That when you stop being able to empty your own bladder, the midwifes do it for you with some amazing magical contraption.... !! (Maybe that was just me cos I had a very long labour though and baby was in a weird position so I couldn't pee??)
That you will vomit, possibly in the birth pool. The midwives will be really nice about it.
The birth pool is like a giant jacuzzi without bubbles and it is the best thing ever.
Your arms will be more sore than they've ever been after any workout afterwards, as you probably have been hanging off the side of the birthing pool for hours, trying to support yourself.
The bottom of the birth pool is slippery so putting a towel in there to kneel on is a good idea.
Also you will probably need a flannel to rest your head on on the side of the birth pool. I had a bruise on my forehead afterwards from this !
That you don't notice a lot of stuff that you thought you would...It's all going on around you and you're 'in the zone'. I wrote in my birth plan 'no unnecessary people in the room, no students' -- The entire cast of Cats could have come in and out of my room during labour and I wouldn't have noticed.
You may shake and shiver violently (the adrenaline, not because you're cold). Again, you don't care about this but it freaks your DP out !!
You will go to the birth centre too early and be sent away and it will be the worst thing ever and you will want to murder the midwife who sends you away. And your DP for being bloody right that they'd send you home. FUCKKKKK.
You will not be able to sit down in the car on the way in to the hospital. You will be bent forward over the back seat, face planted into the parcel shelf, head banging against the back windscreen.
It will take you a while to get from the hospital car park/car to the birth centre/delivery ward. Because you will have to stop every few minutes to lean against a wall and have a contraction. Despite you being enormously pregnant and in a hospital, people will still stop and ask your DP if you are alright whilst this is happening.
That the midwives bring you and your partner toast and tea and maybe dessert. It is very welcome and you feel like crying because they are so nice and you are vulnerable, relying completely on them to look after you and they are doing an amazing job, and get paid shit when they are superheroes and should all be on ONE MILLION POUNDS A YEAR SALARIES.
Be careful with the gas and air if you have cosmetic dentistry. I chipped a cap jamming the nozzle desperately into my gob and spent my first two weeks as a mother, looking like half a vampire.
GAS AND AIR IS AMAZING and it won't have run out, even if you think it has. It comes out of the wall.
That after your beautiful brand new baby is born and placed on your chest, the doctors may be doing all sorts of terrible things to your downstairs area that previously you were terrified of, but you won't notice at all, or care.
It's not the end of the world to have the doctors help you delivery your baby, or have an episiotomy, drip or epidural....It sounds awful but at the time, and it's probably not what you wanted if you started out in a birth centre, but at the time you don't care and you just go with it...you're in 'labour land' ..almost like a little protective bubble...and you only care about getting your baby out safely.
That breastfeeding may be very difficult (especially if you had a traumatic delivery that involved a long labour or drugs) and this may be very upsetting and distressing. I was so grateful when the midwives showed my how to hand express colostrum / did it for me and filled a small syringe with it, put it in the fridge for me and told me I could ask for it later to feed my baby with (she wouldn't latch on and couldn't feed after the birth). I am so grateful for that... I never would have known or thought to try and do it myself, the state I was in after the birth (knackered and spaced out). Ask for help if it's not offered because this was just golden for me and my baby.
That's just my story anyway !! ;)