To lie or not to lie

[cheekybunny]

Ok need some advice. This is going to sound ridiculous but trust me it feels big to me and I’m looking for some genuine advice.

I have had 2 previous c sections. Pregnant with my 3rd and will most likely be having another c section. I’m one of those people who are slightly ashamed to admit I had sections. I avoid it if I can as I feel shame and failure that my body wasn’t able to have a vaginal delivery.

My question is, would it be bad to lie about the type of delivery I had. I’ve mentioned to a couple of people Ive considered a VBA2C. There are maybe 5 specific people who have made me feel not good enough for having c sections and I’d want to say to them I delivered my baby vaginally. I would try to opt for saying things like “we had a really positive birth experience” and “it was a lovely birth” rather than out right saying it. But as a mum you’ll know how prying people can be and they want to know the details so when it comes down to the yes or no question of was this a c section. What is best to say?

I think deep down I know it’s not the right thing to do but it’s not hurting anyone or effecting anyone and would make me feel slightly better about my situation to have their judgement off me. Im aware it’s also none of their business.

please no judgement on this post I genuinely will not take it.

Please don't lie to keep these awful people off your back. It would only reinforce your unjustified sense of shame, and you'd have to tell more and more lies to keep up the pretence. Instead, work on learning not to be upset by their idiocy, and practise batting away their comments.
If your husband isn't standing up for you, it's time he started.

Presumably if they come to visit within a few days to a week of the birth and you’ve had a c-section it’ll be obvious you’re recovering from the op?

regardless, it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! I agree with the PPs above - you should be proud that you have grown babies and gone through what you have to bring them here. I think lying about it suggests it’s lesser and it’s absolutely not!!

Bah. My DH’s ex when I told her my first was a section responded ‘oh so not a real birth then’!!!! Well excuse me. I had my sections fur medical reasons and I trusted the medical experts to advise me of the best option to maximise the best outcome.
Don’t he ashamed. There’s no medal or moral superiority award for having a vaginal birth.

Absolutely agree with all other posters. You should do exactly what you want to do, take no prisoners, guilt trippers or otherwise observers, it is none of their business. Make sure your OH is onside to speak for you. The only thing that matters here is you, as a birthing mum, and if you are happy with the plan, then the plan is good. From a pov / reference point, I have had 5 VBAC because sections were not available at the time, and my daughters / daughter-in law have had some sections, and they came out the better for most occasions. Go for it and worry no more, there is always someone who wants you to do what they did. Ignore them. xx

I wouldn't lie. Mostly because you've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't want sections and are following medical advice, then that shows that you're an awesome mum who puts her child first. And if you are someone that prefers sections (I'm one of these), that's awesome that you know your own mind and are doing what's right for you.

If anything I'd lay it on thick how awesome your section is. How amazing it was to meet your baby without pain and exhausted, and (is your recovery is good), how good recovery was. Often recovery is better from a planned section than a vaginal birth anyway, and you've not got the pain of contractions, the uncertainty, or the damaged vagina. There are a lot of positives, so lean into them and be proud.

You still have not mentioned at all about your DH and his thoughts of his nasty mother and sister.

I’m sorry you’ve had those kind of comments OP, for what its worth I’ve had 2 vaginal deliveries and if anything I am in awe of all of my friends who have had sections! It is major surgery and I have seen how difficult their recoveries have been and all the while taking care of a newborn baby, it is something to be proud of not ashamed of! Don’t let them make you feel guilty, but don’t lie x

Who are these people and why the fuck do they think they have the right to a view on how others birth their children?

I had two home water births, which I really enjoyed. SIL had two c-sections, one em one elective. When we were chatting about her elective, she was saying how maybe she shouldn't have, but given the first was so traumatic she wanted a calm birth. I told her I would have done the same, and she was really surprised, saying she was expecting judgement. Why? She didn't enjoy her first birth, she was doing her best to make her second one enjoyable, it was the most sensible thing to do.

Don’t lie, just tell them to mind their own business. You medical information is not theirs to know or judge. What a nasty pair.

If you tried a VBAC and the absolute worst was to happen, they’d be front of the queue in saying they don’t know why you didn’t have a planned c sec. I’d tell the truth but leave an awkward pause after their comments, and follow up with ‘predictably unsupportive’ and leave the air stale.

As it’s your in laws and they will (presumably!) be in your lives forever, I wouldn’t. Because your children will probably one day ask about their births and it may come up that you’re telling two different stories.

Im sorry your in laws are like this though! It’s literally none of anyone’s business how you give birth!