I’m absolutely terrified of giving birth

[libsned]

Wondering if I should opt for c section or not? Please give honest stories of both types of birth

You'll get lots of different views based on people's own experiences. I'd say consider if you want another child. My first birth was natural-no issues and back to everything soon after. The second was an emergency CS. I'm grateful for it saving her life, and I had no choice, but I never managed to have another live baby after. Recently read an article about infertility after CS-it was the Times I think if you want to google, and wondered why women aren't told more, but then, as I say, I had no choice and no regrets as it saved my second, and even if they'd warned me, I'd have had the surgery to save her. The recovery was really easy, sure my belly/pooch never looked the same after, but I couldn't have cared less about that. So as you want opinions, I'd say if you're considering more than one child, go natural. Though I do know people who have had CS and had more than one kid, so maybe I'm just unlucky.

Hi OP, I had both of my children at home with midwives, the first was a water birth in a pool and my second came too quickly for me to get in the pool.

What is it particularly that you’re scared of?

I found transition (the stage between your cervix dilating and baby actually coming out) really quite brutal with my first. Less so pain wise it was just a wild ride. The pushing a baby out part was fine, I had a tear but I didnt feel it happen. My body just took over and did it all.

Second time I didn’t even notice transition which is what I found hard with my first. There wasn’t a pushing phase, baby literally just came out.

What helped me was really understanding the different stages of labour and the biology behind it all. I knew exactly what my body was doing.

C section . I've had both and I recovered quicker from the c section .

Three vaginal births, first induced, used gas but doesn't really stop the pain just make you care less about it, like your drunk. Next two used nothing as prefer to move around and had realised what worked for me after the first.
Honestly @libsned if it was that bad everyone would stop after one, they are worth a few hours of pain🥰

I was also absolutely petrified of birth and the unknown and I opted for an elective C-section. For no grounds other than I was just to frightened by the whole labour idea. I felt so much more in control during the C-section. Then went on and had another elective C-section with DS2

"The pushing a baby out part was fine, I had a tear but I didn't feel it happen."

I know your mean this in a reassuring way, but if you are terrified of childbirth, it's even more terrifying. I mean, how painful must labour be for your most sensitive parts ripping to not even register 🫪😬.

Oh bless you. I was absolutely terrified of giving birth in my day (much older now) and I can really sympathise.
My own mother had problems with childbirth, she had an emergency section after a long labour and she nearly died. She did go on to have another child, but would regale my sister and I with terrible stories about it, in too much detail, and it ruined my view of childbirth when my time came.
I was afraid of the pain, afraid of losing my baby and honestly thought I might die!

If this sounds familiar, there is nothing wrong with electing to have a c-section. You can also have the epidural, which I had, and which was OK. I had no pain even though in the end I needed a forceps delivery, the epidural was awkward but perfectly manageable and they can administer top ups if needed.

For my second we had problems which necessitated breaking my waters and a very quick delivery. I gave birth naturally because it was so quick, not even any gags and air, and although the pain is very sharp when the baby finally comes out, it was quick and that was it. End.

It is worrying because it's an experience you haven't had before but the majority of births go fine, and you will manage it.

Just ask for an epidural.

Go for an epidural OP it’s wonderful

I’ve also read and heard similar stories. After my first section it took us absolutely ages to conceive again for second child. I swear it was down to my surgery

Two elective c sections. Both wonderful. Both calm and dare I say it - fun. Everyone in theatre upbeat and laughing and happy. Some were singing. Felt like I was booking into a hotel. Sore for about 3 days after then fine. Everyone I know who gave birth naturally has life long problems. Bladders wrecked, vaginas wrecked. I have a close friend who is an anaesthetist and does several c sections a day. He told me if anyone starts taking about forceps or other assisted delivery stuff, demand a c section immediately. But mine were not emergency c sections so the experience will be different.

Someone up thread mentioned not conceiving again after a c section. I did. First month of trying and I was in my forties.

If you want a pain free, relaxed birth get an early epidural. Not a last-minute-I’ll-chance-it deal. No. At 3cm dilation get your epidural and job’s a good ‘un.

I was terrified with all 3 of my births. I had 2 epidurals and 1 without (arrived at hospital too late). Epidurals are a miracle of modern science.

Too much misogynistic nonsense to brainwash women into doing things ‘naturally’ and being a ‘warrior’. No fuck that. Let’s get into the 21st century and make it more pleasant and stress free for women. They won’t, because it’s cheaper to convince women to sit on a beanbag and put a stick between their teeth.

I don’t know about c-sections but epidurals were amazing op. Whatever you choose, it’ll be fine. You’re joining a life changing and beautiful club.💐

I don’t know how far along you are but in my experience by the time you’re due, you’re so fed up of being pregnant the fear of giving birth dissipates quite a bit!

But the perineum is design to stretch and tear in child birth, it’s biology. Healing from most perineal tears is much easier than healing from a c-section.

The pushing stage for me genuinely wasn’t painful, I didn’t not feel the tear because everything else was so painful, I just didn’t feel it.

I didn’t have any pain relief other than being on a birth pool.

It was calm.

Induced at 41 + 5 days with a pessary with first baby. Very painful contractions over night. Pessary removed at 2cm at 5am. Another 3 hours of horrendous contractions on the induction ward and I suddenly had the urge to push. Taken to delivery suit where I got gas and air and after 2 hours of pushing baby arrived safely. From start to finish it was about 24 hours (around 12 hours of contractions) I did tear slightly but I was home later the same day. The pain was absolutely horrendous and I think I was just in shock as to how quickly it all progressed. If I had had a longer labour I would have definitely got an epidural as I wouldn’t have been able to manage. Recovery was absolutely fine and happy to have been discharged home so quickly.

I strongly recommend taking a hypnobirthing course - it doesn’t mean you have to choose a vaginal birth but it does help you to mentally prepare yourself for whichever kind of birth you have. I took a course with The Birth Uprising - they’re very matter of fact and quite sweary, which some people won’t like, but for me they were the perfect fit and helped me to actually get excited about birth.

I actually enjoyed my second birth and my first was painful at first (contractions) but during the actual pushing bit I felt very powerful and strong.

C sections are major surgery. Your call, both end up with the same result, but not all births are awful.

My advice for what it's worth is if you opt for a vaginal birth, try not to be on your back. Keep moving as much as you can. You're much less likely to have birth injuries if your body can move as it's designed to do and lying on your back restricts that.

Best of luck!

I'm not sure that's true tbh. Yes it's stretchy, but that doesn't mean it's not sensitive. It had a lot more nerve endings than other parts of the body, so likely hurts more not less.

I'm not sure about most years being easier to recover than a c section though. Certainly I was mobile and pain free much quicker than my friends who had vaginal births. Tbh I didn't really have any pain beyond post birth contractions with my second which I'd have got anyway.

Granted if someone gets 'lucky' with a very small tear or might be quicker, but many women don't get that. Having a completely pain free birth, teeth then hours (or days) of agonising contractions is also a bonus.

Don't forget, nature doesn't care less about whether it hurts and whether you tear, as long as enough women survive. Take hyenas for example, where the ladies give birth through their (torn open) clitoris. Their clitoris was 'designed' to tear open during each birth. Despite them being designed that way, childbirth kills a lot of them (like 20% or something crazy), along with a lot of their babies who suffocate on the way out. Natural doesn't mean safe or pain free.

Facing your first birth is a scary prospect because it's the unknown. You also hear all sorts of stories and you are led to believe that you can control what happens. Every type of birth comes with risks and complications that are often unavoidable. What you need to remember is that your body is designed for it and you are fortunate enough to live in a country where you will have expert care should complications arise.

Whatever you opt for don't beat yourself up about whether you've made the right choices, that goes for post birth looking after your baby. I spent a little bit too much time feeling a like a failure for not having a perfect natural water birth when I had my first and felt certain I had done something wrong.

Try to focus on that amazing moment where you will meet your baby.

I was too, and the fear I felt at not really understanding what was going on or would happen next meant that at 6cm dilated I insisted on an epidural. The fear of the unknown took over more than the actual pain. Things then went well.

Fast forward to my second birth and I was like a different person. Much, much calmer, which meant my breathing was deeper and under control. Arrived at hospital 9cm dilated, too late for an epidural, and gave birth with just gas and air. It was fine. DH couldn’t believe the difference in me either, he was very worried on my behalf that I was too late for the epidural, but I knew I could do it second time round.

I really cannot underestimate the power of focusing on deep breathing throughout and getting into a calm state. First time as I panicked and breathed more shallowly, I lost the beneficial effects of the gas and air. Much easier said than done I know.

Best of luck whatever you decide, you will be OK 💐

I had two great births. First I was at home until my waters broke, on way to hospital I started feeling the need to push. Got into hospital and things slowed down and I had big gaps between contractions. There was talk of assisted delivery but wasn’t needed in the end. Second I was induced and it all happened very fast.

Fortunately we are not hyenas 🤣 I’m not sure how helpful that was to the OP.

I’m glad you had an easy c-section recovery.

Two vaginal births, both great experiences
Just gas and air. One was an induction

I felt really empowered but yes was scared before hand. That is completely normal. Once you get going you will naturally pace yourself and take it stage at a time. The staff are experts and will reassure you along the way.

I’m going to go against popular opinion and say that I don’t agree with maternal choice for c sections. I would not choose a planned c section unless clinically needed. There’s no good reason to opt for one just because you like the idea of it. Just because they are routine, it is still major surgery, they literally rip your stomach open (they make a cut first, then rip with both hands through 6 or 7 layers to get a cleaner tear, honestly it is brutal). In my opinion, it should be a decision made to keep mum and baby safe. Of course, if your birth anxiety is extreme then this would be a clinical reason to opt for a c section.

Have faith. Your body will know what to do and if things don’t work out the staff will do whatever it takes to keep you both safe.

They are the animals with the hardest births. We are number 2. We shouldn't romanticise the 'designed for it' stuff better that often is used to gaslight women's experiences. So I'm not sure sayings that we're designed for it so it's all okay helps either.

I'm all honestly, telling a woman that during labor you don't even notice your sensitive parts tearing open, isn't reassuring, it really illustrates how painful labor must be, and therefore is really terrifying!

I've not known anyone who had chosen (for preference reasons) a section to regret it. I've known a lot of woman who were traumatised by natural labour.