and when most peoples epidurals wear off this is excrusiating, but I would not be taken aback as I was already having this pain!!

I gave birth in water which was fab and have forgotten the pain (with ds2)

I had an epidural with ds1 so felt no pain however, 2 hours after giving birth, I was asleep and the nurses came rushing in and woke me up to RE-ATTACH THE CATHETER as my bloods were low and they thought I was about to have kidney failure. I had just given birth and the nurse had to 'find the hole' to reattach it BUT COULDNT! that is a pain I will never forget.

mummy it was wierd - when I talked to my mum about it and described where the pain was (wasn't the back passage thanklordy!) it turns out she had exactly the same in her 2nd labour (it was my first had a CS first time round). And even more horrible for the 1st 4 or 5 periods after having DS got the same types of pains

I meant to tell you all that I was induced at 8.30am, started contractions within couple of hours, waters broke 6.30pm, turned up drip at 8.00pm, epidural at about8.30/9.00pm (everything getting blurry by this stage with pain), given gas and air as epidural only blocked left side, more epidural, but still gas and air as epidural would not block back passage, all epidural wore off at midnight - told 9cm so no more epidural as only had an hour before pushing, an hour later told still only 9cm - another hour - 2pm still not fully dilated - another hour (3pm by now) - then another hour at 4pm they said they would wait another 45mins but I was pushing by now so they came back at 4.45am and decided to section me - dd born at 5.35am (mu mum said that if they had not done something then that she would have taken my dh aside and told him to tell them to do something) - they said that my dds head could not get past my cervix - do you think having a section leaves you more traumatised - I had a touch of pnd and my hv told me that the percentage of people who have an emergency c-section suffer this - do they?

gosh you poor thing - my waters had already gone several days before - hence being induced (blasted babies of mine think it's fun to pop my waters and then lounge around - I already 'thought' they were boys and that just confirmed it LOL). Still at least 2nd time round I did have some braxton hicks all on my own - DS1 never had a SINGLE braxton hicks (or contraction) from start to finish. Reasons for CS were rather hazy (looking back) but it's the same hospital where the story I told nightowl just below (above? -guess it depends whether you'flip' the thread or not LOL) happened.

I think they say that those that have emergency CS's (mine wasn't classed as an Emergency CS - rather written down as elective because I wasn't 'rushed' in grrrr) are more prone to PND. Looking back I think I had a touch of PND (but I've had depression in the past and never sought help either) but didn't do anything about it. 2nd time round (with the VBAC and labour from hell) I didn't - but I think I was so shell shocked from the unplanned/planned (he was 'planned' but not until next year LOL and he's now 14 months.....) pg and the labour that I don't think my body had chance to,

Gwenick yours didn't sound much better!!!

but gwenick you had vbac, I want that but I am scared that they wont let me if I go over my due date (by the way only ttc not even preg yet)

mummygow - you have a RIGHT to go for a VBAC (obviously if there's a 'real' medical reason why it's not safe that's fair enough) doesn't matter if you go overdue. I wasn't overdue - but my waters broke and labour didn't start - so was induced (something that's not generally 'recommended') but I'd made CLEAR that I wanted at least a 'trial of labour' - stick to your guns and don't let them talk you out of it.

To the hospitals credit (DS2 was born at different hopsital to DS1) towards the end of my labour I started demanding a CS, and DH started to 'crack' and ask for one too. But my midwife knew how determined I was NOT to have a CS unless 100% medically nessecary for me or the baby and stuck to her guns. I'm sure she could quite easily have 'agreed' and I'd just have been another statistic (didn't help that I was immobile for my labour because I was induced and it was a VBAC). I made sure I thanked her for that afterwards - because despite everything I'd gone through I still had that sense of 'wow' he came out the right way!

Gwenick thats all I want - is to try - because I think in some twisted way that I "enjoyed" my labour - I wasnt dissapointed at all at my c-section the first time but I dont think that I would be happy if I never experienced labour again and had the oppertunity for the baby to come out as you say "the right way" lol