I’m absolutely terrified of giving birth

[libsned]

Wondering if I should opt for c section or not? Please give honest stories of both types of birth

Is this your first ? I had an epidural with my first and it was absolutely fine . Didn’t feel a thing . Actually went to sleep and shortly after I was told I needed to push . Did end up with an episiotomy and again didn’t feel a thing and healed really well. It was so unstressful. I didn’t get time for a epidural second time around and that was painful but you just get on with it when you are going through it . Very unlikely to not have time for an epidural for your first birth as labour is generally long for most first babies .

Ask for elective caesarean

I would never elect for a c section unless advised by medical staff. The recovery isn’t a walk in the park; the pain, the rest, unable to lift anything, even your baby.

I’ve had three births, all entirely different. I won’t describe mine as I don’t think it would help.

what I will advise, if you are pushed to write a birth plan, and I would advise against one, is write down absolutely every pain relief, intervention that is available. Babies will be born when and how they want, you can’t change anything!

There are no prizes for the mother that doesn’t have pain relief. Opt for the epidural and if you change your mind when you get there that’s fine too. I’ve had seven children all vagina births all very different. There are also no prizes for the mother that doesn’t use a dummy or exclusively breast feeds. Do what ever works for you and your baby and sod everyone else.

Nah, most people are terrified. Don't have a section unless medically necessary. I think you'd regret it. Its major surgery and is an intrusive birth. I know several women who had to have a general anesthetic, so they didn't even get to be awake for their little ones coming into the world. My best friend said it was so strange waking up and her son was already dress and being referred to as "he" when they didn't know the sex.

You have to bare in mind the recovery time and stay in hospital etc.

You are strong you can do this!!

My first was quite traumatic due to a post partum hemorrhage- prior to that all was going well, no pain relief needed.
My 2nd was much easier - I paid for fuel on the way to the hospital just after 9pm and she was born just before midnight, again no pain relief needed.
The lack of pain relief wasnt a plan - i was just lucky not to need it.
Nobody can pre-empt what your labour and delivery will be like but go in with an open mind regarding pain relief, positioning etc and it will be easier. Put your ideals for stuff in the birth plan but be flexible for if you want to change it partway through. Make sure your health care providers know how severe your anxiety is too.
And remember if it was as bad as you're fearing none of us would have siblings.
Hope all goes well and you get some peace of mind from this thread.

Is it the pain you are scared of? It’s absolutely not for everyone but I found hypnobirthing extremely powerful, but I paid a professional to help me with birth prep which included mindfulness and hypnobirthing techniques. I had 2 very positive births. I didn’t want an epidural or any pain relief as I was more scared of being out of control and adverse side effects than I was of the pain. If it’s the unknown then a good antenatal class might help talk through all the options. Birth is extremely personal and everyone is different.

Don't listen to any recital of horror stories. They will make you more anxious. Every birth is different. As long as you have total support all round and whatever your decision is ok. If you decide to go with a vaginal delivery and end up having a C section it really doesn't matter. What is really important is that you and your baby are healthy during and after delivery. If you are really tense everything will seem worse. Go with your own flow, say what you want, don't fight against the team looking after you.

That's not typical. Most women can lift their babies very quickly and get back to normal life pretty quickly. Pain isn't guaranteed either - mine and many others I've heard of have been paying free. Everyone's recovery is different.

I think the best thing to make you less scared of birth is to learn more about it and read positive birth stories. A positive birth story can definitely be one where things don't go "perfectly!" Xxx

I was terrified when pregnant with my first, I constantly looked for horror stories. However I’ve now had 2 births in the last 3 years, both vaginal, under 3 hours labour, unmedicated, unassisted, no tears, no stitches, out of hospital quickly, bleeding stopped within 10 days and physically, I felt back to my pre-pregnancy self (although a stone or so heavier) within a week. One was an induction, one was a spontaneous delivery. I very nearly opted for a section due to nerves but I’m so glad I didn’t.

Birth is a lottery and everyone has different experiences - you need to do what’s right for you with the support from your midwife but know good births exist.

I think this is a very hard thing to answer as everyone will have a different experience, pain threshold etc.

I was the same, read stories, spoke to friends/family, did an antenatal course and still didn’t have a clue 😂

My experience was positive. I was a couple of days overdue didn’t even know I was in labour until my contractions started and arrived at the hospital to be told I was 10cm. My whole labour lasted about 3 hours (very lucky I’ve been told). Unmediated, only gas and air but I think that was because it was so quick! I had a ventouse/episiotomy delivery my recovery wasn’t great and ended up with 2 infections however it’s true what they say you forget it all once your baby is here!

My mindset was baby has to come out and I’ll do that the safest way possible ! Good luck!

First baby was contracting for 3 days but not progressing, was taken in to help escalate it, on trying to break my waters turns out they’d already gone obviously had no idea, continued with the drip and epidural and had an unpleasant experience requiring forceps, baby needing help and me having a severe hemmoraghe, 3rd degree tear and requiring a blood transfusion. It made me fearful about getting pregnant again, I was told by my consultant that I needed a C-section, however, I secretly hoped I would go into labour before that date so I wouldn’t have the C-section recovery with a toddler. Given than I secretly hoped it, my awful experience couldn’t have really been that awful to have wanted it again?! However, did end up with the planned C-section and it was a beautiful experience.

Does OP really need to hear that?

I will preface this by saying I am super grateful me and my babies got here safely!! I nearly died having both my kids. First was a failed induction which resulted in an emergency section. I had massive bleeding and was nearly put under for a hysterectomy before they stopped the bleeding.

Second I waited 5 years due to trauma and opted for an elective section. Which unfortunately went a very similar way. I then got sepsis and would dehisced with a total of 5 admissions in 6 weeks.

C section is by means the easy way out. I fully appreciate how scared you are as I felt the same but the section wasn’t a walk in the park either 🙈

OP, it's not at all uncommon to be scared or even have a bit of a phobic fear of this. But your brief post doesn't give us much to go on. Is it the pain? The idea of actually giving birth? Are you afraid for yourself or your baby or your partner? Have your fears always been there, do they stem from the experiences of someone close to you?

It's a big deal, all of it. Don't let anyone diminish how you feel or tell you you're being silly. But equally, don't assume that if you're scared, you have to opt for an elective c-section. There are things you can do to mitigate your fears, whatever they are. Assuming you're not going to be in labour next week, I'd advise you to talk to a proper hypnobirthing practitioner and get cracking on some techniques to make you feel more in control of your body, your breathing and your fears. There are other therapies out there if that doesn't feel right for you. Talk to your midwife - is she sympathetic? If you can afford it, you could look into employing a doula who will be able to spend more time with you, talking this through and she'll also advocate for you during birth, allowing you and your partner to relax more and know that your wishes are being supported.

Are there any local NCT or other support groups where you are? Volunteers can talk to you and try and allay your fears.

There's not much point in putting this sort of question to a social media forum though - every one of us is different and has had a different experience. An elective c-section might be heavenly or might not work out as well as hoped. A 'natural' birth with or without pain relief might go any direction. Remember though that YOU have agency here - it's your body and you get to decide how to do this, within medical reason. I hope you find a way forward through, and past, your fears.

Was absolutely petrified of giving birth, wouldn’t even talk about it to anyone including midwife and would not entertain a birth plan. In the end had a planned c section, absolutely no regrets.

I’m so happy I chose a vaginal birth, compared to friends who had a c section. Im still quite astounded what my body and mind can do, and its changed my mindset as I always thought I was a bit pathetic! I would say the things that helped:

• Positive birth company course
• Birth Skills book by Juju Sundin (if only one thing, read this!!)
• Doing spinning babies stretches from 30 weeks, to avoid breech and back to back birth
• I was scared of an epidural and the interventions it can bring, so armed myself with tens machine, comb, and lots of things from the birth skills book. I felt like i had loads of things if my current technique wasn’t working

Ultimately people have awful and amazing births of all kinds, so only you can decide 💐

Ive had 7 some have been straightforward 2 were very quick and 2 were awful however a csec is my absolute worst nightmare its major abdominal surgery and just like natural some are a breeze others have major complications . Id ask to speak to the perinatal mental health team about your fears .

I've had 3 children, I had them all vaginally, 1 of them was traumatic (the 2nd one)
My children are 17, 8 and nearly 3.
I am 5 days post op from having my fallopian tubes removed and ovarian cyst drained... As I don't want anymore children.

Having laparoscopic surgery isn't as major as a c section but I'm telling you now I am so GLAD I didn't have any c sections because whilst I'm not in major pain from my surgery, it is sore and has slowed me down alot. I cannot pick my toddler up for a few more weeks etc.

Yes giving birth can be scary but honestly the pain you will be in from a c section will not be the better option, I can almost promise you that. I healed quickly all 3 times giving birth vaginally, longest one was my 2nd but I was still pretty much back to normal in 6 weeks down there (I had episiotomy)

There was a woman in the delivery ward who had had a c section when I had my youngest and she was basically left infertile because everything that could of gone wrong with hers, seemingly went wrong, her bladder was lacerated, she was drugged to high heaven on morphine, had to walk around with a big plastic box on the end of her catheter to catch her pee, she needed assistance to do pretty much anything and she had been on that ward a long time and was still on that ward when I left, she was told she couldn't have any more babies because of what she had gone through it was too much of a risk. I still think about her sometimes to this day and wonder how she got on. A c section isn't the easy way to give birth and alot can go wrong with it.

First birth was horrendous, I was not prepared for the pain of contractions and ended up having an epidural. Was in labour for nearly 24 hours, forcep delivery with terrible tearing and recovery.

Second birth - absolutely prepared for the pain this time! I had a home birth which made the world of difference, in a familiar setting with my home comforts around me and delivered the baby with no medication and no midwife (she got there too late!) but being able to curl up in my own bed after was amazing and my recovery was so much quicker and easier. If you can have a home birth I would 1000% recommend. I absolutely hated being in the hospital for the first night with all the crying babies and groaning women (me included), it was awful. I remember staying awake for that whole night just wishing it would end!

I was also terrified. I have a tilted cervix and anything gynae-related I don’t cope well with. DD1 was IVF and I had a panic at 31 weeks and rang the ward who said I couldn’t have a section, then cried all over a wonderful midwife who was treating me for low iron, asked if there was anything else and I told her what had happened; she explained that it was my right to have an elective section if I wanted one and spoke to a consultant who rang me later the next day to book me in with them to do the paperwork, and if went ahead. It was calm, planned and overall a great experience. Don’t get me wrong, I had a cry with nerves in the toilet beforehand when I was getting my gown on, but everyone was so lovely. I opted to have another 18 months later with DD2 - your body, your choice, but like many others here, if I was to have another, I’d opt for another elective again.

I haven't read the whole thread but I felt like you. I literally only got pregnant because I knew the NICE guidelines had changed to allow c sections for maternal preference/mental health reasons and because I had enough money saved up for a private c section if needed. I broke down in my first antenatal appointment and the midwife was lovely and said it could be tokophobia - fear of childbirth. I attended hypnobirthing and 121 counselling at the hospital.

Went for a natural birth in the end as everyone around me kept saying it was better. Managed it on two paracetamol but was pushing for a long time, was cut, had lots of stitches. I can genuinely say that thanks to the hypnobirthing the labour itself wasn't painful - you can breathe through the contractions and we are made to do it. But I was traumatised and kept having intrusive thoughts afterwards for a long time.

Had an elective c section with my second. It was beautiful - the birth I always wanted. Bonded quicker, breastfed rather than bottle-fed, and recovery was a similar intensity and duration to the stitches with my first (although maybe that was because I was prepared for it). But most importantly I felt so much better emotionally. Went on to have another baby and they were elective section and straightforward recovery too - I was driving and taking all three to the park within a month. Home the next morning from hospital with both my sections.

Childbirth is a v personal thing and IMO a means to an end. Don't worry about impressing/pleasing anyone else. Happy mum = happy baby.

My sister had this was diagnosed with Tokophobia and it was awful but her first baby came a bit early, she laboured quickly and just had her daughter and there was no time for a c-section so it resolved itself in the end but please reach out for some help ❤️

I had my first at 19 and was blissfully unaware.

I was going in to be induced and my aunt hugged me and said 'you have no idea what you are about to go through ' 🤨

I had an 8 hour labour with no pain relief, just breathing.

You never know how you are going to cope. If you need pain relief then take it.

But I wouldn't opt for major surgery.