Disappointed to Need a C-Section - Any Advice Welcomed

[HelplesslyHoping24]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here so apologies if this isn’t the right way of using this but I’m desperate for any advice / encouragement / words of comfort.

I’m 38+5 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a girl) who is due on 14th June.

I had been planning and excited for a vaginal birth, but she has been stuck in breech / transverse position for most of the pregnancy and as the due date has got closer it has become clear I’m going to need a c-section.

I’ve tried everything to get her to turn head-down - Spinning Babies, moxibustion and a very painful ECV - none of which have been successful sadly.

I recently had an appointment with the consultant who advised an elective c-section for safety, which I have provisionally agreed to, but I’m devastated and really don’t want to go through with the surgery.

Has anyone else had the experience of their birth plan changing massively and how did you come to terms with it?

These past days I haven’t been able to stop crying as I feel like a huge part of the pregnancy and birth experience has suddenly been taken away, and I’ve lost all my excitement and happiness about meeting the baby.

I’m not wanting to say anything negative about c-sections but for me it was something I really desperately didn’t want, partly because I’m incredibly needle/surgery-phobic and also because I really wanted to try and give birth and have that part of the experience.

I’m really scared about the procedure and the recovery and I’m not sure it’s something I’m going to be able to handle.

Does anyone have any words of comfort or advice around the c-section experience? I’m really dreading it and I also feel like I’m not going to connect with the experience or my baby because I’m so sad and scared.

Has anyone ever had a breech baby turn this late, or am I just clutching at straws?

Should I ask for another ECV?

Has anyone decided against an advised c-section and continued to have a successful vaginal breech birth, or is it too dangerous?

I haven’t expressed myself very well here, and I really mean no negativity towards anyone who has had a c-section, but I’m so disappointed at how this has gone and I’m feeling so miserable so I guess I’m just looking for any words of comfort and encouragement at this point, because I feel like all my options have run out and what was meant to be a happy time has turned into a bad dream.

Thank you.

I had a failed ecv for a breech baby. Loved my c-section. No issue with breastfeeding. Recovered well. Didn't feel like I'd missed out by not having a vaginal birth at all, but I do get some people want that. Healthy baby was all I was bothered about. Personally, there's no way I'd consider a breech vaginal birth and definitely not for a first baby.

I had an emergency c-section with my 1st after a long labour and 2 hours of pushing and he was in an awkward position. I was out within 24hrs, recovery was easy and I was driving within 3 weeks. I was adamant I didn't want a section and terrified of it happening but when it was needed to to get them out safely, it was needed and it was honestly fine.
I think I would also have felt disappointed if I'd known that would happen in advance, but honestly once your babies here you won't care how it came out.

I had a 'successful' vbac afterwards with a lot of interventions still and recovery was painful and more drawn out. I was prepared to go to a csection if needed and would have been totally OK with that.

My dd was breech and I tried everything to get her to turn and she just wouldn't! I had an elective c-section, I really didn't want to but it was for the safety of my child and I.

Turns out she couldn't turn as her cord was short and wrapped around her neck. Had the ECV worked, or I had tried to give birth naturally then I wouldn't have my beautiful (although now moody...) daughter.

Go for the c-section, I am the world's biggest wuss, I usually faint at the sight of a needle, but the experience was actually lovely and calm.
At least going in prepared for it it will be a better experience than an emergency section.

Like other posters have said, it's totally okay and probably healthy to grieve the idea you bad relating to a vaginal birth. It's normal to be upset about something you'd envisioned so just allow those emotions to be present with you- they'll haunt you later down the line otherwise! I also agree with other posters who have said it is important to not romanticise birth - no matter how you have your baby it isn't pretty or romantic!

I myself had one EMCS after a long labour due to fetal distress and one ELCS due to realising how unromantic my first attempt was and opting for a birth that I was more in control of and one that would improve both mine and baby's chances of a smooth delivery. The EMCS wasn't even that awful, and the ELCS was effing lovely. I couldn't have wished for a better birth and after the first experience I was just SO grateful that baby and I were out the other side, happy and healthy.

It's probably easier to feel the joy and gratefulness after a horrific experience so I can understand if this is of limited value to you but if you can, please try and look at the positives because there are many 🙂
P.S I'm now 6 weeks postpartum after the ELCS and I feel fab 👌

Best of luck and lots of hugs!

I agree with others about trying to change your minset, understand my harder said than done but you could do everything now, the baby turn, go on for a vaginal birth but still end in an EMCS.

I understand, I really do, I was desperate to avoid one too but in the end I had to have an EMCS and it's a good job I did as if I'd tried to push her out she probably wouldn't have survived and that certainly would have been a worse outcome.

Recovery isn't nice for the first week but neither is an episiotomy and a bad tear from a.l vaginal birth, it's swings and roundabouts.

I know those feelings OP! I was really looking forward to giving birth again with my recent 2nd pregnancy, for a whole host of reasons. From about 34 weeks when I knew baby was still breech (and had other complications that made an ecv contraindicated, and natural birth more risky) I'd often become tearful at the idea of never doing childbirth again (I knew our 2nd would be our last).

I had the C-section a few weeks ago. I'm surprised at how quickly those feelings have faded. Maybe it's because you're distracted with a new baby, maybe it's because you become more aware of how much a lottery any birth is and you're just grateful when things go well, I don't know. I just wanted to add my 2 cents that I don't think your feelings are strange (let them have their moment) but that my experience is that they don't shape things as much after all is done.

I understand your disappointment but I think sometimes first time mums assume it’s either a lovely waterbirth (or whatever they had planned) OR a C-section. And that if it wasn’t for the latter they would’ve had the former.

The fact is most first deliveries are actually not smooth. A third end up with an emergency CS, a third end up with an instrumental, and a third spontaneous vaginal BUT that includes drips, episiotomies, tears, and loooooong labours.

So on a balance of probabilities in having the ELCS you’re probably avoiding either an emergency caesarean or forceps/ventouse.

I’ve given birth twice and neither time was the twinkly lights, birthing pool stuff of Instagram as I was induced and needed drips, pessaries and epidurals. To be honest so much went wrong (thankfully we are all ok now) that I wish I had had ELCS.

I know how you feel because I would have been really disappointed if this happened with my first, but as a mum of 2 honestly the only outcome you want is a healthy mum and baby leaving the hospital. Breech birth is risky and I would have the c-section, if something goes wrong you'll never forgive yourself.
Try and focus on meeting your baby instead of the birth.

I feel women are sold a dream. Encouraged to thing what kind of birth they want, make plans etc.

I wanted to give birth safely. I was lucky enough to achieve that. Nothing else matters

I think they don’t realise how low (relatively speaking) the odds of a great smooth vaginal delivery are. It’s something like 30%. Women seem shocked when they go into labour and end up with either an emergency Caesarian or forceps; when it’s more likely they’ll end up with one or the other or not.

Glad I had Csecs when I see the size of my kids' heads!
It'll be fine op.
Having a baby is about SO much more than the birth. That's one day in the whole of your child's / your life.

Also, my friends who had a lot of vaginal births are peeing themselves quite frequently in middle age.

You want to focus on having a beautiful healthy baby however that happens.
Congratulations 💐

It's much better planned than unplanned

I found that deep breaths and loud music helped with the surgery

The pain meds are good

Laughing hurts for first couple of days please be strict with your support circle that they're not to make you laugh

So much lovely advice on here. I had 2 CSs and they were wonderful. I think women often don't want to say when they go well but my recovery was so straightforward and I couldn't really believe it. That isn't the case for everyone, but there's a lot to look forward to with the arrival of the baby and I wish I had focused on that rather than being so anxious.

You can take some control by writing a birth plan for the section. Eg cord clamping delay, music, photos, your partner telling you the sex etc. And you won't be so exhausted afterwards when you are trying to establish feeding.

Good luck!

My baby had malpresentation and was also stuck in my pelvis. I endured the most horrific physical vaginal birth I could ever imagine ( too late for an epi). I then had the mental trauma of seeing my baby born with an apgar of 0….grey and unresponsive, told by the doctor it’s unlikely dc would survive whilst watching the resuscitation unfold.

Then, much time in nicu where a couple of babies on the ward did pass away. The physical trauma was terrible, the mental scars were worse, the years of hospital follow ups took the enjoyment out of the early days of motherhood.

I think you are incredibly lucky to be offered a c-section. I’m not trying to take away from your disappointment, just hoping this gives you a reality check.

This is so niche but I'm gonna say it, don't sneeze crosslegged, trust me on that, I was sat with my legs crossed on my bed about a week or two after surgery and I sneezed. 😳😳

I screamed for my partner it was bad. So yeah don't do that, but honestly you'll be fine!

Infact try not to sneeze full stop for a few weeks if you can help it. Don't know if you know this but if you feel a sneeze coming on say "sneezing fairies" out loud, or pineapple and it'll stop you sneezing. I don't know why but it works

I had an emergency section after 23 hours in labour. It wasn't what I'd hoped or planned for. But as pp have said the end goal is for you and baby to stay safe. Knowing what I know now of my baby's heart rate I'd have been demanding the surgery hours earlier. (She's fine but the what ifs are chilling)

Ahhh that’s a nice update OP!

Be kind to yourself it’s an emotional time!
it’s worth spending some time on your playlist for the ELCS… songs that make you feel happy / are upbeat…

the team told me lion king circle of life was a popular choice for the birth bit.
I went for Diana Ross - I’m coming out! which got a few laughs in theatre…

OP, I was was almost the reverse of you. I had two traumatic but not particularly difficult vaginal births behind me (no stitches!) but some baggage.

DD, the third, was a difficult, high risk pregnancy. At 20 weeks the placenta was low. At 28 that had righted itself but she was breech and suspected to be big. At 34 weeks an ECV failed. The consultant explained the risks and I actually thought hallelujah and booked my section for 38 weeks. At the pre-op check-up a few days before, she'd turned. They gave me the choice and I couldn't justify surgery. Previous births were at 36.3 and 27 weeks so nobody thought this one would last much longer and the consultant was surprised it got to 38!

I ended up being induced at 41 weeks. I only had one pessary, not much happened and I didn't want my waters artificially broken. Not much was happening after about 8 hours and I agreed to them putting up the syntocinon drip but only after an epidural was in situ. My waters broke naturally whilst waiting, the drip never got turned on (I did have the epidural) and she was born two hours later, 8lb 13oz and no tears.

So yes, big babies can turn late and do albeit not often. In your shoes, I'd embrace the elective section though.

Good luck. Post a pic when she's here.

I know it’s easy to say but having had two vaginal deliveries I would say you’re missing nothing. Vaginal births can be bloody horrific. I wish I’d had an elective with my second baby. Birth injuries are no joke

Two vaginal, one ELCS here. ELCS by far the best - truly. I would recommend to anyone! Vaginal births are rarely beautiful, and frequently end up in emergency c sections or other difficulties. Disappointment is par for the course with birth (and actually, is at the relatively better end of shitty emotions many people experience including absolutely agony, despair and trauma - even with a healthy baby at the end).

basically this is an awesome outcome. It’s ok to feel sad about it because emotions are not rational and are real, but it is probably useful to know that rationally speaking an ELCS is freakin’ awesome. Wish I had just asked for one at the very beginning before I totally screwed my nether regions and also gave myself a phobia of hospitals, if I’m honest.

I felt the same. I hate hospitals. I had been hoping to have a home birth or at least labour at home as long as possible. Unfortunately I had placenta issues and the baby stopped growing so they had to get her out at 34 weeks.

I didn't find it some wonderful magical experience, as some describe. I had surgery, while awake, and my baby was whisked off to nicu. It was a necessary means to an end. She's my only child so I will never know what a contraction feels like. It's a bit shit but my lovely daughter is here and healthy. Don't feel you have to love it - it's a means to an end.

I used to work on a mat ward. I've had 4 children all vaginally if I had my time again I would ask for a CS every time. Some vaginal births are deeply traumatising. Take back control and eat protein rich foods all day every day before surgery. Protein helps you heal. Get out of bed and move around as soon as you can. Don't fear the pain of a surgical wound quite often the nerves are cut in that area so the pain isn't too bad. Keep the wound scrupulously clean when I had major surgery I didn't wait until the health visitor changed my dressings I did it myself with aseptic technique Tbf I have trained as a nurse.

If I can offer a slightly different perspective, I appreciate it's not what you asked

I was breech and was delivered by emergency CS. I have no lasting damage or issues caused by either. I am very happy my mother had me by section, I think she's a warrior and we're really close and I'm so proud of her. She went on to deliver my sister by VBAC

You have got so many good times to come. June is such a great time for a birthday! I promise you in years to come you'll be having picnics and BBQs and paddling pools on this day and you just. Won't. Care. How they got here you'll just love them so so so much. I know it's a shock and it hurts to be in this position but please make the choice that is the safest for you and baby

Congratulations on your pregnancy xx