Disappointed to Need a C-Section - Any Advice Welcomed

[HelplesslyHoping24]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here so apologies if this isn’t the right way of using this but I’m desperate for any advice / encouragement / words of comfort.

I’m 38+5 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a girl) who is due on 14th June.

I had been planning and excited for a vaginal birth, but she has been stuck in breech / transverse position for most of the pregnancy and as the due date has got closer it has become clear I’m going to need a c-section.

I’ve tried everything to get her to turn head-down - Spinning Babies, moxibustion and a very painful ECV - none of which have been successful sadly.

I recently had an appointment with the consultant who advised an elective c-section for safety, which I have provisionally agreed to, but I’m devastated and really don’t want to go through with the surgery.

Has anyone else had the experience of their birth plan changing massively and how did you come to terms with it?

These past days I haven’t been able to stop crying as I feel like a huge part of the pregnancy and birth experience has suddenly been taken away, and I’ve lost all my excitement and happiness about meeting the baby.

I’m not wanting to say anything negative about c-sections but for me it was something I really desperately didn’t want, partly because I’m incredibly needle/surgery-phobic and also because I really wanted to try and give birth and have that part of the experience.

I’m really scared about the procedure and the recovery and I’m not sure it’s something I’m going to be able to handle.

Does anyone have any words of comfort or advice around the c-section experience? I’m really dreading it and I also feel like I’m not going to connect with the experience or my baby because I’m so sad and scared.

Has anyone ever had a breech baby turn this late, or am I just clutching at straws?

Should I ask for another ECV?

Has anyone decided against an advised c-section and continued to have a successful vaginal breech birth, or is it too dangerous?

I haven’t expressed myself very well here, and I really mean no negativity towards anyone who has had a c-section, but I’m so disappointed at how this has gone and I’m feeling so miserable so I guess I’m just looking for any words of comfort and encouragement at this point, because I feel like all my options have run out and what was meant to be a happy time has turned into a bad dream.

Thank you.

Great advice you've had OP. I'm a doctor and have had a normal delivery first, then an elective section as baby had stopped growing.
The section was a much better experience, so positive, even though my baby had to go straight to NICU. It was so much more controlled and relaxed.
Get excited about your section! It will be amazing.....

I was being monitored on labour ward one night at like 3am ahead of my c-section and a woman came into triage she'd had a baby 4 days prior and she'd had a 3rd degree tear and she couldn't sit down, we tried not to listen as it took 4 midwife's to examine her, I've never even heard labouring women make sounds like that. It brought tears to my eyes, she was screaming for her own mum. Natural labour isn't the be all and end all

I had a caesarean for breech and the next one a straightforward VBAC. So maybe, if you want more children, you can try both ways!

Your feelings are completely valid and you have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Loss of control over a situation is scary.

I was in the same situation, albeit for a different reason . Low lying placenta picked up at 20 weeks so I knew there was a chance of a C-section, I desperately willed it to move but at 36+5 had a scan which showed it was even lower and baby was coming out in 48 hours. It was a shock to the system and an enormous wave of disappointment after years of fertility treatments to then have the birth I had dreamed off taken out of my control too, even though my rational brain knew it was for the best, labour would have likely killed us both, I still felt incredibly upset.

But….the actual Caesarian was completely fine, and ultimately it was the procedure that allowed me to meet my baby safely. There is nothing to fear, I felt a little bit sick from the drugs in the first few minutes of surgery but as soon as I told the team they gave me something and it immediately lifted. In my hospital you could opt for some choices during Caesarian which you may like? I chose low lighting, slow birth (where they allow your uterus to essentially push baby out) and delayed cord clamping. Maybe have chat with your midwife to see if any of this is an option.

Also, I had 2 ECVs (not successful), but I'm glad I tried. Would've been a small price to pay if it had worked!

I've had two vaginal births and one emergency c section. One of my children came out with an arm up. The recovery from that labour was by far worse than from the c section. The section of for yours and baby safety so focus on that. It's not a failure at all. Consider what your body has done- it has grown and fed this baby. 9 months your body has been doing an amazing job. You have done an amazing job. 9 months pregnancy is followed by a day or two of labour. A day or two. It's a tiny part really just the part people focus on when they should not. Is a woman who has HV a failure? Or pelvic pain affecting her mobility? Gestational diabetes? Is she a failure if she received the necessary treatment for these things? No. She had bad luck, we feel sorry for her we support her how we can. A c section is just the same- it's necessary for the safety of you and baby. And planned is way better experience than emergency I can tell you that

I totally understand how you feel, I had that with my second.

First was forceps in theatre, and in my head the second birth would be easier as I'd already done it before, but he was breech and big. Tried all that you tried OP, I wasn't prepared for how unpleasant an ECV would be but I'm glad I tried.

As a by the by, my section ended up being an emergency one, but only because the elective list was full. I was given a date, but it was my due date and DS2 wanted out earlier 11 days before that.

But it was really calm and chilled out, and I was much safer than a vaginally breech birth. DS2 ended up smaller than his big brother, but he was still 10lb 6

I had a planned section with my second , it was wonderful and much better than my first vaginal delivery . I highly recommend c sections .

Two emergency sections here, one at full dilation following failed forceps which I really struggled with due to losing consciousness on the table when my blood pressure crashed.

My 2nd however was absolutely amazing. Despite it being 6am, they dropped the curtain, went quiet before she came out so the first words she heard were mine, delayed cord cutting and then gave her to me for skin to skin. Her measurements/weight etc were done in recovery when she was 3 hours old. Watching her emerge, yelling, her body still moving under my skin was amazing and in that moment, nothing else mattered but her. Then the second she was on my chest, she just stopped crying...as if she recognised my heartbeat and I felt peace like Ive never felt before.

Her big brother couldnt get his giant head through my pelvis...after that experience I'd never advise risking a breech vaginal delivery for a first baby.

Having had a forceps delivery and a section, recovery was much quicker with the section. I wish my first had been breech. Enjoy it.

I had similar though they couldn't try to turn baby for reasons.

I got my head round it by letting myself cry and then thinking right baby's got to come out somehow

Don't forget the stories you hear about difficult recoveries from c sections are often from emergency ones. I had an elective section due to potential health issues with DD (she's fine, thankfully), but I have to say it was great! I recovered much faster than a lot of friends who had had tears. I only felt sore on days 2-5 ish if I went too long between pain meds, and after two weeks I felt pretty much back to normal. Hope yours goes well too! Xx

Another amazing batch of messages and I am crying happy tears instead of sad for the first time in days. What a gift. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart 💖you’re all such strong, amazing people and you have truly inspired me to try to be strong too. When I wrote my original post at 5am this morning, having hardly slept, I felt so useless and miserable, and although I still feel a lingering sadness, it has really gone into the background, and the idea of meeting my baby is coming back into focus. Thank you all so much, truly xxxx

Agreed, my emergency c-section was a lot more painful, my scar had a weird bit of skin that was pulling because I was cut open in a hurry my scar was all wonky, the managed to somehow fix that the second time in my elective and now it's really straight and neat and never pulled nearly as much.

I was very overdue without going into labour. I wanted a water birth, no painkillers etc. In the end I had an induction which because baby was breech was painful. Baby's heart rate dropped and we needed an emergency C-section.

I was SO relieved to have the pain relief. I could just sit back and wait for the baby. My recovery was fine, just had to be a little more cautious with lifting baby. I have no problems with tearing or prolapse or any other issues. My next one will definitely be a planned C-section (as I don't think my body does labour).

Please don't worry about the method of delivery. The most important thing is that your baby gets here healthy and happy. You'll be so overwhelmed with have baby here the rest of it won't matter.

Down to brass tacks. The feeling you have now is often the feeling women have after birth (whether vaginal or unplanned c section) because it wasn't how they thought it would be. Birth is an experience you fundamentally can't control.

You can make certain choices but ultimately it's an unpredictable physical process.

You might have been in labour but still needed c section or at least intervention, needles, trauma of some kind.

I've had c section after long labour, and vbac second time. I preferred vbac but I wouldn't romanticize the beauty of birth, the pain is unreal. It's a bit like being sad you won't be run over by a truck!

Motherhood is about doing your best, not being perfect. You've got to roll with the punches. There will be something less than ideal about your experience - sleep, feeding, eczema, explosive poos, there will be something.

Getting through in one piece is the main thing, for you and the baby.

Like you I didn't want a section and had a natural first birth. When I had my second child i desperately wanted a section!

My vaginal birth was pretty traumatic resulting in stitches and no immediate skin to skin etc - so I didn't get that dreamy natural raw experience anyway. By having a section I'd have missed out on nothing except the 15 hours of agony!

My second birth was a section and so chilled, virtually painless. Baby healthy. Recovered very well. I personally would do it that way again 💯 and ALWAYS recommend to others!!

You've romanticised the whole thing.

Birth is dangerous. Pregnancy and birth has been a leading cause of deaths of mum and babies since the dawn of humans. We're lucky we now live in a time where many things that would kill both mother and child (like some breech births) now don't. We can save them. Surviving the birth, mum and baby healthy is something that used to be so much less likely.

ECV etc didn't work. If nothing is moving the baby, chances are there is a reason baby isn't turning. C section is safest thing for both of you.

No one can tell you how a vaginal birth would go. I know some people that had vaginal birth go so wrong that they were left with injuries they still deal with today. Prolapses, tears that took months to heal.

I had an EMCS after failed forceps delivery as baby got stuck and heart rate plummeted. I was up and back to largely normal within 2 weeks. A friend had a tear after vaginal birth that got infected and still couldn't sit without wincing 3 months later. Also vaginal birth doesn't mean no needles or surgery. I had a cannula for antibiotics and fluids. Another friend had a spinal because her placenta wouldn't come out and they had to go in. If anything a C section is quicker than a vaginal birth so everything is out quicker!

The goal is you and baby safe and well. When you go on holiday it doesn't matter if you fly, drive, train. Things don't always go to plan on the journey. But the destination is what's important.

I wanted a home water birth and after a long and very traumatic labour, hours of pushing and a blue light transfer, I had a crash cs.

I was so consumed by it for a long time (months, if not years), but eventually had counselling and a debrief. I focused on all the things I hadn't done and how vulnerable and medicalised the whole thing was.

I can't speed up time, nor would I want to, but I can tell you that you'll discover for yourself that the way your baby enters the world is just a tiny part of it.

That baby girl I thought I'd failed is now 17, on the cusp of adulthood and I have given her more than you will believe and vice versa. Not just teaching her to walk, cradling her, rocking her, breaking my heart over the tough moments, feeding, clothing and nurturing her. But life. I gave her life and she is out there living it. She is curious and remarkable and fierce and funny and last night, apropos of bog all, she turned to me and said "I really like you, you know." Such a small thing but I enjoy her so much. I can't fit the love I have for who she is into my own body it seems.

I wasted so much energy and time on worrying about a moment, when really I had a whole life with her.

And a cs is fine btw. Weird. But fine.

I had another cs with my second and because I'd learned the hard way that they're just a means to an end, I even enjoyed it. I laughed and smiled and had skin to skin and welcomed my baby into our family.

You will be fine. You just wait.

I wish I'd had a c- section. My DS birth was so brutal I got PTSD, couldn't bond with my baby and never had another child out of fear. A happy and safe outcome is all you need.

Try to shift your mindset. To keep the baby and you safe you need c section and even though it's not your first choice that's what it's going to be.
I had a dream pregnancy until my 36 week scan when they told me DD had to come out asap. Induction failed and I ended up in emergency c section by myself in middle of the night. I just switched off my emotions and did what I was told to save the baby and it all turned out well.
Once the baby is safely here on Monday I hope the delivery method doesn't matter when you hold your newborn baby on your arms. It's a new chapter in your life and it is an amazing one. Good luck!

I don’t want to derail your thread OP, just want to thank everyone who has posted as you’ve put me at ease a bit. I’m 33 weeks with a big breech baby and I’m concerned I might have to have a CS. My first baby was also big and I went into spontaneous labour at 36+6, I’m worried this baby is going to be too big to turn and I’m scared of what will happen. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.

You will feel a lot better once you have your baby safe in your arms. I have 2 dc. I so wanted a water birth and have had 2 sections. Both vital for brinny children here safely. Occasionally, I think I would like to have experienced labour, but it just would not have been safe for my children. So I let that thought float away again.

I had an emergency section due to a breech baby. I was in so much pain with contractions waiting , having the spinal and the pain going away was amazing.
Second baby I asked for a section.

Had quite a few friends have awful tears and incontinence issues after giving birth. None of my friends who had a section had any issues. I wasn’t about to risk a vbac.
I didn’t have any issues recovering. Yes it’s painful but dihydrocodeine helped!

Awww lovely... I ended up having an emergency c-section due to my labour not progressing and I was absolutely devastated. I cried my eyes out and thought a) my body is letting me to what it was designed to do and b) how am I going to be a "proper" mummy when I'm not going to be allowed to do anything for a while.

Well, I've actually recovered really quickly and have still been able to do all the things I thought I wouldn't. The first 48 hours were probably the hardest for me pain wise and I was so scared to move in fear of splitting my stitches but the best advice I can give you is to make sure you do move around, just small steps and frequently , because it is more painful sitting for long periods of time and then trying to move.
I'm now 4 weeks post section, managing to do my 10k steps a day and thinking that actually having a section wasn't the worst outcome at all.

Focus more on the beautiful baby you are going to be holding when they arrive because I cannot describe to you the love you are going to feel when you hear that cry for the first time. I had a lovely team in the room with me and they did lots of talking to take my mind off of what was going on and also took lots of pictures because my partner was too busy crying!

Good Luck OP, you are going to be amazing xx