what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

Just wanted to thank all you lovely ladies for the info....this is my second...but I had forgotten all the horible bits....now I am suitably reminded, I'm in total denial that this could happen any day......

that having an epidural put in does not hurt (i actually asked when it was going in just after they had finished)

that having c section does really feel like someone is doing the washing up inside your belly (lots of weird pressure and pulling...)and it doesn't hurt.

that having the dry dressing removed is so painful it will make you cry. (removed it in the shower by myself the second time - with midwife waiting outside - was fine)

that nct advice to always accept pain relief when offered was unnecessary. (was in no pain at all as everything numb, and in the end the anaesthetist was actually v worried about me as was asking for morphine 2 days later.... )

that total loss of dignity (inserting catheter in front of 12 people, inserting rectal pain relief after section) is comlpetely forgotten the moment they hand you your little bundle when you are on the trolley waiting to be wheeled out

wrigglejiggle noooooooooooooooooo

your description of labour is miles away from mine

pain more pain and nothing but pain

gladders - they took your dressing off dry? WTF??? Its so painless in the shower.

Oh, yes wanted to add, if you have a CS and then a catheter, it will be bliss not having to get out of bed for a day, but you will STILL feel like you want to pee.

That having the catheter removed is painless (massive relief)

That the toilets are also shower rooms, and the floor can be SWIMMING because the water doesnt drain properly, so always look down so you can lift up trailing hems and not soak your one and only remaining clean pair of comfy trousers.

That the midwife may have a better idea than you about how long it's going to take (me in transition - I want a f'ing anaesthetist - angelic midwife - I don't think you're going to need one of those dear - 20 minutes later DD appears after 4 pushes)

How it's almost pleasurable pushing the shoulders out compared to the head.

How they wait to weigh the baby until you're being stitched so that the crying distracts you from the local anaesthetic being injected into your fanjo.

How many pads you will need - think of a number, double it, add 100, not even close. Stock up to avoid midnight dashes to the 24 hour Boots.

How second time around you will be forced to play football in the park with your 3 year old 48 hours after giving birth, whereas last time you hadn't even made it downstairs........

How miraculous the whole bloody thing is however many you've had or seen.

"Oh, and that the sensation of the baby's body coming out after its head and shoulders are out is close to orgasmic. An amazing emptying, slithering sensation...and the contractions stop."

Spot on. Forgot about that sensation.

Slither/relief/immediate sanity and head clearing.....

bergentulip

you forgot to add - then go into another bloody mini labour whilst you birth placenta

i have learned to grap gas and air back from midwife to endure this final insult 'OUCH'

Shortly after you've had a baby it will be impossible for you to hold your farts in.
I found this out when DP's Dad visited us in hospital the day after DS was born .
Fortunately everyone was too polite to mention anything. Or else DP just assumed his Dad had farted, and DP's Dad assumed DP had farted

How your lady bits end up hanging down almost to your knees afterwards they're so swollen! (OK, so I had to have placenta removed manually - I don't know how many arms I had up there trying to get the bloody thing out)

some of these are rather traumatising - some are funny.
Speakng to a friend who is an anaethnetist. She said DEF go for epidural ! Interesting as she sees lots and lots of births !!! Think she is unto something tho !

HBHTB - not necessarily a good plan if you have to be induced - I was at 42 weeks and they didn't want me to have an epidural as apparently you are more likely to need further intervention such as CS or forceps if you have an epi after being induced.
Didn't have one, birth was fine in the end.

HBHTB - yes your friend sees lots of births where an anaethnist is required not the lots and lots of births where the mother doesn't require an epidural.

Message withdrawn

HBHTB - if you need an epidural, they are bliss, bliss, bliss. If you do have one though, it's dang near impossible to "push down into your bottom" when you don't know where your bottom is any more! And you don't get any of that slithery/orgasmic bliss thing the others were talking about either. After a stupidly long labour with periodic bouts of dislocating bits of my anatomy, I could have kissed my anaesthetist. But, like I say, when you are that tired AND you have an epidural, pushing is really hard. You're much more likely to have a ventouse and episiotomy. If you are keeping a handle on yourself, go for it without. If, like me, they tell you after 30 hours or so that you are still 4-5 cm, and you completely lose your grip, bellowing for an anaesthetist is probably the best thing you can do!

thats birth plans aren't worth the paper they're written on as the midwives will completely ignore them and you'll be unable to communicate and dp will be too gormless to fight for you

that you will spout blood like the victim in a horror movie every time you move for 6 weeks

that the little twinges you feel after the first one are not afterpains...... you'll know what the hell afterpains are every time you try to feed after no 2 and you end up huddled in a ball crying

that breastfeeding does hurt even if you do everything right and the only thing you can do is ride it out with lanisol until your nipples recover from the shock of a baby with a suck like an industrial hoover latched on to them

that one or two packs of maternity pads is not enough

that sometimes when they break your waters every time for the next 2 hours you have a contracton the student mw is going to have to come running with a mop and more pads

that although birth without drugs might have gone ok, being stitched up afterwards will leave you screaming for pain relief... which they will give you..... int the form of a fucking pessary

that your dp, much as he might mean well, will irritate you so much during labour you'll want to rip his stupid little eyes out and feed them to him, even if all he did was offer you a cold cloth

that the tea and toast will be the best thing you've ever eaten in your life and will oddly make up for 3 days of prelabour, 18 hours of established labour, your baby being born flat and having to be resusitated and you being torn widthwise by baby trying to claw her way out of you. and that you'll want to kill the stupid orderly after no.2 who brings you soggy toast and cold tea just because it's 12am and the kitchen is closed.

that maternity nurses are the spawn of the devil and will do everything in their power to ensure your first night is the single worst experiance of your life.

that the drip they give you because you're haemoraging will make it impossible to care for your baby and the nurses will refuse to help so you'll spend the first night stabbing yourself repeatedly with the needle trying to feed and change your baby who does not sleep

that you'll be so incredibly proud of yourself and want to do it all again

that contractions don't always follow the textbook pattern of gradually getting closer together. Mine were all over the place - 5 minutes then 3 mins then 7 mins, 8 mins, 3 mins, 5 again, back up to 8 etc. etc.

also that the MWs will not let you take home any canisters of gas and air for those early weeks of breastfeeding. Meanies!

that when your water breaks, it could keep gushing, and gushing and gushing... I mean for hours! I literally flooded my bathroom. I had no idea there could be that much fluid in my body!

on a more positive note (for you poor first time pregnant mummies reading this thread in horror!), that the whole birth experience wouldn't be as painful and dramatic as I had thought it would be. Yes, I had an epidural both times, and both births were calm, reasonable, and I would even go so far as to say lovely. I know it is not like this for everyone, but I wanted anyone freaking out to know that sometimes it really isn't that bad!

approaching pg1 and now even more terrified! What is this back to back everyone keeps mentioning? It sounds horrendous!

it means your baby is positioned with its spine against yours - not the best way to give birth

I would also like to say to anyone who might be freaking out - go and have hypnobirthing! The first session is designed to remove the fear and explain how our bodies do actually know what to do and we should trust our bod to do it and ignore anyone who tells us we're doing it wrong, especially if they're male or haven't done it themselves.
(as an aside, am I the only one who finds male MWs a bit of an odd thing?)

Just like to echo specialk and say that I found labour and birth less painful than expected too. Had some gas and air for the last hour first time round because I expected the moment of birth to hurt more than it actually did. Second time I decided to only have pain relief when I needed it but I didn't need any at all (both were fast labours).

That all the anxiety you have beforehand about the possiblity you might sh* yourself isn't worth worrying about. When you are in labour you really dont give a sh whether you sh* yourself or not!

I agree with GG - I was laying down having a rest between contractions and just weed everywhere - sounds completely icky but everything was totally soggu from waters and no one even noticed. Fortunately never cr*pped on the bed but as GG says that;s the last thing you are worrying about

I have never laughed so much ..... and pelvic floor muscles do come back!
Just beacuse G&A made you sick the first time try it again - 2nd time round it was FANTASTIC.
Inform the midwife if clots are over the size of a 10p........hhhmmmm... nearer the size of a large satsuma/small orange and frightening the first time one falls out
The needle on the back of your hand is more painful than contractions
Mooing is human not cow like
You can feel the tear occuring ---- if they tell you not to push then really try NOT to push
Being stitched up afterwards IS more painful than giving birth
You can learn how to defrost a freezer quickly and discuss receipes between trying to break DH's fingers
You will want to physically harm the MWs who sit and chat/laugh at their desk right outside the room when you just want to sleep
Buy knickers 4 sizes too big
Forget the socks..
It is all worth it - bring on no.3!

That when the MW tells you to take 2 paracetamol and a bath to, and I quote, 'take the edge of it' THEY ARE BUG FAT LIARS. take the fecking edge of it my arse.

That when you go in to the hospital your contractions will stop and they will send you home. 3 time this happened to me, but the last time I refused to go home and put my nightie on and dared them to suggest sending me home

That after 59 hours of labour and having a horrendous birth you will feel like your eyes have been turned inside out from sleep deprivation, only for it to get much much worse. Then DH saying 'oh I thought it would be harder'
Thought what would be harder exactly, I had the labour, I gave birth, I did ALL of the nights cos you are working
He will get a shock with any other DC we have cos working or not he will be doing nights for the first couple of weeks. I am going to rest next time.