what did you wish you'd known/been told about labour and post-labour (things they don't print in books)

[choufleur]

i wish someone had told me that you can feel the baby go back up sometimes when you're pushing (but it will eventually stay down and come out)

choufleur - I remember just being really suprised that no one had told me! It was like weeing all over yourself every time you moved! Think I used up my entire supply of maternity pads & then had to send DH for some more afterwards! I remember my instructions were 'get the biggest ones you can find!'

oh and also that you can actually spray your child with milk as breasts get so full and huge

That not all midwives are lovely helpful ladies who truly love the joy of helping deliver babies into the world.
Some are just b*tches

And that you may be a tad emotional afterwards and take every bit of advice as a personal slight on your mothering abilities.

It took me by surprise how hostile I felt towards helpful relatives.

Dh would like to add that the books should tell men to be prepared to feel completely and utterly useless the whole time. No amount of back rubbing, soothing noises and offers of nice cold drinks will make your wife grateful of your presence. Just shut up and do as she tells you.

That breast feeding is not easy and natural. That you tell the bounty woman who pops her head round to ask if you want a pack to f off cos you are in tears (i.e. baby blues).

That you tear frontwards as well as backwards!

Tore from my urethra all the way up every wee for a week after involved interesting positions in the shower and a towel to muffle the screams.

Eight weeks later the memory of it is still very fresh

That pethidine will render your brain totally useless. You may have planned an active birth but you will be unable to form enough of a coherent thought in your head to actually do it. Instead you will lie on the bed wimpering in the position you swore blind you wouldn't give birth in.

That giving birth can burn 6000 calories, so that sandwich may not last, and you might feel just a bit wobbly after!

That you will bleed a lot and that sometimes you will leak all over the bed.

That piles/tear are almost worse than the birth itself. And that a condom/marigold finger filled with water and frozen will give some relief. Don't forget to wrap it in gauze though, you really don't want a marigold finger frozen to your fanjo.

another one - no matter how painful the birth actually is you'll feel really pissed off that anything done to you afterwards is still actually painful i.e. the injection they give you to make your uterus contract (that really hurt when the mw jabbed it in my leg)

That when you feel like you desperately need to poo it actually means you're ready to push.

Also how much you bleed afterwards.

How badly afterpains hurt, esp during breastfeeding.

oh and you'll want to kill the inefficient junior doctor who comes along to take blood from your previous new born (and take bloody ages doing it) just to check that he is o-neg blood type (which you knew anyway because both parents are o-neg).

That pushing the head out feels like trying to poo a rock
That when the baby crowns you think you really will split in two
That it's so shockingly painful you can hardly believe it
That once the head is born it's only one more push and you've got your baby (silly i know, but when it's been going on for hours you can lose perspective)
That you feel super human and you can't believe what you have just done
That the first time your baby latches on and feeds, the rush of oxytocin is so strong you feel like you are on ecstasy (... was a long time ago obviously!)
That you are so in love with the baby you are already thinking about the next one

over 2 years on and still not thinking about number 2 (but that's cos we really can't afford another one)

this is all making my eyes water and my buttocks clench with fear (had emergency caesarean, do not actually know what it feels like to give birth)

but can add, why don't they explain that you can have days of something called 'niggles' or pre-labour, where you have regular, excruciating contractions but are still not dilating and are thus not in labour.

Are these all going in the next MN Book ??

That you bleed so, so much and don't bother buying those really nice nighties and pyjamis all brand new and lovely, wear them once after the bith and they're ruined!

Also you should know that those disposable knickers you can buy for after the birth are on the smaller side of sizes, esp when you try to fit a monster sanitary towel in there and then put them on. Cue much hilarity from the midwives while I'm wobbling around post birth trying to lift legs into them after DS1's birth. Always buy a bigger size in everything!!

That it's okay to not feel an immediate rush of love for your baby and that it does come eventually.

That the birth was only the start...

That you will leak milk everywhere (I got through the whole pg without wearing a bra, so ironing-board-like am I - but nobody ever told me about what was to come...)

That the white thing I had to have stuck in my hand for three s*dding days post-birth was in its own way as painful as a back-to-back labour.

That you will have to wee into a bidet of warm water unless you are very lucky.

That the after-pains hurt.

That you need lots and lots of paper knickers, and even more maternity pads.

That you will be wearing maternity clothes for some time to come.

That you will forget your name and address (or maybe that was just me, following v traumatic experience).

That you can't feel an epidural and spinal block going in when you've been in agonising back-to-back drug-free labour for 18 hours.

That you will never ride a bike again.

That you will want to do it all over again two years later!!

Sorry birth (obviously)