I’m absolutely terrified of giving birth

[libsned]

Wondering if I should opt for c section or not? Please give honest stories of both types of birth

First baby was back to back, epidural and forcep delivery. Second was gas and air in a pool. Both amazing and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I didn’t have a plan for either I just went with the flow. Do what you feel is right. The only thing that’s matters at the end is you’re both healthy and safe. Try not to worry and don’t listen to everyone’s horror stories. It’s what our bodies are designed to do ❤️

Absolutely loved my second birth. Stayed at home as long as possible got to the hospital with no time for pain meds or an epidural and he came out within minutes best experience I’ve ever had and so sad I’m not having another and can’t experience it again! I had an epidural with my first and would not recommend at all. I didn’t look into it with her but I did with my second and it helped a lot. They were both back to back as well would definitely do that all over again and I was terrified of giving birth!

Hi 👋🏻

I've had both and to slight extremes, so feel qualified to comment.

My first was a fairly uncomplicated natural birth until the end - just hypnobirthing and gas and air. It was a fairly long 48hr labour and 2hrs of pushing, however. She managed to get her arms up and got a little stuck, which lead to me having a complicated internal 3rd degree tear. So after the birth I was rushed off to surgery, which took 1hr and involved having a spinal, missing the first hour or 2 with my baby, being initially fairly immobile and a 2 night stay in hospital. I'll be honest I hated the stay in hospital (covid times) and wish I could have just gone home. I felt pretty sore/bruised after it all and was a bit of a shock to the system. However I've been fine "down there" since it healed and all is good.

Because of the tear I opted for an elective c section for my 2nd to avoid any further damage. Although the section was daunting, the whole experience was fairly unstressful. The only thing is that I get the shakes with the spinal, so I shook all the way through the section (the same thing happened during the tear repair surgery after my first), which makes the whole thing pretty uncomfortable. I ended up staying only 1 night and, although the recovery was longer and initially tricky, I felt much better physically and mentally to look after the baby than I did after my first. Maybe some of it is because I knew exactly what was going to happen. Maybe it's because I didn't go into it not having slept for 2 days. Maybe it's because I only had surgery rather than a 48hr labour, pushing a baby out and THEN surgery on top.

If I hadn't had the tear I would have gone through with the vaginal birth again. It was not so horrendous that I wouldn't do it again. Don't get me wrong, it was painful as you expect, but it was absolutely manageable with the right help or preparation. It was everything else that happened after that affected me (the tear, surgery, stay in hospital). I was unlucky with the tear with her shoving her arms up 😅 up until then i had a classic labour and my pushes were so strong - my body was just doing it!

I don't regret my decisions either time - they were right for me.

I guess the only thing with the section that would sway it for me if I was so terrified is that there is only one point in the section that absolutely requires your co-operation - when they put the spinal in. Other than that you're fairly passive and it is all done, you can try to distract yourself if you like. However, vaginal birth does require a certain amount of active cooperation to get that baby out! If you can't get your mind into a good place for that then it may impact how it goes.

I don't know. I wish more people would talk about birth and normalise these things so you realise that women go through this and get through it every single day. Yes, it's a lot and it's life changing, but you can do it.

I genuinly feel sad that I won't give birth again, the high that I had after both my births was incredible and something that you truly can't explain until you've experieced it.
2 unmedicated, natural, no intervention, vaginal births (no pain relief at all, not even G&A) this was not my plan just how it worked out. 2 stitches after first birth for a graze on each side, just to make sure they didn't heal together. No stitches/tearing after 2nd birth. Both times I cuddled babies and they breast fed straight away then I walked to the shower. Best piece of advice anyone ever gave me is - the contractions are the worst bit if you can deal with them you're fine and they don't get any worse, you just tire of them

I had that total euphoria too. It was amazing. That was after planned sections. I think that amazing feeling can hit either way. I could live live on repeat for the birth days and the few that followed.

This is great advice - especially the bit about no-one else's birth stories being yours. That's very true. Whatever you choose, it has to be right for you.

Also the bit about some people's bodies really aren't designed to do birth well! It really annoys me too when people spout the positivity statements. That was the bit of hypnobirthing that I struggled to get on board with 😅 however, no matter what, you WILL get through it. Everyone's stories here are proof of that. And how many people that had a "bad" first birth went on to have a 2nd or more?

Natural birth - agony.
C - section - bliss.

My own personal experience.

My story might cheer you up OP

4 hour labour with my first. didn’t actually realise I was in labour , I was having a midwife check up and she was like erm you are having frequent strong contractions, do you mind if I have a look? Oh your dilated! Off to the maternity unit you go!

2 hour labour with my second, and I only knew then because I thought I was bleeding , when I got to hospital they were like oh your waters have broken - off to the delivery room with you.

No drugs. No tears/stiches.

I'm sorry, but I don't think women should be worrying that their choice of birth might be more difficult for the NHS if it is the right decision for them. It is not what should decide how you give birth.

As an aside, I think you may have your logic backwards. I actually think poor maternity care has led to the increase in c section rates - both emergency because of poor management of vaginal births, but also elective from the mothers themselves based on their previous and other's experience. Also previous complications from vaginal births and a lack of trust in the maternity services for a further vaginal delivery.

The increase in c section rates may be having an impact on maternity services, but it is not the root of the problems. The rate would be lower if women were supported and listened to more during labour.

Ask for an elective c-section. You have a right to choose.

In the UK, all things being equal, an elective c-section is much safer than vaginal birth. I had an elective c-section and, of the other women of my acquaintance giving birth around the same time, I had the much easier experience and was in much better physical condition a week later than those who gave birth vaginally or ended up having an emergency c-section.

The standard of maternity care out there is not great. The benefits of an elective c-section is that you have the undivided attention of an obstetrician, an anaesthetist and midwife and support staff, for about 90 minutes until mum and baby are safely through birth.

The alternative is an experience dragged over hours. Most of them without medical attention just the occasional head around the door from the midwife. Pain is dismissed, requests for epidural or help are ignored,
while observation and information sharing are too often woefully inadequate.

In my experience midwives have an almost pathological aversion to c-sections, even when women are crying out for help and things are going wrong. Professionally I have been involved the case reviews of too many births that went wrong. Anecdotally, the biggest issue that came through was neglect; women left on their own without adequate monitoring and then belittling women when they were telling midwives something was really not right. Not all midwives of course, but enough to be a major problem.

Staffing issues are only partially responsible, I think the lofty, patronising and sometimes bullying attitudes of senior midwives can lead to a very dangerous environment at times. Having a mixed team helping you give birth when you have an elective c-section means they are all keeping an eye on each other too. In my opinion midwives are given too much autonomy compared to other clinicians and it can lead to very poor practice that isn’t picked up until something bad happens.

This is why my colleagues and I favoured an elective c-section when making our own respective birth plans.

OP you may benefit from listening to the Positive Birth Podcast:
https://open.spotify.com/show/6VF5yNPfK6r1vsZp5hgpnC?si=WUxyr1c5QQ6NdYO21o9N1g&utm_source=copy-link&sci=spotify%3Acard-config%3A6V6BQf164cOMD3GfTACDnX

I found it really really helpful. There's lots of different birth stories on there

I had vahinal births with my first 2 DC. I had a small internal tear with first DC but none with second DC. First DC was under 8lb and second under 7lb. Third DC was estimated as being well over 9lb. I was over 2 weeks early and baby getting bigger still. Then my blood pressure shot through the roof and they couldn't get it down even though I had to be hospitalised for 4 days. I was told I needed a C section and I couldn't go home from hospital until after baby was born. It was mid December and I needed to get home from hospital for my other 2 DC for Xmas. I had a C section. The birth took about 2 minutes and I didn't feel a thing. I didn't even realise they had started until DH said he could see baby being lifted out. I healed very quickly, went home 2 days later and my Mum stayed with us for 2-3 weeks to look after us all. I didn't have a fourth but if I did I would have asked for a C section.

Every birth is different. I have also heard that you may have similar experiences to the women in your family. For instance my mum always said women in her family have quick births, and that was the case for me. Never had time for pain relief. Obviously painful, but recovery was alright, slight tear with both, but healed OK. And I’m fine years later.

I think if you are scared of birth you need to find a way to reduce your fear of birth.

Pregnancy yoga did wonders for my second, I had physical pain during the pregnancy, but the breathing techniques and the positive talk about birth and the birthing experiences was something I bought into the birthing room second time which made me calmer.

Also, I don’t think we are told this enough but your instincts and gut knows more than you think. If you feel something isn’t right or you want to try something, lean into that alongside medical advice.

Lastly choose your birthing partner wisely. This needs to be someone that will advocate for you as you might be so out of it. And someone you trust. I had a family member that stressed me out at one of my births, to the point I couldn’t feel the pushing cues even though the midwife was saying I had to.

So those are my tips. And wishing you a smooth birth x

I had two c-sections and both were great. Took 30 minutes from entering the operating theatre to leaving with my baby. Waking around the next day - by a week afterwards I could barely tell i had had major surgery each time. Natural child birth can be easy as well. Yes there are some tricky births but if you talk to your midwife hopefully she will hope you navigate our options well - and if not ask for a different midwife.

I’ve had two natural births, one with no pain relief and one with an epidural. Epidural is a game changer and I don’t get why there’s supposed to be virtue in doing this incredibly painful thing without pain relief.

however, I’ve already recommended to my 17 yo daughter that she has an elective c section simply because things can go so wrong with natural births. I’m sure I will be flamed for this but it seems the best option to me.

I felt the same as you, then I found Natal Hypnotherapy by Maggie Howell, read the book and had an amazing home birth with my first, 2nd I had to be induced but was actually already in labour and that birth was great too, both had a few small issues but nothing major, the fact I felt in control of what was happening really helped and I loved them both. The book explains what's happening inside your body during the whole process and made so much sense, more than anything I'd read before, I also listened to her meditation CDs while going to sleep, they really helped me stay calm during labour too, both were unmedicated.