have you forgotten the pain?

[skerriesmum]

Can hardly believe my ds is 2 today! Snuggling him this morning I thought back to the first time I ever held him and how wonderful that was, but also how most of that was just the pure relief that the birth was over! I do want more children sometime but I will never be one of those women who say "sure it hurts but you forget once you want another". I will never forget! What do you all think? (BTW birth fairly routine, needed ventouse but not overly long.)

I had a horrendous c-section with ds (now 14mths) - basically to keep this short the epidural was put in at the wrong place and I was left with a spinal headache. I felt so guilty on ds's birthday, as I kept having flash backs to the painful procedure I had to go through (twice) to get rid of the headache.

I don't think I'll ever "forget", but it does get duller. I remember for a good 12 weeks after still being shocked and horrified about what had happened to me (and I had a totally straightforward 11 hr labour). I was unable to lie to childless friends who asked about it during that time. Then one day without even being aware of it, the story changed to "yes it hurt, but it was worth it/only a short period of time/managable - just like all the mothers before me

Prunegirl wrote: "I think the main thing is that I know I can cope."

See MY worry is that I know I CAN'T cope. I was hysterical. I had 27 hours and was hysterical after about 18. The epidural didn't work. I was begging for mercy.

Now I'm up the duff with no. 2 I'm having trouble sleeping because it's brought the memories back!

Reading everyone's messages has brought it all flooding back and now I'm feeling a bit tearful! I had flashbacks for months after the birth of ds and still have long conversations with my dh about how shocking it all was. We're ttc but wondering if our lack of success is due to me still being in some sort of shock. I think every woman should be at least offered counselling after birth. I absolutely loved being pregnant though!

I agree, it would be great if there was even a volunteer counsellor available on postnatal wards. I was desperate to talk to someone.

Nope, not a bit. As with Fimbo I had horrible flashbacks on ds's birthday and only just managed to make it through the day. My coping skills have improved but I still have to take it day by day. My experience was one of the more extreme ones so I guess most mums recover more quickly.

Oops, just read a few more posts and want to retract that last statement about most mums recovering more quickly

I remember the pain - even that of having ds1, who is nearly 30! And I can recall how each of my four labours had its own specific type of pain.

God it's SOOOOOOOOOOO crap that there's no decent pain relief available isn't it? It's unbelievable that as a species we can do so many things but this ONE SIMPLE THING hasn't been dealt with. If women ruled the world we would have sorted this out LONG before we started sitting around and saying "Oh I know, let's see if we can travel in space."

come on girlies it's not THAT bad, mind over matter. I had no pain relief both times, we wouldn't be made to have babies if we couldn't
handle it. I can"t believe all the complaining thats going on, sorry I know everyone will hate me for this, guess I was just lucky. The dentists much worse ha ha...

Calcium, I had a huge back spasm (not back labour, which at least comes and goes) for 17 hours before I finally got an epidural. It was the most intense continuous pain I have ever experienced and at the end I started hallucinations about about trying to grab a scalpel and cutting through the muscle to stop the pain! You absolutely cannot just say "mind over matter" if you haven't experienced a traumatic birth. I am better now but have PTSD from the experience and will probably never have another child.

Haven't forgotten the pain AT ALL - sometimes I still find myself thinking about it and trying piece it together in my mind (DS2 is now 14 months)

Oooh, I feel better hearing that. Had put off telling anyone about that for fear of looking daft.

kama - ha ha I must say normally I'm fine with dentists but was seriously traumatised? last visit.

yes I was lucky the worst bit which I think nobody warns you about was delivering the placenta now that was horrible and did hurt especially as everyone I had spoken to said they couldn't remember delivering it!! each to their own but I do think mind over matter - Jaberwoky if you have ever done kundalini yoga you would understand infact thats a great idea if anyone is seriously worried about giving birth give Kundalini a try, I am not a hippy dippy chick but it prooves mind over matter really can work.

Sorry spelt your name wrong Jabberwocky, many appologies

no mind over matter was going to work for induced labour where only the first shot of pethidine worked , 2nd failed, and the epidural only partially worked on one side - and not at all on the other - was 'topped' up to the maximum dosage no less than 7 times. Nothing worse than THINKING you're getting pain relief and then it not happening - if I knew I wasn't getting any that would have been different.

BUT, by far the worst was the consultant who didn't bother to read my notes or listen to the midwifes about my vaginismus and then kept telling me to stop screaming when he was doing my internals.

Morningpaper, I guess science hasn't worked out a 100% successful method of pain relief for many things yet such as backpain/arthritis/migraine and more serious diseases. Roll on the day they make the breakthrough.

oh tell me about is Sue - my mum's just got a TENS machine for her Parkinson's related backpain - up until last week she was having to take 8 paracetomal a day plus a codine (sp) based painkiller - and was still in agony. Thankfully the TENS has enable her to stop taking the paracetomal

Yep, calcium, I've done yoga for many, many years, meditation the whole works. Not to belabour the point (pun intended ) but you just really can't go around saying blanket things like "mind over matter" in every case. There are just times when pain is pain. Now, I'm not saying that I was screaming bloody murder or anything like that. In fact, I never raised my voice the entire time. So, someone observing me might have thought I was handling it just fine. But it was the most horrible, excruciating thing I have ever been through and nothing but an epidural did a thing for the pain. I had thought I would be the absolute last person in the world to ever utter a comment like that - until it happened to me.

jabberwocky I don't go around saying mind over matter, actually I usually keep resonably quiet about the whole birth thing as I have found friends seem to revel in the bad birth stories, its just nice sometimes to relate a good birth story especially to first time mums who haven't gone through it yet. I appreciate everyone is different and it sounds like you had a horrible experience and I am sorry for that. Its just as well that I have stopped at 2 because from reading this thread the chances of me having another good birth are fairly slim.

As far as pain is pain, yes, I have experienced pain as I have watched both parents dying, both who have been in excruciating pain, although this wasn't the kind of pain we are talking about with childbirth it effected me in a way I cannot describe so I suppose it just comes in different forms.

suedonim: very true. Actually the terror that there was NOTHING that could be done for the pain (after epi didn't work) was the scariest thing. It made me realise what a crap grasp we've got on pain relief and how people who live with constant pain must just live such horrendous existences.

Calcium: I paid a fortune for hypnotherapy before childbirth and it didn't help at all! And dentists/cervical smears/intimate body piercings I can do without flinching. Mind over matter my arse! (ooh and the part where I ripped through my arse definitely hurt.)

please please would anyone who is having or has had flashbacks, get some professional advice and don't think you are being a wimp. even just having a look at Sheila Kitzinger's website and her Birth Crisis section might help. or the Birth Trauma Association site or even Channel Four's health website.

there was a programme about this last saturday. please don't suffer in silence.