I’m absolutely terrified of giving birth

[libsned]

Wondering if I should opt for c section or not? Please give honest stories of both types of birth

There is no benefit to asking for birth stories. The truth is they range from the best to the worst.

You need to talk to your team about your fears and your options.

This.

Why should women choose a route which is:

• more expensive to the NHS (planned sections are cheaper once you take birth litigation into account)
• more unpredictable
• more likely to result in permanent injuries, incontinence etc
• incredibly painful

Rather than a planned section, if that is someone's preference? Planned sections are not usually difficult to recover from, and often very positively viewed by women that have had them.

I support women's birth preferences, whether that's home birth, water birth, epidural, C-section or anything else (that's practical and safe).

Why don't you support empowering women to give birth in the way they would prefer?

What are you terrified of? That might help you make a decision. If it’s pain, there are plenty of pain relief options available. If it’s needing an emergency CS, avoid an induction & epidural or opt straight for a planned CS.

I’ve had two spontaneous unassisted vaginal births (one with gas and air, one without any pain relief) and yeah, they hurt, but the recovery is easy and you get breaks in between contractions for the most part.

I absolutely support women being listened to and having meaningful birth choices. What I disagree with is presenting planned C-section as though it is a birth preference with few downsides, while describing vaginal birth primarily in terms of pain, unpredictability and permanent injury. That is scaring women into having unecessary c sections.

A C-section is major abdominal surgery. It has risks, recovery burden and implications for future pregnancies, accretas are becoming more common. The increase is having a detrimental impact on the midwifery profession. And putting obstetricians under immense pressure and stress to carry out c sections - rates have doubled in 10 years while their workforce has only grown 3%. It’s having unintended consequences on the maternity system and is the root cause of what is being reported in the Okenden and Amos reviews.

For me, genuine informed choice means women receiving info about benefits and risks of all modes of birth, rather than a skewed picture encouraged towards c sections.

So this isn't about not supporting or empowering women. It's precisely because I support women making informed decisions that I think we need to be careful about how planned C-sections are promoted on here.

I was terrified of giving birth too, my mum pointed out to me that yes it’s painful but if it was that bad nobody would ever have more than one.
I now have 4.
I had natural births with gas and air and was glad I could go home straight away without having to recover or wait for epidural to wear off as going home was all I wanted to do once I had my baby.

OP asked for people’s experiences and I shared mine. I have had 2 second degree tears that didn’t hurt as baby was coming out, for me this kind of tearing is a normal part of childbirth and I have healed well. I’m not making this up or peddling some kind of birth ideology. This is my own experience that I was very much there for! I felt bloody amazing after my first, I think I announced that they didn’t make drugs this good.

I have had 2 very easy home births that were great experiences that I did not regret nor have I been traumatised by.

Everyone is different. I’m glad c-sections are available for women who want and need them but doesn’t mean that easy vaginal births don’t also exist.

We also shouldn’t downplay the risks of c-sections to mothers and babies. Risks exist with all kinds of births, it’s up to the individual women to assess those risks with the help of a medical/midwifery team and make the decision that is best for her.

That's not what happens though. Women are given a huge list of negatives for c-sections, whereas mostly the negatives for vaginal births are swept under the carpet as just being natural. Women are rarely given both options in a way that they can make a truly informed choice.

Anyway, I don't want to derail further. I agree that they don't make drugs that good, as the feeling when you've just had your baby - you get that both ways. I felt like I could take on the entire world, it was amazing.

OP, whichever way you go, and I know it seems a huge thing right now, it will soon be in the past, do you have an amazing baby with all the joy that will bring. And being knackered and broke for many years, but they are so worth it.

What were your mother's births like? That's supposed to be an indicator.

I had 2 9lb babies; both overdue. Gas and air and a couple of stitches. Longest from contraction to final push was 8 hours. Worst bit was getting the actual head through, but that lasts seconds.

I know I was lucky- right build, fit, womb not weirdly tilted etc, but i was more scared of surgery or induction than doing it the natural way. I'm from peasant stock, so would have probably had about 13 100 years ago.

I've had 3 vaginal births. First was ventouse and episiotomy, second was water birth with gas and air and third was home water birth with gas and air. I tore with all 3.
I've seen this loads on MN with posters saying oh just opt for a c section, I'm sorry but as far as I've always been aware you can't just "opt" for a c section without good medical reason, but apparently you can!
You'll do amazing whatever way you deliver. Good luck.

No idea what you mean about letting the epidural ‘wear off’. As soon as I’d had my baby I got straight off the bed and into a bath. I was home 8 hours later in my own bed with baby that very night.

Early epidurals are amazing. You only get horror stories because women leave it too late in the labour. The NHS promote gas and air because it’s cheap as chips. Epidural is the Rolls Royce.

I had c section due to fear of birth, best things I ever did

It’ll be fine. Everyone is there to help. Lots of pain relief. Take whatever is on offer. Gas and air is good gear. One way or another the baby is coming out. Wishing you and the little one all the best ❤️

I don’t know that it’s fair to say women leave it too late, I think it’s often the case that it ends up being too late (or not at all) because of the wait for an anaesthetist or midwives simply saying no, not yet.

I gave birth vaginally twice with just gas and air.
not because I think im a superhero, but because both times I went to hospital at 9cm and 8cm, so too late for anything else
number 2 was a water birth
number 1 did get stuck and I did have stitches but overall both births were no where near what I had imagined giving birth was like.

What is it that scares you? The pain? The tearing? Personally I was scared of a c section. I didn’t want my muscles to be cut. I am glad that I had two vaginal births. I had tears. Yet half an hour after labour I was up and in the shower. The labours were vary painful but the recovery was so easy. Think about the after as well…

I was really lucky to have two good births so can’t speak on anything else. I was apprehensive first time but wouldn’t say terrified, either way baby had to come out so why worry.
I was induced with drip with my first which was fine apart from being confined with the tubes in my hand.

Second time around I wasn’t nervous at all. It was a water birth and I would recommend this to everyone if it’s possible for you. It was so chilled and definitely not as painful as my first was and that was with absolutely no pain relief until I started pushing when I then had gas and air. I was up and on my feet right up until I got in the water, pushed for 15 minutes and she was out. We were home the same day which was bliss. I look back and can actually say I enjoyed my birth experience second time around.

I also had second degree tears with both but I didn’t feel it happen and the recovery with them was absolutely fine both times.

When the time comes, you just get on with it and it’s all worth it once baby is in your arms.

Good luck with whatever you choose

I had two vaginal births. I had an epidural with my first but only gas and air with my second. First baby I was in labour for about six hours and my second two hours. Both were straightforward. No stitches needed. Both not big babies.

I had a vaginal birth using gas and air that was really straight forward.. 3 hours from start to finish, 38 seconds of pushing and a few stitches. I have no idea what is average for a vaginal birth, every woman I know has a different experience so it’s hard to judge how yours will go?

Nobody can predict what your experience will be. If you ask for stories you will get some horrors and some dreams. Most people are somewhere in between. It is rare for people to die in childbirth these days but it happens.

It has to come out one way or another - a midwife with your medical and pregnancy history is the only expert you should trust to figure out the best way for you.

You really really don't want to hear about my three failed inductions, 92hrs from first induction to birth (with 14hrs of active pushing) blood transfusion, failed epidural which resulted in my cerebral fluid leaking and having to lie flat and motionless for 12hrs 6hrs post birth meaning I couldnt hold or feed my baby and everything else I went through. Then the forceps that ripped all the skin off the back of DS head meaning he had to be propped up on his side for the first week of his life till it was healed over enough to lie on, the scar on his face where the same forceps riped it open or the infection he was born with due to delayed birth. Needless to say my DS is an only child. On the upside my actual pregnancy was a dream I was still working 14hr shifts running weddings and events up to the day before I went in to hospital.

I felt exactly the same and chose to have an elective c section. Yes the recovery is tough but as long as you have a supportive partner, it's absolutely manageable. The birth itself was honestly lovely, I was so happy with how it went. We could have music of our choice, the theatre team all came and introduced themselves to us beforehand, my husband could cut the cord, we even had skin to skin while still in theatre. I would 100000% choose an elective c section again.

3 natural births, first was induced at 38 weeks due to preeclampsia. Had an epidural after about 15 hours and he was born 4 hours later. Was cut and had to have stitches but they healed rapidly - a lot quicker than a C-section.

Second was a dream, over in 3 hours from start to finish at 39 weeks.

Last one was also very straightforward. Slightly longer than DS2, had an epidural but it made my blood pressure drop so they took it out. Perfect really as I had enough feeling to experience it all and it just took the edge off.

Women are designed to give birth, we’re amazing creatures. Obviously you hear some horror stories but 300,000+ women give birth every day and have done forever. Try not to be scared, embrace it. It’s what your body was designed to do. There’s no feeling in the world than that final push and feeling your baby leave your body. I can still remember it all now and would do it again tomorrow if I could.

Good luck, it’s all worth it when that little face looks up at you. Good job my husband is away as I think I’ve made myself broody 🤣🤣

I had five, all born naturally. Only had pain relief with the first (not necessarily through choice). Labours were quick (between 8.5 hours and 20 minutes) and straightforward. There’s no telling how things will go until it starts.

I was terrified too but luckily it was very straightforward for me.

I was scared of giving birth but when I had my first i didn't even realise I was in established labour. There was no pattern to the contractions and they were like intense period pains so I was expecting it to get much worse. I thought I needed to poo and it turns out it was my daughter. Thankfully she wasn't born on the toilet and I got to the birthing centre fully dilated. I ended up being blue lighted to hospital and rushed in for an emergency c-section. I'd have much preferred to have had a natural birth to not have to recover from surgery. I did elect for a c-section with my youngest as my body meant I'd highly need one so didn't want to go through the whole labour process again. As it turned out thats exactly what happened as he arrived 3 weeks early, got to hospital at 9cm just to be cut open again 🙈. Every birth is different. Do what makes you feel less anxious. Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well ❤️